Fort Pierce, FL – Robert Casey, 49, was arrested on Monday after a tow truck driver called police to report a naked, masturbating man driving a Jeep Cherokee on Interstate 95.
We east-coasters know 95 as one of the most frustrating interstates in the country.* I believe Casey may have been merely attempting to alleviate some of that frustration by abusing his manhood to completion.* Unfortunately for him, he pulled up along-side a tow truck driver who didn’t appreciate his relaxation methods.* “The male’s hands were in his groin area moving around,” the police report said.
But, in keeping with I-95′s propensity for moving along swimmingly and then coming to a screeching halt for no apparent reason, police located the Cherokee and put Casey’s five-finger knuckle-shuffle to an abrupt end.* It took him a little while longer than most to stop the car since he was attempting to get dressed as he did so.
When the officer asked him why he was driving naked, “Casey stated that he has problems with this and he is getting therapy,” the report said, adding that the man couldn’t explain why he was naked.* If I had been the officer, I might have been inclined to also ask, “And where did you intend to shoot your load, dude?”
When the officer patted Casey down, he noted that he had a toy pistol strapped to his leg, one part of which was inserted into his anus, and another part of which was tied to his genitals, giving an entirely new meaning to the term “gun play.”
Casey was booked into the St.…
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