Palm Bay, FL – Things were getting a little heavy on The Demon today, so I thought it might be a good time to lighten the mood with your feel-good story of the day.* Michael Demond Brown, 32, was arrested on Monday after an altercation with his girlfriend that caused police to be called to the scene.
Brown, who, just judging from his picture, has clearly been trained in a number of high-level martial arts, got into a heated argument with his girlfriend; an argument so rife with anguish that he reportedly disconnected the house phone and slammed her cell against a door.* Now, if you’re Brown’s girlfriend, you’re probably thinking, “This dude’s going to kill my ass and it’s probably going to be a little horrific.”
You’d be wrong.* Brown allegedly proceeded to spray his girlfriend’s feet with pesticide.* Yeah, not her hair, her face, or even her ass, but her feet.* Like the finely-honed killing machine he likely is, Brown then apparently proceeded to rip at her clothes and undergarments.* She was able to escape and run for help, which surprises me since Brown’s mugshot makes him out to be like an olympic sprinter or something.
In Brown’s defense, police report that he did actually punch his girlfriend as well, which is about as manly as manly gets, but this maneuver was quickly nullified by the report of his also pulling her hair; well, that and the fact that he can be identified by two ultra-manly tattoos that read “Sparky Jr.” and “Sparkle.”
Brown was taken into custody and booked into the Brevard County Jail Complex where he was charged with battery and criminal mischief, and later posted a $12,500 bond.* He has been ordered to have no contact with the woman he attacked pending the outcome of the case.* He has a May 21 hearing in case you want to point at him and jeer in the flesh.…
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