On the road with stepdad, Delbert Glover

[Dakota Valkyrie]

She ran into the restaurant of the truck stop on Interstate 44 southwest of Joplin late Monday night wearing nothing more than a T-shirt.

She needed help. She had been raped, she told people inside.

She was just 12 years old and from Alabama, with a harrowing story to tell, said Newton County Sheriff Ken Copeland. She was on a trip with her stepfather, a truck driver.

“They’d been together the last nine days,” Copeland said. “She said every time they stopped for the night, he’d assault her.”

She reported that she had just been sexually assaulted again that night in their truck parked at the Pilot Travel Center at 4500 Highway 43 when she saw an opportunity to end the nightmare, the sheriff said.

“He got out of the truck for a minute, and she ran inside and asked for help,” Copeland said.

Sheriff’s deputies were called about 10:30 p.m. to the truck stop. Delbert F. Glover, 48, of Town Creek, Ala., was arrested a short time later and taken to the Newton County Jail in Neosho, where he remained in custody Tuesday.

The sheriff said Glover could be facing more charges in other jurisdictions based on the girl’s account of their trip.

http://www.joplinglobe.com/local/x16...-at-truck-stop

A 12-year-old girl from Alabama was acting on her mother’s advice when she ran inside a truck stop near Joplin and sought protection from her stepfather.

The girl’s mother told the Globe in a telephone interview Wednesday that her daughter called her on a cell phone Monday night from the Pilot truck stop.

“She told me what he was doing to her,” the mother said. “I don’t want to go into specifics. I have my daughter to protect. But she told me what was going on, and I told her to go inside and hand the phone to the first person she saw who works there.”
[...]

The mother said the girl handed the phone to an employee. The mother then demanded to talk to the manager.

“I told him what was going on and that I wanted the law called,” she said.
[...]

Sheriff Ken Copeland said the girl was taken Monday night to the Children’s Center in Joplin for a forensic examination and an interview by child-abuse investigators. Her mother was contacted and arrived in Missouri to pick her up Tuesday morning.
[...]

But she has not doubted her daughter’s account since first hearing it from her on the phone Monday night, she said. The mother said she had talked to the girl on previous occasions about appropriate and inappropriate touching by adults, and what she should do if anyone became inappropriate with her. She said they also had discussed the importance of never lying about such a matter or accusing someone falsely.

The girl had accompanied Glover on trips previously, perhaps as many as 10 times or more, and nothing of the sort had happened, the mother said. She acknowledged that this trip with him was longer than any of the previous hauls, beginning as it did in Tennessee and going to California and back.

The mother said she had driven her daughter to Tennessee from Alabama to meet Glover on June 14 at a stop there. The mother said she had been in telephone contact with her daughter several times since then, and the first time she had indicated anything was wrong was Monday night.
[...]

http://www.joplinglobe.com/local/x16...o-run-for-help

[badfish76]

Yeah this happened in my town (basically. The truck stop is just outside town).

At least the kid's mom told her the right thing to do, but can you imagine her terror and humiliation???

I hope they are able to track the route and charge him in every jurisdiction possible so that he can have a nice long prison stay.

[Parrot Toes]

Why would this girl be alone with him on the road? Did it never occur to the mother why the stepfather was taking her on road trips in the first place? I know the article said this never happened before, but it could have and it seems like he was just building up her trust until she got to a "preferable age". It's so sad. I hope this little girl gets good therapy because this shit will mess her up for life.

[sleepingwithghosts]

While I would likely never send my kids on a truck with anyone.. family included, depending on how long he had been her step dad.. the mom probably thought she had nothing to worry about and trusted her husband.. much like I trust my husband with my kids. Fortunately, the mom believed her daughter.. which is not something most of the mothers we read about here do.

[Parrot Toes]

While I would likely never send my kids on a truck with anyone.. family included, depending on how long he had been her step dad.. the mom probably thought she had nothing to worry about and trusted her husband.. much like I trust my husband with my kids. Fortunately, the mom believed her daughter.. which is not something most of the mothers we read about here do.

I just have a natural distrust for men. It probably stems from my experiences with the many piggish ones I've encountered. Even my dad, though I love him with all my heart. I remember his collection (pens, mugs, calendars, and whatnots)of nude women paraphernalia that he kept in his office, hidden from my mother. Though for some reason he wasn't bothered by my (being under 10) being aware of it. In fact, he'd show us and giggle.

Even my husband, who I love dearly, would never be given this opportunity. He loves his kids and I'm 99.9% sure that he would never harm them. It's that .1% that makes me not want to risk it. To me, men just think about sex too much.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm really not questioning this particular mothers decision to let her daughter go with the step father. I envy her that she had that complete trust in her man. I just am probably more aware than she is because of my fascination with true crime and my experiences. Though, I am very glad that the mother jumped on the daughters side instead of defending her penis. I hope this girl recovers well.

[Tundratot]

I want to provide my children with opportunities -- to travel, to camp, to learn about the world and have new experiences, to get to know their relatives, to be independent, to get away from me for a while, and to be with friends. I don't want to instill a fear of the world, and I don't want to spend every waking moment tailing my children. As a parent, you have to take a leap of faith fairly often. To trust babysitters, to trust teachers, to trust friends and neighbors, to let you children try things that could hurt them (swings, jumping, monkey bars, gymnastics, etc.) and to trust them. At any time, that trust could be terribly betrayed -- anyone who reads this forum has read about the worst and is likely to be paranoid. But, you can't live your life in a cage or put your children in a cage.

This stepfather had traveled before with his daughter. This mother not only trusted this man enough to marry him, evidently maintained a relationship of some years, but also to take her daughter on some small trips. They had worked out all right. I'm sure the daughter's life was enriched for the experiences.

Now, her daughter's maturing body and precocious attitudes went to this schmuck's head and he didn't control himself at all. He's at fault. Adults ought to know that pubescent kids are both enticing and maddening. It's up to the adult to put the brakes on and maintain appropriate boundaries.

Thank God her mother listened well and was able to give her some helpful instruction. Any other mothers who trust their trucker husbands in this way would do well to have some information handy: tractor and trailer numbers (any relevant ID) and a route information. That way, when the girl calls with this kind of story, you can call the police yourself in case she can't.

[sleepingwithghosts]

Just to clarify.. I wasnt saying in any way that this was the mothers fault. Or that we shouldnt trust our families and others in the community with our children. Just that I wouldnt send one of MY kids on a big rig cross country with anyone. I commend the mother in this situation for a. trusting her daughters accusations without question and b. having the restraint she managed to maintain by not driving cross country herself and lynching that piece of shit with her bare hands.

[Dakota Valkyrie]

One of my fondest memories is a trip to Yellowstone with my dad. I was 5 or 6. He caught the biggest trout but told everyone I did. I still razz him every time I see that picture.

Thank goodness my mom divorced that liar before he did something worse to me.

[Cholita]

I just have a natural distrust for men. It probably stems from my experiences with the many piggish ones I've encountered. Even my dad, though I love him with all my heart. I remember his collection (pens, mugs, calendars, and whatnots)of nude women paraphernalia that he kept in his office, hidden from my mother. Though for some reason he wasn't bothered by my (being under 10) being aware of it. In fact, he'd show us and giggle.

Even my husband, who I love dearly, would never be given this opportunity. He loves his kids and I'm 99.9% sure that he would never harm them. It's that .1% that makes me not want to risk it. To me, men just think about sex too much.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm really not questioning this particular mothers decision to let her daughter go with the step father. I envy her that she had that complete trust in her man. I just am probably more aware than she is because of my fascination with true crime and my experiences. Though, I am very glad that the mother jumped on the daughters side instead of defending her penis. I hope this girl recovers well.

.1%...Parrot THAT IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!
Look I feel the EXACT same way! I trust my hubby with our 8 year old, but it will never leave my mind that he is a man after all. I wouldn't let my daughter go with any MAN alone like that! EVER!

[ScribbleMuse]

.1%...Parrot THAT IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!
Look I feel the EXACT same way! I trust my hubby with our 8 year old, but it will never leave my mind that he is a man after all. I wouldn't let my daughter go with any MAN alone like that! EVER!

Wow. Saying this about men is about as far and correct as saying that women are not to be trusted because we're all sluts either because we have an insatiable need for sex and are going to always lead men to temptation and therefore to hell.

Remember all those eons that women were trampled upon for being the weaker sex, not because we were physically weaker but because supposedly we can't resist the lure of satan and the apple and all that jazz? Well, it's not equality to turn the tables and do the same thing to men under a different accusation.

For every man featured on here who is an absolute waste of space and oxygen, we normally have a woman either featured as his accomplice or in a separate story all by herself. Freaks are not limited to one gender, to any one race, any economic level, or in any quantifiable way that can be used to damn any group before they have a chance to grow into either condemnation or into respect.

And honestly, if you're unable to trust the man you're married with your daughter(s), perhaps the best thing would be to leave him now. I am amazed that anyone can ever say this with a straight face, or that it hasn't been answered with my reaction yet by others on here. Especially if he's your daughter's natural father, it's downright despicable to hold such an attitude because she's picking up on it, whether you've phrased it as baldly as you have stated it here or not. Our kids are little sponges who pick more up than just our words.

If you don't trust your husband enough to be a father, and to develop a trusting relationship with your daughter, then why in the hell are you with him? To provide economic support? To fill in the census with the expected amount of spouses? And exactly what benefit do you expect your daughter to receive from this relationship with him?

[Pene784]

I trust my husband 100% with our daughter. I KNOW he would NEVER do anything to harm our daughter, physically or mentally. I can't imagine being with someone and having children with someone I didn't feel that way about. How can you live like that? Sure that the ONLY person your child is safe with is you? How sad...

[Cholita]

Look, ladies, If that's how you feel that's fine. I am not saying that I can't leave my child with her dad and not be there. Thats not what's up! But I'll tell you what is....When it comes to my daughter she is TOPS! I question everyones interaction with her...Be it the kid next door...Her grandma...for many different reasons. i.e. grammer, teaching her how to eat properly. When you have a kid like mine who is already touring Stanford University because they are recruiting her..Thank you very much (she's 8!) and saving her allowance to give to animal shelters that's what you have to do! Yes I gave my daughter the talk about her personal space. I know she's safe and as for you ladies you can trust anyone you want, I hope nothing ever happens to you and yours, but I will never completely let my guard down cause it sure as hell won't happen to mine!

I love my husband...But also have been violated by a man before. Maybe that's it. Are you happy now ?! That being disclosed.
I'm sure we will never agree on here again....ask me if I care!

But I'll still like your posts on here if it's good.

[Parrot Toes]

I just feel I need to say this though I was trying to avoid it.

I do trust my husband for the most part. He ADORES his children and I really don't think that he would ever hurt them. My past experiences, which is more than what I mentioned earlier, has made it VERY difficult for me to trust anyone, women included, but especially men. My husband knew this about me when we were very early in the relationship and could have walked away. It took over 10 years to get to that 99.9% of trusting him.

On the other hand, he has also done some things that have given me reason to just stay on the safe side. When he gets depressed, he turns to porn and I get shoved aside. He works out of town and has for 13+ years. There was a time, about 6 years ago when he came home and I found a few magazines in his laundry bag. One magazine was "barely legal" girls. He has also downloaded some videos onto our computer at a time that he was depressed that had similar titling. It's hard for me to move past this.

I really wish I could put my entire faith in him, but life hasn't shown me the good side of too many men. I feel that a lot of men are weak when it comes to sex and their urges. I know that not all of them are, but I still have yet to meet one.

I do leave him for a few hours, up to a daytime with the kids here and there, but that's as far as it would go. I would never forgive myself if anything did happen and I would definitely kill him. Then the kids would have lost both parents. I just.....my life is about my kids, it always has been and always will be.

I think it's great that some of you have that trust with your husbands/partners and I envy you. And the memories that you have of your fathers are awesome. My thinking though is what I'm used to, it's what I know. It's kind of hard to just change that when all I want to do is be sure that my kids stay unharmed.

[Cholita]

Parrot Toes people will criticize why your still with him...
But look it's better than turning your head away in disbelief or blindness in your case.
Look, good for all the ladies who 100% have trust, I ain't no hater..have a beautiful life ladies!

I just can't believe people hating on me for that! I love my baby girl!
It might be wrong to you...but is whats right for me!..

And you can quote me!

[Parrot Toes]

........

And honestly, if you're unable to trust the man you're married with your daughter(s), perhaps the best thing would be to leave him now. I am amazed that anyone can ever say this with a straight face, or that it hasn't been answered with my reaction yet by others on here. Especially if he's your daughter's natural father, it's downright despicable to hold such an attitude because she's picking up on it, whether you've phrased it as baldly as you have stated it here or not. Our kids are little sponges who pick more up than just our words.

If you don't trust your husband enough to be a father, and to develop a trusting relationship with your daughter, then why in the hell are you with him? To provide economic support? To fill in the census with the expected amount of spouses? And exactly what benefit do you expect your daughter to receive from this relationship with him?

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. This makes it very difficult to deal with my emotions AND with others. It also means (for me) that I am terrified to be without my husband. I mean terrified to the point that I don't think I could live without him. He is the only man I have ever trusted as much as I do and it has taken a long time to get to there.

The last 6 years with him have been very difficult because he has had some severe health problems. He hasn't cheated on me that I know of physically, but emotionally he has. I have been the only one working on trying to fix us. All he has done is denied everything to the point that I feel absolutely devalued by him. I do still love him and I suppose I am hoping that he will wake up and realize what he is losing since he claims he still loves me. My children are older (four of them, between 11 and 18). I have spent that last 18 years being a stay-at-home mom and supporting him while he furthered his career. The few jobs that I have done here or there, were difficult to stay at because 2 of my children also have special needs. I have been completely faithful in my relationship with my husband. I have contemplated leaving him only in the last year (if you read my last post, you'd know why). Then I thought, why should I go through the hell of working 2-3 jobs to support myself and the kids and keep the lifestyle that they are used to? I would still be the main caretaker but now it would be so much more difficult. He is the one who has put a wedge in the relationship not me. I also am holding onto him and I working this through. Am I using him financially? Yes, and why shouldn't I. The last 18+ years of my life has been about him and the kids. I have sacrificed my own career to support his and raise our children. If, by the time my youngest is able to be on her own things don't change, then I will leave him. The kids don't know of this. Life goes on as it always has. I cry about this in private but then again, I cry about a lot of things thanks to my BPD, but the kids are used to it. An unfortunate side affect of living with someone with a mental illness, they get used to certain things. My husband and I talk in private. We try as much as possible to not fight and instead just talk. What little they do pick up, isn't significant.

So there you go, this is just MY reason for staying with a man that I don't 100% trust. I don't think it's "downright despicable to hold such an attitude" in my situation and I'm sorry if you do. My children are as happy as they can be. I work VERY hard to ensure that. I also don't assume that other women don't have their own reasons for staying with a partner that they may not completely trust. One of the fascinating things about people is how different each one is from another and how they function with each other and in units when so many variables work with and against them.

I hope this has answered your questions.

[ScribbleMuse]

Look, ladies, If that's how you feel that's fine. I am not saying that I can't leave my child with her dad and not be there. Thats not what's up! But I'll tell you what is....When it comes to my daughter she is TOPS! I question everyones interaction with her...Be it the kid next door...Her grandma...for many different reasons. i.e. grammer, teaching her how to eat properly. When you have a kid like mine who is already touring Stanford University because they are recruiting her..Thank you very much (she's 8!) and saving her allowance to give to animal shelters that's what you have to do! Yes I gave my daughter the talk about her personal space. I know she's safe and as for you ladies you can trust anyone you want, I hope nothing ever happens to you and yours, but I will never completely let my guard down cause it sure as hell won't happen to mine!

I love my husband...But also have been violated by a man before. Maybe that's it. Are you happy now ?! That being disclosed.
I'm sure we will never agree on here again....ask me if I care!

But I'll still like your posts on here if it's good.

Parrot Toes people will criticize why your still with him...
But look it's better than turning your head away in disbelief or blindness in your case.
Look, good for all the ladies who 100% have trust, I ain't no hater..have a beautiful life ladies!

I just can't believe people hating on me for that! I love my baby girl!
It might be wrong to you...but is whats right for me!..

And you can quote me!

You know, I've wasted quite a lot of time in replying to this, but finally just gave up after a repeated reading of your posts.

I had started out by confronting you on the ignorant and rather insulting statement you made about all men and then followed common sense into wondering why you stay with a man that you believe is so animalistic that he would be unable to refrain from raping your daughter if he had the chance, but even though you gave no intelligent reply on that little gem of ignorance, I can still see that further discussion would be useless with you.

I could tell immediately that your misplaced pride is going to deafen you to any intellectual debate. You made a comment about whether or not I was happy that you disclosed the fact you were once victimized by a man. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your trauma is only the center of your universe. Everyone else on earth has their own past horrors, and we all have to learn an important lesson: Shit happens, and we all get liberally splattered with it long before we ever did anything to actually deserve it. That sucks for you, sucked for me, and it has sucked for every other human who has walked planet earth. Thing is that you can't use the shit for a merit badge to earn respect--you're just walking around and expecting pats on the back for being drenched in stench.

It took a long time for me to fully understanad that, and I hope one day that you will be successful in learning it yourself. I am truly sorry that you were once a victim, but to respond by feeling you're superior to everyone of the same gender who hurt you places you on equal footing with the fortunately few men who feel that women are inferior enough to use and abuse for their own pleasure. Your attempts at insinuating that those who have overcome our victimization are less enlightened than you are not even valid for reply; they're as ridiculous as your blanket statement about men. My daughter has not only a loving father, but she is also learning by example that a relationship should be equal respect and love, not mutual using of one another and contempt for wrongs committed by someone else long ago.

I can tell how much you love your daughter and as a parent I know that that love is endless. As a heart that has been shattered against my will, then glued together with the trust and love I found when I allowed myself to accept it, I know that love can heal any damage. However, in hopes that you will begin your own journey, I also wanted to point out what is apparently not as obvious to you as it should be: Teaching her that the "smart" way to live is as a victim is teaching her to harbor the same hatred and fear that you have from your own trauma, basically giving her the results of an assault yourself.

[Pene784]

I just can't believe people hating on me for that! I love my baby girl!
It might be wrong to you...but is whats right for me!..

I don't think anyone was "hating" on you. At least I wasn't. I just feel very sad for you and your family. I teach my daughter to be cautious sure, but not distrustful of men and other women. Living a life full of misguided fear must be freaking awful for her and you.

[badfish76]

I just want to say that I think it takes a lot of balls (ovaries?) for these two women to tell us the truth about how they feel and what they have been thru. Even if we don't agree it is a testament to the human spirit that they are willing to share and able to make progress.

I agree it would be a hard row to hoe (as in the TOOL ha ha) but we should be supportive and try to understand. That is one of the things I love about this community SO MUCH is that there are a lot of survivors here and a lot of compassionate people. Since that is the case there is a great group here that tend to band together and support one another.

In the meantime lets hang Delbert Glover by the balls and throw rocks! Also from my understanding the girl's mom almost literally left her house right after the phone call and headed this way to get the daughter. I believe she was here the next day and it is about a 12-15 hour drive in my experience.

[Cholita]

Scribblemuse I'm sure you made a point in the last reply at me. I'm not interested in anything about you and your daughter. Nice to know that you have in interest in mine though.

[Pene784]

Scribblemuse I'm sure you made a point in the last reply at me. I'm not interested in anything about you and your daughter. Nice to know that you have in interest in mine though.

Well aren't you snarky and arrogant. You can make your point and have your opinion but if anyone else has an opposing view it is not worth hearing? What an ignorant misguided fool you will remain.

[Dakota Valkyrie]

I just want to say that I think it takes a lot of balls (ovaries?) for these two women to tell us the truth about how they feel and what they have been thru. Even if we don't agree it is a testament to the human spirit that they are willing to share and able to make progress.

I agree.

I agree it would be a hard row to hoe (as in the TOOL ha ha) but we should be supportive and try to understand. That is one of the things I love about this community SO MUCH is that there are a lot of survivors here and a lot of compassionate people. Since that is the case there is a great group here that tend to band together and support one another.

Sometimes "support" involves saying things people don't want to hear. Just because someone disagrees does not mean they are any less compassionate or understanding. Always singing "Kumbaya" is bullshit if people are not free to express their opinions or disagree. Giving people high fives and back pats for doing something that looks to be counterproductive IS counterproductive.

Not that I agree or disagree, in this case, but just want it known that everyone is free to express an opinion on whatever gets tossed into the public arena. If you don't want judgment, don't put it out to be judged.

[Lizard]

People, if you don't like what another member has to say, set them to ignore rather than wasting the time of the rest of the readers by making us read, in a substantive thread, that you are ignoring someone else's posts. It's immature and irritating. And this is to EVERYone, because it happens way too damn often.

[badfish76]

Sometimes "support" involves saying things people don't want to hear. Just because someone disagrees does not mean they are any less compassionate or understanding. Always singing "Kumbaya" is bullshit if people are not free to express their opinions or disagree. Giving people high fives and back pats for doing something that looks to be counterproductive IS counterproductive.

Oh I agree. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear.

[Cholita]

Aye, Look I will admit what I said earlier was rude and bitchy. It just felt feed up! Like attacked almost I will say sorry to scribble muse and anyone who is pissed.
Scribble muse here-

[ScribbleMuse]

I just want to say that I think it takes a lot of balls (ovaries?) for these two women to tell us the truth about how they feel and what they have been thru. Even if we don't agree it is a testament to the human spirit that they are willing to share and able to make progress.

I agree it would be a hard row to hoe (as in the TOOL ha ha) but we should be supportive and try to understand. That is one of the things I love about this community SO MUCH is that there are a lot of survivors here and a lot of compassionate people. Since that is the case there is a great group here that tend to band together and support one another.

In the meantime lets hang Delbert Glover by the balls and throw rocks! Also from my understanding the girl's mom almost literally left her house right after the phone call and headed this way to get the daughter. I believe she was here the next day and it is about a 12-15 hour drive in my experience.

I agree.


Sometimes "support" involves saying things people don't want to hear. Just because someone disagrees does not mean they are any less compassionate or understanding. Always singing "Kumbaya" is bullshit if people are not free to express their opinions or disagree. Giving people high fives and back pats for doing something that looks to be counterproductive IS counterproductive.

Not that I agree or disagree, in this case, but just want it known that everyone is free to express an opinion on whatever gets tossed into the public arena. If you don't want judgment, don't put it out to be judged.

The last thing I'll say on this is that to allow/encourage/support someone saying something such as men being all one step away from molesting their own daughters just because they are men is not something I'd support at all.

You're all right in that this site is an awesome group of members who have survived terrible odds and in many causes, overcome our own personal prejudices. One of the best things I can ever list about this site is that bullshit is normally not tolerated, not even from our own members. it's infuriating at times, perhaps, but it means that this is one of those rare groups that we can at least be assured of being called on our own bullshit by people we trust and know. I've been called on some pretty stupid behavior I've had here, and I'm glad.

That's why I'm surprised that the horribly offensive statements about men is being not only ignored, but even somewhat explained away. I'd never imagine that someone could some on here and say something so unbelievably offensive as "all black people are thieves" or other similarly offensive and prejudiced statement, and then say that it is almost understandable if that person gives some story about being robbed once by a dark skinned person.

And perhaps to put it on a more even scale of what was said here, if a man ever came here and seriously said that men are superior to women, and advocated that women should be kept out of positions or areas that require deep thought or decision making, we'd be calling for his head and then shouting bullshit if he gave some past trauma of being bossed around by a woman.

I'm not saying that these traumas are not painful for the people involved, but that is no excuse for the attitudes of hatred expressed against men.

[Parrot Toes]

The last thing I'll say on this is that to allow/encourage/support someone saying something such as men being all one step away from molesting their own daughters just because they are men is not something I'd support at all.
..........
That's why I'm surprised that the horribly offensive statements about men is being not only ignored, but even somewhat explained away.
..........
I'm not saying that these traumas are not painful for the people involved, but that is no excuse for the attitudes of hatred expressed against men.

I want to say that while you are very offended by my statement that I don't trust men (though I also said I don't trust women), I'm also very offended that you are trying to make me seem like a terrible person.

I was not nasty at all in any of my posts. I wasn't rude or obnoxious. In fact, I even mentioned how I thought it was great that you and others had that 100% trust in your men and how I envied you. I showed support and understanding for your viewpoint. I know that Cholita is the one who got "slapped" here, but I feel I did as well because I share the same distrust.

I think I explained well enough my reasons for the .1% distrust (which really is a small amount)that I have for my husband, though I really owed no explanation. I don't think I should be made to feel bad for that. I also said that I'm sure not all men are not trustworthy, I just haven't met any yet.

It's funny, because on the DD, when a man does something to their child/stepchild/girlfriends child, the majority of posters agree with my viewpoint or at least understand I have reasons for it. On the forums, to post my views is a "horribly offensive statement"?

I wasn't going to post anymore on this. I don't want to debate this and it really does detract from the topic of this thread, but you are not the only one offended right now. I don't want to anger you either or have you "set me to ignore". I have read other posts of yours before and you seem very reasonable and I would value your opinion as much as anyone else's. Let's just move on from this topic.

[AngelFire]

Okay back to what this story is about.

I am sure glad that this little girl's mom had the good sense in believing her daughter. Often times these women give the men the benefit of the doubt, and the child continues to suffer the abuse. This story brought back bad memories of me as a 4 year old. My step father owned a Auto Body Shop, and he would take me there at night. To this day, I HATE Auto Body Shops.

[Lizard]

Big kudos to MBM for bringing the thread back to topic, but I hope you'll forgive me for once again talking off the thread topic and more to the comments that have been made IN the thread.

The course of this thread's discussion has bothered me all day. A woman to not trust the biological father of her children to be left alone with those children? That would have deprived ME of some of the most important moments in my life that allowed me to become much more than the sum of my parents would suggest I could become. I'm going to have to reiterate what was already said: if you are with a man you do not trust to be alone with the children HE HAS FATHERED, then either you need to look very closely at who you are or at this man you've chosen to partner with. MY father was the WORST partner a woman could choose--adulterous, violent, mean--yet he was ALWAYS kind and loving to and supportive of ME. I cannot explain any of the dynamics of how this happened, but it did. And here I am, 42 years old, still finding myself with tears in my eyes when my daddy calls my work voicemail just to tell me how much he loves me. My objection to the posts such as yours, Parrot Toes, is because of the OTHER kind of risk you might be forcing upon your children: of not letting them know the kind of love that I've experienced for over four decades and will too soon be deprived of.

My daddy won't live forever.

The truth is, we ALSO read on this site about mothers who are absolute fucking DEVILS when it comes to their own children. They beat them, starve them, ignore them, stab them, shoot them, and so on until the reader wants to puke. I am a woman, but I am not a mother, and I will never BE a mother. I am sure this gives me a different perspective. I only have my recollections of growing up--of my mother's jealousy of my father's love for me, the damage my mother did to me, and what my father--no matter how awful of a person he may have been overall--actually DID in contributing to make me someone that the dynamics of my family suggest could never be.

And yeah. If we're all going to SHARE, let me say that I was sexually molested by more than one male adult when I was a child. My father was NOT one of them. In fact, he was horribly embarrassed when I noticed that his underwear were loose and the tip of his penis was showing. I will never forget the look of horror on his face. And I was maybe 5 years old at the time.

[Cholita]

Wait...When i said this...
"I wouldn't let my daughter go with any MAN alone like that! EVER!"
I wasn't talking about my husband! I was referring to this fucked up story, and about not letting the poor kid go on a long road trip with a stepdad. Or any other man that's not her dad. I don't even trust my teenage cousins.

[Parrot Toes]

Lizard, I think that's great that you had that love and affection from your father. My father, for his faults, had amazing things about him that I wouldn't trade for a thing. It isn't my father who caused me the worst harm either.

My husband adores his kids and his kids love him loads. He is not though a man to take just one of them on a trip or whatnot. He doesn't hunt, fish, take in sports or any of that stuff. Anything that is done with the kids (trips, overnights ect.) is done as a family. I have never needed to worry about him taking the kids anywhere alone. My fear, is just this tiny voice in the back of my head that says don't trust anyone IF the situation arised for one of them to be alone with him or anyone. I really don't believe it has affected any of my children because there has never been a situation for it to come out. We have no extended family near us that would take any of them anywhere alone. I know that is sad in itself, but that is how it has worked out for us.

I suppose I am saying that in a hypothetical situation, I would probably decide against it. It's just the way I think. Also, I have 4 kids. For either my husband or myself to do one on one stuff with any one of them is very hard, and when it is done, it isn't much more than just a lunch or trip to the mall for a few hours.

My kids are not distrusting of people because I have demonstrated my distrust, the opportunities really have never been there. They are ignorant of my past and I keep these types of feelings to myself. I have done so much work (in the face of a major mental illness that I have only learned that I have in the past 3 years) on raising my kids to be responsible, happy, thoughtful, mindful, independent, easy going, understanding and lawful. I have also taught them to be cautious, but not because I have trust issues, but because living in a major city where the crime rate is high, demands it. Society today everywhere demands it.

I believe in teaching stranger danger AND friendly danger, but that does not mean I teach my kids to be suspicious of our friends and family, just to always be aware and mindful. I think I am being misunderstood on this thread as to how my personal feelings of mistrust are handled around my children. They are just that, MY personal feelings. They have had babysitters for an evening and of course during childbirth I guess, my husband was alone with them when they were younger, but of course I was also highly stressed. I guess the opportunities were there then.

Ugh, I just don't know what else to say except that I wish I had the ability to trust completely in my partner like some of you. Circumstances of my life will probably never allow that. Part of my Borderline is that I have a hard time with seeing people as completely good. I always have suspicious turned on. I don't know if that will ever change, but rest assured, my children are my priority in life and raising them with as little hurt as possible while teaching them all the good things we all want for our children to learn, like I mentioned above, is what I do with them.