Art Price loves picnic tables.

**Unamused Cat** · March 28th, 2008, 03:06 PM

BELLEVUE -- Police say a man in Bellevue was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

The neighbor -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole in the umbrella to have sex.

The most recent instance took place March 14, we're told. A neighbor videotaped Price.

"The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says.

http://www.wtol.com/Global/story.asp?S=8082496

**aspartame** · March 28th, 2008, 03:07 PM

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAA!! !

i have nothing more to say!

**Lizard** · March 28th, 2008, 03:10 PM

Damn Table Fucker.

**nurseronda** · March 28th, 2008, 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by Lizard

Damn Table Fucker.

*Laughing*..........At least he left kids, woman and men out of it by raping a table.
Too bad he couldn't have gotten stuck. One of my cousins nephews who was 13 at the time, was in the shower when he started screaming like a girl. They went in to see what happened to him and he had his penis stuck in a shampoo bottle. Poor little guy's face was every shade of red there is....This story reminded me of his embarrassing problem.
:D

**Rotten Apple** · March 28th, 2008, 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by Lizard

Damn Table Fucker.

Better a table fucker than a baby raper.

But can you imagine having to explain to his cell mates what he was in for?

"I raped my patio set, but it was asking for it. Sitting out there in the sun with no tablecloth. I'm innocent I swear!"

**dop** · March 28th, 2008, 03:42 PM

Reminds me of the bike fucker we had a few months back.

He and his picnick table need to get a room.

**impqueen** · March 28th, 2008, 03:56 PM

fucking arboreal horndogs.

**Lizard** · March 28th, 2008, 03:57 PM

I have to do it...

"Hey, Boo Boo, what ya got in that pik a nik table?"

**Rotten Apple** · March 28th, 2008, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by impqueen

fucking arboreal horndogs.

Was it made out of wood?

What about the splinters?

**Mom of 4** · March 28th, 2008, 05:41 PM

ROFLMAO I haven't laughed this hard in years! Priceless!

**skeptical** · March 28th, 2008, 05:52 PM

Now I have heard it all! I think anyway! It's a shame that metal pole didn't shred his penis!

**Miss. Hill** · March 28th, 2008, 05:55 PM

Can you imagine being the neighbor recording the "table fucker" in action!

**Unamused Cat** · March 28th, 2008, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by skeptical

Now I have heard it all! I think anyway! It's a shame that metal pole didn't shred his penis!

He used the hole, where the pole fits and had the table turned on its side as he fucked it. :beurk:

I wonder if he filled the hole with lube. This guy is a freak, and not in the good way. :p

**skeptical** · March 28th, 2008, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by Miss. Hill

Can you imagine being the neighbor recording the "table fucker" in action!

Yeah: Oh my eyes! My eyes! Somebody help me I think I'm blind!:eyes:

**Jaded** · March 28th, 2008, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by Miss. Hill

Can you imagine being the neighbor recording the "table fucker" in action!

I probably would have died laughing...

**Unamused Cat** · March 28th, 2008, 06:55 PM

Here is a clearer mugshot of this guy. He is even married with three school aged children. Those kids ate off that table.

**Jaded** · March 28th, 2008, 06:57 PM

Originally Posted by Unamused Cat

Here is a clearer mugshot of this guy. He is even married with three school aged children. Those kids ate off that table.

Ugh...I'm all gaggy now.

**Lizard** · March 28th, 2008, 07:00 PM

Originally Posted by Unamused Cat

Those kids ate off that table.

Where's the vomiting smiley?

**nurseronda** · March 28th, 2008, 07:03 PM

Oh' aren't they going to love this one in prison!!!! :D

**Miss. Hill** · March 28th, 2008, 07:11 PM

How humiliating your husband, your father stuck his penis in the outdoor furniture (more then once)! I would be mortified..your daddy's a table fucker! What a horny stupid fuck!

Art, some advice stick to Hustler, Playboy, Victoria Secret whatever buy a pocket pussy lock the bathroom door and do your business man! What were you thinking? Hahaha your a table fucker haha!

**skeptical** · March 28th, 2008, 07:18 PM

Can you imagine what his wife is thinking? OMG! I'd totally freak if it were MY husband.

**Jaded** · March 28th, 2008, 07:21 PM

Not only would I freak the fuck out....I probably wouldn't want to show my face in the neighborhood.
What was this dude thinking anyways? Was he just sitting around one morning wondering what he could possibly fit his dick into?? Why didn't he just use the vacuum cleaner or something?? Save the neighbors from having to watch that shit.

**Unamused Cat** · March 28th, 2008, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by So Jaded

Not only would I freak the fuck out....I probably wouldn't want to show my face in the neighborhood.
What was this dude thinking anyways? Was he just sitting around one morning wondering what he could possibly fit his dick into?? Why didn't he just use the vacuum cleaner or something?? Save the neighbors from having to watch that shit.

He even admitted that on occasion he took the table indoors to make sweet, sweet love to it. Neighbors confirmed that also. Mostly, he liked to fuck it as the morning sun shown brightly on his fat ass.

Here is a pic of the victim in this sordid affair. Poor thing is going to need steam cleaning and a new paint job. *sniff* Is there any justice left in this world? How can we stop these awful crimes upon patio furniture? :D

**Lizard** · March 28th, 2008, 07:44 PM

Originally Posted by Unamused Cat

Here is a pic of the victim in this sordid affair. Poor thing is going to need steam cleaning and a new paint job. *sniff* Is there any justice left in this world? How can we stop these awful crimes upon patio furniture? :D [

That's so sad...it looks so happy there. Still innocent...

**skeptical** · March 28th, 2008, 07:57 PM

Originally Posted by So Jaded

Why didn't he just use the vacuum cleaner or something?? Save the neighbors from having to watch that shit.

Speaking of vacuums......my son has a friend that regaled us with a story of doing just that very thing one time...... The image in my mind was hilarious...... LMAO...it still cracks me up

**ThreeOnAMeathook** · March 29th, 2008, 01:01 PM

I don't think the table appreciates everyone laughing at it. Don't you think its suffered enough?

You people are all so quick to hate a child rapist, but when it comes to tables, you're all giggles! WTF!?

**Unamused Cat** · March 29th, 2008, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by ThreeOnAMeathook

I don't think the table appreciates everyone laughing at it. Don't you think its suffered enough?

You people are all so quick to hate a child rapist, but when it comes to tables, you're all giggles! WTF!?

I am so ashamed now. *sniff*

**swivel** · March 29th, 2008, 03:15 PM

He must be a pretty thick dude. I did some "experimenting" this morning, and mine didn't even touch the sides. It was like a boring game of 'Operation'.

**Jaded** · April 1st, 2008, 09:42 AM

This guy is an all-around twisted, perverted table-fucker......
He doesn't exactly have a 'clean' record.

http://www.sanduskyregister.com/arti...ont/665285.txt

**DupeDakotaValkyrie** · April 1st, 2008, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by So Jaded

This guy is an all-around twisted, perverted table-fucker......
He doesn't exactly have a 'clean' record.

http://www.sanduskyregister.com/arti...ont/665285.txt

We all know that he was NOT looking at the young women - He was getting worked up about their end tables.