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Thread: Mother Fucker

  1. August 13th, 2009, 12:31 PM #1
    Morbid
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    Mother Fucker

    Been awhile. This isn't hate mail, but it was a reply to our "writers wanted" post. It's funny and almost had Jaded pissing her pants. No commentary needed, so enjoy.

    ok well i am a really good writer i'll give u an example of a note i wrote to my mom. it's pretty sick but i think it's awesome.

    Dearest Mother,

    There's somethin that's been on my mind for quite sometime now, I just need to let you know that i LOVE you. And if LOVING YOU IS WRONG, I DON'T WANNA BE RIGHT. I love the SHIT outta you. I just want to feel your warm breath on the nape of my neck. I want to feel your hands move slowly up my thigh to my wanting cunt. I'm so hot for you. I NEED to feel you inside me. I NEED to feel your smooth skin on my young adolescent body. Your lips are like candy, so sweet are your kisses. Yum yum. You're a dream to me, it's so surreal. I get so moist when i fantasize about your curvacious body. I would never let another man touch you. You feel too good to share. I would carress ur soft bush with my face. The scent of your beautiful cunt is so feminine. Every little thing about you drives me insane.
    Sincerely,
    Your daughter, Lover, And friend,

    Mother Fucker.

    pretty good huh? i havent had any professional work. but i think im good.
    Morbid: I was not able to masturbate to it. And God knows I tried. Jaded?

    Mother Fucker: she molested both me and my sister as childrean. n tried to pimp my sister out. so yeah i guess u could say that.
    Morbid: I wasn't asking if you were jaded, I was asking Jaded, the co-owner, what she thought about it.
    Jaded: Wow. I could hardly even tell you've never written professionally. On a scale of 1-10 for fwap-worthiness, I give it a .5 Maybe you could try to spice it up by throwing in a few adjectives and maybe a couple exclamation points.
    And I have to agree with jaded. Also, losing the term "Yum yum" in erotica is probably pretty good step i the right direction. It kind of changes the imagery of a hot mother-daughter lesbian encounter into a hearty bowl of chicken soup on a cold, winter's day.

    - Watch your back, I got mine
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  2. August 13th, 2009, 12:38 PM #2
    Jaded
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    Thanks for posting it, Morbid. Was just sent back in to hysterical fits of giggling all over again.

    On another note, I wonder how he/she/it confused the DD with Hustler?
    "Never make a decision when you need to pee."
    --Leonard Cohen (Beautiful Losers)
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  3. August 14th, 2009, 02:52 AM #3
    Lynntoast
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    This person was serious? Seriously? Wow.


    Ummm, ok. I guess I look forward to some new writing style at DD?


    (Walks away scratching her head)
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  4. August 14th, 2009, 03:11 AM #4
    brokenandtwisted
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    LOL. I think it was written by a male, though...

    I should start sending you all hate mail from random e-mail addresses.
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  5. August 14th, 2009, 03:19 AM #5
    Jaded
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    Quote Originally Posted by brokenandtwisted View Post
    LOL. I think it was written by a male, though...

    I should start sending you all hate mail from random e-mail addresses.
    Would you? Please? In all this time on the DD, I have yet to receive an official hate mail. Makes me sad.
    "Never make a decision when you need to pee."
    --Leonard Cohen (Beautiful Losers)
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  6. August 14th, 2009, 03:19 AM #6
    Morbid
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    We wont post them unless we verify it was sent by an actual person. We actually found this girl. She is a Juggalo.

    - Watch your back, I got mine
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  7. August 14th, 2009, 03:22 AM #7
    brokenandtwisted
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morbid View Post
    We wont post them unless we verify it was sent by an actual person. We actually found this girl. She is a Juggalo.
    Aww...you won't post my epic hate mail? I have started one..."RE: Writer's Wanted" mimicking the above story in a more erotic fashion...
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  8. August 14th, 2009, 09:26 AM #8
    moonlilly1981
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    hahaha priceless!
    Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
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  9. August 14th, 2009, 09:37 AM #9
    goddess
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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by morbid View Post
    been awhile. This isn't hate mail, but it was a reply to our "writers wanted" post. It's funny and almost had jaded pissing her pants. No commentary needed, so enjoy.












    And i have to agree with jaded. Also, losing the term "yum yum" in erotica is probably pretty good step i the right direction. It kind of changes the imagery of a hot mother-daughter lesbian encounter into a hearty bowl of chicken soup on a cold, winter's day.






    thanks for the good laugh sexy ass morbid..i needed a smile on my face!!!!lmao
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  10. August 14th, 2009, 09:45 AM #10
    thehesbomb
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    She is a Juggalo.
    No...fucking...way!!!!
    you think you're god's gift
    you're a liar...
    I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire
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  11. August 14th, 2009, 09:54 AM #11
    Aslan
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    Damn you people for making me look up Juggalo

    So just in case anyone else doesn't what a know a juggalo is I'll share if it's interesting

    oh you gotta be kidding me

    Edit: and if it truly was a female they like to be called Juggalette. I seriously hate that I know that now

    some link love

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juggalo
    Last edited by Aslan; August 14th, 2009 at 10:02 AM.
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  12. August 15th, 2009, 11:04 AM #12
    Lazlo
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    Quote Originally Posted by brokenandtwisted View Post
    Aww...you won't post my epic hate mail? I have started one..."RE: Writer's Wanted" mimicking the above story in a more erotic fashion...
    You may want to PM that to me first BT. You know, just to make sure it's, um, well...OK?
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  13. August 15th, 2009, 11:29 AM #13
    petrina
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    'i would caress your soft bush with my face' is where the most wincing happened.
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  14. August 15th, 2009, 11:52 AM #14
    dr_awkward
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    I laughed, I cried.
    Actually, it was more like a weepy snortgiggle. So I snorty weptgiggled until I kinda half burped up a little of what I hope was last night's tequila. Yum yum indeed.
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  15. August 17th, 2009, 07:44 PM #15
    brokenandtwisted
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lazlo View Post
    You may want to PM that to me first BT. You know, just to make sure it's, um, well...OK?
    Awww, well...we can totally role-play...there's been something on my mind lately, dearest Lazlo. My patience is waning, and I need you...those velvety lips that send sparks of electricity through me, the soft caress and tender touch of those smooth hands as they move across my breasts, your wondrous creation. I know, Mother...that this is true love.

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  16. August 17th, 2009, 08:04 PM #16
    AngelFire
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    Oh wow, this is from a real person?? Now should I expect more stories from this, umm, writer?
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  17. August 17th, 2009, 10:16 PM #17
    runecire
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    My Victorian sensibilities have been offended and corroded. My angelic morals have been irrevocably compromised.
    If ya can't laugh at yourself...guarranteed someone else will.
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  18. August 18th, 2009, 12:56 AM #18
    petrina
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    morbid, jaded, are you crazy?!?! sign the motherfucker up!!!!! it will be priceless.
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  19. June 3rd, 2010, 06:06 AM #19
    Southern Sin
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    I would carress ur soft bush with my face. The scent of your beautiful cunt is so feminine.
    Firstly...WTF!? Secondly... Bush?? *shudder* Never been a fan of bush (Yes, both types)
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  20. June 3rd, 2010, 06:13 AM #20
    Dneilz
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    Oh.MY.GOD! First thing I open up to...
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  21. June 3rd, 2010, 09:54 AM #21
    CplPunishment
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    "I would carress ur soft bush with my face."

    Where is this woman at? I havent met a unshaven female since the early 80's. We use to watch vids of girls shaving and it was really exciting now it is just common place.
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  22. June 3rd, 2010, 11:13 AM #22
    cheeseburgersanchez
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    According to that wikipedia article, I have characteristics of a juggalette. I was reading the names of some of those bands, thinking "I used to jam to that stuff!" So I guess, while I was in college, I was the baddest juggalette there ever was. When I was alone in my car rocking out...
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  23. June 4th, 2010, 01:47 AM #23
    sodom
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    I just spit beer all over my fucking keyboard.Damn that was funny!New keyboard time.
    "Killing is killing whether done for duty,profit or fun."
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  24. July 1st, 2010, 07:13 AM #24
    malq
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    I give it a 3/4 erect. It's definitely fapworthy and too cheesy to be true.
    "Where the fuck am I ? - Amelia Earhart, 1937

    You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly past schools.->malq
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  25. July 1st, 2010, 07:29 PM #25
    Dark Star
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    Quote Originally Posted by cplkevindheglar View Post
    "I would carress ur soft bush with my face."

    Where is this woman at? I havent met a unshaven female since the early 80's.
    Ummmm *stands real tall for my 5'2" frame and raises hand* Me has a bush..it's trimmed but it's a bush.
    Dark Star crashes, pouring its light into ashes~Grateful Dead

    "Fuck you. You got it?"~Dan Rather
    "Shit, I can rap" ~ Dakota Valkyrie

    So many books, so little time~Frank Zappa
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