I was going to post this in the crime section, but it's just too damn funny.
Porn thief makes bicycle getaway
By LEVI PULKKINEN
A pistol-packing bicyclist fled an Eastlake neighborhood convenience store Friday carrying an armload of stolen pornography.
Just before 10:30 a.m., the man walked into the Eastlake Market at 2244 Eastlake Ave. E. and asked the store owner for a match, according to police reports. He then turned his attention to the magazine rack.
After several minutes, the man grabbed an armload of porn and fled the store. The store owner and a customer gave chase and spotted the man getting on a bicycle.
The porn-laden suspect pulled back his jacket and gripped the butt of a handgun, deterring the other men from continuing the pursuit.
The man was described to police as about 6 feet tall with a workman's jacket and satchel-style shoulder bag. The store owner told authorities the man escaped with eight magazines valued at a total of $96.