What'd the black guy scream as he ran down the street with a case of stolen Kraft Singles?
A: Notch yo' cheeze! Notch yo' cheeze!
What'd the black guy scream as he ran down the street with a case of stolen Kraft Singles?
A: Notch yo' cheeze! Notch yo' cheeze!
What's long, black, hard and full of seamen?
A: a submarine full of Village People fans.
Why were the Fat Lady and the Dwarf such a happily married couple?
A: She let him try a new wrinkle every night.
Really lame one.
How many bones does a rooster have?
A: Enough to hold its pecker up.
maybe you have heard this one...
a man and his young girl-child are walking through their back yard, and having "the talk", the one about how the birds and the bees all get busy. the young girl finds two daddy long legs doin their buisness, and asks her daddy what those two are doing. He explains the ritual to her. then she stomps on the two till there nothin but a smeared mush of sticks. stricken, the father asks why she did such a cruel thing. she replies. "there won't be none of that brokeback mountain shit in MY garden!!!"
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At least it's un-PC. :)
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Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says, "Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep. The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also.
The third dog said, "This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!" The other dogs say, " so' that's why they are putting you to sleep?" No says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"
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Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
________
Do you know what 6.9 is?
A good thing fucked up by a period.
________
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep!
______
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
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How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews fighting over a penny.
What did the little German boy get for his birthday?
Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew.
What happens when a Jew with an errection walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose.
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Oh, oh my. I'm going to hell for laughing so hard at those.Originally Posted by Horrorholic
Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
He's black.
Q: What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
A: One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.
Q: What's white and fourteen inches long?
A: Absolutely nothing!
_____
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.
Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.
Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing
Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.
Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?
Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped.
Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Last edited by Rotten Apple; February 15th, 2008 at 05:36 PM. Reason: one day, i will learn to spell racist..
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Kathy, that shit is just WRONG.
you forgot:
and how do you get them down.
cover him in colored paper and tell the mexican kid doen the street that he is a piñata!
So the daughter goes to her father and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car tonight?"
"Sure, honey," says the father. "But in order to borrow the car, you have to blow me first."
"Fine," says the good little Arkansas girl, and goes down as she is told. But seconds later, she gets up, wiping her mouth and spitting.
"Ew, Daddy, your cock tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah," says the dad. "I forgot. Your brother borrowed the car an hour ago."
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A guy's wife has had a very terrible car accident. With that in mind, he rushes the hospital.
He consults with the doctor for a bit and asks the doctor of her condition...
The doctor proceeds to tell the guy after being asked of her condition..
"She's pretty much a vegetable. You can talk to her all you want but she won't acknowledge."
The guy hears that and starts shedding tears.
The doctor then proceeds, "You'll have to feed her, wipe her ass"
The guy is then in frantics, crying "Oh why, why her, why me"
The doctor then slaps the guy on the back and says, "Just fuckin' with ya, she's dead"
______
You know what's worse than dropping your ice cream cone?
...Dropping two ice cream cones. You know what's worse than dropping two ice cream cones?
...Dropping three ice cream cones! You know what's worse than dropping THREE ice cream cones???
The Holocaust. But you know what's worse than the Holocaust?
...Dropping four ice cream cones.
____
A black guy, a Puerto Rican, and a hippie are all together in the same car. Who's driving?
The cop.
____
What's pink, slimy, and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
_____
What do nine out of ten people enjoy...?
Gang rape
Last edited by Rotten Apple; February 19th, 2008 at 11:22 AM.
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Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A: She is the one who can eat the last donut.
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
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Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "Fuck me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies I've been fucked by an elephant".
The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first".
_____
Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says,
"You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."
"What," the other asks, "green?".
"No," says the first, " a bit sour."
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Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
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Q: What's grey and looks good on cops?
A: The World Trade Center
Q: What's gray and looks good on firefighters?
A: Hey man, that shit ain't funny.
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What's grosser than gross?
Dead baby in a dumpster.
What's grosser than that?
Dumpster FULL of dead babies.
What's even grosser than that?
The live one at the bottom eating it's way out.
-------------------------------------------
"Mommy, Mommy, I don't want corn flakes for breakfast again"
"Shut-up and keep picking those scabs!
Why do bagpipe players walk in parades?
To get away from the music!
Bump bump bump
A black guy walking on the beach finds a genie lamp and rubs it. **poof** The genie appears and tells the black guy he gets three wishes.
The black man thinks for a second and says, "I wanna be white, up-tight, and outta sight."
***poof*** The genie turned him into a tampon.
If ya can't laugh at yourself...guarranteed someone else will.
A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the Deep South. He got a ride from a mean-looking trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence the youth finally said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me?”
"Ask you what?" replied the trucker.
"If I'm a boy or a girl...,” answered the youth.
"Don't matter," replied the trucker, "I’m gonna fuck ya anyway."
"If you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans. I'm not sure that motivation is always a good thing. You show me a lazy prick lying in bed all day watching TV, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble." --George Carlin
you people should be ashamed of yourselves.
MORE! MORE!
Obama was asked during his campaign if he could fix the economy.
"No," he replied, "but I can nigger-rig it."
Farrah Fawcett's dying wish was for all the children in the world to be safe.
Michael Jackson died the next day.
"Letting the parade pass from sight, he focuses on the empty road beyond, a pale curve vanishing into the woods where nothing moves and a street lamp flickers on and off until at last it flickers out and darkness sweeps in like a hand."~Mark Z. Danielewski, A Book that Contains a Rape Scene
Q: What do you call a black guy with a license to fly an airplane?
A: A Pilot you fucking racist.
Q: How do you make a 7 year old boy cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear.
(GROAN) to the 2nd one, there, McQuest, I but like the first one!
groan the second one? Was it too foul?
Well, yeah, but this IS the distasteful Jokes thread.
http://i456.photobucket.com/albums/q...cham/usa-1.gifhttp://i456.photobucket.com/albums/q...am/USMC-vi.gif"When I joined the military it was illegal to be homosexual, then it became optional. I'm getting out before Obama makes it mandatory."
~ Gy.Sgt. Harry Berres, USMC ~
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