10 Warning Signs Bert Miner Fathered Your Children
If you’re concerned about frequent blackouts that result in children, the shape of your child’s head or are worried about the sperm donor you purchased in the van behind 7-Eleven, here are some warning signs Bert Miner fathered your children:
10. Your family tree only has one branch.
9. You’re related to Bert Miner.
8. You have an irrational fear of Colonel Sanders and the phrase “Daddy’s Little Girl.”
7. You family motto is “Keep it in the Family.”
6. Uncle Bert keeps telling you how pretty your mouth is.
5. You look forward to Christmas opossum with squirrel stuffing.
4. It takes you 15 years to recognize abuse.
3. Your crotch smells like mustache wax.
2. Your kids call Bert Miner “Grandpa Daddy.”
1. Your second head tries to make out with you.