DamagedGoods

After reaching shore, Malq managed to make it on board an ocean-faring freighter bound for the great continent of Asia. Separated from his primary food source, finding a new source of nutrition was his first goal. He located a stash of dried beef, unaware that the meat came from animals suffering from mad cow disease. The tainted meat had an unusual effect on Malqbug. He began to grow rapidly, his appetite becoming voracious as a side effect. It wasn't long before a crew member happened upon him during one of his nighttime covert food gathering missions. The man screeched to which Malqbug gasped, "oh shit" in response, there-in learning that in addition to the growth, he could speak perfect English as a madcow symptom.

Still aptly traumatized, he remembered how dancing would sometimes calm the dung beetles and save him from their more violent steeping assaults.

Dusting himself off, he stood up, beamed nervously at the crewman and began to sing brightly, "Hello my honey, hello my baby, hello my rag time gaaaallll" while dancing back and forth. The man was instantly mesmerized... or baffled... probably baffled. After a few moments he ran to report this to his fellow crew members. Malq became an instant hit, and each night he would don a little top hat and cane and dance for hours on end.


A few days after his initial discovery by the seaman, he was invited to dinner at the captain's table. Upon his arrival he was welcomed graciously by the captain himself.

After the meal was finished, another crewman entered the room and passed the captain a small, impeccably decorated gift box. After being thanked by the captain, he nodded and left the room. The captain then got up and walked over to Malqbug, presenting him with the box. Malq unwrapped the gift, and opened the box, revealing a pair of shiny pink tap-dancing shoes.

He stared blankly at them for a moment before exclaiming, "These are amazing, I'm speechless" He continued a moment later by stating, "I wish I could try them on right now, but my feet are so dirty and I can't bear to taint these in any way."

But his days of glory were not to last...

Later in the small alcove the crew members had created for him as his home on board he took the shoes out of the box to stare at them in wonder. They were quite possibly the most horrible things he had ever seen.... and he'd been raped by dung beetles. He sighed and was about to put the shoes back into the box, pondering how to get out of ever actually wearing them without appearing rude. Suddenly the entrance beads to his abode flew up and he found himself face to face with a fellow Malqbug. He was in shock at discovering a fellow survivor, and froze while several roaches and a rat surrounded him. They quickly circled him and started to move in. They tied him up in rope never saying a word to him despite his pleas. Once this was completed, the other Malqbug walked up to him, and spat on him.

"I see you escaped the carnage unscathed, I was not so lucky," he held up a severed limb, "However, I believe we are about to have a reversal of fortunes! Your friends on this ship are going to believe you were attacked by my rat friend here, and I am going to take your place of glory."

He awoke a few hours later in a bare room which was obviously on dry land. He was untied, but there was no way he could escape. He looked down, he was left with just the clothes on his back, and.... those ugly fucking shoes.

"Ahh, you're finally awake" came a voice from the doorway. Malq looked to the door to see a strangely uniformed man carrying a whip and flanked by some extremely short people. The man sauntered over to him and casually looked him over.

"Well, you're not entirely what I am accustomed to dealing with, but you're just as short so I suppose I should be able to do something with you," the man stated, more to himself. "I am not without compassion, so I will allow you a day or so to regain your strength," he continued.

"You'll be with me for at least several days, or longer, depending on how quickly you learn, and realize my will is law. I suppose I should let you know what to call me" the man said bluntly. "You may refer to me as Herr Von Assenhammer"