Silvahalo

Silva,
My heart goes out to you. A mother has a special place in her heart for her daughter. To lose one, her only one is especially hard. Not that she doesn't love her sons with all her heart.

You stated you can't see yourself giving birth to another child at this stage of your life. I understand that completely. But, have you considered adopting an older girl? There are so many out there with no home and no one to love them.

With your big, loving, wonderful heart, you could make all the difference in the world in one of their lives.

I know from experience, you don't have to give birth to a child for it to be yours. You forget you are not the biological mother. You think and feel that it is yours.

I'm not just talking about the grandson I adopted. When I was married to my daughter's father, we had a little girl in our home that we received when she was eight years old. The mother had given us custody. She not only verbally agreed to allow us to adopt her she asked us to.

The child had been raped by her father and injured to the point she would never be able to have a child. He was in prison for this. Two days before the adoption was to go before the court, the mother called and said if we did not give her $20,000 she would refuse in court. We had to give her up.

I know you are thinking," Damn, Betty is using this as an example as reason for me to adopt?" No, we did wrong by not going through the state or have papers signed at the start.

I won't even go there to tell you of the heartbreak this caused for "our little girl" as well as our family.

If you do it the right way instead of the stupid way we did by trusting a bitch, adoption is one of life's blessings!

Oh Silva, I feel much the same about not having another baby. I would so love to have another baby, it is hard to imagine that I will never be pregnant or give birth to another miracle again. Every time I see a pregnant woman and think of the joy in store for her I wish I could experience it all again. Though truly I know I must count my blessings - I am so lucky to have the children I have! I sympathize with you for wanting a daughter...you know, my last baby was born when I was 42. Are you sure you're really done?

Jus, I love the idea of adoption always have, so does hubs, unfortunately because of our debt issues it is a concern. Does not mean we cannot adopt but does put us low on the list. I didn't realize that would ever be a problem. I actually was looking to adopt years back, I mentioned it a bit on my Brianna Lopez post. I actually still to this day wonder if she was the baby girl I might have adopted. Same city/state, situation....I can only wonder. Thanks for the thoughtful comments and so sorry about that little girl, I can't imagine the anguish you all felt including that sweet girl.

OMalley, well, first and foremost, I'm not 100% sure I am done, but I might as well be. I'm 41 now and although in good health, I'm in the process in getting some extra weight off to be in prime fitness. I realize that there is still a possibility as I am still fertile too, just never planned on pregnancy in my 40's, so if it happens, it will be a most blessed oops! both my kiddos were very planned. And of course there is no guarantee we would have a girl...either way I would be delighted. I guess you never really know what is God's plan. Sigh.....just midlife anxiety stuff I guess.

Thank you both for sharing your thoughts and such kind words.

oh Silva, I'm sorry you feel so terrible about not being pregnant again. I know how you feel, though my grief isn't about pregnancy... my pregnancies were physically torturous, so my decision to STOP reproducing was pretty easy.

I feel guilty because I miss my babies. They have become children... one will soon be a "tween..." Though they are wonderful, gorgeous, smart, amazing girls, and I love them fiercely, they aren't babies anymore. It makes me tear up to think I will never be able to hold those little bundles in my arms again.

How can I be sad that they are growing up? That's what babies are supposed to do... Is that wrong of me? I'm actually crying. It's very hard to move past things when you are a mother, isn't it?

Akika, thanks for posting a thoughtful reply. No, its not wrong of you to feel that way its hard as mothers to be with our babies teaching them everything from rolling to how to read. Then one day they just don't need us as much and its hard to let go tho I know we delight in seeming them grow into confident, independent little people....sigh, motherhood is such a mixed bag of emotions.

My 5 yr. old is almost 6 and such a wonderful little boy. And my baby is almost 2.....

You've always been one of my favorites, silva, for your unabashed passion for love and life and all the crazy shit. You wear it on your sleeve, and simply don't give a fuck what people think, and the ones here who don't give a fuck, are the ones I simply love and enjoy.

I hope one day you can have a daughter. You deserve one, from where I can tell.

I'm rooting for you, girl. Love ya to death.

Lieman, you surprise me. I would have never guessed. Very kind words and support. Thanks so much, and like I say to myself, well ya never know what may happen, what is to be....

Where have you been? Haven't seen you like in ages....thanks so much again.

You are an amazing mother. It is normal to feel jealous. My sister is in same boat as yours. She is almost 40 year old and she really, really want a baby. She have two gorgeous daughters. She want a boy. Unfortunately, she can't because of her health problems. She almost die after her second daughter born. She is sad she is unable to have a baby again, but she is very happy with her daughters. I know you are happy with two, healthy beautiful boys. They are so lucky to have a wonderful mother like you.

A just-as-great joy hopefully awaits you. Grandparenting.

I loved being pregnant and mom but being a grandparent allows me to do and be much that I could not with my kids (because of monetary or practical reasons).

I will get sad when I realize the kids are done having kids. I hope great-grandparenting will be an even greater joy/adventure.

You might not have your baby girl, but when those beautiful boys of yours have children, you will have you lttle girl. She will be in the form of your grandaughter. I know in my heart of hearts, that you will be a great grandmom, as you are a mom!

You have such a great heart.

TLF, DV and MBM, you all are so nice to post and show support. I can't tell you how I still feel guilty about admitting to this. You all know how I love my boys and wouldn't change that for the world.

You all are right about grandparenting. I can't wait....uh, wait, yes I can...lol. I know the day will come and it will be amazing. Still, ya never know. I'm leaving things with God completely this time. I planned my other kiddos, so, if we happen to have an oops I would be thrilled though knowing are track record we are probably meant to have boys. I also still thinking of adoption maybe in a year or so. I also very much want o foster a child. Such a big need out there. Thanks everyone.

i so feel what you're saying...i got my tubes tied after savannah...the older she gets the sadder i get...i too loved being pregnant...seeing new babies makes me want to have another...on the brightside though in 5 years(at least) or more i can have grand babies!