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Spitfire77

An email sent today

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by
Spitfire77
, April 16th, 2009 at 12:26 PM (464 Views)
Titled No Rest for the Weary

And no end to our problems in sight.

You ask me to trust you, but you want to continue the friendship that led to the "jokes."
You ask me to not be your mother or PI, but you still keep the details about certain things out.
You ask me to not call you a liar, but the details from one email don't match up to another. All I'm trying to do is figure out what the actual story is. I don't see how that's a crime. Either something happened, or it didn't.
You ask me to forgive and forget, but if I've been wronged and I've been hurt, why am I the only one attending the marriage counseling (I know, tough to do while you're deployed) and trying to make things work if nothing is going to change on your end?

So, I don't know what you want me to do. I am trying to be your BFF, but you defend her. Who cares if I'm too harsh? Do you really care about her that much that you'll knock me down to protect her? What about my heart and my feelings? Who is protecting them? And you tell Quack not to talk to me anymore? Why is that? Because he was being honest with me?

I'm am truly very sorry that we came to this. If you don't want to write me back, I'll understand completely. I honestly don't expect you to. You say you're tired of this bullshit. I was tired of it a long time ago, but I'm not going to be the doormat wife that sits at home while her husband makes nice with another girl.

Life will not be fun without you. Life will be hard without you. I don't really want to live my life if you're not in it. But if the choice came down to stay married to me, or friends with her, I'm not sure I'd want to know what the answer is. And it's that lack of confidence in my own self-worth that is being crushed over and over and over again. You say you're doing everything you can, so you're right. Maybe I'm just never going to be happy. Maybe someday I'll find someone who will be willing to say "This is inappropriate. These are not funny jokes." to the "other woman", not feed into it. And he'll put my feelings above hers, not brush me off and make me feel like a crazy bitch.

So I guess all we have left to figure out will be the custody agreement and financial and property agreements. I know you're very busy, but whenever you have time I'd like to outline a general plan so I can get this started. I'm not going to waste any time hoping you'll come around and see what you're losing. Because if you haven't seen it by now, you never will. Let's just get it over and done with.

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Comments

  1. Spitfire77's Avatar
    She wrote me an email calling me a selfish little girl who needs to grow up and get over myself. And he defended her saying that I wrote her a catty email. (So maybe my response to her initial email was a little catty, but like I don't have a right to be.)
  2. sanityslipping's Avatar
    I'm pissed for you... To call you a selfish little girl who needs to get over yourself? WTF. You are his wife, and the mother of his children. You were/are trying to make this marriage work. She needs to get over herself. She sounds like the selfish one to me. And him... he seems pretty selfish. If he wasn't, she wouldn't still be a problem.
  3. Nell's Avatar
    Oh honey. I think it is sadly close to end. He sticks up for her over you? He calls you a selfish little girl for writing a very heartfelt email to him? I say he is the selfish one and is most likely moving closer to her. She has his ear all the time, and obviously disrespects you openly to him, and he doesn't care. I am so sorry. It sounds so painful to you. I hope that you work out what is best for you, even if he isn't part of that.
  4. Pixie's Avatar
    You know it comes down to one thing. If is is willing to say goodbye to this person - then maybe you have something to work with. If he is not - he has made a choice. The fact that he even allows this intrusion into your marriage is very telling.

    I'm sorry for you - and I can't imagine the pain you are feeling.
  5. jus shaking my head's Avatar
    I don't even know you Spitfire but my heart breaks for you.

    Unfortunately, I've been there, seen it, felt it with my ex-husband.

    There is no quick or easy way to ease the pain.

    My thoughts are with you.
  6. jenthgr8's Avatar
    He's not worth it.

    Nobody is worth going through these feelings for. He's supposed to bring joy, happiness, and all manner of good things to your life. Instead he brings pain, sadness, and insecurity.

    I'm so fucking sorry you're going through this. Be strong.

    His unwillingness to cease communications with someone who is obviously hurting your union speaks volumes.
  7. Stella's Avatar
    I don't even know you, either, but I know exactly what you're going through. I, too have been there with my ex. It's really so sad, but it will make you feel so much better a person as soon as the decision is made. And you really should try to ignore the the catty one.

    If she's so smart, doesn't she realize that what he's saying about you to her will come around and bite her in the ass? How stupid.

    My thoughts are with you and your children. Be strong.

    {S}
  8. ineedanap's Avatar
    Spit - ((hugs)). Look out for yourself. Close the joint accounts. Hire a good attorney. ~Needa
  9. Castille's Avatar
    You know, I would totally forgive and forget and move on in the interest of the marriage and the children. Provided he end without question this 'friendship' that's crossed the line.
  10. FrakMe's Avatar
    I hope things are going better for you, and that your husband comes to his senses.