An email sent today
by, April 16th, 2009 at 12:26 PM (464 Views)
Titled No Rest for the Weary
And no end to our problems in sight.
You ask me to trust you, but you want to continue the friendship that led to the "jokes."
You ask me to not be your mother or PI, but you still keep the details about certain things out.
You ask me to not call you a liar, but the details from one email don't match up to another. All I'm trying to do is figure out what the actual story is. I don't see how that's a crime. Either something happened, or it didn't.
You ask me to forgive and forget, but if I've been wronged and I've been hurt, why am I the only one attending the marriage counseling (I know, tough to do while you're deployed) and trying to make things work if nothing is going to change on your end?
So, I don't know what you want me to do. I am trying to be your BFF, but you defend her. Who cares if I'm too harsh? Do you really care about her that much that you'll knock me down to protect her? What about my heart and my feelings? Who is protecting them? And you tell Quack not to talk to me anymore? Why is that? Because he was being honest with me?
I'm am truly very sorry that we came to this. If you don't want to write me back, I'll understand completely. I honestly don't expect you to. You say you're tired of this bullshit. I was tired of it a long time ago, but I'm not going to be the doormat wife that sits at home while her husband makes nice with another girl.
Life will not be fun without you. Life will be hard without you. I don't really want to live my life if you're not in it. But if the choice came down to stay married to me, or friends with her, I'm not sure I'd want to know what the answer is. And it's that lack of confidence in my own self-worth that is being crushed over and over and over again. You say you're doing everything you can, so you're right. Maybe I'm just never going to be happy. Maybe someday I'll find someone who will be willing to say "This is inappropriate. These are not funny jokes." to the "other woman", not feed into it. And he'll put my feelings above hers, not brush me off and make me feel like a crazy bitch.
So I guess all we have left to figure out will be the custody agreement and financial and property agreements. I know you're very busy, but whenever you have time I'd like to outline a general plan so I can get this started. I'm not going to waste any time hoping you'll come around and see what you're losing. Because if you haven't seen it by now, you never will. Let's just get it over and done with.