skeptical

Here I sit on a Friday night, posting to a blog. Time has a way of passing you by and making you grow old. I am 41 years old and found out last week that I am going to be a grandmother. (For real this time. The other two belong to my niece. I claim them as grandkids because my baby sister offed herself almost 3 years ago and I am all that they have.) My son, my youngest child, my baby, finally got back together with his first love last summer. Now they are going to have a baby. If he has to be grown and have a baby and make me old, I am glad it is with the girl he is with. She is a real sweetheart and worships the ground he walks on.
I am kinda of excited about the whole thing. I'm even crocheting a baby blanket for the little tyke. I get to be there when the baby is born and hopefully watch him or her grow up and give me great-grandkids. However, I seem to be stuck in the past. I look at my 6'5" baby boy and see the baby he used to be. I remember just like it was yesterday, him learning to walk at 10 months, learning to talk at 7 months. His first word, first step, first boo boo, first pair of cowboy boots, teaching him how to dance with him stepping all over my toes. Taking him to Six Flags and teaching him to be an adreneline junkie, riding the roller coasters, etc. How have all these years gone by so fast? Where did they go? My daughter is 24 years old now! It just doesn't seem possible. How did I turn into my mother? At least I don't have to worry about my daughter leaving me. Since she is disabled and about on the level of a 12 month old toddler, I will have her all of her life. Or at least until I can't take care of her anymore. I hope I get the chance to be the cool grandma to my son's kids. You know, take them to Six Flags, the zoo, teach them the things I taught my son. I hope he gives me more than one grand child to watch grow up. I want to share all of my memories about their father with them. I had my doubts about him for awhile. Between the age of 16 and 19 he really had me worried, but he has turned into a good man and would now make any mother proud. I think he's going to make a good dad. Still....it makes me kind of melancholy... makes me miss him being my baby.........