petrina

1. Jackie Tohn. in all of her photo shoots and interviews she is wearing comically bad 80s clothes. the judges were right. she is a great entertainer. she was not a great singer. and it may or may not have been the way to go. her after-time with Seacrest was annoying. she needs to know when to shut up. (no comments from the peanut gallery)

2. Ricky Braddy. Heretofore known as “The Brat”. just cuz. (hmmm my spell check knows ‘heretofore’ and doesn’t know ‘seacrest’ – how wildly square!) the inside of his lips are really, really red. He has a great voice and did Leon Russell proud. Simon chastised him for not being memorable. Maybe they should have done more back story on him and less on the bikini girl, mmkay? And then, he was not mic’ed during Seacrest time.

3. Alexis Grace. Red lipstick clashed with her pink hair. She was in and out of the rhythm and tuning pocket the whole song. Disappointing to me. But the judges loved it. They compared her to Kelly Clarkson. I guess Kelly can’t find her beat either.

4. Brent Keith. Ok I won’t lie I have a crush on him. ohhh rats. He sings country. ohhh darn. That shirt wrinkles too much for TV. Eh. s’ok. Sidenote: by this time they should realize the seacrest time is awkward.

5. Stevie Wright. Scarlet johanssen’s gangly cousin. wtf was that. no seriously, what was it? the judges hated it as well.

6. Anoop Desai. His wardrobe is just so nerdy college 1992. If he were older… Anoop, did we date? He has a nice voice, but something was off. Randy said he was sharp, and newgirl says he didn’t have the “riffs”. I think it was just sorta yawny.

7. Casey Carlson. She is way too cool to work in a bubble tea shop. I hate that shit. Surprise globs of tapioca are startling. anyway. totally cute girl. great voice. sucky song. sucky interpretation. totally cheesy performance. embarrassing. such a shame. her mom disobeyed seacrest and also scared me.

8. Michael Sarver. the oil rig dude. I did not recognize this song til halfway through the chorus. I don’t know if he was off or bad or if I just didn’t get it. Once he got into it, he was better. judges were mixed. Ryan has officially tamed the families, but now he needs to make the other contestants stop hugging.

9. Ann Marie Boskowich. this is the chick that got sent out of auditions for a trunk makeover. wow, she looks 20 years older tonight. not nec in a good way. great voice. and she still looks good. I liked her a little better than the judges did. oopsie. she had a sitting malfunction. “I just sat on the hard part”. awkward seacrest silence. “did I sit on a big thing of wood?” seacrest sweats buckets and cuts to the phone number.

10. Stephen Fowler. Aw he is a teddy bear. with such a cute voice. but Jesus Christ, he was all over the place. he was off key, off rhythm, out of his range, sliding all over the place. so sad. aww then no seacrest time bc he has used it all up mucking around with families. poor teddy. lets cuddle.

11. Tatiana Del Toro. … of the bull. need I say more? son of a bitch. the histrionic, narcissistic bitch sounded pretty good. someone slipped her some ludes. she started petting seacrest during the numbers. the ludes started to wear off and she started to reveal her Puerto Rican Mary Catherine Gallagherness.

12. Danny Gokey. I miss his lil friend. yes, he sounded like velvet. yes, he poured his heart into each note. yes, he is the personification of sincerity. fucker. haha. he probably forgives me for saying that. Randy and the girls had simultaneous orgasms. Seacrest cast doubt on Simon possessing an organ. Danny looked embarrassed about the peepee talk.