I Am A Wal-Reject!
by, January 7th, 2009 at 07:55 AM (556 Views)
Disclosure: I've posted this on Myspace, so if you're my friend there, you have to come up with a new comment here! Ha! :)
I promise the following events are true and correct to the best of my memory capabilities. Really, you will be so amused (and possibly disgusted) you will know that there is no way even I could make this story up. So what's the big deal? I was rejected…AT WAL-MART! Who, what, when, where, why, and HOW you ask? Well, strap yourselves in for the ride I'm about to tell you! J
Yesterday, being dangerously low on milk supplies (I'm from Minnesota, it's almost as ghastly a thought as running out of butter!) I decided to stop at Wally World on my way home. (BIG MISTAKE!) Never go to Wal-Mart if you are tired, hungry, or even remotely disgruntled, you may end up going postal on someone! But, being as I was out of milk, I had no choice. So I swung in on my way home from work hoping that I could get in and out in 10 minutes. Well, I decided to pick up some make-up as I've been avoiding the mall and/or department stores since Halloween. I grab the make-up go ALL THE WAY TO THE BACK of the store for milk, and proceed to the checkout. (This is where the story gets good!)
I sidle (good word choice huh?) up to the counter and am holding my gallon of milk, when the tall, fairly decent looking man (sans wedding ring, believe me, it's the first thing a single gal notices) checking out moves his stuff aside for me to put down the milk. I assured him it wasn't heavy, and he disputed the fact saying that the milk weighed at least 8 pounds and was entirely too heavy to continue holding. I thanked him, put down the milk, and pondered the 8 pounds per gallon of milk. (I googled it, according to Yahoo Answers, it's approximately 8.59 pounds!) As I'm standing there amazed that this man knows the weight of a gallon of milk, is good looking, (and most importantly) taller than me, the cashier asks him to resign the credit card box because his first signature didn't work. Her precise words were, "Please sign your name." My, being the smarta$$ that I am, said, "Or you could sign someone else's name and see what happens! Make the bank do their job!" His response was, "Are you kidding? I could sign anything I wanted and nothing would happen!" I said, "Maybe that's why the banks are in the trouble they're in!" He says, "Tell you what, you try it, sign another name, and let me know what happens." I say, "Sure! But how am I supposed to get a hold of you?" Now…..this is the point at which time he should have given me his phone number, offered to take me out to dinner, anything really other than what his actual response was. His response was, (and believe me, he was LOL-ing!), "I'll know because you'll be the girl on the news for stealing milk!" Wah wah wah! (Cue drums & cymbals!) Right, so at this point, he walks off, the cashier begins scanning my items, and I start LOL-ing!!!! I mean, it takes TALENT to be rejected while in line at Wal-Mart! A talent I clearly possess!!!!! (Side note: While scanning my items, the cashier comments after scanning my makeup, that she has $800 worth of Clinique makeup at home that she never uses because she's "not a makeup kind of gal"…….seriously, she should consider spackling it on cuz the woman was NOT attractive! I held my breath, I mean, I couldn't have another "Gene" incident happen! I live in this state!)
I made it through the holidays! Aren't ya'll proud of me? I didn't have any breakdowns, fights, or tell anyone off! (Well, not really anyway!) I'm pretty damn excited, I mean, I'm already looking forward to Valentine's Day! How can I not? EVERY store I go into is ALREADY advertising! WTF, seriously WTF????? They can't even wait until the END of January? I seriously went to get groceries on January 2nd and they had all the Valentine's CRAP out! Give me a damn break! The kiddo LOVED her Christmas and birthday presents this year. She said it was the best birthday ever! LOL She says that every year, maybe next year I'll get her one gift for her birthday and one for Christmas and see if she still feels the same way. J I got her good with the pillow skateboard (I'll try and remember to post new pics soon). All she wanted this year was a skateboard, so, instead of a real one, I got her a Tony Hawk pillow skateboard and included the full protective gear in the box!!!!! I thought she was gonna hurt herself laughing! Santa did bring a real skateboard though, so she was pretty excited.
Let's see….New Year's! Well, my New Year's Eve was fairly tame but it was good because I got to see a lot of folks I haven't seen for a while and that always makes me happy. I also played Guitar Hero for the first time EVER!!!! (Have I mentioned that I'm becoming old and that these new fangled games confuse me?????) I am pretty much a guitar loser, but it was still fun to play! Even funnier was watching the kiddo try to play (hand-eye coordination is NOT her strong suit! LOL)! We went home early and watched Mamma Mia! You know, that musical movie based on old Abba songs? Well, trust me when I say that it brings the term "chick flick" to a whole new level of tardness. Yup, it was pretty much a crap movie. If you can honestly believe that Pierce Brosnan is some sort of lovey dovey Abba singer, you're good to go, otherwise, just skip this one folks!!!! I must say, that a new movie called "New In Town" is coming out featuring Renee Zellweger, a business woman who moves from Miami…….to (you guessed it!) New Ulm, Minnesota!!!!! How bizarre is that? Being that I grew up so close to there, I'll definitely be seeing it! (Along with Gran Torino, because let's face it, Clint Eastwood pretty much rawks!)
As far as new year resolutions go, I don't put much stock in them. I prefer to make my resolutions (or goals as I prefer) on my birthday, that day being entirely more significant than the New Year. (Hello! I was BORN then!) I've decided to be more tolerant of other people this year (now WHY does EVERYONE keep LAUGHING when I say that?????). I'm sure we can all think of a time when I was maybe a little less than sensitive in a given situation, so I'm going to work on that. Just remember, I'm not promising miracles, I'm simply going to stop pointing out everyone else's obvious faults! LOL
That's all for now folks! I hope you've enjoyed the epistle!