Which sign are you? (Part 1)
by, October 7th, 2008 at 01:20 PM (242 Views)
This post was too big to throw out there, so I broke it into two parts. I thought this was fun to read, its almost 100% for me!
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20) --
Just as I was writing this one, my Capricorn friend proceeds to call me...Capricorns are psychic by accident. They have no idea that fates smile on them from time to time...they just accept it and move on. You can turn on a Cappie just by breathing on them. They are strong and responsible and have dignity. But they are too easy to turn on sometimes. And watch out when they are horny...whoever is in the room better have protection. They are natural screamers and leave bite marks. They like sex a lot as a favorite past time. Usually during commercial breaks is perfect. Its nothing for a Cappie to fuck seven or eight times during commercial breaks in an hour long T.V. Show. They like to do it in the shower...on the furniture...on other peoples furniture...on other peoples beds...Cars...Tents...boats....yep, if they are in the mood...it could be at the Presidentís inauguration...get ready for some nookie!
They love to bite. They might seem at first sight of them rather cold and insensitive.
But when they warm up? There is no stopping them. They like to have the back of their knees licked.
They live for tongue massages. They think porno is just SILLY...who thought THAT up? But they will watch it to see if they are missing anything. Give them dim lighting, a roaring fireplace and a nice bottle of wine...you might as well reconcile yourself to the fact that you better leave the phones off for the entire weekend and order food in. They like to play games...as long as they are in charge.
This is a misunderstood sign...they can be very kinky. As long as it is with people they love.
Aquarius (Jan. 21- Feb. 19) --
MY favorite sluts are Aquarius. Why? Itís because if you don't expect anything in return, you won't be disappointed. Sounds easy, huh? They will get under your skin though, so beware. It's easy to be hurt by an Aquarius because they don't want you to know what they are thinking. If they are silent but you are in the room with them...chances are they are in heavy thought. But don't worry; chances are they are thinking about you...and fifteen other things. Water bearers look at sex like it is a form of recess. They can turn you on by simply walking in the room. They are the Rain Man of the Zodiac. They give too much of themselves to others that don't give a shit...then get shy to those that care about them. Go figure. They like kinky. They are easy going. To them, it's a learning experience. Male Aquarians like to tease and live life in a fantasy world. Female Aquarians can't masturbate enough...Males never get the chance to masturbate because everybody wants a piece of them. They like their ankles nibbled. They love back massages. Their ultimate adventure is the "But we might get caught" game. They will fuck wherever they run the risk of being seen or found by another lover. Don't expect faithfulness from these creatures...it's just not in their DNA. They are open minded to the point that anything shiny will derail their train of thought. Fucking while standing or leaning is a plus here. Fuck with their mind and they will follow you anywhere. They enjoy being fucked in groups of three. Think being Jack Nicholson in bed with the three Witches of Eastwick. This is a Aquarian dream. They need you to make the first move. Not to be dominated. But to bring them back to earth now and again for a little physical fun time. They get lost in the clouds a lot. Don't derail from your personal pleasure course; however, otherwise you will be just talking to them all night. This can be stimulating just as well too. Beware! They are the flirts and teases from HELL! Never take one on a trip to a Home Depot when you are both horny. This can lead to nasty things.
Pisces (Feb. 20- Mar. 20) --
Get out the boots - Stiletto heels - foot creams and panty hose...here come da fishies! They are the LEADERS in foot fetish. Masturbation in shoes? Okay. Toe masturbation...bring it on! They love using their feet.
Suck on a Pisceans toes and SEE what happens!
Fucking in the water and see them squirm. Pisces have probably done it in a sex swing. Or at least considered how strong the ceiling beams are on their house to put one in. Pisces men break furniture when they fuck...things get flung everywhere.
Pisces can be turned on by the weirdest things...Trains...Water fountains...Jump rope...Whatever. They are the sirens calling you to the beach where you will end up on your back on a towel with water all over you and not wanting it to stop.
I have heard it said that itís the Pisces that will cross the darker kinky side at least once...just to say "YEP. Did that. Not that great" OR "What do you MEAN you never......" SAM from sex and the city should be a Pisces. These babes are perfectionists. You will have a perfect orgasm with them...so will they. In fact, they strive for perfection in everything they do...it's all in the details for them. There will not be ONE hair out of place with a Pisces. All of their fetish jewelry will match a specific whip or dress or shoes. EVERYTHING MUST MATCH! I have one Pisces friend that has nipple tassels that match for every pair of underwear and whip that she owns! NO SHIT! You might think they are shy! HA! They are just planning something. I had a Pisces Friend (Same Pisces friend with the matching tassels by the way) who was at a nudist beach in Brazil (You will always find a Pisces at a beach...its inbred in them) A middle aged man in his early 50's or so came up to her and immediately saw her body and BABING! got a hard on!
Not feeling shocked in any way, shape or form, she walked right up to him and put her hand on his cock for a moment , then with her same hand took her sunglasses off , looked him RIGHT in the eye and said "DAHLING, your erection is SUPERB!" and she walked off never to see him again.
You never can tell what the hell a Pisces will do, but I guarantee that it will be SUPERB!
SECRET: Pisces women fall for a man that can wear a high heel and garter. And look good
Aries (March 21- April 20)--
LIVES for head massages. ANY part of their head: Lips, Eyelids, Eyes, Tongue, you name it! Aries also likes to fuck in public places during business hours. You need to be open minded with an Aries...If you don't feel like being duct taped to a wall and beaten with live ferrets: Tell Them. Be warned! IF you don't want to be kinky, don't be with an Aries. If you say 'No' too often to them you may lose them as a lover forever.
Aries Idea of Heaven Is: Participating in live sex shows for money. Having their favorite human toy win first place in a pony boy/girl race. Fucking as an art form on display in a gallery. They secretly crave to be strippers or Annie Sprinkle. Aries LIVES to be jealous...they also like to coordinate other people fucking. Secretly desire to be fluffers. Aries owned a Violet Wand before it was popular. They are also Sadists. The best gift to give an Aries is designer colored nylon rope in their favorite color.. They live to tease and torture...HEY...Somebody's gotta do it, right? They like hair pulling. Beware of their 'toy' collections. Don't tease them...they will rape you. They love pony boys and girls...I cannot emphasize this enough! They like it doggie style especially if they are steering. Give an Aries 100 feet of rope and a 250 dollar flogger, they will follow. As long as they get to be the one holding the handle.
Taurus (April 21 - May 21)--
Don't tease them. It will only piss them off. Taureans are realists. If you say that you are horny: Prepare to be fucked. Taureans are heavy indulgers, though. All forms of indulgence: Sex-drugs-wine-food...whatever their vice may be: they simply cannot get enough. They do not believe in moderation. They will fuck until they are sore. Taurus likes to have sex just for the sake of having sex. What they lack in originality, they make up for in stamina and endurance. Okay...so they may not be into bondage, okay? But they WILL lick you until you have at least three orgasms or until you pass out...whichever comes first. Taurus uses their tongue for EVERYTHING...and I mean that. They love to lick people in whipped cream, alcohol, chocolate, flesh and candy??? Bring it on! Caution: They are looking for a relationship so be kind to them.
They also have a BIG wet thing for scent. Sometimes they don't want a lover to bathe before sex. Or you may find them shagginí in a garden or a greenhouse...to smell the dirt: After all, they are Earth signs.