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DamagedGoods

Cover Letters. I Hates Them.

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by
DamagedGoods
, April 25th, 2012 at 09:30 AM (1619 Views)
I hate writing cover letters. Hate it.

I know; next I'll be telling you I hate the dentist, long lines, telemarketers, stubbing my toe, being cut off, or one of any number of extremely common pet peeves. (And oh dear god do I.)

Yet, I rather enjoy writing. Usually I'm writing to myself. Sure, I write as though I'm addressing some anonymous audience, but in reality it's me I'm writing to. I don't expect others will want to read what I write, but I'm just curious enough as to whether others WILL read it, to post things like this publicly. I'm one part self-deprecating introvert, and one part lime-light seeking narcissist. I like to blame it on being an only child, among other things. I'm used to being alone, and at the same time I'm used to being the centre of attention.

The trouble is, I hate selling myself, at least in words. I prefer to demonstrate. I can tell you that I am a pretty good artist. I can draw well. I've got a good sense of proportion and shading. I can use a pencil to make images that look pretty damned close to the original source for the subject. I can shade in a way that gives shape and definition to the subject. I could go on, but NONE of that is as convincing as this:



Essentially, the same goes for cover letters. I can write about whether I can do the job, how well I learn, and the like. But it's all just boasting without a physical demonstration. The only thing I can really prove with the cover letter is my grasp of spelling, grammar and language. Which certainly is helpful, but doesn't exactly set me apart from the competition.

Again, I HATE selling myself. I suck at it. I can barely accept compliments from strangers who have seen what I can do without getting flustered, let alone complimenting myself. In my experience, there are people who talk about how great they are, and people who show it, and rarely do the two combine. I second guess myself when I try to write cover letters. I read and read and read samples online, I look for good ones and bad ones. Often I find what one site strongly advises, another recommends strongly against. Then I try my hand. Then I sit there reading it and wondering.

Do I sound too formal?

Do I sound too personal?

Was that cheesy? Boastful? Salesy?

I don't want to sound like an automaton. I want to sound like me, but I'm afraid sounding like "me" will be sounding unprofessional. I want to sound human.

I'm just going to start writing what comes into my head and woe unto the poor HR person. I will probably end up as an example on one of those advice sites about what not to do.

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Comments

  1. Dakota Valkyrie's Avatar
    Keep it simple and to the point. I never wrote one more than 3 paragraphs with one or two lines each. Just enough to let them know what the hell they were supposed to do with the attached resume and the obligatory schmooze of thanking them for looking at it.

    Of course, if they didn't hire me. I would have had a different idea of what they could do with the resume.
  2. TheMeaningOfItAll's Avatar
    Dakota's right. At my last place of employment, my boss used to sit around and mock the cover letters and resumes we would receive when there was a job opening. Make sure you use a "normal" e-mail address (i.e. damagedgoods@Gmail.com is NOT good) and keep it simple. Like DV said, just a few lines of the "I am confident my skills/experience...blah blah blah" usually work. They are just going to skim the cover letter anyhow, looking for blatant red flags. It will be your resume that will keep you competitive. Good luck! The picture is beautiful, btw.
  3. Saffron's Avatar
    I hate them too, you took the thoughts out of my head... It doesn't help that I'm so burned out on writing/editing, I can't sound like I give a shit about any job I'm actually qualified to do. I could do anything anyone paid me to do as long as it was interesting in some way or required research or problem solving but no one will hire me as anything but a writer or editor. Sigh.

    I just recently got a new grown-up email address for the job search market. It makes me feel older than I am to tell people my email now... I'm used to everyone but geeks and nerds saying "WTF?" when I tell it to people. Sigh.
  4. malq's Avatar
    Fuck cover letters, send them a video bomb and lay it on the line. They will love you or hate you for it.

    Taking compliments is not comfortable for most people, but appreciated nonetheless.
    That sentence being written, use this paragraph as an example as to what not to put in a cover letter.
    As a side notelove your art though.. Someday when you get big and forget us, I will still have an original DG.
  5. VXIII's Avatar
    Go online, search for a few sample cover letters, chsange it aroun to fit your personality and goals, youd be suprised how a little sample can get your creative juices flowing, an its NOT cheating...
  6. JGo555's Avatar
    If there is one thing I believe is that I can not be a sales person. Why? Because I can not sell something I do not believe in. And you better motherfucking believe I AM THE GIRL FOR THE JOB & YOU NEED ME DAMN IT!

    Other than that, you are completely right. Although you just taught me a new term for "resumé", "cover letters".

    What you are struggling with here is something I have been thinking about these past weeks:

    MODESTY.

    Your parents taught you well. And so did mine.

    They taught us that you have to be modest. That you can not brag about yourself, that it's wrong and very superficial & mean to others to boast about your achievements & yet when you grow up it is exactly what you are supposed to do to get a good job or to get whatever has to be earned while competing against others. How fucked up is that!? We are fighting the guilt of having to do this even in paper. So what do we do? We minimalize it in paper because it apeases the guilt enough for us to seem nonthreathening in that horrible narcississtic way that people tend to push away & want nothing to do.

    *Shrugs*

    It's ok, because you completely have a meltdown (it's not nerves but guilt disguised as nerves) when you get a damned interview. You wear you best clothes to prove you ARE the professional you know you are but the "nerves"/guilt make you be all shy & not offer anything until you are asked. And only, just ONLY if they ask you a follow up question to your yes & no answer will you offer more of yourself for them to know you.

    So I guess it's a:

    Thank you & FUCK YOU, mom & dad.