Gritting Teeth, Feeling Fine
by, April 30th, 2010 at 04:35 AM (324 Views)
This is largely an inconsequential blog, about nothing...a true blog. Just a mini rant...just got home to a girl opening her shirt for me for a second time after I told her no, and I thought...why? Why am I telling her no?
A few hours later, I thought...let's blog. Fuck it. I'm a sucker for a good whore, and I've been a little inspired as of late.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EknaGJ0yBAk&feature=related"]YouTube- Drake Ft. Kanye West, Lil Wayne & Eminem - Forever (Original Lyrics)[/ame]
Driving down the highway fast, too fast, just got everything back under control, fucking POLICE FREE, COURT FREE, and I'm fucking hauling down the highway, because I'm sick of the bullshit, sick of all of it, and I'm thinking, I gotta finish this shit so I can get out. I knew getting into this goddamn project would keep me here too long, and it is. Too damn long.
Meanwhile, I've crashed into a low, no truck, no place, no money, lots of legal bullshit clearing up eating up any income; I'm getting shit from motherfuckers telling me they love me, my friends, all these motherfuckers telling me I fucked this up, fucked that up, and that they're losing respect for me because I'm coming apart at the seems...shit. I motherfucking lose my house, my kids are staying with their mom and don't get to see me as much because of that, I stay with fucking family I hate again, I'm living out of a truck half the goddamn time, and you want to tell me you are losing respect, and you want to talk to me like I'm a clown and say you care or love me in the same sentence...I told that goddamn motherfucker of a friend two weeks ago, when he looked me in the eye and said he's losing respect, I said...I'm coming back. I had to dig, man...had to dig my way out of a lot of legal troubles, and yeah, I dug in there, but I'm digging out, and when you respect me again, I wonder....will I respect you?
Two weeks later. I've got pussy coming out of my pockets again, got my kids almost the entire time, staying at a peaceful place, getting my shit going, and Busty Christy coming around late at night telling me she wants an affair, Tina at work telling me she loves me and my evil games, and a student to be emailing me every day telling me how "fascinated" she is with me, wow, girlie, like I hadn't heard [I]that[/I] shit before! Got a bitch hitting me up in the private messages on goddamn Facebook of all places telling me she's just now hearing about the sex I had with another girl, and how she is suddenly "curious", and not sure about me. For fuck's sake, bitch, come out and say it already. You want it. I tell her, I say, let me tell you my version. Because if you're going to step forward, let me tell you what, I'm going to have you on your stomach, fucking you in your asshole, grabbing your hair and yanking it out of your fucking head, bitch, and Im gonna hit you across your face with an open palm, and I'm going to make you suck my tongue with your head yanked back as I'm driving myself into your fucking hole, and you'll eat my spit first, and my cum second...because that's what I did with her, girl, and all of a sudden you're "curious"...
But I'm "different" now....motherfuck that.
"Oh Jesse", Jon says...."you're just jumping down everyone's throat. You're a mess....I know you're down, but I'm kinda losing respect for you. You've always been an easy lay, but now you're an easy love. Is it because you're down on yourself?"
Un fucking real. Because I'm poor, because my business is gone, because I don't have my house anymore---did this motherfucker forget I built a goddamn business that was bringing home 2k a fucking week from a goddamn 200 dollar check!??? DID HE FORGET WHAT I CAN DO!??? And these bitches who say they love me, telling me I fucked up my life and they didn't, and that being in love with me is fucking trivial, well let me show you trivial....because you want to call me a fucking loser? You want to insinuate it in the same breath you say you care about me? I never had a mom and dad put me through college. I never had anyone help me.
What I've done, GOOD AND BAD, I've done by myself, I've built from SCRATCH, and asking if I'm falling in love because I'm [I]down[/I]. What, because of my fucking reputation, I'm not allowed to LOVE!? All of a sudden love becomes weakness, but alas, the person Im in love with thinks love IS weak, and means nothing! Maybe she's right. Maybe it means shit, and I'll treat it as such...let me say this....I'm inspired now. Because my "people" who love me have called me a joke. Turned their back in my darkest hour...funny...I got a call tonight, asking for some from the same guy. TOld em I would...first thing on my order, is stiff him right when he needs me. Be fucking absent, and when he asks me why, I might break his fucking jaw. And here I got these bitches telling me they adore me, and they think Im so hot, and how brilliant I am, and how intrigues they are, and here I am, holding out for what. Why do I treat them like they don't exist. Are they fake? Sure. Would they turn their backs?
Because I was down. Seeing me like this was ugly, for people used to seeing me in control, and now...wow...fuck you. I'm in control again. And I swear to God, if I ever have a chance to fuck you over, I will. I will stick you DEEP, man. And I will not look back.
You caught me at my lowest, and you chose to point that out. You chose not to give me a hand, but to point it out. You chose...not to help. The offers had to be prompted...I'll continue doing it myself...and when I get there, because the train is moving again, man, the train is moving, and I'm back on, and in just two weeks, I've turned shit around, and in just two or three more months, I'm going to be in LA, with a goddamn PROFESSIONAL FILM to my name...not some student BULLSHIT. I'm going to use, going to step on, and manipulate who I have to to get there, and goddammit, when I do, I will fucking SPIT on everyone who fucking doubted me. And I will rub it in their faces every chance I get.
Nothing inspires like revenge.
You all had a chance to help. You didn't. I never......ever......forget.
Back in the game. I haven't been around, because I've fucking crashed....but it's fixed. Back in...and wow, I see who was there....I see who was there....not a goddamn soul.
Fuck you all.
I can't wait to serve this shit cold....and how great is this, I'm greeted by all kinds of stupid whores waiting to tell me how wonderful I am. It's almost like God is saying....welcome back, asshole. It's been too long.
Don't mind if I do.....Full fucking speed. Full motherfucking speed. Fueled by bitterness...no better fuel, in my opinion.
Got a babe my heart's stuck to, got some hot whores that are lining up after a drought, because nothing ever comes in moderation, it always rains, or you got shit.
Right now...it's beginning to rain. I've got options...and the film's about to roll...ticket to LA calling my name.