Over-reaction or Justified Opinion?
by, December 15th, 2009 at 10:58 PM (318 Views)
My daughter is 11 and due to the small size of our community and schools, she attends a high school that is more technically termed a literal junior high, with 6th through 12th grades. This is the first year that they've had 6th graders there--they did have K-6th at the elementary with 7-12 at the high school.
To explain a little more why I'm "allowing" this rather than doing whatever I can to keep her away from 18-year-old kids, when I talk about how small our community is, I really mean it's small. We have population signs posted at the village limits (and yes, it's actually termed a VILLAGE), and ours has 746 total population. Our schools, both elementary and high school, serve ONLY this community. So out of 746 total population, give or take a few who moved or were born out of census years, our schools only house the kids of those population. Our graduating classes have less than 50 members.
So you can hopefully see why I actually love our community.
So anyway, this year there are tons of drama in the girls of Rylie's class. So much so that it's driving me absolutely nut-fuck bonkers in trying to teach my own little drama queen how to deal maturely with not-so-mature classmates. It gets pretty rough because I apparently have problems talking tweenie talk in ways that translate to their little tweenie ears. I love my daughter more than anything, and sometimes the differences between us fascinate me, but other times they drive me up the wall in a crying, jangling mess.
In the meantime, during these trials and tribulations, I encourage her to talk with her guidance counselor who is apparently filling a much bigger role nowadays than my old GCs did. They're really "interactive" and constantly meeting with the kids to discuss how things are going socially, academically, and blah blah blah. Mine only met with us once in our school careers, and that was to fulfill what I think was a requirement to check what we were going to do with the rest of our lives.
I was happy about this new breed of GC at first, and still am in most ways. But lately I've been wondering how great the GC really is because of concerns of confidentiality. Now, when I encourage Rylie to talk to her GC, I encourage her to trust the person, to even perhaps talk about stuff she wouldn't feel comfortable talking with me about. Even though I emphasize that I am ALWAYS available, and even though I am as neutral as possible (i.e. I'm not going to give her full clemency if she confesses something really bad, but will take that confession into consideration). I just mostly want Rylie to have a set of adults that she can always depend on, to hopefully cover all those dangerous areas. And I'm not as unselfish as it sounds--I want her to trust adults that I have "power" over, as in being able to go to that adult and ask what my daughter is saying, and get the answers.
But in the last couple weeks, this GC has been meeting with Rylie and the others like normal, and talking over the politics, rumors, and problems like usual. My problem is that she has mentioned to Rylie that she's had "lots" of "phone calls" and "complaints" about particular girls and classmates. I do not think this is right, or fair, and I do NOT want Rylie to talk to this person now, because I don't trust her. I'm considering even talking to the school about her, which is mortifying Rylie of course, and my gentle-mannered husband is disgusted with my confrontational ways, but I'm not sure it's good to let this go without mentioning what is going on.
So what do you think? Are there any confidentiality laws regarding school counselors and the kids? I know that there are medical laws in place to protect information to the point of lunacy. I just think that by telling one student that another is getting complaints by others is not a good thing. I would not want to know that she is telling others that Rylie is getting a lot of complaints if the situation were reversed. I'm also semi-acquainted with the parents of the other girls that she has talked about to Rylie, and I feel a little guilty in not telling them what has been said. I also do not want to cause more problems, though, by trying to STOP rumors and bad feelings from heresay.
Argh. I always wanted a girl when I was pregnant, and for the first time am thinking that a boy would be so much easier. This year has been a nightmare of puberty and cat fights.