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View Full Version : A very screwed up situation aka My moral dilemma


Horrorholic
November 7th, 2007, 08:53 PM
So, I was at a show last night with some friends (Poison The Well) and, after discussing a situation that we have all been "in the know" about, we realized what a huge dilemma we had on our hands. And, although this situation Im about to explain sounds a bit immature, I genuinely wanted to know what you guys thought once I lay down all the facts and my take on it. Its kind of a long story so bear with me.

My friend Josh has been dating this girl Amanda for quite some time, since the summer of 2002 or there about. They broke up briefly in early 2003 when he decided he liked this other girl (who was chud-fucking-ugly)but now denies that was his reason. Whatever.

Summer of last year they decided to move in together. This is also around the time when he turned into a full fledged alcoholic (I know a lot of you guys drink and I'm not condoning that but this guy has a serious problem... apparently, going to the hospital for alcohol poisoning did not help him realize he had one:( Needless to say, Im worried about him in that respect). After they moved in, I noticed he started to not like her so much. The only reason I felt they were together anymore was a) they lived together and that would be awkward and b) he could always go home and fuck her (Though he constantly reminded us that she wasn't that good and he wanted to fuck someone good before they got married). Bottom line: he doesn't really like her anymore and he doesn't need to say it, its pretty obvious. To make matters worse, I watched her go from being worried about his alcohol problem to joining him and putting on about 20 pounds. She has absolutely no back bone and no friends besides for us, which is kind of sad considering she doesn't really talk to us, she just sits there.

I also want to throw in here that me and him had a falling out about a year or two ago when he kept canceling on plans at the last minute until it built up to the point where I yelled and cursed until there was nothing left to say (And, normally, I don't do stuff like that so I surmise he found this generally shocking). Eventually, he apologized and we went back to being friends, even though I think he is kind of a mess.

Well, after trying college out and not liking it, aka he couldn't be bothered to wake up early in the morning to go to class and was more happy working at Steak N' Shake as a waiter while his girlfriend is getting her BFA in graphic design, he decided that the military was the way to go. After training for a while so he could pass the health test to get in, he signed up under the promise they made about them training him to fly a helicopter right away (To which I said, "You've got to be kidding me... it takes years of training to be able to do that!"). Well, a few weeks before he left for boot camp, we went to the movies and he brought this girl with him named Heather. Heather, I think, is quite hideous and brought little conversation to the table. After asking if that was his new girlfriend, he said, "No, Im still with Amanda. She's just a friend." Ok, no biggie, though I found it weird that from that time on, Amanda never did anything with us when that girl was there.

Well, the night before he left for boot camp, we all went out to eat and someone made a real weird comment about him and Heather, while she was sitting at the table, cheeks brightly blushed, to which he said to me, "I'll tell you about it later." Never happened. Amanda did not show up that night because he said he told her he wanted to be with his friends on his last night and would be spending the day with her tomorrow.

After he left, I started having lunch with his girlfriend on Thursdays, since we both have a break in between classes at the same time. We were talking about the new Resident Evil movie when I asked how come she didn't come to watch it with me, Josh and Heather. She gave me a really blank look and said, "No one invited me." Wow. Then, she asked about her, to which I responded she was really ugly and stupid.

So, every week or so, Amanda sends me a Myspace message or comment asking about lunch for that week. And I noticed something really weird... Heather and Amanda had become friends. At first, I thought it was odd, seeing as they had never met and I had no idea how they found each other. Also, it was weird seeing how bad their love triangle looked, though no one could really say whether anything happened or not. It just looked suspicious.

Well, last night, I mention this at the show and the guys I was with, Brandon and Patrick, start laughing uncontrollably. "Oh, its real funny!" they said. Apparently, the comment made at the restaurant the night before he left was about the party the previous weekend. Josh and Heather had sex, under Josh's assumption that "she'll never see me again anyway. Im going into the army in three days and no one will ever know. Its the greatest plan ever!!11!!!111!!1!"

Now, these two girls are best friends and he comes home in a month, to a surprise welcome home party that both of these girls are attending. Now, this could be the funniest thing I'll ever see in my life, though I can't help but feel really bad for Amanda. In fact, all of us feel really bad, seeing as while I was not at this party, everyone told him it was an awful idea before they did it. The question lies here...

Should one of us say something to this poor girl, so she doesn't involuntarily get embarrassed and devastated behind her wildest dreams at this party? There's a million things going through our minds at this point...

-On one hand, what he did was a real scumbag thing. They had talked about getting married and although he always talked shit about sleeping with something else, I also though it was just that: talking shit. None of us like this other chick. And, although Im friends with this guy, I really can't help but feel like an accomplice. I'm great at keeping secrets but this one is really getting to me for some reason.

- On the other hand, I could just say its none of my business, even though I would feel awful. She would be devastated beyond belief and, I shit you not, would probably attempt suicide if someone told her, so maybe its not the wisest situation. Hell, maybe her and this girl will become such good friends that they'll end up talking about it...

So, what about it everyone?

Mr_Vindictive
November 7th, 2007, 09:26 PM
Hate to say it man, but I would stay out of it. It sounds harsh, but the guy did this to himself. He got himself into the mess and it shouldn't be up to his friends to sort his life out for him.

If he didn't like his girlfriend then he should have ended it despite the fact that they live together. Donging some random chick is never a good idea either and always leads to issues, especially when already in a relationship. That is a lesson that some of us have to learn the hard way.

I wouldn't tell the girlfriend about it. If her and the other girl are friends then it will hopefully work itself out. I have a feeling that the girlfriend will eventually get sick of him and at that point the other girl will tell her what happened. They'll both have something to be pissed at him about and all will be well.

So, leave it alone. It's his deal and he is the one that caused the problem. Sounds like the guy needs to have a good kick in the ass and get his shit sorted out.

Killroy
November 7th, 2007, 09:28 PM
None of your business. Enjoy the party.

Horrorholic
November 7th, 2007, 09:34 PM
Enjoy the party.
Regardless of what happens, I will definitely be doing that. I plan on bringing a video camera :lol:

Killroy
November 7th, 2007, 09:38 PM
Regardless of what happens, I will definitely be doing that. I plan on bringing a video camera :lol:

PLEASE. I just checked out Josh's, Amanda's and Heather's Myspace pages. Should be interesting.

ZombieBabe
November 7th, 2007, 09:54 PM
Phew!

A few questions before I begin - have you developed any sort of feelings for Amanda since you've been lunching with her? To the best of your knowledge, has she been faithful to him the whole time he's been gone? Does Heather know that she fucked her friend's boyfriend? The way you made it sound, Amanda and Heather didn't become friends until after whats-his-face left for boot camp. It is entirely possible that Josh was nothing more than a fling to Heather, and she hasn't even brought him up to Amanda. Although, Amanda had to have mentioned her boyfriend Josh a time or two in conversations with Heather, which might have led Heather to bring up the Josh she had sex with recently.

Do you see what I'm saying? I'll wait for answers before I dole out my "astute" wisdom. :rolleyes:

AnalBreeze
November 7th, 2007, 10:02 PM
I say stay out of it but be there to help pick up the pieces, If needed! :D

Horrorholic
November 7th, 2007, 10:06 PM
Phew!
A few questions before I begin - have you developed any sort of feelings for Amanda since you've been lunching with her?
Nah. I mean, I don't think she's ugly or anything. But, no. I would say I am better friends with her now though.

To the best of your knowledge, has she been faithful to him the whole time he's been gone?
Oh yeah. Like I said, she co-dependent on him. She eats, sleeps and breathes him. She has very little social skills so I can't imagine she really could, even if she had the opportunity to.

Does Heather know that she fucked her friend's boyfriend? The way you made it sound, Amanda and Heather didn't become friends until after whats-his-face left for boot camp. It is entirely possible that Josh was nothing more than a fling to Heather, and she hasn't even brought him up to Amanda. Although, Amanda had to have mentioned her boyfriend Josh a time or two in conversations with Heather, which might have led Heather to bring up the Josh she had sex with recently.

That's what we're all a little unclear on. I can't imagine she didn't know. I think they had seen each other at a party once but had never hung out or anything like that. They never saw each other again until now as far as we know. Heather had to have known though. The impressions I get is that everyone knows this happened except for Amanda and now that this other girl is befriending her, maybe it'll come out into the open on accident. I mean, both of the relationships in this story have a huge lie keeping them together so... it'll get found out eventually.

Mr_Vindictive
November 7th, 2007, 10:14 PM
After reading Killroy's post, I did the same. I checked out your buddy's myspace page and noticed that Heather is in his top friends list while Amanda is not. I found Amanda's page via his comments so I'm highly surprised that his fling is in his top friends but his girlfriend/roommate is not. Wtf?

I would kill to see exactly how he tries to handle the situation at the party. I can only imagine the look that'll be on his face.

ZombieBabe
November 7th, 2007, 11:15 PM
the impressions I get is that everyone knows this happened except for AmandaOuch!

How bad would it suck if you burnt the bridge with Josh? At this point, knowing what you know, you either plead the fifth on EVERYTHING, or you torch your escape route.

My ultimate advice would be to grill Heather like a side of pig (pun intended). Pull her aside and ask if she knows that she slept with Amanda's boyfriend. You need to establish this. NOW!

Report back. We'll go from here. When does Josh come back?

Horrorholic
November 7th, 2007, 11:24 PM
Ouch!
No kidding. I almost wish I wasn't friends with her so I wouldn't feel guilty.

How bad would it suck if you burnt the bridge with Josh? At this point, knowing what you know, you either plead the fifth on EVERYTHING, or you torch your escape route.
I'm more worried about it screwing up the friendships I have with other people than ours. Its almost gotten to the point where he asks me for advice and says, "No, Im going to do it this way." Its one of those friendships where its only great half of the time.

My ultimate advice would be to grill Heather like a side of pig (pun intended). Pull her aside and ask if she knows that she slept with Amanda's boyfriend. You need to establish this. NOW!
Well, I never talk to the girl, nor had I planned to, seeing as I didn't really enjoy her the first time around. But, Ill find out someway or another!

Report back. We'll go from here. When does Josh come back?
He comes back on 12/14. Same day I graduate. :)

swivel
November 8th, 2007, 06:01 AM
The best advice is Killroy's, stay out of the way. Your friend sounds dumb enough to engineer his own demise.


However, what I would personally do to speed up that demise so that I could watch it happen live and in person: I would make sure to be the first person to get to your friend at the party (wait until the party to do this) and just go up to him, wrap him up in a big hug, and whisper in his ear, "Dude, the girls know and they have something awful planned to get you back. I've been covering for you, dude, and I'm trying to act cool and figure out what they are up to, but watch your back."

Walk away and enjoy the show.

Horrorholic
January 12th, 2008, 06:56 PM
Wow, I totally forgot about this...

Anyway, Josh came home as planned but I missed the whole argument.

I saw him on the 15th, when we were suppose to have a party for him. Unfortunately, the house we were going to party at got robbed the night before so they didn't want to have anything there... since there was practically nothing in the house. We ended up going over there at the last minute and just watched TV and had a few beers. Heather was MIA. I am pissed that there was no awesome argument to video tape but I have to say... God was definitely smiling upon him.

On Christmas, I get a phone call from him saying that him and Amanda just got engaged. We all went out to see AVP:R that night and when the two of them were waiting in line, the rest of us were joking about what would happen if Heather showed up to their wedding.

Well, I saw him a couple more times before he left, the last time being on New Years Eve. Amanda had to run home for a minute so I asked Josh, "WTF happened to Heather? I haven't seen her since you've been back. Amanda hasn't seen her since you've been home?" To which he replies, "I told Amanda that we had something going and that she was trying to seduce me (or some shit like that). So, she stopped talking to her. Of course, I didn't tell her everything."

What.The.Fuck.

Dude seriously has his girlfriend brainwashed and is the luckiest man alive to make a clean getaway like that.

Hippiepoet
January 13th, 2008, 01:25 PM
Okay being a bitch that hates to be lied too and won't fucking lie to my partner....been there done it, and had it done. I'm all for just fucking telling the chick the shit or get the fuck out of the situation totally. It is a bitch to be fucked over, plain and simple. I do not understand why peeps have such a hard goddamn time being honest.

malq
November 6th, 2008, 01:06 AM
I've seen these things over and over. My experience is, the minute you get involved, nothing good comes of it and it is all ,or mostly your fault.
glad you waited patiently, things have a way of working out.
Cheers

brokenandtwisted
November 6th, 2008, 07:05 PM
Okay being a bitch that hates to be lied too and won't fucking lie to my partner....been there done it, and had it done. I'm all for just fucking telling the chick the shit or get the fuck out of the situation totally. It is a bitch to be fucked over, plain and simple. I do not understand why peeps have such a hard goddamn time being honest.

By being honest you admit your faults Hippie. A lot of people won't do that.