Killroy
August 3rd, 2007, 01:47 PM
Over and over and over again...this site gets hit for a stupid 'review' I did almost three years ago for Cheerleader Autopsy. It wasn't even a review as much as it was a big-ass spoiler with me trying to be funny (hey, I make me laugh). Well, as some of our longtime members may remember, all 3 of them, we had a an incident called The Great Purge. This incident pruned a lot of posts...a year and a half worth. The post on Cheerleader Autopsy was one of them. I did some digging around and it seems as if I had a backup of our database from around that time (give or take a few months), and I actually found the 'review' of the movie. I was tempted to clean it up a bit, but decided 'fuck it'...the movie really is soo bad that I already feel bad spending as much time on this post as I already have.
So, here is the original Cheerleader Autopsy post.
Cheerleader Autopsy
Directors: Stu Dodge
Actors: Marilea Butler, Yoyao Hsueh, Brian C. Smith, Steve Warren
Genres: Horror
DVD Release Date: October 20, 2004
Format: Collectors Edition, Color, Digital Sound, Directors Cut, Dolby, Special Edition, NTSC
Number of discs: 1
Rating: NR
Studio: Sub Rosa Studios, LLC
Run Time: 75 minutes
ASIN: B0000V8GJQ
Plot Synopsis: Unknown
Oh Lord. It does not get any worse than this film. I could go into everything that is wrong with this movie, but it would take way too long, so instead I will just tell you this is as low-budget as it gets. Expect the worse sound, filming, acting, plot etc, etc. So, with that I will just tell you what the movie is about.
The movie starts with the Stickwater High School\'s very own Beaver Cheerleading squad going to the state finals. You first meet the redneck bus driver:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/1hatfart.jpg
and the coach himself:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/2coach.jpg
Ever wonder what happened to the cheerleaders from the Nirvana video "Smells Like Teen Spirit"? Well, not to fear, they found work as the cheerleaders in this movie:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/3smellslikestrippers.jpg
Funny thing...I know of another movie of this calibre that used strippers as their actresses...Gore-Met Chef from Hell.
Anyway, after the cheerleaders get done admiring the tattoo on the ass of a fellow cheerleader:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/4beaver.jpg
(yup, nothing starts out a movie on the right foot than a shot of a pimply ass with a beaver on it.)
The ass in question belongs to this lovely leading lady:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/5skank.jpg
(Watch out Angelina Jolie!!)
Once out to the bus, they each recieve a paddling from the coach for being late, say good bye to the group of people who have come out to support them:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/6ugh.jpg
(I wouldn\'t show my face either)
On the way to the finals, the bus runs into some mechanical difficulties and breaks down on a dirt road. The only person on this dirt road ias a drunk in a lawn chair using a pistol to shoot at bottles:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/7drunk.jpg
The coach makes the stripp...er, cheerleaders get off the bus and start practicing while him and the driver try to fix the bus. What happens next is this:
1. Coach brings driver a gas can
2. Drunk misses bottle, hits bus driver
3. Gas can falls down to the ground
4. Cigarett falls into gas causing explosion
5. Explosion knocks bus out of gear, making it roll backwards??
6. Runs over cheerleaders who cannot escape its path??
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/8um.jpg
The bus driver and the coach were burned to a crisp as well:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/9crispy.jpg
The drunk, thinking that the gun is faulty, accidentally blows his brains out in a special effect achievment worthy of Stan Winston:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/28muppet.jpg
In another part of this universe, a slacker named Blain is explaining to his roommate that they were kicked out of school and that he had an uncle who ran a mortuary. He was going to meet his uncle and start working for him. The mortuary happens to be in the town that the cheerleaders and thier companions were killed in.
Once he and his uncle are acquinted, the get to the business at hand. Turns out that his uncle:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/10uncle.jpg
is not only the local mortition, he is also the sheriff. It also turns out that he sales the bodies of the cadavers to the local dog food company. He is making a killing. He also suffers from no feeling in his legs since a Vietnam incident in which Charlie removed his testicles for lunch:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/14nuts%21.jpg
Also working in this mortuary is Norbert Wiffle. A misfit with a very small dick. He is the janitor who missed out on a college sscholarship after a science fair mishap involving amphibian limp transplants:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/11Wiffle.jpg
The movie then proceeds with Blain and his uncle getting a call to pick up the cheerleaders from the accident mentioned previously. Seems that their bodies were discovered:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/12bodiesonthefloor.jpg
by a redneck and his dog:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/13dogabone.jpg
The bodies are taken to the mortuary where the process of removing the good meat for the dog food company begins. During their inspecting of the bodies, it turns out that one of them is quite well-endowed:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/15holmes.jpg
and another is so pretty to them:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/16skank.jpg
They both get boners:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/17boners.jpg
They also think that one of the bodies is pregnant, so they decide to find out via a urine test. They achieve this by pressing on the dead girls stomach and...well, here...look:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/18urinetest.jpg
Turns out, the girl was pregnant. No need to waste potential dog food, they proceed to remove the baby:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/19itsaboy.jpg
Only to find a second!:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/20itsanother.jpg
They decide to call it a day.
Wiffle has also been up to his own shenanigens. See, while desposing of some of the bodies, he runs across the well endowed one. He decides to remove his own dick and replace it with the one on the corpse. He does this simply buy chopping his off with a meat clever:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/21bobbit.jpg
and then sewing on the other. He goes to sleep a happy man.
The next day, it is business as usual as Blaine and his uncle finish up with the remaining victim. This victim happens to be pimply, beaver ass from the beginning of the movie. Now she has missing legs, a missing arm and half a face:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/22skunk.jpg
Turns out she is not dead. Seeing this, and a possible loss of profits, the uncle tries to kill her with a hammer. This leads to a fight with Blain and his uncle resulting in the uncle accidentally killing himself with his own hammer:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/23clawhammer.jpg
Blain and the girl celebrate by having sex. The girl, not happy with Blains performance, berates him and starts throwing things at him. Blain does what any respectable person would do in that situation and beats her in the face with a bedpan:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/24bedpan.jpg
Blain then discovers Wiffle\'s secret. Wiffle is trying to create a girlfriend using the techniques he onced used on amphibians. He is removing the limbs from one corpse, and placing them on another:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/25corpsegrinder.jpg
This leads to a fight between Blaine and Wiffle in which Blaine knocks Wifflle out. Blaine is then killed by the surprise re-awakening of pimply, beaver ass girl AGAIN. She hits him in the head with an axe:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/26skankaxe.jpg
The movie ends with Wiffle being a famous genious of some sort and arriving at a one night only book signing. He gets out of the car and helps his date out of the car. The date turns out to be none other than Blaine...with pimply, beaver ass skank girl\'s voice??
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/27blainebitch.jpg
The End
Ok, there is really nothing left to say. This movie is not funny, not disgusting, not dark, not anything. America\'s Funniest Home Video submissions have higher production values. Stay away from this one...seriously. The only reason why I can see that this was made, was because someone got ahold of some knock-off Real Sex Dolls and then got high.
Funny thing, if you go to IMDB and look up this film, no one but two people are actually listed as starring in it. Talk about bad.
Ok...so there it is. Now, whenever someone finds this site because of this damn movie, there will be an actual post for it.
So, here is the original Cheerleader Autopsy post.
Cheerleader Autopsy
Directors: Stu Dodge
Actors: Marilea Butler, Yoyao Hsueh, Brian C. Smith, Steve Warren
Genres: Horror
DVD Release Date: October 20, 2004
Format: Collectors Edition, Color, Digital Sound, Directors Cut, Dolby, Special Edition, NTSC
Number of discs: 1
Rating: NR
Studio: Sub Rosa Studios, LLC
Run Time: 75 minutes
ASIN: B0000V8GJQ
Plot Synopsis: Unknown
Oh Lord. It does not get any worse than this film. I could go into everything that is wrong with this movie, but it would take way too long, so instead I will just tell you this is as low-budget as it gets. Expect the worse sound, filming, acting, plot etc, etc. So, with that I will just tell you what the movie is about.
The movie starts with the Stickwater High School\'s very own Beaver Cheerleading squad going to the state finals. You first meet the redneck bus driver:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/1hatfart.jpg
and the coach himself:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/2coach.jpg
Ever wonder what happened to the cheerleaders from the Nirvana video "Smells Like Teen Spirit"? Well, not to fear, they found work as the cheerleaders in this movie:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/3smellslikestrippers.jpg
Funny thing...I know of another movie of this calibre that used strippers as their actresses...Gore-Met Chef from Hell.
Anyway, after the cheerleaders get done admiring the tattoo on the ass of a fellow cheerleader:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/4beaver.jpg
(yup, nothing starts out a movie on the right foot than a shot of a pimply ass with a beaver on it.)
The ass in question belongs to this lovely leading lady:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/5skank.jpg
(Watch out Angelina Jolie!!)
Once out to the bus, they each recieve a paddling from the coach for being late, say good bye to the group of people who have come out to support them:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/6ugh.jpg
(I wouldn\'t show my face either)
On the way to the finals, the bus runs into some mechanical difficulties and breaks down on a dirt road. The only person on this dirt road ias a drunk in a lawn chair using a pistol to shoot at bottles:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/7drunk.jpg
The coach makes the stripp...er, cheerleaders get off the bus and start practicing while him and the driver try to fix the bus. What happens next is this:
1. Coach brings driver a gas can
2. Drunk misses bottle, hits bus driver
3. Gas can falls down to the ground
4. Cigarett falls into gas causing explosion
5. Explosion knocks bus out of gear, making it roll backwards??
6. Runs over cheerleaders who cannot escape its path??
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/8um.jpg
The bus driver and the coach were burned to a crisp as well:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/9crispy.jpg
The drunk, thinking that the gun is faulty, accidentally blows his brains out in a special effect achievment worthy of Stan Winston:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/28muppet.jpg
In another part of this universe, a slacker named Blain is explaining to his roommate that they were kicked out of school and that he had an uncle who ran a mortuary. He was going to meet his uncle and start working for him. The mortuary happens to be in the town that the cheerleaders and thier companions were killed in.
Once he and his uncle are acquinted, the get to the business at hand. Turns out that his uncle:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/10uncle.jpg
is not only the local mortition, he is also the sheriff. It also turns out that he sales the bodies of the cadavers to the local dog food company. He is making a killing. He also suffers from no feeling in his legs since a Vietnam incident in which Charlie removed his testicles for lunch:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/14nuts%21.jpg
Also working in this mortuary is Norbert Wiffle. A misfit with a very small dick. He is the janitor who missed out on a college sscholarship after a science fair mishap involving amphibian limp transplants:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/11Wiffle.jpg
The movie then proceeds with Blain and his uncle getting a call to pick up the cheerleaders from the accident mentioned previously. Seems that their bodies were discovered:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/12bodiesonthefloor.jpg
by a redneck and his dog:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/13dogabone.jpg
The bodies are taken to the mortuary where the process of removing the good meat for the dog food company begins. During their inspecting of the bodies, it turns out that one of them is quite well-endowed:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/15holmes.jpg
and another is so pretty to them:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/16skank.jpg
They both get boners:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/17boners.jpg
They also think that one of the bodies is pregnant, so they decide to find out via a urine test. They achieve this by pressing on the dead girls stomach and...well, here...look:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/18urinetest.jpg
Turns out, the girl was pregnant. No need to waste potential dog food, they proceed to remove the baby:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/19itsaboy.jpg
Only to find a second!:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/20itsanother.jpg
They decide to call it a day.
Wiffle has also been up to his own shenanigens. See, while desposing of some of the bodies, he runs across the well endowed one. He decides to remove his own dick and replace it with the one on the corpse. He does this simply buy chopping his off with a meat clever:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/21bobbit.jpg
and then sewing on the other. He goes to sleep a happy man.
The next day, it is business as usual as Blaine and his uncle finish up with the remaining victim. This victim happens to be pimply, beaver ass from the beginning of the movie. Now she has missing legs, a missing arm and half a face:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/22skunk.jpg
Turns out she is not dead. Seeing this, and a possible loss of profits, the uncle tries to kill her with a hammer. This leads to a fight with Blain and his uncle resulting in the uncle accidentally killing himself with his own hammer:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/23clawhammer.jpg
Blain and the girl celebrate by having sex. The girl, not happy with Blains performance, berates him and starts throwing things at him. Blain does what any respectable person would do in that situation and beats her in the face with a bedpan:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/24bedpan.jpg
Blain then discovers Wiffle\'s secret. Wiffle is trying to create a girlfriend using the techniques he onced used on amphibians. He is removing the limbs from one corpse, and placing them on another:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/25corpsegrinder.jpg
This leads to a fight between Blaine and Wiffle in which Blaine knocks Wifflle out. Blaine is then killed by the surprise re-awakening of pimply, beaver ass girl AGAIN. She hits him in the head with an axe:
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/26skankaxe.jpg
The movie ends with Wiffle being a famous genious of some sort and arriving at a one night only book signing. He gets out of the car and helps his date out of the car. The date turns out to be none other than Blaine...with pimply, beaver ass skank girl\'s voice??
http://www.dreamindemon.com/forums/../images/CA/27blainebitch.jpg
The End
Ok, there is really nothing left to say. This movie is not funny, not disgusting, not dark, not anything. America\'s Funniest Home Video submissions have higher production values. Stay away from this one...seriously. The only reason why I can see that this was made, was because someone got ahold of some knock-off Real Sex Dolls and then got high.
Funny thing, if you go to IMDB and look up this film, no one but two people are actually listed as starring in it. Talk about bad.
Ok...so there it is. Now, whenever someone finds this site because of this damn movie, there will be an actual post for it.