CPL CHUD
June 18th, 2008, 02:18 PM
Humongous (1982)
http://critcononline.com/images/humongous%20embassy%20vhs%20front.jpg
I've come to realize that I'm kind of superfictial. I buy some music based on the cover. I read books with zippy taglines. I watch movies with neato VHS cover art. Sometimes, in the later category, I get really burned by my purchases; the movies that have that freaking awesome painted cover art I drool over but then end up being sleeping pills. One of those films is Humongous (which would make for a great porn movie name...har, har).
Humongous is a film that has you asking yourself what the hell the film makers were thinking. It comes out right the boom of the slasher era, the golden age of bloodbath, but yet they choose to do nothing even remotely interesting or worthwhile to make it stand apart from the pack. It starts out with a woman getting raped and her assailant getting visciously mauled by a pack of dogs, so right away it tricks you into thinking something cool is bound to follow. Forget it. What happends next is an excrutiating stretch of padding which consists of asshole yuppies stranding a yacht on a remote island full of wild dogs. They go bumping around in the dark and eventualy find the island's only inhabitant, an old senile hag. The hag's kid (the bastard child from the prologue) is a savage; a giant hairball who looks like the human incarnation of Animal from The Muppet Show. He lives in the basement of his mom's house during the day, then at night he runs around the island and kills anyone or anything he might find there. Sounds exciting right? Wrong. Most of the time the movie focuses on these kids stumbling around cluelessly in the dark. When Humongous attacks it's bloodless and quick; seemingly so we can hurry up and watch more poorly lit scenes that end up being completely meaningless. Even the final showdown between the man thing and the heroine barely registers as being exciting. And for being called Humongous the main baddy isn't even that big.
So really, consider this review a warning to skip this flick and not let the cover art decieve you. It looks totally rad, but ends up being a punch in the balls. All I could think about during the entire film was how cool it would be if someone would turn on the lights. I was actually rooting for Humongous to hurry up and kill everyone so this thing would end. I also day dreamed about going out drinking with him, he looks like a real party animal. Then I watched paint dry.
I give this one severed limb out of ten for the artwork alone.
http://critcononline.com/images/humongous%20embassy%20vhs%20front.jpg
I've come to realize that I'm kind of superfictial. I buy some music based on the cover. I read books with zippy taglines. I watch movies with neato VHS cover art. Sometimes, in the later category, I get really burned by my purchases; the movies that have that freaking awesome painted cover art I drool over but then end up being sleeping pills. One of those films is Humongous (which would make for a great porn movie name...har, har).
Humongous is a film that has you asking yourself what the hell the film makers were thinking. It comes out right the boom of the slasher era, the golden age of bloodbath, but yet they choose to do nothing even remotely interesting or worthwhile to make it stand apart from the pack. It starts out with a woman getting raped and her assailant getting visciously mauled by a pack of dogs, so right away it tricks you into thinking something cool is bound to follow. Forget it. What happends next is an excrutiating stretch of padding which consists of asshole yuppies stranding a yacht on a remote island full of wild dogs. They go bumping around in the dark and eventualy find the island's only inhabitant, an old senile hag. The hag's kid (the bastard child from the prologue) is a savage; a giant hairball who looks like the human incarnation of Animal from The Muppet Show. He lives in the basement of his mom's house during the day, then at night he runs around the island and kills anyone or anything he might find there. Sounds exciting right? Wrong. Most of the time the movie focuses on these kids stumbling around cluelessly in the dark. When Humongous attacks it's bloodless and quick; seemingly so we can hurry up and watch more poorly lit scenes that end up being completely meaningless. Even the final showdown between the man thing and the heroine barely registers as being exciting. And for being called Humongous the main baddy isn't even that big.
So really, consider this review a warning to skip this flick and not let the cover art decieve you. It looks totally rad, but ends up being a punch in the balls. All I could think about during the entire film was how cool it would be if someone would turn on the lights. I was actually rooting for Humongous to hurry up and kill everyone so this thing would end. I also day dreamed about going out drinking with him, he looks like a real party animal. Then I watched paint dry.
I give this one severed limb out of ten for the artwork alone.