Need input!

[Killroy]

I have set up an Announcement plug-in that will allow me to dynamically display an announcement (currently it is just below the shoutbox). It has a crapload of variables it can use to determine what message to display. But I need help coming up with some things.

A standard, short, message that will display to Guests, and users with a 0 post count that simply welcomes them and explains we are currently in transition.
A message for users whose posting activity has become dormant (14 days).
Lastly, a simple welcome to normal users, even if it just a hello, XXX type message.Thanks for any help.

[McVain]

I'll keep thinking but here is what flies out of my mind initially (isn't this where Swivel is supposed to shine?).

1. Welcome to the Demon! We are currently transitioning from our old site but feel free to hang around as we continue to upgrade.

2. Where the hell have you been? Am I going to have to start sniffing your crotch?

3. Hello, I'll suck your dick for a dollar. or... Welcome back you conniving bastard.

Don't like any of these ideas? Well fuck you, nor do I. #1 seems too damn welcoming, and the current message you get when not signed in is pretty nice. My #2 (if you giggled after reading that, you are as immature as myself) contains a reference to a TV show that only 5 people watched. I do like my "I'll suck your dick for a dollar" though. I think that describes most us pretty well.