springtime & jw's

[maryhaze]

it's spring almost, even up here. we look forward to daffodils & blackflies, tulips & ticks, baby deer & jehovahs witnesses. does anyone else have a problem with them? first of all, let me say i don't give a shit who or what anyone worships or doesn't worship. it's not my biz. i'm a witch, one of my bff is a mormon, one is a born-again, my ex is a liberal catholic. i don't care as long as you leave me alone.

but the jw's just can't seem to manage that one little rule. my driveway is about 1/2 mile long. every tree on the way up has "no hunting , no fishing, no trespassing, no soliciting" signs mingled with "patrolled by gsd security", "german shepherds on guard","gsd mobile security system". there is a whole sign in front of the house instructing delivery people on what to do. my front door has a skull & xbones on it with a sign saying "fuck off". my side door has a sticker that says "come thru this door & you will be killed". in 2 languages. what part of my set-up should give these assholes the idea that they are welcome here? i have my own way of making them go away, but if anyone has any new ideas i'd love to hear them. i really don't want to have my dogs bite them because you never know what they are carrying.......

[CPL CHUD]

but the jw's just can't seem to manage that one little rule. my driveway is about 1/2 mile long. every tree on the way up has "no hunting , no fishing, no trespassing, no soliciting" signs mingled with "patrolled by gsd security", "german shepherds on guard","gsd mobile security system". there is a whole sign in front of the house instructing delivery people on what to do. my front door has a skull & xbones on it with a sign saying "fuck off". my side door has a sticker that says "come thru this door & you will be killed". in 2 languages. what part of my set-up should give these assholes the idea that they are welcome here? i have my own way of making them go away, but if anyone has any new ideas i'd love to hear them. i really don't want to have my dogs bite them because you never know what they are carrying.......

In their mind they are trying to save souls, or at least appear to look like they are trying. Your setup screams "save me" to them. Think about it. So try going in the opposite direction. Be as inviting as possible. Hang up pictures of Jesus on your front door with passages plucked from the bible, out fanatic them.

[swivel]

it's spring almost, even up here. we look forward to daffodils & blackflies, tulips & ticks, baby deer & jehovahs witnesses. does anyone else have a problem with them? first of all, let me say i don't give a shit who or what anyone worships or doesn't worship. it's not my biz. i'm a witch, one of my bff is a mormon, one is a born-again, my ex is a liberal catholic. i don't care as long as you leave me alone.

but the jw's just can't seem to manage that one little rule. my driveway is about 1/2 mile long. every tree on the way up has "no hunting , no fishing, no trespassing, no soliciting" signs mingled with "patrolled by gsd security", "german shepherds on guard","gsd mobile security system". there is a whole sign in front of the house instructing delivery people on what to do. my front door has a skull & xbones on it with a sign saying "fuck off". my side door has a sticker that says "come thru this door & you will be killed". in 2 languages. what part of my set-up should give these assholes the idea that they are welcome here? i have my own way of making them go away, but if anyone has any new ideas i'd love to hear them. i really don't want to have my dogs bite them because you never know what they are carrying.......


It sounds like you have tried everything short of killing one of them and putting their head on a pike as a warning to others.

You could try some mace. With that many signs and warnings, I think you could get away with it. And why not set the German Shepherd loose? Come out of the house throwing ground beef at the fuckers...

Or just open the door and ask them if they would like to come inside and "Talk about Satan, our Lord and Master"?

[Dark Star]

Damn, Maryhaze....sounds like you have one hell of a set up!

I too live in the country, but I've a short driveway. I have a No Trespassing sign, but yeah, apparently the Jehovah's don't give a fuck, and they trespass anyway.

This is what I do. Get Mia (my wonderful little Pit Bull sweetheart), put her on her leash, open the door and before they can hand me their damn pamphlets, I'm already spilling out, "No thank you, I'm not interested. I am atheist." They look at me in tie-dye....usually smelling of patchouli and herb, and they just leave. Like fuck it.....this bitch is hopeless.:D......or maybe they're just scared of my doggy and her long fucking teeth and horrific growling sound she can make when disturbed by a stranger.:p

[Athena]

I engaged a pair twice a week for about a year, but since then, I haven't really been bothered much. Mostly because I lived in the hood for about four years (no souls worth risking your own for in those parts) and then moved to Catholic territory (the church I was baptised in is literally a stone's throw from my pad). Honestly? I kind of miss them. Have fun with it, MH! Somewhere around here, I posted the story about my little sister running out of the house, banging pots and pans with 666 drawn on her forehead, yelling, "I love the devil!" I almost peed my pants, it was so hilarious. Keep costume props by the door and see what gets the best reaction. Make it a game. If you can't beat 'em...Mock 'em. That's my mantra.

[impqueen]

The thing that always works for me is to ask the Witnesses whether they have their 144,000 members yet. They always say yes. Then I just smile sweetly and say, "Oh. So you won't be needing me, then."

If they persist, I politely explain that as I was born after 1935, and as they already have the 144,000 saints born before 1935 to populate their version of Heaven, i'd rather enjoy myself, since according to their religion I am ineligible for heaven, and quite frankly, so are they.

I've had more than one Witness leave my house in tears.

[Raq me darkly]

In college my SCA friends would answer the door naked with a broadaxe and that would stop them from being bothered.

I had a sign on my front door at my old house that said, "No Visits from Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons, Please" with a "No Watchtower" symbol on it. My neighbor said she saw a couple JWs come to the door, look at the sign and walk away.

Though I like swivel's idea, a head on a pike tends to deter invaders. You could put up two, one with the Book of Mormon tacked to it, the other with a copy of The Watchtower.

[maryhaze]

see what i usually do weather permitting, is answer the door topless, with a snapping gsd in one hand, a pitchfork in the other & my pentacles around my neck. i'm starting to think the DD's are just encouraging them. i've actually talked to my town cops who are awesome abut what would happen if they show up & my dogs were out loose. the dogs won't differentiate between jw's & home invaders. they will attack & they will kill. i have 2 ex-police dogs in that pack. there are about 8 that go out to pee & i'm always right with them. if they go on the attack, i physically cannot stop them. ah fuck, maybe i'll go with the head on a pike idea. thanks everyone!

[impqueen]

Talking Jesus used to keep a couple extra Watchtowers and Books of Mormon around. When the Witnesses showed up, TJ would hand them a copy of the Book of Mormon. When the Mormons showed up, he'd hand them a Watchtower.

It was pretty effective, I must say.

[CPL CHUD]

Somewhere around here, I posted the story about my little sister running out of the house, banging pots and pans with 666 drawn on her forehead, yelling, "I love the devil!" I almost peed my pants, it was so hilarious.
Ha, that sounds like it'd be a good story. I don't remember, but thanks, now I have a pretty good idea what to do next time these guys roll around. I actually want them to come over now just to be able to pull something like this off.

[nurseronda]

Talking Jesus used to keep a couple extra Watchtowers and Books of Mormon around. When the Witnesses showed up, TJ would hand them a copy of the Book of Mormon. When the Mormons showed up, he'd hand them a Watchtower.

It was pretty effective, I must say.
I would thank you for this post, but my thanks button is broken....Sorry Imp.:D

[a10derHeart]

the jw's keep a list of no contacts, just tell them politely that you do not wish to be contacted any further and they should stop bothering you.

[Athena]

Ha, that sounds like it'd be a good story. I don't remember, but thanks, now I have a pretty good idea what to do next time these guys roll around. I actually want them to come over now just to be able to pull something like this off.

I highly recommend it. What was awesome was, I didn't know it was coming. My sister was like 10 or 11, too, and had drawn the 666 on her forehead backwards because she did it in the mirror. Yeah, my family was Adam's Family-ish enough that this episode was particularly endearing. We were all so proud of my sister's effort. :p

[Athena]

the jw's keep a list of no contacts, just tell them politely that you do not wish to be contacted any further and they should stop bothering you.

Seriously? Because, once, I, in a very joking and light-hearted manner, opened the door and said, "Isn't there some list you people can take me off of???"

...and they made no mention of said list. They did crack a smile, though. :D