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Morbid

Rooster Illusion
Staff member
As most of you are aware, I occasionally like to slide semi-offensive comments in my front page articles - especially against religion. Earlier this week I reported on a headstone that toppled over and killed a man in a cemetery. In that article, I made the following comment:

Bishop Joseph Bambera of the Diocese of Scranton released this statement, seemingly surprised that anything tragic could happen around a holiday in which people celebrate a zombie crawling out of a tomb after dying nailed to a tree:

“It is unimaginable to think that a visit of a faithful couple to the grave of loved ones in anticipation of the celebration of Easter could have ended in such a tragic manner. Our thoughts and prayers are with the deceased and his family.”

It was kinda dumb, barely funny and was aiming at low-hanging fruit. Well it took a couple of days, but one of those low-hanging fruits sent me an email and they weren't very happy about that particular comment.


Me and many others will never visit your sick website again. Just because your parents or you probably never stepped into a church except to take a dump in the washroom there, doesn't mean anyone wants to hear your opinions on Christianity. You and your ilk are the hypocrites of the worst order. You celebrate Christmas and Easter, you get married in a church and have your funeral in a church , you give your children Christian names and pray when you face a life or death situation. Youre just another sad atheist who doesn't practice what you preach. Sad, sad , sad.

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I could care less if you ever visit our site again, to be honest. I am not particularly fond of people who get that butthurt over a stupid joke made at your expense. So it pleases me greatly that I offended you so much that you felt the need to ball up your little hands and fire off this email.

And to be clear, I celebrate Christmas because I get gifts, not because I give a shit about a mythological person being born 2000 years ago. I celebrated Easter as a kid because I got candy, not because some mythological character crawled out of a hole in the ground after he got his ass kicked. As an adult I celebrate Easter because I am forced to take a day off, that I spend watching porn and doing drugs.

As for getting married, I did it in a courthouse. Weddings are for suckers. Funeral? Cremation with no service is the order of the day. Cemeteries are a total waste of space that could be used better - like a multiplex or something - and, if you haven't heard, cemeteries can be deadly for the living.

Regardless, you will be back. You all always come back. I mean, what would you do with yourself if you weren't always being outraged? lol.


Suck a bag of dicks and pray for me, dolt.

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Thanks for confirming what I thought the person who "runs" this website must be like. Just remember never to do these things or you are just a sad hypocrite.
IF YOU ARE AN ATHEIST:
1. Don't celebrate Christmas (you said you do...)
2. Celebrate Easter (yep, you admitted you do....)
3. Say "Oh my God!" or "Jesus Christ!" (you don't believe in them..remember?)
4. Wear a cross around your neck (in an attempt to be cool)
5. Get married in a church (you got married in a courthouse? How romantic!! Someone married you? Someone for everyone I guess).
6. Have your funeral in a church (which if you continue to do drugs............)
7. Give your children Christian names
8. Recognize time in B.C. and A.D. (do you even know what they stand for?)
9. Say "God bless you!" when someone sneezes
10. Pray to a God you don't believe in when you face a life or death
situation (how many billions of atheists have done this one....?)
Thanks and don't bother responding. Im done with you and have won this little debate. Good luck with your struggles.


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I find it surprising that a Christian is judging me and calling me a hypocrite. Lol, just kidding. It's expected as most Christians do not practice what Jesus preached. But I will respond to you list whether you decide to read it or not.

1. Don't celebrate Christmas (you said you do...) - I celebrate Christmas for all the pagan rituals it was based off of, as well as the absurd consumerism I love. I do not celebrate the birth of your Christ.

2. Celebrate Easter (yep, you admitted you do....) - Yeah, the Easter bunny has deeply rooted traditions in Christianity and the resurrection of your Christ.

3. Say "Oh my God!" or "Jesus Christ!" (you don't believe in them..remember?) - So because I do not believe in the contents of common phrases, I should not use them? So you are saying that I should not say, "Goddamn, you are fucking retarded?" What about "Holy cow, holy shit, or holy Toledo"? Because trust me, I use those occasionally and I do not find any of those three things holy. Do you see the retardedness of your point, yet?

4. Wear a cross around your neck (in an attempt to be cool) - I would never wear a cross anywhere in an attempt to be cool. To be cool with a cross, you need to wear it upside-down. As a Christian, isn't the cross a bit like idolatry? I mean, God does not like that shit at all. ("Therefore, my beloved ones, flee from idolatry" - 1 Corinthians 10:14 | "Little children, guard yourselves from idols" - John 5:21) Besides, I think it would be rude to have Jesus come back and see all of his followers wearing a miniature device he was murdered on.

5. Get married in a church (you got married in a courthouse? How romantic!! - It's a necessity I would have to deal with if a future wife was retarded. Like using money that has In God We Trust, there's not much I can do about it. It's a formality.

6. Have your funeral in a church (which if you continue to do drugs............) - Again, I have expressed my wishes not to have a funeral, but I'll be dead and not much I can do about it after that.

7. Give your children Christian names - What constitutes a Christian name? And why would I not be able to use one as an atheist? The name of your child doesn't have to have anything to do with your religious beliefs. Are these names reserved for Christians only?

8. Recognize time in B.C. and A.D. (do you even know what they stand for?) - Do you? While B.C. does stand for Before Christ, it was not instituted until centuries after his alleged death, and the creators screwed it up in the process. A.D. means anno domini, or rather, “in the year of our Lord.” Regardless, no one has a choice BUT to use them. However, it won't be long before those terms will be replaced with B.C.E and C.E., meaning “before common era” and “common era.” Hey, something else you can be outraged about!

9. Say "God bless you!" when someone sneezes - No worries, I never do. It's idiotic. I've never believed a soul flies out of someone's mouth when they sneeze, anyway.

10. Pray to a God you don't believe in when you face a life or death situation (how many billions of atheists have done this one....?) - If I am praying to a God, then I obviously believe in them. Even if it is in the last moment of my life. You do not have the ability to tell me when I can or cannot decide to believe in a higher power, or pray to them for help. That is very rude and un-Christian-like of you.

Now please, finish sucking on that bag of dicks and pray for me.

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That's fine-just direct your anger towards a religion that fly planes into buildings killing 3000 innocent people. 70 Christians killed today by guess who? Christians do not saw off peoples heads or blow themselves up and kill innocent people in the name of their religion on a daily basis. You anger towards Christians is misdirected. What religion is the biggest threat today? But of course people are too afraid to make jokes about THAT religion.


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I hate all organized religions equally. But yeah, not gonna be making fun of Islam. I'm not getting my head chopped off because of an Islam joke. To be honest, making fun of Christians is so much easier because you have all turned into a bunch of whiny pussies who just fire off angry emails to website owners who make stupid jokes.

What happened to you all?

Back in the day you Christians killed a shitload of pagans, heretics, and witches. That's not even talking about the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, or the Native Americans.

Man, I bet God is gonna be pissed at you all for not standing up and doing something about this "evil" Islam, choosing to do nothing but sit back and whine about it. Grow some fucking balls, man. Get Christianity back on top of the religious atrocities list!
 
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At least they could spell and form a coherent sentence. That had to make it easier to understand what they were going on about, still doesn't make too much sense, but whatever, dude.:shrug:
 
Except. In the first email to you it should be accept. Thats all I got. They started pissed and now seem to want to be friends.

Fucking fan girls. Tell them to suck a bag of dicks and they drop to their knees.
 
You know I read a book last month that seems to suggest that Jesus resurrected the first Vampire (Lazarus). The book was wildly entertaining at least though deeply rooted in Catholic beliefs but mixing in a lot of vampire fiction. None of this is at all relevant to the story of rubbish I just read but it's just as believable as any other religion I suppose.
 
Gee, sounds like SOMEbody just got out of their very first Pagan primer in "Comparative World Religions 101" and just had to share the "Lookie what I learned!" love. :crack: Shame on you for pissin' in the holy water!

As a devout, evangelical proselytizer under the guise of a good Christian, I'm sure they were attracted to this sacred, little piece of holy ( :cow: ) webspace (again) not only by their sick, morbid fascinations like the rest of us religious indignance, but also by your mesmerizingly pious logo pic and hallowed HDIC (Head Demon In Charge) gravatar that just screams reverence. :hilarious:

Check that IP and see if it's anywhere near me cuz I didn't do it. The semester's almost over, I only speak in that class once in one single place per semester and I swear I ain't sendin' NO cranky, spanky fundies to the bad kids playground, lol.

images
 
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And pagans are the bad guys. Pfft.
I don't celebrate Patrick's Day. The guy wasn't a saint. Killed pagans when they wouldn't convert.
I guess I should celebrate that day since its the day he died, but meh.
Only a Christian thinks modern holidays are Christian. It's the heathens that know holidays were STOLEN from pagans.
 
Oh good Lord. Hey, I can say that because I've publicly admitted to being a Christian what I deny is being like those window lickers. Make an "off-color" joke, I probably know a comeback.

God absolutely understands when I say vulgar and inappropriate things because God has a sense of humor, if he didn't how else do we all explain our exes?

People like that drive me bat-shit crazy and are the exact reason I don't set foot in a church anymore.
 
Actually, I found Morbid's original comment hilarious, and can't believe people get so fucking uptight & bent out of shape over this shit. I've seen it time & time again during my life, but still hard for me to believe. Everybody is entitled to an opinion, and I don't understand why those who disagree feel they must be so friggin' vehement about it. Hell, if I have to put up with their opinions about the Almighty, why can't they put up with mine?

Can you imagine how difficult it is for me to go to church with my wife on Sundays? She's a devout believer in the whole deal, and I'm...not. I only go to accompany her, because it's something that is important to her. Hell, I even sing in the friggin' choir because they've been so shorthanded, and most of the time I can't believe a damn thing coming out of my mouth. What a dichotomy. I'd rather stay home and do my hobbies.

Alas.
 
And pagans are the bad guys. Pfft.
I don't celebrate Patrick's Day. The guy wasn't a saint. Killed pagans when they wouldn't convert.
I guess I should celebrate that day since its the day he died, but meh.
Only a Christian thinks modern holidays are Christian. It's the heathens that know holidays were STOLEN from pagans.


THANK YOU! HOLY SHIT! I knew I liked you!
 
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I am not going to point out that most of the Christians I have run into are hypocrites and judgmental ASSWIPES... Oh I guess I just did....OH WELL

BUT I most definitely have met some amazing people that are also Christians
Like @Krystal for instance... Her and I agree on most everything....Actually I do not believe I have ever disagreed with her since I started coming here... She is awesome!


Some Christians are a lot more down to Earth and level headed and sensible. So I cannot say that I hate them all
 
I am not going to point out that most of the Christians I have run into are hypocrites and judgmental
How it was explained to me was there are "religious" people and they are those who are judgmental and hypocrites and then there are "faithful" people, who hold to their faith and beliefs (whatever they may be) but lack the unsavory qualities of the "religious".

I have faith not religion.:)

Much <3<3<3 to you!:kiss:
 
I bet he's still just itching to fire off another hypocritical rant. I wonder if it's that commenter who was making religious rants in general in one of the article comments a while back... I can't remember his name or the post, because that would require caring more than I do.
 
FWIW - I consider myself a Christian. With that being said, @Morbid ... that has to be some of the funniest shit I have read in quite a while!

Here is a great bit on Christianity...
 
I would laugh at you so hard if I ever heard you say Holy Toledo.

Oh, and it's about fucking time you got one of these posted.
 
I can't rite gud 2day. 6 cats in my lap, walking on the keyboard is their next atrocity. They knocked the butter dish onto the floor and then proceeded to eat every bit of it. They also pooped in the bathtub. Crazy Amy peed all over my QUILT! The one I hand pieced, hand stitched and WOE to the quilt thief...
 
I can't rite gud 2day. 6 cats in my lap, walking on the keyboard is their next atrocity. They knocked the butter dish onto the floor and then proceeded to eat every bit of it. They also pooped in the bathtub. Crazy Amy peed all over my QUILT! The one I hand pieced, hand stitched and WOE to the quilt thief...

If you didn't laugh about all this shit ... I would swear God hates you.
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"Little children, guard yourselves from idols"

Oh my mother ... strapping little horns around our necks. Cause she was scary like that ... which was her job ... scare the shit out of us, make us behave.
 
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