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Gemma Willis, Exchanged Letters With Man In Prison, You Can Guess The Rest

Discussion in 'In The Mean Time' started by Sugar Cookie, Sep 11, 2017.

  1. Athena

    Athena Buzzkill. Staff Member

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    Uh, because it's not? Because, as human beings, our taste in mates is shaped by a combination of behavioral disposition and the people we were surrounded with growing up, and is largely out of our control. The idea that women consciously hook up with douchebags is straight up make-believe that "good guys" tell themselves because they'd rather think these daft, awful women have simply stacked the cards against them than accept that they may be even less appealing than said douchebag.
     
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  2. Craygor

    Craygor Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    And this statement is made by women who don't want to admit that they, or some other women, out there have that type of attraction. Plenty of my female companions admit to me that they are attracted to the bad boy, to believe its not some random case. I am by nature, a violent person, and many of these women was attracted to me largely because of that, so I knew of this phenomenon personally. I agree with you though that those guys who say, "girls don't like me because I'm a nice guy" are full of shit. Girls don't like them because they are whinny little turds that don't have any confidence.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 12, 2017
  3. Muriel Schwenck

    Muriel Schwenck Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    That adrenalin rush may be true for some women, but I suspect even more it's The Romance of Taming the Beast.
    She believes that he loves her so much that he will reform for her sake, he gives up the past life and bad associates, (gets a steady job) and they live happily ever after. Heady stuff to a lonely woman.
    And sometimes it's a combination of all the above. They want melodrama, high emotion, reform. Repeat.

    Men fall for that one too.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 12, 2017
  4. Craygor

    Craygor Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    Well, it did work for William Munny's wife in Unforgiven.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2017
  5. Athena

    Athena Buzzkill. Staff Member

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    I'm not saying the attraction doesn't exist. I'm saying it's largely out of anyone's control. Same goes for dudes who seem to serially wind up with the "crazy chick". Again, it is driven by genetic predisposition combined with environmental factors, so for you to treat it like a conscious decision that can be remedied by a little soul-searching is beyond naive.

    As for your "personally" experience, I'm not interested in anecdotes. I've lived 34 years on this earth having never sought a "bad boy", having never known a woman who does. Which anecdote wins? (Neither.)

    If women are "admitting" to you that they go for the bad boys, there's a why. And it's not because they woke up deciding to.
     
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  6. Craygor

    Craygor Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    Unfortunately, anecdotes is what we have to go on, since for every study that says "girls what a bad boy" another says "girls want a nice guy". I'm just lucky I'm a violent nice guy.
     
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  7. Muriel Schwenck

    Muriel Schwenck Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    How do you know that? How can it be proven? Of course, since it can't be proven, it's as good a general theory as anything.
    "Genetic predisposition combined with environmental factors" is a reasonable conjecture for most things. Hell, it even explains my hair.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 13, 2017
  8. Prettypink513

    Prettypink513 Church Member Bold Member!

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    Why am I the only one getting negative votes @Gemma Willis and @giantblue when I'm OBVIOSLY not the only one joking. Racism is REAL smh
     
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  9. Sugar Cookie

    Sugar Cookie Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    Thank you for sharing your story with me. I hope that you have been able to move on with your life and find someone that loves you. I think the line "I had been single for quite awhile" is what I was most concerned about. From my experience "bad people" are able to read people to see if they can be used and taken advantage of. I think in your case that is probably what happened and he knew how far he could push you. I am also sorry that you did not have anyone around you that was able to alert you to the warnings signs. I never speak ill of any of my friends partners unless it is something that is so out of line. So I could understand if your friends and family were initially unaware of what was happening to you.

    I hope that you now see that you have to leave right away even if it is with nothing. It will not get better and you could have lost your life. Lastly, use your experience and new found knowledge to help other young men and women to not make the same choices that you did.

    Thank you again
     
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  10. Craygor

    Craygor Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    @Gemma Willis is the subject of this article and she just joined DD! She is also partial to giving out dislikes. That's not very neighborly.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 13, 2017
  11. Muriel Schwenck

    Muriel Schwenck Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    I got dislikes too and I'm white as snow.
     
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  12. Prettypink513

    Prettypink513 Church Member Bold Member!

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    She still need to take a joke like she took that dick.
     
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  13. JackBurton

    JackBurton Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    No sympathy for the "victim" in this case. It's either a deliberate refusal to protect oneself from danger, or it's flat out stupidity of the lowliest order. Either way, it's inexcusable.

    What a fucking IDIOT!
     
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  14. Craygor

    Craygor Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    I think I just fell in love with you.
     
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  15. JackBurton

    JackBurton Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    It may be out of ones control as to the type of person they are attracted to. However whether someone chooses to act on that attraction and hook up with say, a violent ex con or even currently incarcerated piece of shit, is 100% entirely on that person.

    False.

    The actual act of "going for" said type of individual is 100% their willing, deliberate choice.
     
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  16. Prettypink513

    Prettypink513 Church Member Bold Member!

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    Oh how I've been waiting for you to join in. :hilarious::hilarious:
    --- Double Post Merged, Sep 13, 2017, Original Post Date: Sep 13, 2017 ---
    ;)
    Either she can take it like she took that dick...or take it like she took getting beat tf up. Either way.....
     
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  17. Sugar Cookie

    Sugar Cookie Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    I think women are nurturers and often want to help our mates be the best that they can be. I want to make sure to say not all because someone else will and it will be true. Your assessment is spot on. Nothing is Black and White and many reasons cause people to make poor choices in mates. Sometimes when I read stories of children that survive the abuse I think they are candidates for future abuse and that is just heartbreaking.

    I want to thank everyone that shared their stories Pretty, Gemma, Keepalow and anyone else I missed.
     
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  18. Athena

    Athena Buzzkill. Staff Member

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    I didn't mean to suggest that it was some automatic compulsion. But, my point could have been better phrased. They don't wake up thinking, "I'm going to go get me a bad boy." A woman might be conscious of the fact that she keeps winding up with bad boys, and she may even understand why. But the "allure" is hardly default, like Craygor suggested.

    Oh yeah? How many studies have you read on the subject? I've long suspected the stereotype to be bullshit, but curious, I've done a lot of research. And the scientific community has resoundingly debunked the myth that women go for bad boys. In fact, there are three very specific circumstances under which the true bad boy has an edge:

    1.) If he's a narcissist, he cares more about his appearance than most men. He does well in initial interaction, but does not commonly make it to the relationship phase.

    2.) Our hormones betray us when ovulating. Science has still overwhelmingly proven we'd rather settle with the nice guy.

    3.) She's damaged. Maybe her dad was a douchebag. Maybe she was assaulted growing up. Maybe she's unusually stressed out by interaction with males, and makes bad decisions.

    But that's it. If we are healthy, we are settling with a nice guy. The narcissist doesn't make it far, and the only (potentially) long-term decision we make while ovulating is who we have unprotected sex with. But even then, we probably wind up with the nice guy who doesn't care if we had a kid with someone else.

    Your turn! And, please, mind your sources. Not all sources are created equal.
    Answered your own question, there, my dear. Well, kinda. Yes, it's reasonable conjecture for most things, including your hair, because it drives all human behavior, AND your hair.

    But it's not conjecture. In fact, there is a significant and ever-growing body of research that tells us free will is but an illusion. Where's Swivel when I need him?

    The totality of your genetic predisposition and subsequent experience leaves you with woefully few choices. I mean, technically, you've got myriad choices, but these factors mean you were only ever going to choose one of the things, MAYBE two. But, often circumstance comes along and, as though it was blowing out birthday candles... ::: Poof ::: It extinguishes any remnant of honest to god choice you might have had.

    Which brings me to my last point. I don't care one bit for the derision women who have been abused are shoveling at the victim in this case. I have never been hit by a man. I've never even been cussed at by a man. Not even had a lover raise his voice in my direction. But do I sit here, judging and making fun of those who have? Will I allow myself to believe for even a second that this makes me better than them, or more deserving of righteousness? NOPE. That shit's gross as fuck, so knock it off, ladies.

    We all know by now that the reasons people stay in abusive relationships are varied and complex. Dogging on a chick because she wasn't as wise as you is a bad look.
     
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  19. Craygor

    Craygor Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    Sounds like you are taking this personal, which was not my intent. I personally don't give a shit about why idiots do what they do anymore, we are all broken in some way. Its the idiots who don't have enough sense or intelligence to recognize they are broken are the ones that cause problems for themselves, but blame it others, like Gimma here.
     
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  20. Athena

    Athena Buzzkill. Staff Member

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    I understand I haven't been around a while, but I am generally regarded as an android. There's no interaction on the internet I've ever taken personally. You just referenced studies, and I've read a bunch, so I showed you my cards, and asked for yours. But, no dice, I guess.

    I do hope you'll understand when I disregard the self-described "violent" male's opinion of who's an idiot, though. Especially because you couldn't victim-blame any harder if you tried.

    Since you are violent, though, a word of wisdom... Even if someone puts themselves in the position to be taken advantage of, the blame is still 100% on you if you choose to take advantage (both morally AND legally, so watch out).
     
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  21. Craygor

    Craygor Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    I didn't say that, but at times a victim is not 100% without fault. Who is at fault if a someone walks into a biker bar and yells at the top his lungs "You are all a bunch of faggots and pussies!" and he gets the shit kicked out of him? The bikers are guilty of assault and should be had accountable, but that guy was an idiot and deserves my scorn and ridicule. Same with people who repeatedly enter fucked up relationships, the abuser is a bad person and should be held accountable (no doubt), but that victim is not without fault. You seem you want to exonerate people who repeatedly makes poor decisions, where I want to say "learn from you experiences, idiot" take some fucking responsibility for your life choices.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 13, 2017
  22. SpQa

    SpQa Virile member Bold Member!

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    BTW: human conduct is not physics and the amount of variables involved may define free will. There are maybe a "significant and ever-growing body of research" :)hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:) that means nothing: they only show that the human phenomena can only be studied with statistics with Gaussian distributions and a wide standard deviation... ergo, free will.

    Great to see you back @Athena!
     
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  23. Athena

    Athena Buzzkill. Staff Member

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    Who says she was ever in an abusive relationship previously? She dared to love someone most wouldn't; a characteristic Hollywood has been telling us is noble for decades. She can't be compared to a hateful lunatic in a bar.

    You better believe she's going to take some responsibility going forward, which is all the more reason she doesn't need the trite judgment around here.
    --- Double Post Merged, Sep 13, 2017, Original Post Date: Sep 13, 2017 ---
    That's weird anti-science out of you. I shouldn't stay gone so long. Good people marinate in this bullshit and eventually laugh at research. I don't even know what's real anymore. ;)
     
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  24. SpQa

    SpQa Virile member Bold Member!

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    Weird anti Science? Me, the physicist joined by Karl Popper and Ludwig Wittgenstein disagree with you. Humanities are -by definition- biased by the researcher believes. It is just like economics: no theory can be falseable. Otherwise, we would still believe that human beings are the only ones that can laugh.
    [​IMG]
     
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  25. JackBurton

    JackBurton Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    A person who chooses to enter into a relationship with a violent criminal deserves plenty of derision.
     
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  26. Prettypink513

    Prettypink513 Church Member Bold Member!

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    @giantblue You can love me, you can hate me, or you can suck my dick. :finger:
     
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  27. SpQa

    SpQa Virile member Bold Member!

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    you have a dick??? :eek:o_O:greedy::bigtears::bigtears::bigtears::jawdrop::jawdrop:
     
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  28. Valasca

    Valasca Death, horror, torture Bold Member!

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    Because Blue likes crapping everything he finds as "reverse racism" or "anti male."
    He LOVES to crap any post I make support black people.
    Can't wait to get one for this.
     
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  29. Craygor

    Craygor Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    It doesn't stop there. That same derision should go to people who fucking do obvious stupid shit that most us know better, like the fucktads that went backpacking in Iraq, or the idiots that go to North Korea, as well as the dumbasses that record "pranks" in the inner city, don't forget fools who use alternative medicine instead of proven modern medicine, or those retards that purposely lay down in the street for whatever damn reason. Entering relationships with violent criminals is the same damn thing and more so if those types of relationship keep happening over and over.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 14, 2017
  30. Muriel Schwenck

    Muriel Schwenck Well-Known Member Bold Member!

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    Or the man in a ghillie suit who stood in the highway to fool motorists into thinking he was big foot. At night.
    Hit by two cars.
     
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