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Just my luck sucks
Trusted Member
I found them on the internets...
Q: What's the definition of ****** foreplay?
A: Don't scream bitch or I'll kill you.
Q: Why don't ******s like country music?
A: When they hear the words "hoe-down" they think their sister's been shot.
Q: Did you hear of the new Black Barbie?
A: It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.
Q: How come there are so few black astronauts?
A: They don't like saying "yes nasa, no nasa..."
Q: What do you call 100 old ******s in a barn?
A: Antique farming equipment.
Q: What was the only thing missing from the million man march?
A: An auctioneer!
Q: What do ******s and apples have in common?
A: They both look good hanging from trees.
Q: What's the difference between ******s and pit-bulls?
A: It's still legal to own a pit-bull.
Q: Why do ****** girls wear high heels?
A: So their knuckles don't drag on the ground
Q: Why do blacks walk the way they do?
A: Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger
Q: How can an Ethiopian woman tell when she's pregnant?
A: When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten.
Q: What do you call 18 ******s hanging from a tree in New Orleans?
A: A Louisiana wind chime !
Q: What's the difference between a ****** and a tire?
A: Tires don't sing when you put chains on 'em.
OOOOOOOOOH YEA, I WENT THERE!
Q: Why are there nude pictures of black women?
A: So apes can masturbate too.
Q: What did the black kid get for Christmas?
A: My bike.
Q: How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
A: Nine months.
Q: What is it when you find a grain of rice in a bucket?
A: Poor Ethiopian kid has been up all night vomiting.
Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
A: Ever try to take ribs away from a ******?
Q: Why do ******s smell?
A: So blind people can hate them to.
Q: What's white, 8 feet long and wrapped round a lump of shit?
A: A turban.
Q: Did you hear about the ****** with insomnia?
A: He kept waking up twice a week.
Q: What are the six words you never ever want to hear?
A: "Hi, I be yo' new neighbor."
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An interracial couple in an auto wreck.
Q: How did the ****** cross the road?
A: On another ******'s spear.
Q: Why do decent white folk shop at ****** yard sales?
A: To get all their stuff back, of course!
Q: Who were the three most famous women in black history?
A: Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!
Q: Why is the black power sign a fist?
A: Otherwise they would fall out of the trees.
Q: What does both Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
A: Their both ******s.
Q: Why aren't Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles able to read?
A: Because they are both ******s.
Q: What do you call a black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a jar.
Q: How do you keep a ****** out of the front yard?
A: You hang one in the backyard.
Q: Why do ******s wear wide-brimmed hats?
A: So pigeons can't shit on their lips.
Q: Why do black men have such narrow hips?
A: So the roasting pole won't wobble.
Q: What do you call a ****** with no arms & no legs?
A: Harmless.
Q: How many ******s does it take to wallpaper an average sized room?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Why is it always good to get a blowjob from an Ethiopian woman?
-You know she's gonna swallow.
Q: How do you get a ****** out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: How do you tell if a ****** is lying?
A: See if his lips are moving.
Q: What does 'Pontiac' stand for?
A: Poor Old ****** Thinks It's A Cadillac.
Q: Why was the wheelbarrow invented in Africa?
A: So that the natives could learn to walk on their hind legs before being shipped to America.
Q: Why did god give ******s rhythm?
A: Because he fucked up their hair, nose and lips.
Q: What do you call 32 ******s in a room?
A: A full set of teeth
Q: What do you call a black priest?
A: Holy Shit!
Q: Why does an Ethiopian sleep with his finger up his ass?
A: So that nobody steals his breakfast.
Q: What is the New York State motto?
A: "Eat, Drink and be Merry, for tomorrow you may be killed by a ****** in Central Park."
Q: What do you call a ****** in a park with his fly open?
A: A rapist.
Q: What do you give a ****** women who has an abortion?
A: A $50 crime stopper award!
Q: What's the definition of worthless?
A: A 7'2" black with a small prick, that can't play basketball.
Q: When does a black man become a ******?
A: As soon as he leaves the room.
Q: What's the definition of ****** foreplay?
A: Don't scream bitch or I'll kill you.
Q: Why don't ******s like country music?
A: When they hear the words "hoe-down" they think their sister's been shot.
Q: Did you hear of the new Black Barbie?
A: It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.
Q: How come there are so few black astronauts?
A: They don't like saying "yes nasa, no nasa..."
Q: What do you call 100 old ******s in a barn?
A: Antique farming equipment.
Q: What was the only thing missing from the million man march?
A: An auctioneer!
Q: What do ******s and apples have in common?
A: They both look good hanging from trees.
Q: What's the difference between ******s and pit-bulls?
A: It's still legal to own a pit-bull.
Q: Why do ****** girls wear high heels?
A: So their knuckles don't drag on the ground
Q: Why do blacks walk the way they do?
A: Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger
Q: How can an Ethiopian woman tell when she's pregnant?
A: When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten.
Q: What do you call 18 ******s hanging from a tree in New Orleans?
A: A Louisiana wind chime !
Q: What's the difference between a ****** and a tire?
A: Tires don't sing when you put chains on 'em.
OOOOOOOOOH YEA, I WENT THERE!
Q: Why are there nude pictures of black women?
A: So apes can masturbate too.
Q: What did the black kid get for Christmas?
A: My bike.
Q: How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
A: Nine months.
Q: What is it when you find a grain of rice in a bucket?
A: Poor Ethiopian kid has been up all night vomiting.
Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
A: Ever try to take ribs away from a ******?
Q: Why do ******s smell?
A: So blind people can hate them to.
Q: What's white, 8 feet long and wrapped round a lump of shit?
A: A turban.
Q: Did you hear about the ****** with insomnia?
A: He kept waking up twice a week.
Q: What are the six words you never ever want to hear?
A: "Hi, I be yo' new neighbor."
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An interracial couple in an auto wreck.
Q: How did the ****** cross the road?
A: On another ******'s spear.
Q: Why do decent white folk shop at ****** yard sales?
A: To get all their stuff back, of course!
Q: Who were the three most famous women in black history?
A: Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!
Q: Why is the black power sign a fist?
A: Otherwise they would fall out of the trees.
Q: What does both Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
A: Their both ******s.
Q: Why aren't Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles able to read?
A: Because they are both ******s.
Q: What do you call a black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a jar.
Q: How do you keep a ****** out of the front yard?
A: You hang one in the backyard.
Q: Why do ******s wear wide-brimmed hats?
A: So pigeons can't shit on their lips.
Q: Why do black men have such narrow hips?
A: So the roasting pole won't wobble.
Q: What do you call a ****** with no arms & no legs?
A: Harmless.
Q: How many ******s does it take to wallpaper an average sized room?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Why is it always good to get a blowjob from an Ethiopian woman?
-You know she's gonna swallow.
Q: How do you get a ****** out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: How do you tell if a ****** is lying?
A: See if his lips are moving.
Q: What does 'Pontiac' stand for?
A: Poor Old ****** Thinks It's A Cadillac.
Q: Why was the wheelbarrow invented in Africa?
A: So that the natives could learn to walk on their hind legs before being shipped to America.
Q: Why did god give ******s rhythm?
A: Because he fucked up their hair, nose and lips.
Q: What do you call 32 ******s in a room?
A: A full set of teeth
Q: What do you call a black priest?
A: Holy Shit!
Q: Why does an Ethiopian sleep with his finger up his ass?
A: So that nobody steals his breakfast.
Q: What is the New York State motto?
A: "Eat, Drink and be Merry, for tomorrow you may be killed by a ****** in Central Park."
Q: What do you call a ****** in a park with his fly open?
A: A rapist.
Q: What do you give a ****** women who has an abortion?
A: A $50 crime stopper award!
Q: What's the definition of worthless?
A: A 7'2" black with a small prick, that can't play basketball.
Q: When does a black man become a ******?
A: As soon as he leaves the room.
Rotten Apple
Trusted Member
Come on folks! Black jokes are too easy. Hispanic ones too. Racists have been working on those for years.
Someone come up with some white jokes or some dead baby ones I haven't heard.
I need something I can tell at the next family gathering.
Someone come up with some white jokes or some dead baby ones I haven't heard.
I need something I can tell at the next family gathering.
malq
Veteran Member
A white joke would be going too far,
Just my luck sucks
Trusted Member
How about blondes and Polish jokes? In the meantime this will have to do:
Why did God make woman's slit like this "|" instead of like this "-"
Cause, when she slides down the stair case banister she doesn't go
"bub,abub, rabub.." <take your finger and rub back and forth on your lips really fast>
RaVen Blackehart
Trusted Member
Why are there no white trash fertility clinics?
They would just have to tell the women to try another brother.
What do you call the moisture between two white trash people having sex?
Relative humidity.
A white trash man and a white trash woman don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in NY. The doctor asks what state he is from and the man says that he is from Alabama. The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California. When that doctor finds out that the husband is from Alabama, he tells him the exact same thing that the doctor in New York told him. The husband figures that the doctors must be right. So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''
This guy walks into a white trash bar and orders a white wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
Hank and Jenny Sue, both white trash, went for a walk in the countryside. After a while, Hank had to answer a call of nature. Spying an outhouse, he excused himself. Jenny Sue waited for Hank...and waited, and waited. Finally, she looked inside and saw Hank stirring around in the outhouse muck with a stick. "Hank, what the hell are you doing, stirring in the shit?" she yells. "I dropped my jacket down the hole," he complains. "It's the one my momma gave me." Jenny Sue shakes her head. "You're crazy ... you're not gonna wear that thing now, are you?" "Hell no," Hank assures her, "but there's a baloney sandwich in one of the pockets!"
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.
Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.
What did they white guy do before his blood test?
He studied.
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 200 black guys?
A: "Warden"
What do you call a white guy who needs to go somewhere across town but does not own an automobile?
A taxi.
What do you say when you see a white man carrying a TV?
"Excuse me sir, you dropped your receipt!"
What do you call a white man in court?
The lawyer.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA
What's black and white and comes in little white cans?
Michael Jackson
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."
What do you call a school bus full of white-kids?
A twinkie.
What do you call a red-neck's family get together?
An orgy.
What do you call the K.K.K. getting held up by a robber?
Cracker Jack.
NASA asked this elder Indian guy to record a message to put on their newest SETI satellite, along with messages from other cultures and languages. He records the message, the satellite is launched, and one day CNN broadcasts the messages being sent into outer space from the spacecraft. A huge belly laugh is heard coming from the entire northern portion of Arizona. When CNN asks why the people are laughing, a man from Chinle tells them, "The message says that if they are hearing this, to stay quiet and don't respond, because as soon as the white man knows where those aliens live, they'll come over for dinner, and end up NEVER going home!"
Whats long and hard on a peckerwood????
The third grade.
What do you call a peckerwood in a suit and tie?
The accused
How do you get a one armed peckerwood out of a tree??
Wave to him.
What do caviar and michael jackson have in common?
Both come on little crackers
A guy sit down in a bar, has a few drinks. He's getting tipsy, asks the tender if he wants to hear a Georgia Cracker joke. The bartender shakes his head no.
A few more drinks later, the man says, "Are you sure you don't want to hear it?! It's a good one!" And the tender again tells him no.
Finally after a few more beers, this man is smashed, and he said, "It's the best friggin' Georgia Cracker joke you'll ever hear!" The bartender leans over and says, "Look pal - That guy down there (points to a huge man) is a Georgia Cracker, this guy Joe (points to another huge guy down the other end of the bar), he's one too. And you know what? I'm a Georgia Cracker too! You sure you want to tell this joke?!"
The guy looks at the two men and back at the bartender and says, "No ... I don't want to have to repeat myself so many times."
Q: Why did the Hillbilly cross the road?
A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
This West Virginia boy came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing. "Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!"
Q: What do you do if a Redneck throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.
An Chicagoan, a New Yorker and a Texan were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years, but I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away." The Chicagoan says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer. The New Yorker says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy. The Texan says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes. Five years later, the Germans come to release their prisoners. First, they release the Chicagoan, who staggers out totally drunk. Then, they release the New Yorker, who also rolls out rather inebriated. Then, they release the Texan, who comes out and says, "Has anyone got a light?"
A Redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women. "Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?" "Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way." "Wow! Thanks!" says the Redneck, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies. So the Redneck goes back to the Frenchman. "I'm sorry to bother you again," he says, "but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven't been able to meet a girl." "Okay," says the Frenchman, "I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way." "Thanks!" says the Redneck, and runs off to the store. He buys the potato, puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walks, but the women will hardly even look at him. After half an hour he can't take it anymore and goes back to the Frenchman. "Look," the Redneck says, "I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach-- and still nothing! What more can I do?" "Well," says the Frenchman, "maybe I can help you a leetle beet. Why don't you try moving zee potato to the *front* of zee sweeming suit?"
Q: Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
A: Lawrence of Alabama.
A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Arkansas sausage."
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Arkansan?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something." If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"
The clerk says, "Well, no."
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Arkansan just because I ask for Arkansas sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
Q: How did the Southern mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?
A: Yellow in the front, Brown in the back!
Q: Did you hear about the Southerner that locked his keys in his car?
A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.
Q: How do you ruin a Southerner's party?
A: Flush the punch bowl.
Q: Why did the Oklahoma couple decide to have only 4 children?
A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.
Q: What did the Florida mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's yours?"
Q: What does a Louisiana girl do after she sucks cock?
A: Spits out the feathers.
A Southern worker is hired to paint the lines on the road. On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road. Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was. The Southerner replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."
Q: What does it say on the bottom of a Coke bottle in Tennessee?
A: Open other end.
Q: How do you break a Virginian's finger?
A: Hit him on the nose.
By now, almost everyone has heard of the famous North Carolina orchestra whose players stopped periodically to clean the saliva out of their instruments. What`s remarkable about that? It was a string orchestra.
Did you hear about the Kentucky boy that keeps a store of empty bottles? It`s for his friends that don`t drink.
A passer-by watched two South Carolinians in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
'Tell me, 'said the passer-by, 'What on earth are you doing?'
'Well, 'said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig, Luke plants the tree and Cooter fills in the hole.
Today Luke is out sick, but that doesn't mean me and Cooter have to take the day off, does it?'
A man from Mississippi was suffering from pains in his knees, so he visited the doctor.
"You're suffering from a disease that we medical experts call "kneeitis", said the doctor. "Take it easy for a month or so and above all don't climb any stairs. That puts a terrible strain on the knees."
A month later the Mississippian returned and after a brief examination was found to have recovered completely.
"Can I climb the stairs now Doctor?"
"Certainly," replied the Doctor.
"Thank Heavens," said the Mississippian, "I was getting tired of climbing up the drainpipe every time I wanted to go to the toilet."
They would just have to tell the women to try another brother.
What do you call the moisture between two white trash people having sex?
Relative humidity.
A white trash man and a white trash woman don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in NY. The doctor asks what state he is from and the man says that he is from Alabama. The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California. When that doctor finds out that the husband is from Alabama, he tells him the exact same thing that the doctor in New York told him. The husband figures that the doctors must be right. So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''
This guy walks into a white trash bar and orders a white wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
Hank and Jenny Sue, both white trash, went for a walk in the countryside. After a while, Hank had to answer a call of nature. Spying an outhouse, he excused himself. Jenny Sue waited for Hank...and waited, and waited. Finally, she looked inside and saw Hank stirring around in the outhouse muck with a stick. "Hank, what the hell are you doing, stirring in the shit?" she yells. "I dropped my jacket down the hole," he complains. "It's the one my momma gave me." Jenny Sue shakes her head. "You're crazy ... you're not gonna wear that thing now, are you?" "Hell no," Hank assures her, "but there's a baloney sandwich in one of the pockets!"
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.
Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.
What did they white guy do before his blood test?
He studied.
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 200 black guys?
A: "Warden"
What do you call a white guy who needs to go somewhere across town but does not own an automobile?
A taxi.
What do you say when you see a white man carrying a TV?
"Excuse me sir, you dropped your receipt!"
What do you call a white man in court?
The lawyer.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA
What's black and white and comes in little white cans?
Michael Jackson
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."
What do you call a school bus full of white-kids?
A twinkie.
What do you call a red-neck's family get together?
An orgy.
What do you call the K.K.K. getting held up by a robber?
Cracker Jack.
NASA asked this elder Indian guy to record a message to put on their newest SETI satellite, along with messages from other cultures and languages. He records the message, the satellite is launched, and one day CNN broadcasts the messages being sent into outer space from the spacecraft. A huge belly laugh is heard coming from the entire northern portion of Arizona. When CNN asks why the people are laughing, a man from Chinle tells them, "The message says that if they are hearing this, to stay quiet and don't respond, because as soon as the white man knows where those aliens live, they'll come over for dinner, and end up NEVER going home!"
Whats long and hard on a peckerwood????
The third grade.
What do you call a peckerwood in a suit and tie?
The accused
How do you get a one armed peckerwood out of a tree??
Wave to him.
What do caviar and michael jackson have in common?
Both come on little crackers
A guy sit down in a bar, has a few drinks. He's getting tipsy, asks the tender if he wants to hear a Georgia Cracker joke. The bartender shakes his head no.
A few more drinks later, the man says, "Are you sure you don't want to hear it?! It's a good one!" And the tender again tells him no.
Finally after a few more beers, this man is smashed, and he said, "It's the best friggin' Georgia Cracker joke you'll ever hear!" The bartender leans over and says, "Look pal - That guy down there (points to a huge man) is a Georgia Cracker, this guy Joe (points to another huge guy down the other end of the bar), he's one too. And you know what? I'm a Georgia Cracker too! You sure you want to tell this joke?!"
The guy looks at the two men and back at the bartender and says, "No ... I don't want to have to repeat myself so many times."
Q: Why did the Hillbilly cross the road?
A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
This West Virginia boy came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing. "Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!"
Q: What do you do if a Redneck throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.
An Chicagoan, a New Yorker and a Texan were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years, but I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away." The Chicagoan says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer. The New Yorker says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy. The Texan says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes. Five years later, the Germans come to release their prisoners. First, they release the Chicagoan, who staggers out totally drunk. Then, they release the New Yorker, who also rolls out rather inebriated. Then, they release the Texan, who comes out and says, "Has anyone got a light?"
A Redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women. "Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?" "Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way." "Wow! Thanks!" says the Redneck, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies. So the Redneck goes back to the Frenchman. "I'm sorry to bother you again," he says, "but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven't been able to meet a girl." "Okay," says the Frenchman, "I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way." "Thanks!" says the Redneck, and runs off to the store. He buys the potato, puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walks, but the women will hardly even look at him. After half an hour he can't take it anymore and goes back to the Frenchman. "Look," the Redneck says, "I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach-- and still nothing! What more can I do?" "Well," says the Frenchman, "maybe I can help you a leetle beet. Why don't you try moving zee potato to the *front* of zee sweeming suit?"
Q: Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
A: Lawrence of Alabama.
A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Arkansas sausage."
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Arkansan?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something." If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"
The clerk says, "Well, no."
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Arkansan just because I ask for Arkansas sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
Q: How did the Southern mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?
A: Yellow in the front, Brown in the back!
Q: Did you hear about the Southerner that locked his keys in his car?
A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.
Q: How do you ruin a Southerner's party?
A: Flush the punch bowl.
Q: Why did the Oklahoma couple decide to have only 4 children?
A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.
Q: What did the Florida mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's yours?"
Q: What does a Louisiana girl do after she sucks cock?
A: Spits out the feathers.
A Southern worker is hired to paint the lines on the road. On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road. Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was. The Southerner replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."
Q: What does it say on the bottom of a Coke bottle in Tennessee?
A: Open other end.
Q: How do you break a Virginian's finger?
A: Hit him on the nose.
By now, almost everyone has heard of the famous North Carolina orchestra whose players stopped periodically to clean the saliva out of their instruments. What`s remarkable about that? It was a string orchestra.
Did you hear about the Kentucky boy that keeps a store of empty bottles? It`s for his friends that don`t drink.
A passer-by watched two South Carolinians in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
'Tell me, 'said the passer-by, 'What on earth are you doing?'
'Well, 'said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig, Luke plants the tree and Cooter fills in the hole.
Today Luke is out sick, but that doesn't mean me and Cooter have to take the day off, does it?'
A man from Mississippi was suffering from pains in his knees, so he visited the doctor.
"You're suffering from a disease that we medical experts call "kneeitis", said the doctor. "Take it easy for a month or so and above all don't climb any stairs. That puts a terrible strain on the knees."
A month later the Mississippian returned and after a brief examination was found to have recovered completely.
"Can I climb the stairs now Doctor?"
"Certainly," replied the Doctor.
"Thank Heavens," said the Mississippian, "I was getting tired of climbing up the drainpipe every time I wanted to go to the toilet."
Valasca
Death, horror, torture
I did mention that later, lol.
Coyote
Redneck
Coyote
Redneck
Q: What separates five female nymphomaniacs from two alcoholics?
A: A cockpit door.
Q. What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A. A fruit stand!
Q: Why aren't there more black nuns?
A: Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.
Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia
Q: Why did the gay guy cross the road?
A: He had a chicken stuck up his ass.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?
A: Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with a Devil Worshipper?
A: Someone who knocks on your door and tells you to go to hell.
Q: What's the difference between a hunting dog and a homosexual?
A: A hunting dog sics ducks.
A: A cockpit door.
Q. What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A. A fruit stand!
Q: Why aren't there more black nuns?
A: Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.
Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia
Q: Why did the gay guy cross the road?
A: He had a chicken stuck up his ass.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?
A: Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with a Devil Worshipper?
A: Someone who knocks on your door and tells you to go to hell.
Q: What's the difference between a hunting dog and a homosexual?
A: A hunting dog sics ducks.
Lazlo
Active Member
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.
During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. 'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?'
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, 'I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture.' Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay,' said the woman.
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, 'Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?
Again the doctor spoke very calmly: 'Same illness, better insurance.'
During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. 'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?'
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, 'I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture.' Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay,' said the woman.
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, 'Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?
Again the doctor spoke very calmly: 'Same illness, better insurance.'
~Absynthe~
Trusted Member
A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, Wyoming, goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, "I am not going to beat around the bush, You have AIDS."
The cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says, "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 25 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
The cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for."
__________________
The cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says, "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 25 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
The cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for."
__________________
~Absynthe~
Trusted Member
My girlfriend got stoned yesterday after we had premarital sex.
I hate being a Muslim
I hate being a Muslim
~Absynthe~
Trusted Member
Voodoo Dick:
A business man is going on a business trip for roughly 3 weeks out of state, however, he does not want to leave his young, sexy, horny wife alone with no means of pleasure for 3 weeks because he knows all too well the extent of her needs. The day before he heads off on his trip he makes a pit stop to the local Sex Store. He looks around for roughly 10 minutes at all the dildos and all the vibrators and doesn't really see anything that would be perfect for his wife. He goes to the manager and explains his situation and asks if there is anything that the manager recommends.
Mannager: "Well, I don't know if we have anything that can take care of THAT situation for so long.. except maybe... the voodoo dick."
The man asks what he means by the Voodoo Dick.
The manager looks around to make sure no one else is watching and was pleased to see they are alone in the store. He goes behind the counter and pulls out an old antique box that looks as though it must be at least 500 years old. He opens it up and shows its contents to the business man.
Business man: "Well that just looks like any ordinary dildo to me!"
The manager then picks up the voodoo dick and holds it, pointing it at the door.
The manager exclaims loudly "Voodoo dick, the DOOR!"
The voodoo dick JOLTS out of his hands on its owns and starts fucking the keyhole until there is a large CRACK down the entire middle of the door. To which point, the manager exclaims "Voodoo dick, my hand!" and the voodoo dick stops fucking the door, JOLTS to his hand, and the man puts it back in the box.
The business man wanted to buy it, but the manager was reluctant to sell it until they finally settled on 700$ cash. The business man races home and shows his wife how to turn on the voodoo dick.
He leaves for his business trip and about a week later the wife is getting really horny and is thinking of all the men that would be willing to satisfy her until she remembers the voodoo dick. She pulls it out, and after a minute remembers how to turn it on. She says "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" and the voodoo dick JOLTS to her pussy and starts fucking her like nothing before! IT felt perfect to her and she came 3 times before she had enough. She tried to pull it out of her but it wouldn't stop fucking her and she couldnt grab hold. She remembered that her husband never told her how to turn it off. She gets in the car after about 5 minutes and starts driving to the hospital, when all of the sudden, another orgasm nearly swerves her off the road. A cop pulls her over, obviously thinking she is drunk. She tries to explain her situation to this fat ass cop, to which he replied, laughing, "Ya right.. voodoo dick MY ASS"
A business man is going on a business trip for roughly 3 weeks out of state, however, he does not want to leave his young, sexy, horny wife alone with no means of pleasure for 3 weeks because he knows all too well the extent of her needs. The day before he heads off on his trip he makes a pit stop to the local Sex Store. He looks around for roughly 10 minutes at all the dildos and all the vibrators and doesn't really see anything that would be perfect for his wife. He goes to the manager and explains his situation and asks if there is anything that the manager recommends.
Mannager: "Well, I don't know if we have anything that can take care of THAT situation for so long.. except maybe... the voodoo dick."
The man asks what he means by the Voodoo Dick.
The manager looks around to make sure no one else is watching and was pleased to see they are alone in the store. He goes behind the counter and pulls out an old antique box that looks as though it must be at least 500 years old. He opens it up and shows its contents to the business man.
Business man: "Well that just looks like any ordinary dildo to me!"
The manager then picks up the voodoo dick and holds it, pointing it at the door.
The manager exclaims loudly "Voodoo dick, the DOOR!"
The voodoo dick JOLTS out of his hands on its owns and starts fucking the keyhole until there is a large CRACK down the entire middle of the door. To which point, the manager exclaims "Voodoo dick, my hand!" and the voodoo dick stops fucking the door, JOLTS to his hand, and the man puts it back in the box.
The business man wanted to buy it, but the manager was reluctant to sell it until they finally settled on 700$ cash. The business man races home and shows his wife how to turn on the voodoo dick.
He leaves for his business trip and about a week later the wife is getting really horny and is thinking of all the men that would be willing to satisfy her until she remembers the voodoo dick. She pulls it out, and after a minute remembers how to turn it on. She says "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" and the voodoo dick JOLTS to her pussy and starts fucking her like nothing before! IT felt perfect to her and she came 3 times before she had enough. She tried to pull it out of her but it wouldn't stop fucking her and she couldnt grab hold. She remembered that her husband never told her how to turn it off. She gets in the car after about 5 minutes and starts driving to the hospital, when all of the sudden, another orgasm nearly swerves her off the road. A cop pulls her over, obviously thinking she is drunk. She tries to explain her situation to this fat ass cop, to which he replied, laughing, "Ya right.. voodoo dick MY ASS"
~Absynthe~
Trusted Member
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot
of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a
sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it
becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and
says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks,
'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her
dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly
gives her right butt cheek a lick with
his tongue. The woman is so shocked
that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies
out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe
again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back
to the bar.
His partner says,
'Ya know, I'd heard of that there 'Hind
Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody
do it!'
of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a
sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it
becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and
says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks,
'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her
dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly
gives her right butt cheek a lick with
his tongue. The woman is so shocked
that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies
out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe
again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back
to the bar.
His partner says,
'Ya know, I'd heard of that there 'Hind
Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody
do it!'
crown
Active Member
:vroam:
Tits McGee
Karma Whore
It was April first when a young father went to the hospital to see his newly born son. Standing outside the glass partition, the nurse pointed to his baby son. The nurse smiled as she lifted the baby from its cot. She then strolled over to the table and bounced the baby's head on the timber. The father was horror-struck and his hands went up to the window. The nurse smiled at him and started to swing the baby by holding it by it's penis and scrotum. The father was pounding frantically at the glass partition by this time. The nurse let go of the baby and with a sickening thud the baby went careering into the wall. Blood and guts went everywhere. The father took a runing jump at the glass partition. The nurse picked up the baby and tore it's arms off as the father went hurtling through the glass. He was foaming at the mouth when he faced the nurse.
She said, "April fools! He was dead already!"
A young boy comes home from school one day, and on going to his room, he hears thumping and squeaking from his parents' room. He naively opens the door to see what is going on, and beholds his dad "giving it" to his mom rather vigorously. While his mom doesn't notice, his dad looks up to see him there, and gives him a big grin and a wink.
The next evening, dad comes home from work. He hears banging and squealing from his son's room. He opens the door to see what's happening, and the son is banging his own grandmother!
The son looks up to see his father standing there, and says, "Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Having sex with a pregnant woman isn't bad, it's when the baby starts giving you head.
Why do doctors slap a baby after it is born?
To make the dicks fall off of the dumb ones.
A teenager for his eighteenth birthday gets 50 bucks from his dad and his dad tells him to go 2 a hooker bar and get any slut BUT Sandpaper Sally. The guy says "ok", and goes to the place. He finds out there's noone there but Sandpaper Sally so he decides to come back later. After about an hour, he comes back and still only Sandpaper Sally is there, so he says" Screw it, I am not waiting any longer." So he's in there with her and he says" OWWW!!!! Damn that hurts like a bitch!" She says," Hold on a minute." So she goes to the bathroom for about 10 minutes then comes out. They start doing the Matrress Mambo and he says," Wow that feels much better, how'd you do it?" She says" I just picked my scabs.
What's black and knocks on windows?
A baby in a microwave.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
Ripping it back off!
Two friends go camping in the woods. They are together nearly a week when they really start to get on each others nerves. Jack says to Zack, "How about we split up today. You go North and I will go South and we will meet at dinner and tell each other about the day we had." Zack agrees and they split up.
That night at dinner Jack starts telling Zack, "I went South, I found a beautiful lake there and stopped to do some fishing. The best fishing of the whole week, as soon as I put in my line a fish appeared. The sun was beautiful and warm and I really had a brilliant and relaxing day."
Zack says, "I went North and also had a brilliant day. I came across some railroad tracks. A I walked along next to the railway and there, tied to the tracks, was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Full breasts, tiny waist, long slim legs - she was simply gorgeous, but all tied up. So I untied her from the tracks and spent the whole day having wild and passionate sex with her!"
"Wow," said Jack, "Did you get a blow job?"
"Nope," says Zack, "I couldn't find her head!"
She said, "April fools! He was dead already!"
A young boy comes home from school one day, and on going to his room, he hears thumping and squeaking from his parents' room. He naively opens the door to see what is going on, and beholds his dad "giving it" to his mom rather vigorously. While his mom doesn't notice, his dad looks up to see him there, and gives him a big grin and a wink.
The next evening, dad comes home from work. He hears banging and squealing from his son's room. He opens the door to see what's happening, and the son is banging his own grandmother!
The son looks up to see his father standing there, and says, "Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Having sex with a pregnant woman isn't bad, it's when the baby starts giving you head.
Why do doctors slap a baby after it is born?
To make the dicks fall off of the dumb ones.
A teenager for his eighteenth birthday gets 50 bucks from his dad and his dad tells him to go 2 a hooker bar and get any slut BUT Sandpaper Sally. The guy says "ok", and goes to the place. He finds out there's noone there but Sandpaper Sally so he decides to come back later. After about an hour, he comes back and still only Sandpaper Sally is there, so he says" Screw it, I am not waiting any longer." So he's in there with her and he says" OWWW!!!! Damn that hurts like a bitch!" She says," Hold on a minute." So she goes to the bathroom for about 10 minutes then comes out. They start doing the Matrress Mambo and he says," Wow that feels much better, how'd you do it?" She says" I just picked my scabs.
What's black and knocks on windows?
A baby in a microwave.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
Ripping it back off!
Two friends go camping in the woods. They are together nearly a week when they really start to get on each others nerves. Jack says to Zack, "How about we split up today. You go North and I will go South and we will meet at dinner and tell each other about the day we had." Zack agrees and they split up.
That night at dinner Jack starts telling Zack, "I went South, I found a beautiful lake there and stopped to do some fishing. The best fishing of the whole week, as soon as I put in my line a fish appeared. The sun was beautiful and warm and I really had a brilliant and relaxing day."
Zack says, "I went North and also had a brilliant day. I came across some railroad tracks. A I walked along next to the railway and there, tied to the tracks, was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Full breasts, tiny waist, long slim legs - she was simply gorgeous, but all tied up. So I untied her from the tracks and spent the whole day having wild and passionate sex with her!"
"Wow," said Jack, "Did you get a blow job?"
"Nope," says Zack, "I couldn't find her head!"
Why do Doctors spank babies when they're born?
To knock the dicks off the dumb ones
Why to blacks hate asprin?
It's white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get it.
Have you ever seen Ray Charles wife?
Neither has he.
Did you hear the results of the Michael Jackson autopsy?
Food poisoning. Yep earlier that day he ate a 9yr old wiener.
To knock the dicks off the dumb ones
Why to blacks hate asprin?
It's white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get it.
Have you ever seen Ray Charles wife?
Neither has he.
Did you hear the results of the Michael Jackson autopsy?
Food poisoning. Yep earlier that day he ate a 9yr old wiener.
Why don't the let black babies play in the sand box?
Cats keep covering them up.
Why are camels call "ship of the desert"
Cause they're full of arab seamen
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
Bar tender says, Where did you get that?
The parot says, Africa
What do you get when you cross a black and a monkey?
Nothing, no monkey is dumb enough to fuck a black!
Did you hear about Klu Klux Knievel?
He tried to jump 8 blacks in a steamroller.
Cats keep covering them up.
Why are camels call "ship of the desert"
Cause they're full of arab seamen
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
Bar tender says, Where did you get that?
The parot says, Africa
What do you get when you cross a black and a monkey?
Nothing, no monkey is dumb enough to fuck a black!
Did you hear about Klu Klux Knievel?
He tried to jump 8 blacks in a steamroller.
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.
Q: What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?
A: Drowns
Q: How was breakdancing invented
A: homies trying to steal hubcaps off moving cars.
A cannibal walks into the clearing his tribe uses for a toilet. He sees his best friend having a shit and crying his eyes out. "What's wrong with you?" he asks. His pal looks up at him with watery eyes and asys "I've just dumped my girlfriend."
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?
A: Acne doesn’t come on a boys face until after he’s thirteen.
Q: why did the jews wander in the dessert for 40 years?
A: someone dropped a penny
A: A pedophile.
Q: What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?
A: Drowns
Q: How was breakdancing invented
A: homies trying to steal hubcaps off moving cars.
A cannibal walks into the clearing his tribe uses for a toilet. He sees his best friend having a shit and crying his eyes out. "What's wrong with you?" he asks. His pal looks up at him with watery eyes and asys "I've just dumped my girlfriend."
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?
A: Acne doesn’t come on a boys face until after he’s thirteen.
Q: why did the jews wander in the dessert for 40 years?
A: someone dropped a penny
Q: What did the white guy see when looking at his family tree?
A: A straight line.
Q: How many whites does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One.
Q: What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
A: The NBA
Q: What's white and fourteen inches long?
A: Absolutely nothing!
Q: What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A: A white girl's ass!
You know you're trailer trash when...
1.The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2.You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
3.You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4.You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5.Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."
6.You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
7.You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.
8.Someone in your family died right after saying "Hey, y'all watch this!"
9.Your Junior/Senior prom had a daycare.
10.You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
11.The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
12.Ya' can't git married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a dang law against it.
13.You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
14.Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Is the fact that I'm white the reason I think almost all white jokes are just stupid.
definatly not offensive and really not that funny.
I want to be offended and laught at some white jokes dammit.
Q: what do you call 10 white guys running down a hill
A: an avalanche
I mean seriously
A: A straight line.
Q: How many whites does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One.
Q: What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
A: The NBA
Q: What's white and fourteen inches long?
A: Absolutely nothing!
Q: What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A: A white girl's ass!
You know you're trailer trash when...
1.The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2.You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
3.You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4.You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5.Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."
6.You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
7.You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.
8.Someone in your family died right after saying "Hey, y'all watch this!"
9.Your Junior/Senior prom had a daycare.
10.You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
11.The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
12.Ya' can't git married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a dang law against it.
13.You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
14.Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Is the fact that I'm white the reason I think almost all white jokes are just stupid.
definatly not offensive and really not that funny.
I want to be offended and laught at some white jokes dammit.
Q: what do you call 10 white guys running down a hill
A: an avalanche
I mean seriously
Thinkgoat
Trusted Member
And Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants," and add just a few more letters, it spells out: "Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, kid-producing, violent, non-English speaking ass-holes and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-loving, raggedy ass bastards with you."
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sleepinwithangels
Well-Known Member
i dont feel like reading thru all of them to see if this one was already posted but it always makes people i tell it to say "thats Just wrong" so apologies if it was already done
What is the difference between a pepperoni pizza and a Jew?
A pepperoni pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven
What is the difference between a pepperoni pizza and a Jew?
A pepperoni pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven
sodom
Active Member
Swivel,you stole my best jokes!!!
You gave me a new one and for that I'm thankful!
Q: What's the difference between Santa Clause and Jews?
A: Santa goes DOWN the chimney
Fucking great!!I spit wine all over the keyboard and damn near puked!
My turn!!!
What do you call a dozen niggers sky diving?
Air pollution!
Why does Stevie Wonder always smile?
Cause he doesn't know he's black!
Why can't Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles Read?
Cause they are niggers!
Where does the fastest chicken in the world live?
Ethiopia!
How do you kill 500 flies at once?
Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan!
I love sick,racist ass jokes.Even if they are stupid.And they are stupid!
One more I stole From a movie.
If the Flinstones were black.What would they call the show?
The Niggers!!!
That shit is so fucking stupid it has to be funny!!!!
Thank you Athena for getting this up where I can find it!!
You gave me a new one and for that I'm thankful!
Q: What's the difference between Santa Clause and Jews?
A: Santa goes DOWN the chimney
Fucking great!!I spit wine all over the keyboard and damn near puked!
My turn!!!
What do you call a dozen niggers sky diving?
Air pollution!
Why does Stevie Wonder always smile?
Cause he doesn't know he's black!
Why can't Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles Read?
Cause they are niggers!
Where does the fastest chicken in the world live?
Ethiopia!
How do you kill 500 flies at once?
Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan!
I love sick,racist ass jokes.Even if they are stupid.And they are stupid!
One more I stole From a movie.
If the Flinstones were black.What would they call the show?
The Niggers!!!
That shit is so fucking stupid it has to be funny!!!!
Thank you Athena for getting this up where I can find it!!
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