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penelopejo

Mother Nature
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[...]

Armed with two freshly licked fingers, a former Kiester man home on leave from the Air Force thought it would be funny to give the officer the Willies. Riley Louis Swearingen, 24, of Goldsboro, N.C., was getting on the "drunk bus" after the downtown bars closed early Saturday morning when he allegedly licked a finger on each hand and stuck them into the ears of a police sergeant.

The officer was not amused and Swearingen was immediately arrested, said Cmdr. Jeremy Clifton of the Mankato Department of Public Safety. The sergeant was on the bus talking to the driver when Swearingen boarded at about 2:20 a.m. After feeling two fingers "wet with saliva being pushed into his right and left ear canals, which caused pressure and discomfort," the officer turned around to see Swearingen walking away.

Swearingen then sat down with a group of friends and said, "I just gave the cop a wet Willy" the officer reported.

[...]

Alcohol was a factor, Clifton said. The criminal complaint filed Monday said Swearingen's BAC was .18, more than twice the legal limit of .08 for driving.

When Swearingen appeared before District Court Judge Kurt Johnson at about 4 p.m. Monday, he explained what happened. He said he had flown to Minnesota from North Carolina because he was supposed to be in a friend's wedding Saturday night. Swearingen said he and friends had gone out Friday night and were heading home when one of his friends stuck a wet finger in his ear.

"I thought it would be incredibly funny to give a police officer a wet Willy, to which I was sorely mistaken," Swearingen explained. "I'm incredibly sorry for what I did. I never thought I would be going to jail for the weekend."

Johnson offered to dismiss the assault charges if Swearingen would agree to plead guilty to the misdemeanor charge of disruptive intoxication. That would allow the airman to get out of jail and return to his duties in North Carolina as an air traffic controller at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base in Goldsboro.

Swearingen quickly agreed to the deal. He was sentenced to the three days he spent in jail and was told to pay $77 in court costs.

More at the link.
 
What a dumbass. Air Force is looking for any reason to give folks the boot nowadays, depending on his past record this act of drunken dipshittery could be his ticket out.

Then again, air traffic controllers are fucking gold to the Air Force, they pay those lucky fucks like 50 grand re-enlistment bonuses, prob keep a fucker like this no matter what. Plus, even if he did get force shaped out, not like he'll be hurtin for a solid paying gig in the outside world. Prob one of the reasons he pulled some asshole stunt like this in the first place, it's like a military version of affluenza. Fucker had it sooooo good through the Air Force he didn't know what's what.

Stories like this should make people think twice when they get some donkey brained idea to pay for a servicemembers meal at a restaurant or offer up some compliment or word of appreciation. The overwhelming majority of people in the military are total douchebags(much like any other career field or segment of society). It's highly unlikely that the person you're buying lunch for is actually some honorable, valiant, heroic awesome American, unlikely they even faced any potential harm or had to make any significant sacrifices. Chances are they're just a massive tool.
 
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