Abortion Doulas. Doing The Right Thing During A Tough Time?

[Nell]

I'm a birth doula. I've attended over twenty births, including a vaginal set of twins. I don't think I could do this, but if someone I loved needed me I'd be there. Thoughts?

My first patient ever stares at me blankly when I say the doctor will see her soon. Her two small children treat the waiting room chairs like monkey bars; they’ve been sitting around for hours. Dee (some names have been changed throughout) is here to get laminaria inserted, the small seaweed sticks positioned in the cervix that expand upon contact with moisture, producing enough dilation to enable a second trimester abortion, which will happen tomorrow. I know I’m not succeeding at giving her the warm, confident assurance I’ve practiced in the mirror.

I stand by her head as she spreads her legs. She begins to moan, softly and then without control. “You’re doing great,” I tell her, clenching my jaw, smiling still. Through her moans I hear one doctor tell the other that there’s too much blood. They call for a hospital transport and tell her they’re going to do the abortion today, right now. Then we’re running across the hospital floor as the doctors yell for people to move out of the way. It’s my first day, but I know enough to know that this is serious. I keep my hand on Dee’s, murmuring words of support. Once she’s under anesthesia, I get out of the way, stand in the back, hope that I can handle this.

http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/09/my-year-as-an-abortion-doula.html

 

[Pete Bondurant]

I fully support the right for all liberals to terminate their pregnancies at any time...before or after birth. This is my unshakeable belief!

 

[ChaosKitty]

naturally, I would like to live in a world where birthcontrol were so readily available and utilized to where unwanted children were not brought into the world and then murdered after birth or that before that abortions weren't necessary, but until things have started being looked at realistically by individuals as far as responsibility and wanting a little life specifically to take care of educate nuture and love it into adulthood I'll settle for abortion rights over beaten murdered molested children be it right or left.

 

[Pete Bondurant]

Birth control is readily available.

 

[Azryhael]

I can see the "abortion doula" as a valuable support person, especially for those women whose families and partners won't be there for them. Getting an abortion can be an incredibly difficult choice, one with repercussions beyond the obvious not having a baby. Women who are known to have had an abortion are often ostracised by their families, friends, and communities, and the intensely personal nature of the choice also means that it's hard to reach out to others for emotional support.

A kind, understanding, non-judgemental doula could be a huge asset to a woman going through the abortion process. Since even walking into an abortion clinic can be terrifying, as they're often surrounded by protesters who will shame and intimidate women attempting to enter, the doula will be a steadying presence as they cross the picket line. During the actual procedure, she's a calming influence and a hand to squeeze when the cramps become intense. Afterwards, she's only a phone call away for emotional support whenever it's needed.

As long as her only agenda is the best interests of the woman she's been hired by, and not a religious, political, or social one, I think it's a great idea.

 

[Kittyskyfish]

That's a well-written article and I'm glad to have read it because it cleared up misconception I had about their service. I expected abortion doulas to do house-calls in a 21st-century holistic manner, but the author volunteers out of a hospital and the procedure is essentially the same for other 1st and 2nd trimester abortions. It appears doctors oversee and finish the procedure. That's good with me because I can't agree with terminating a pregnancy without a physician and proper surgical equipment on hand for unforeseen events.

The abortion doula is providing a service to the patient and, at the same time, her volunteerism an innovative cost-saving measure for the hospital. Every hour a doula performs their service, that is an hour a technician or nurse can tend to other patients, making the hospital more efficient. And having a procedure performed with a volunteer on the team can reduce the cost of that procedure, easing the burden on low-income women and their families.

 

[cubby]

What @Azryhael and @Kittyskyfish, said. Anything and anybody that makes a procedure of this nature more endurable, is good. A hand to hold and a soft voice to reassure you can only help.

 

[Macabre]

I have never heard of abortion doulas. I would be interested in doing this.
I,personally, am pro life, but I believe every woman has the right to choose.
These women deserve support.

 

[bowling68]

I am totally supportive of anyone who would give of themselves to help others through a very difficult time in their lives.

Unplanned pregnancy, whether you're a teenager or a middle-aged adult can be devastating. In rural America, if you mention abortion you are given that look , handed a few brochures/flyers that have the phone number for the nearest abortion clinic in the big city 2 hours away and you're sent on your way. When you finally get up the courage to call, you're treated like you just called to set up an appointment to get a wart removed.

Most often the women making this decision are alone, trying to avoid the condemnation of family, friends...keeping it a secret. Just making the initial decision to have an abortion is hard and even if it is the right decision for you, a lot of times you are shamed into thinking that it's wrong. So what happens is you have the baby then you hide the infant, throw it in a garbage bin or desk drawer and just go on like it never happened. Or raise the infant for a few months/years, resenting him/her the whole time until in frustration...well, just take your pick from Crimes Against Children thread.

If the child is lucky the parents realize what a gift they have been given.

ETA: Thanks @cubby I had forgot about the crummy part of town. Wasn't that just a kick in the kick in the balls too

 

[cubby]

I had one when I was 18 and it was pretty much the way @bowling68 described. I am from a small town and I was sent to Atlanta and a crummy section of Atlanta, at that. I had an older friend who went with me and sat in the waiting room while it happened. It has never been mentioned again. Not by my mother, who pretty much forced me into it, and not by the father who has really never spoken to me since I told him I was pregnant. We were engaged until then and he came and took his ring back. Asshole wanted to know who the father was, I was a virgin until I met him. Lowest point of my life. I would have loved having someone there to explain it to me, hold my hand, treat me like a human being instead of just one in a long line of females waiting for their turn.

 

[bowling68]

Birth control is readily available.

Only abstinence is 100% foolproof. Unless you're the Virgin Mary?

 

[kitcatmcgee]

I don't think enough counseling and support are offered to woman that have had abortions. I'm in NJ and you either go to the clinic choose one of three options( wide awake, half twilight, or full twilight) go in the back get the procedure over with and leave about an hour and a half later or if you're not sure what to do you head on over to a "catholic charities" type place where they tell you that you that you can either raise your baby or give her up for adoption but either way you're gonna need to repent for all those babies that were callously murdered when you blocked their conception by taking birth control and using condoms.
(while she's doing an ultrasound) "by using two forms of birth control you no doubt blocked conception thus murdering helpless babies, it looks like God's wrath has come down upon you, the baby inside you has passed" she let me cry for a few minutes and then tells me she was making sure that I cared about the life growing inside me, which I clearly did so she couldn't imagine why I would ever use a condom in the first place....it was one of the most horrifying experiences I've ever been through, that was with my oldest who we had tried a year and a half to conceive, I had already had abortions, had I gone there on the fence about having one they would have talked me out of it.

On the other end the clinic and maybe it's just a NJ thing but everyone there was also cold and uncaring (I'm aware that it's an abortion clinic but that doesn't mean they should treat you like shit). The last abortion I had I didn't want(it led to a suicide attempt 4 months later) they have to show you an ultrasound which they did and I cried,they brought me in to wait and I cried some more and said I don't think I want this. They prepped me and I kept saying I don't think I want this, I don't think I want this, and the woman looked down at me and said " listen lady you already paid" and that was it, I had paid for full twilight so I was out cold. I woke up in recovery with a new type of weight on my shoulders. If an abortion doula was an option that fetus might have turned 6 this coming September or maybe she would have helped me reschedule for a day when I could mentally handle it. I needed to talk to someone before and I sure as shit needed to talk to someone after. Having someone advocate for you in such a high pressure confusing time would be invaluable

 

[BostonBurns]

I get seriously offended by people forcing their religious convictions upon the rest of society. Forced ultrasounds, being told that it is "murder," is just plain fucking wrong, and an attempt to force a religious belief down your throat. "Murder," is a legal term, and the Supreme court has already ruled that abortion is NOT "murder," so all of the steps and roadblocks that they force women to go through to obtain a legal procedure is pure overreach by the government, as far as I'm concerned.

It's interesting that the political party that spouses less government intrusion, fewer regulations for money making enterprises, etc., etc, are the people who force all of the very governmental intrusion that they want to rally you to fight against.....fucking hypocrites much?

 

[spiff]

Birth control is readily available.

When I was 15 it was $28 every 4 weeks, which is $364 a year WITH insurance. And this was 13 years ago, so the cost has presumably increased. Now, $28 is not a big deal to most people but it was when I was a kid, and I assume it matters to people who are broke as all hell. Then there are the costs of doctor appointments on top of that. That doesn't qualify as "readily available" to me. I've always felt it needs to be 100% free, even if the taxpayers have to cover the bill. Has to be cheaper than welfare.

 

[bowling68]

When I was 15 it was $28 every 4 weeks, which is $364 a year WITH insurance. And this was 13 years ago, so the cost has presumably increased. Now, $28 is not a big deal to most people but it was when I was a kid, and I assume it matters to people who are broke as all hell. Then there are the costs of doctor appointments on top of that. That doesn't qualify as "readily available" to me. I've always felt it needs to be 100% free, even if the taxpayers have to cover the bill. Has to be cheaper than welfare.

When I was younger the hospitals in MI had a "Family Planning" program. 15 - 16 year olds, and older of course, could make an appt. get counseling and free exams and birth control scripts, all anonymously. They also helped one of my friends who had gotten pregnant at 16 make life decisions, abort, birth the baby and give up for adoption or birth the baby and keep. She ended up birthing the baby and giving up for adoption. I know she still has a special place in her heart for the NP that took the time to care.

This was many years ago and I don't know if that program is still in existence but I hope it is. No Birth control is 100%. Human variables must be taken into consideration along with the effectiveness of the birth control itself.

It just pisses me off that for those who chose to take the abortion route they are treated like sub human beings. I have no nursing experience but I would gladly be there in a emotionally supportive way.

 

[ManicMommy]

I am about to get extremely personal here at the risk of being blasted on a very personal level but after the birth of my second child (we previously also had a miscarriage after the birth of my first child) my husband and I found ourselves expecting again. Now keep in mind I have had 2 high risk pregnancies but besides both being premature they are both happy & healthy children. The reason for me being high risk is because I have had hypertension all my life...well at about 4 1/2 months I was advised that I had developed a very SERIOUS case of pulmonary hypertension. I was advised that if I decided to attempt to go full term that there was an extremely high chance that I would not survive which would also mean that the baby would not survive either.

Let me tell you...that was one of the hardest times of my life. Not only was I contending with the guilt of this horrible decision I felt I was making (choosing my life & raising my 2 existing kids over the life of the one growing inside of me) but in the State of New Jersey there are only a hand full of doctor's who will do late term abortions and I point blank had been told by 2 doctors that they would not take my case on and sent me on to other doctors because they were nervous of the liability that my heart condition caused.

I took me another 3 weeks to find a doctor who would perform it and another week to make arrangements so I had to live with the knowledge of what I was about to do for another month before the time even came for the procedure. I felt completely ALONE during that time...I felt that people were judging without knowing the entire situation especially when I am all of 5 ft. tall and was already showing quite a bit. There was no emotional support from any of the staff...mine ended up being performed in a hospital about 2 hours from where I live and at no point before or after did anyone stop to ask if I was okay or see if I needed anything. The extent of their concern was simply making sure that I had someone there to drive me home after because even though it was a hospital it was still a same day procedure.

And if all of that weren't bad enough, before I was even given my discharge papers the hospital made me sign a death certificate for "my baby boy"...I'm not sure if this is the case in every state but in the State of New Jersey a death certificate must be filled out for second term abortions. There was not one person through out that entire ordeal that took even one minute to see how I was handling any of this on an emotional level. I wouldn't wish the PHYSICAL PAIN or emotional pain I went through on anyone. I only wish there had even been just one person (besides my husband who wasn't allowed in the room during the procedures the first day or the second day) who would've just taken my hand and said it''' be okay or you aren't wrong for choosing your own life (even if at the time there did not agree).

Sorry....I'm ranting...this is just something that I feel very strongly about...there is very little support for those of us who have or are going through it.

 

[Countess Olenska]

When I was 15 it was $28 every 4 weeks, which is $364 a year WITH insurance. And this was 13 years ago, so the cost has presumably increased. Now, $28 is not a big deal to most people but it was when I was a kid, and I assume it matters to people who are broke as all hell. Then there are the costs of doctor appointments on top of that. That doesn't qualify as "readily available" to me. I've always felt it needs to be 100% free, even if the taxpayers have to cover the bill. Has to be cheaper than welfare.

Birth control and a giant bag of condoms are free at the Health Department. You can just walk in and ask for condoms and they will give you a big ass brown paper bag full of them. You can get pap smears and pills, shots or iud by making an appt. It's what I did when I was poor as shit and really didn't want to get pregnant.

 

[gatekeeper]

Birth control and a giant bag of condoms are free at the Health Department. You can just walk in and ask for condoms and they will give you a big ass brown paper bag full of them. You can get pap smears and pills, shots or iud by making an appt. It's what I did when I was poor as shit and really didn't want to get pregnant.

Our Health Dept. here offers the same along with pre-pregnancy and pregnancy counseling. We also have several, bilingual, satellite clinics in low income neighborhoods around the city who're sourced through the HD.

 

[Pete Bondurant]

It's interesting that the political party that spouses less government intrusion, fewer regulations for money making enterprises, etc., etc, are the people who force all of the very governmental intrusion that they want to rally you to fight against.....fucking hypocrites much?

I do not know a single Republican who actually gives two shits about abortion. Do you want to know why? Think about who gets abortions. Disproportionately, poor women, black women and liberal college girls are the recipients of abortion. It is not in the Republican Party's interest to eliminate abortion. The more abortions there are, the less Democrats. We love it! I'm not supposed to tell you that...I'm letting the cat out of the bag there, but...well...it's true.

 

[gatekeeper]

I do not know a single Republican who actually gives two shits about abortion.

I have a guest room for you and the fam., if you like, and, I'm a gourmet cook. I'll introduce you to an entire auditorium full of staunch, right-wing, conservative Republicans (lots of them business/trade owners with fat wallets) who not only listen to Rushy POO and his "Guh-ROO-veyard of Forgotten Favorites" daily with fervor (along w/others), but they also have monthly rallies/meetings as well as their own "Young Republicans" club.

Oh, and I'm only an hour away from Westboro Baptist Church and good, old Dead Freddie Phelps! Won't that be fun. Ultra conservative Repubs with a membership in the Christian Coalition. They care so much about abortion they get arrested about every other month for picketing abortion clinics, name-calling, coming on their property, name-calling and screaming obscenities on the clinic sidewalks at those going in and out while shoving posters of bloody, dismembered, ripped up babies in their faces right along with the Repub protestors. Of course, they kind of cut their own throats on that whole "Right to Free Speech/Peaceful Assembly" thing since there are now armed LE officers each time they have a mixer and "picket" the clinics.

Sooo, I know you're on the auto-dial on the red phone when it comes to all the Republicans you know re: abortion, but I can hook you up with lots and lots of them you don't. And these folks are not only willing to travel, they put their money (and their political platform on abortion) where their mouths are. They do get arrested a lot, though (and bond out five minutes later) for being a little too politically active sometimes, but they are Elephants from ears to asshole, through and through. I gair-ron-tee. <3

 

[gatekeeper]

Oh crap (whadda day)! Along with others who've already expressed much of my reasoning/opinion, as long this is in place via @Azryhael 's comment:

As long as her only agenda is the best interests of the woman she's been hired by, and not a religious, political, or social one, I think it's a great idea.

and @BostonBurns , too, I absolutely think it's a good idea.

 

[Pete Bondurant]

I have a guest room for you and the fam., if you like, and, I'm a gourmet cook. I'll introduce you to an entire auditorium full of staunch, right-wing, conservative Republicans (lots of them business/trade owners with fat wallets) who not only listen to Rushy POO and his "Guh-ROO-veyard of Forgotten Favorites" daily with fervor (along w/others), but they also have monthly rallies/meetings as well as their own "Young Republicans" club.

Oh, and I'm only an hour away from Westboro Baptist Church and good, old Dead Freddie Phelps! Won't that be fun. Ultra conservative Repubs with a membership in the Christian Coalition. They care so much about abortion they get arrested about every other month for picketing abortion clinics, name-calling, coming on their property, name-calling and screaming obscenities on the clinic sidewalks at those going in and out while shoving posters of bloody, dismembered, ripped up babies in their faces right along with the Repub protestors. Of course, they kind of cut their own throats on that whole "Right to Free Speech/Peaceful Assembly" thing since there are now armed LE officers each time they have a mixer and "picket" the clinics.

Sooo, I know you're on the auto-dial on the red phone when it comes to all the Republicans you know re: abortion, but I can hook you up with lots and lots of them you don't. And these folks are not only willing to travel, they put their money (and their political platform on abortion) where their mouths are. They do get arrested a lot, though (and bond out five minutes later) for being a little too politically active sometimes, but they are Elephants from ears to asshole, through and through. I gair-ron-tee. <3

Tell those assholes to read my post. Abortion is good for the G.O.P.

 

[Pete Bondurant]

I keep condoms and spermicdes and a pack of plan b just incase seriously brah at most all that stuff cost me about 60 roughly buts seriously we have bc that you can use before during and after.

 

[slogan71]

I live in MS where people are so poor they can't feed themselves but they still manage to get pregnant. Birth control and STD treatment are absolutely free yet people are STILL getting pregnant.
Y'all can get mad at me if you want but I think an important point in ending unwanted pregnancies is to stop giving welfare checks and benefits to people who are repeatedly having kids they cannot afford. I wonder how many people would use birth control if their babies didn't guarantee them a check?
As a pediatric nurse I am personally pro life but its my job to support and care for patients no matter who they are or what their circumstances may be. It is a shame to hear that you ladies were not offered the benefit of compassion and kindness while going through your ordeals.

 

[Krystal]

Birth control and STD treatment are absolutely free yet people are STILL getting pregnant.

Some women get pregnant despite taking birth control, regularly and correctly. Happened to me twice.

Not that I don't agree with some people desperately needing to use birth control (or be sterilized in some cases) I'm just pointing out that birth control can fail.

 

[slogan71]

Some women get pregnant despite taking birth control, regularly and correctly. Happened to me twice.

Not that I don't agree with some people desperately needing to use birth control (or be sterilized in some cases) I'm just pointing out that birth control can fail.

Your absolutely right when you say birth control can fail. The only 100% is abstinence.
I became very unpopular a few years ago when MS attempted to outlaw abortion in ALL cases. Some ignorant redneck who claimed to be a Christian stated that a child born of incest could be a blessing...WTF.
I campaigned against the law which as expected failed.
It doesn't matter how you feel about abortion; abortion is a private decision a woman has to make. I think the idea of an abortion doula is beautiful. I cannot imagine what an agonizing decision abortion must b and to have someone to hold your hand would be a wonderful blessing.