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Whisper

#byefelicia
@cubby
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Four members of a suburban Chicago family were found shot dead in their home, with one death ruled a suicide and the rest homicides, police and coroner officials said
[...]
Local media said the victims were an elderly couple and their two severely disabled adult children. Police said they were investigating the incident in Elmhurst
[...]
but there was no threat or danger to others.

The four bodies were discovered Saturday evening after Elmhurst police went to the home for a "well being check
[...]
Frank Stack, 82, died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, while Joan Stack, 82, Mary Stack, 57, and Francis Stack, 49, had all been murdered, according to preliminary results from the DuPage County Coroner's office. All had been shot in the head.
[...]
coroner's office could not say whether Frank Stack had shot the others - referring those questions to police
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Police had given the youngest victim's age as 48.
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citing DuPage County court records, said the adult children of the elderly couple suffered from severe mental disabilities and were in residential care programs but came home nearly every weekend.
https://news.yahoo.com/four-members-suburban-chicago-family-found-shot-death-165443914.html

[...]
82-year-old man fatally shot himself and three members of his family in the head Saturday night in a murder-suicide in west suburban Elmhurst
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According to the DuPage County coroner's office, an autopsy conducted today determined that Frank Stack, 82, committed suicide after shooting his wife Joan, 82, and their two adult children, Frank Jr., 48, and Mary 57. Everyone was shot in the head
[...]
Stack, who neighbors and acquaintances consistently described as a loving and devoted father, was a retired utility crew leader and married to Joan Stack
[...]
The Stacks had four children. Their oldest, Mary, and youngest, Frank Jr., who was the only son, were born severely disabled and in need of constant care,
[...]
and a 1987 story in the Chicago Tribune. The parents provided much of that care during their children's lives.
Pete Sterchele, 52, the Stack's next-door neighbor, said Frank Stack was a "real good guy."

"Some people are just good,"
[...]
"They have it in them and that was just him."
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he was aware of the constant care needed by Frank Jr. and Mary. Asked what he wanted people to know about the family, he said Frank Stack "took care of his children."

"He loved that family very much,"
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"I think he did what he believed was the right thing to do."

Sterchele said police told him that Frank Stack had killed his wife and two children, called in his act to police, and then killed himself. He believes it was a mercy killing.
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Police found four people dead inside the home with "visible gunshot wounds," according to a statement released by the police department overnight.
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identified by police as Francis and Joan Stack, both 82; Francis Stack Jr., 48; and Mary Stack, 57. Police found a weapon inside the home.

Ruth walked away from the press conference without answering questions.
[...]
May 1990, Frank and Joan Stack filed paperwork in DuPage County Circuit Court seeking to have Marty and Francis Jr. eclared legally disabled. A judge granted their request the next month, allowing the parents to serve as their children's appointed guardians. During the next 24 years, report after report documents the couple's steadfast devotion to their children
[...]
son was diagnosed with a "profound level" of mental impairment and was prone to seizures throughout his life, according to court records. He could never speak full words, the records state, but Mary managed to communicate through limited sign language and a few spoken words, including "mommy" and "tree." Both children could walk, see and hear.

Though Mary was considered less disabled than her brother, she had the IQ of a toddler at 35
[...]
The parents cared for them in their Elmhurst home well into their children's adulthood, ensuring each was enrolled in developmental, educational and recreation programs for several decades through the Ray Graham Association in Elmhurst.

In annual progress reports filed each May, court-appointed monitors, medical and developmental professionals praised the parents' efforts to give their children access to the best programs and services available in their community. The experts described the parents as "very involved," "very caring," and "very supportive,"
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her daughter, Joan Stack in 1991 wrote, "Mary enjoys music, people, magazines and T.V. She loves being in her yard, especially swinging on our porch swing. She enjoys visiting her sisters and their families ..."
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records capture happy family times, such as a 1997 vacation to Door County, Wis., and regular trips to the local library, parks and listening to music and shopping together.
[....]
late 1990s, with the parents both in their late 60s, they made the decision to find alternative housing for their disabled adult children.

"Francis Sr. and Joan Stack, Mary's parents, have indicated concern for Mary's future in light of their failing health and the fact that they are getting older. This concern is their reason for seeking residential placement for her," a 1999 report
[...]
Mary Stack, then 42, moved out of her parents home in December 1999 for the first time and into an Addison residential facility with three other disabled women - including one she had attended programs with as a child. The home had 24-hour Ray Graham staff.

Her brother, Frank Jr., had moved into a similar residential facility in Addison about two years earlier.
[...]
both disabled adults came home to Elmhurst nearly every weekend and for holidays and family vacations.

"Frank is taken home every weekend," one court-appointed monitor wrote in a May 2008 report. "Meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Stack was a very pleasant experience.
[...]
Both of the Stack's adult children were moved to another Ray Graham Association residential facility after their original group homes closed. According to court documents filed just four months ago, Mary Stack was living in one in Woodridge, while her brother was nearby in Villa Park. Both still spent their weekends and holidays at home with their parents in Elmhurst.

Kim Zoeller, President and CEO of the Ray Graham Association, confirmed the information in the court records and said that her organization had been involved with the family for at least 20 years and had a "lovely" relationship with the family,
[...]
described as a "very dedicated family."

She said the organization was "devastated."

"We're shocked and very, very sad."

The home where the shootings occurred is a white single-family residence with gray trim. An American flag was on a flagpole in front of the home
[...]
Attached to the house near the roofline was a circular plaque done in a Pennsylvania Dutch style that read "Bless this house" inside a heart-shaped outline.

By late morning, someone had placed four crosses on the front lawn of the home, with the names of the four deceased and their ages marked on them.

Neighbors of the Stack family described them Sunday morning as being friendly neighbors who were well respected throughout the neighborhood.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/subur...d-in-elmhurst-home-20140830-story.html#page=1

this is sad
both parents getting older and worried about who would care for the kid they loved and doted on was just to much
Id bet this was a joint decision
 
This is so sad...this father was terrified of what would happen to his son and daughter after he and his wife passed...so instead he took matters into his own hands. Bless their hearts for giving their two disabled children all of the best years of their lives. It sounds like they were very dedicated parents in making sure their son and daughter received the best care. It must have broke the parents hearts to put them into group homes...sounds like they kept them at home til their health failed. RIP Stack family.
 
Heartbreaking, sad, tragic, and I imagine the pain he felt in his heart at having to do this was above all else. This will be hard for many to understand, but he didn't do it out of evil, he did it out of love. RIP to all.
 
I'd like to say thank you to the person/people that made the crosses and placed them in front of the home. What a beautiful gesture.
 
Sad. TWO severely disabled children? Holy shit what did God have against these folks? What a dick.

Anyways, can't blame this guy at all.
 
This is heartbreaking.

When pregnant with my youngest son, a standard group of test came back with a false positive for a severe chromosomal defect, that would, in the doctor's own words, could leave the baby "not compatible with life". My Husband and I spent the next week waiting for the follow up tests and thinking about things you never want to ever worry about as a parent.

One of the questions still to this day that haunts me is long term care. I have an autoimmune disease. And have had arthritis eating up my spine since I was about 15yrs. So the idea of how I would care for an 'adult baby' was one of the things I had to think about and worry about. How I would lift, carry and bathe my child, say about my Husband's size, with my back.

Our son by the way, was and is just fine :)

But when our youngest was about three, I had to start walking with a cane for a while and this 'haunted' me again. Man, I wish I hadn't looked on here while killing time waiting for the washer to finish up. Hubby is at the station tonight and now I'm gonna have to talk one of my boys into snuggling in bed and watching tv with me tonight :pout:
 
I'm gonna have to talk one of my boys into snuggling in bed and watching tv with me tonight

That sounds so nice, I do remember when my boys would snuggle and watch tv with me, now they're snuggling and watching tv with their wives, I do miss that time.
 
I believe there is a God, I don't know why these parents were given two such severely disabled kids, but I do know why those kids were given those parents, I am sad that it came to this but I believe those kids had good lives, that's a parents job and these parents did their job.
 
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Pretty sure yall know I'm a bitch so my initial thought is what a fucking bastard I get that you love your kids and your kids love you but this was beyond selfish. You can't live without them so YOU decide to play God and when you get old you decide to take them out becoz YOU believe they would be better off dead than without YOU even tho YOU WERE NOT IN THE POSITION TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.
Then the sympathetic part of me is all like these were their babies and they may have really felt that no one would love them like they had loved them even tho like I said above they hadn't been able to take care of them in close to 2 decades. Also they had two able bodied children did they not think they would look after their siblings or they wouldn't be so hurt coz they could "live without" their parents.
I see this no differently than anyone else who decides to commit a murder suicide involving their kids but like @gatekeeper says thats just my 2 cents TYVM.
 
. Also they had two able bodied children did they not think they would look after their siblings
I have friends who since their parents death take care of their sister. They love her but it is a huge burden (It really does not feel good to type that). She has the mentality of a 13 year old and she does not need round the clock care but it is still so hard for them to take care of her. I can imagine as a mom that the way I feel about not turning my 16 year old into a babysitter for my kids would be how a parent would feel about leaving a disabled child with a sibling, only magnified hugely. I agree with a lot of what you say but I think that the father was just in a place where no answer seemed like the right thing to do.
 
You can't live without them so YOU decide to play God and when you get old you decide to take them out becoz YOU believe they would be better off dead than without YOU even tho YOU WERE NOT IN THE POSITION TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.

I think it's a very realistic thing to expect that when the parents are dead and no longer there to speak up for their children, the care and attention they receive in the carehomes could become a lot less than the parents would want provided for the children. Even the very best carehomes have problems with resources and time - it's not their fault, just the way it is. The children lived good lives thanks to these folks, and I can totally understand why the guy did it, even though it is a horrible thing.

And it's not fair to force the care of heavily disabled people on their siblings, even though they may love them. Not everyone is in the position or willing to make that sacrifice.
 
Pretty sure yall know I'm a bitch so my initial thought is what a fucking bastard I get that you love your kids and your kids love you but this was beyond selfish. You can't live without them so YOU decide to play God and when you get old you decide to take them out becoz YOU believe they would be better off dead than without YOU even tho YOU WERE NOT IN THE POSITION TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.
Then the sympathetic part of me is all like these were their babies and they may have really felt that no one would love them like they had loved them even tho like I said above they hadn't been able to take care of them in close to 2 decades. Also they had two able bodied children did they not think they would look after their siblings or they wouldn't be so hurt coz they could "live without" their parents.
I see this no differently than anyone else who decides to commit a murder suicide involving their kids but like @gatekeeper says thats just my 2 cents TYVM.

Shout it from the rooftop! You're far from a bitch (unless it's a good thing ;)).
 
Heartbreaking, sad, tragic, and I imagine the pain he felt in his heart at having to do this was above all else. This will be hard for many to understand, but he didn't do it out of evil, he did it out of love. RIP to all.[/QUOT


I think he had courage in his heart.
 
think it's a very realistic thing to expect that when the parents are dead and no longer there to speak up for their children, the care and attention they receive in the carehomes could become a lot less than the parents would want provided for the children
I worked at a state run facility for mentally disabled adults, and sadly you are so right. The care that people got who's parents were involved was vastly different. Those who had family involved had little comforts that made a huge difference, nicer bedding and pillows, games and entertainment, favorite snacks, favorite clothes, and most important someone to come take them home or on "outings". There were a lot of adults that we could not communicate with and family helped there also, something as small as being told they like a bath instead of a shower made a world of difference or even they don't like to eat with a fork and prefer a spoon.
 
That was more my thought that it wasn't that the parents thought the siblings wouldn't take care of them, just the parents didn't want the other kids saddled with that, they may have their own families with their own set of challenges. And it is still possible that with good care the disabled ones may still outlive their siblings, one of them was the youngest child. So as horrible as that may sound, the parents here were just still being responsible for their disabled children, taking the decision out of the other ones hands so there won't be any questions about who is going to take care of them.
 
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I worked at a state run facility for mentally disabled adults, and sadly you are so right. The care that people got who's parents were involved was vastly different. Those who had family involved had little comforts that made a huge difference, nicer bedding and pillows, games and entertainment, favorite snacks, favorite clothes, and most important someone to come take them home or on "outings". There were a lot of adults that we could not communicate with and family helped there also, something as small as being told they like a bath instead of a shower made a world of difference or even they don't like to eat with a fork and prefer a spoon.
i used to work at a state run facility also and i really liked the residents but they had the worst food and horrible aides that worked there except for me! It was dirty until i started working there i worked 3rd and would clean all night and let some residents sneak out to smoke if i didnt they would try to sneak out themselves anyway. It was really an interesting job i have to say. lots of people with their own mental issues there was never a boring moment!
 
@reneelvsbrian if I had a kid that was in private institution my fear would be that after I was gone and my insurance or money or whatever ran out they would go to state, cause ours was nasty too. The very few "functional" residents that we had spent their time together avoiding the more severe residents because they hit and bit and pulled hair (they didn't do it to be mean they didn't even know what they were doing) It was all around sad and I wouldn't want it for anyone let alone my kid. I agree never dull!!
 
@reneelvsbrian if I had a kid that was in private institution my fear would be that after I was gone and my insurance or money or whatever ran out they would go to state, cause ours was nasty too. The very few "functional" residents that we had spent their time together avoiding the more severe residents because they hit and bit and pulled hair (they didn't do it to be mean they didn't even know what they were doing) It was all around sad and I wouldn't want it for anyone let alone my kid. I agree never dull!!
i thought about calling the state on this home a lady i worked with called state herself but they never did anything.
 
The fear of what will happen to your disabled loved ones is a valid one that many people face every day.
My cousin works with disabled adults and the horror stories of what has happened to some of them when their caregivers have passed is heartbreaking.
They are literally left to die alone.
And as someone who has a mentally disabled cousin in the family, I can tell you that it is draining and challenging.
My cousin has to be watched 24/7 and can get aggressive or scared at times and if her parents aren't there, it isn't pretty.
Her siblings help out when they can but they also have their own relationships and lives to also manage.
And she needs plenty of care. In addition to her other issues, the biggest fear we all have is the fact she is pretty much a sitting duck for any bully to have a cruel laugh at her expense or even worse, a sexual predator.
She would do whatever he (or she) would ask and not have a clue that it's wrong.
I imagine this poor man had those very thoughts in his head and truly thought he was doing an act of mercy.
Breaks your heart, it truly does.
 
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the biggest fear we all have is the fact she is pretty much a sitting duck for any bully to have a cruel laugh at her expense or even worse, a sexual predator.
The girl I mentioned above went missing for a week, she was found at a guys apt. She was filthy and had had sex with a lot of people from there and she stayed willingly, There a lot of people who would take advantage when they have an easy target.
 
I have worked in this field for 27 yrs. working with intellectually disabled adults in group home settings and day support programs. In my program...some folks live in group homes and some live at home with their families. I agree that the care folks receive is sooooooo much better when the families are involved. Some of my folks have NO family contact...its so sad. We make every holiday special for them however we are able. These "kids" lived at home with their parents until they were in their 40's. That's a huge transition and change for disabled people. They missed their parents terribly and vise versa. These parents got their children every weekend and holiday. Very few of our folks have that kind of support. I believe the father did this out of love...not selfishness. Only he knew the bond they all shared all those years of supporting these kids and providing for their needs well into their 60's when their own health began to fail. I work with a person who went through the very same thing and the transition was terrifying for him the first year or so. It was so sad to see....at first but he was able to turn it around. Sadly both of his parents have passed away but he has great family support still.
 
That sounds so nice, I do remember when my boys would snuggle and watch tv with me, now they're snuggling and watching tv with their wives, I do miss that time.
You know what, I begged that little butthead to snuggle in bed with me and he was all "No! I wanna stay up with Sid" (His big brother) but then I roll over this morning and that little asshole was in my bed :p Yeah, he is all big from his britches since turning 11 this summer but sure enough, when Dad's at the Fire Station, he'll sneak in bed with me...
Have you got any grandkids out of them yet? My mom said that grandkids are God's reward for not killing your own kids ;) So I'm just keeping these stinking jerks around so I can get the big pay out!
 
What are they going to do to him at 82? give him life? I tell ya when i am 80, I'm going on a killing spree with my list. Some people need to die.
 
@MandaMalice No grandchildren, my son's are 30 and 35 so not likely. I'm sharing my BFF's 10 month old grandson, he's just walking and very much an adorable handful, so I'm getting a little bit of baby love these days.

My step sister's niece is very developementally disabled, she's 35ish but 2/3 mentally. She also pretty much non verbal, she says a few words but mostly grunts and hand gestures, she's also very strong and can fly into rages when things are not going her way. About 3/4 years ago her mother died of cancer, her father left 5 minutes after she was born when they determined she'd never be even close to "normal". (Asshole). They only had a year to find Carrie a caregiver and luckily her regular caregiver decided to become her foster mother. She went to school and graduated high school when she was 18, but it's just a piece of paper with her name on it. She really doesn't recognize people she doesn't see everyday, but would follow you off to play if she was in the right mood. She would have gone into state care if the carer had not volunteer and it's probably the best place they could have found for her.

I guess I just kinda understand the dilemma this family found themselves in, don't know what I would have done myself, so I can't really judge them.
 
@MandaMalice No grandchildren, my son's are 30 and 35 so not likely. I'm sharing my BFF's 10 month old grandson, he's just walking and very much an adorable handful, so I'm getting a little bit of baby love these days.

My step sister's niece is very developementally disabled, she's 35ish but 2/3 mentally. She also pretty much non verbal, she says a few words but mostly grunts and hand gestures, she's also very strong and can fly into rages when things are not going her way. About 3/4 years ago her mother died of cancer, her father left 5 minutes after she was born when they determined she'd never be even close to "normal". (Asshole). They only had a year to find Carrie a caregiver and luckily her regular caregiver decided to become her foster mother. She went to school and graduated high school when she was 18, but it's just a piece of paper with her name on it. She really doesn't recognize people she doesn't see everyday, but would follow you off to play if she was in the right mood. She would have gone into state care if the carer had not volunteer and it's probably the best place they could have found for her.

I guess I just kinda understand the dilemma this family found themselves in, don't know what I would have done myself, so I can't really judge them.

I'm 31 and don't have any children, but plan to in the near future. Don't give up hope on having grand babies!
 
I think everyone already said what I feel, and that is the father (and mother) could not find a situation which prevented his disabled children from experiencing repeated emotional trauma and fear when they shift from caregiver to caregiver. Someone needs to be at home to look after adults with profound retardation and the couple's children may not have the ability to quit a job to be on-hand for the task. Or pay for special adult daycare if they both work.

My parents' elderly neighbors have an adult disabled daughter. She's almost 50 with severe mental retardation. Normally her life is very peaceful, but she does not handle change very well and from what I understand, her parents haven't ever had a day off from actively caring for her. Once in a blue moon one of the parents will get struck or bitten by their daughter when she gets upset, and I've seen her run around the yard bellowing in anger and it's unnerving to witness. :(

The sad thing is, it's reasonable to expect those children to live another 30+ years. That had to weigh profoundly on the parents' minds as they worried how their children would survive in poor care arrangements long after their funds ran out.
 
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