Dad Punches Toddler In The Face, Mom Comes To The Rescue! * Sarcasm *

[SimplySpaztastic]

I don't care what anyone thinks, I don't spank my mini.

My reasons for not spanking my mini are pretty simple actually- its not laws or the opinions of others, that I fear..

I can't bring myself to spank him because I would absolutely die on the inside, if mini cowered back in fear of me. I would NEVER forgive myself if he looked at me with big, scared, hurt eyes, actually fearful of me.

If he is afraid of me, he won't trust me. If he doesn't trust me, I have failed him. He needs to know that he can come to me with anything and not be afraid of my reaction. Trust isn't taught- it is earned. It is not earned by a blow to the face.. It is earned by my patient reactions, my loving advice, and the examples I myself set for him. Children are products of their environment, following the examples we as their parent (and ultimate protectors) set...

How does one punch a child for being a child, and call that parenting?! How do you teach a child coping skills and emotional response, if your first reaction is anger and ultimately violence?!?

That being said, I don't/ haven't/ won't/ can't spank my kid and not everyone will agree with MY reasoning. I feel it far more effective to have a trusting, loving bond with my kid- his behavior, compassion for others, and his own self worth, remind me everyday why I know I'm right!

 

[JackBurton]

If he is afraid of me, he won't trust me

This is bull. Children SHOULD be afraid of their parents. They should be terrified of dissapointing them, terrified of repurcussions for fucking up, terrified of everything. There's zero connection between that and trust. It doesn't take actual physical violence to instill that fear either. My father was the most terrifying human being i've ever known in my entire life and he never struck me or my siblings a single time, i'm not sure if his anger he'd scare us with was even genuine. It's all about puttin on a good show.

 

[SimplySpaztastic]

This is bull. Children SHOULD be afraid of their parents. They should be terrified of dissapointing them, terrified of repurcussions for fucking up, terrified of everything. There's zero connection between that and trust. It doesn't take actual physical violence to instill that fear either. My father was the most terrifying human being i've ever known in my entire life and he never struck me or my siblings a single time, i'm not sure if his anger he'd scare us with was even genuine. It's all about puttin on a good show.

Yes, children should fear disappointing or letting their parents down as a result of their actions. Or not meeting expectations. Or acting a fool, like they weren't raised with morals and values. They should not fear a fist to the face, as a result of disappointing their parent, or not meeting expectations.

There is a HUGE difference in being terrified of not meeting parents expectations, or of not meeting parents expectations then getting punched in face over it!

The chance of making a lasting impression, teaching a valuable lesson, or disciplining an out of line bratty kid becomes much higher when a child is aware of what they did, how it made them feel, how their actions affect others, why their behavior was wrong and how they can behave differently next time.

Having the self control and patience to communicate expectations and properly address situations, teaches the child detrimental coping and life skills.

This method of parenting is so much more effective when used while a child isnt having to dodge blows to the face. I'm just saying...

 

[JackBurton]

They should not fear a fist to the face

Depends.

If a parent is so good at getting scary angry that a child thinks there's even a slim possibility of this, then good deal. The fear doesn't have to be based on any actual past punishment, just the belief that it COULD happen. Outright threats are great too. No harm done, potential kid fuckshituppery prevented.

 

[Scrappy too]

I am hesitant to point out the most obvious potential variable.

Poor, uneducated parents are most likely to use physical punishment.

That's not to say rich, brilliant people won't. But... yeah.

I understand your hesitation. I'm sure it's gonna be hard to get statistical support for your supposition. The way I see it, educated and greater income is just more likely to be your ally when you want to hide or minimize your abusive (and by this I mean actually abusive, not spanking or even spanking that is more physical than is necessary to make your point to the child) practices/attitudes when raising children.

The only education that seems to be of help is when folks have an open mind and listen to arguments for and against spanking.

 

[Scrappy too]

Depends.

If a parent is so good at getting scary angry that a child thinks there's even a slim possibility of this, then good deal. The fear doesn't have to be based on any actual past punishment, just the belief that it COULD happen. Outright threats are great too. No harm done, potential kid fuckshituppery prevented.

What you are talking about is children fearing the consequences of making mistakes or of genuinely choosing misbehavior. But you advocate that by intimidation. I am not raising a child to fear or dislike me. I am hoping to raise a person who understands that there are consequences for your actions...make bad choices, suffer unpleasant consequences.

I want to raise a person who THINKS before they act, who understands that when I give you a consequence for your misbehavior I do it because I expect you to try to make a better choice next time. Same bad choice, escalating consequence. Sort of how the legal system is supposed to work.

I don't want my children to make good choices because they fear physical violence, I want them to do it because it is the wise, kind, or ethical thing to do. Doing it because I'm bigger, stronger, or more violent than them and able to impose my will upon them does not promote the development of my child into a thoughtful, ethical adult. IMHO

And really, so far you have taught me nothing about parenting...only defended an aggressive style of child rearing that may be desireable to you but is of no interest to me. Sorry.

 

[JackBurton]

But you advocate that by intimidation.

Hefty amounts of fear, intimidation, and communication are a parents greatest tools.

I don't want my children to make good choices because they fear physical violence, I want them to do it because it is the wise, kind, or ethical thing to do.

The problem is kids are fucking stupid. They often don't understand ethics, often aren't wise, shit most don't even have the ability to use basic human logic until they're teens and then the hormones and attitudes start posing a threat.