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How about food tampering laws? Can they not get him with those?

Good lord - there has to be a charge that would cover this. Maybe not the one the victim wants (i.e., sexually motivated) but even disorderly conduct would cover this (intentionally or knowingly engaging in seriously disruptive behavior). My gut is this was overcharged - and could've resulted in a conviction if chosen differently. His act was repulsive, but wasn't an act related to sex - it's a power trip. Grrr....I'd be super pissed to find that had been happening to me.
 
There's not a man on the planet who hasn't tried his own brew. We all eat boogers and scabs at least once when we're kids. That curiosity doesn't end with the onset of puberty.

Fair enough. In that case, how would you feel like try to add your own "brew" to some hot water or a cup of tea (I can tell from earlier posts in this thread that you are probably not a coffee drinker so would not expect you to keep that in the house) and tell us what happens? For science?
 
Fair enough. In that case, how would you feel like try to add your own "brew" to some hot water or a cup of tea (I can tell from earlier posts in this thread that you are probably not a coffee drinker so would not expect you to keep that in the house) and tell us what happens? For science?

I hate hot beverages. It mixes fine in thicker liquids taken cold such as milk or heavy pulp OJ though, doesn't change the taste at all. Well milk it does, but only if you're mixing it in with a small amount of milk. Anything over 2 cups and it's not gonna be noticeable i figure. I'm not sure the heat would matter much, i know it doesn't with alfredo sauce, but i suppose both the color and viscosity of that makes it far too different from a cup of coffee for any worthwhile comparisons.

I'm sure this woman has grounds for a civil suit, wonder if she'll pursue that avenue. I can't think of a jury that wouldn't award damages, especially since he admitted to the police he had in fact done it.
 
“This just says if you put your bodily fluids in someone else’s food, that counts for criminal sexual conduct as well,” Hilstrom said.

Four questions come to mind (no pun intended).

1) As others have pointed out, wouldn't this fall under some sort of food tampering offense if not a sex offense?

2) Wouldn't pulling out your junk and whacking it in a public space be considered a sex offense?

3) If the above quote is codified into law, would it then become a sex offense when a waiter spits in your food because you are a shitty customer?

4) Will this ultimately result in DNA testing of food and drinks for the purpose of prosecuting food-rape crimes?
 
Pat Maahs said she found fluid on her desk last August after catching a co-worker standing near the edge of it, near her cup of coffee.
How long was he standing there jerking off? It's a serious question (sort of) was she not paying attention to him standing there (not victim blaming at all) or is he just incredibly "fast"? Two pump chump?

See, not victim blaming, perp blaming and shaming:smug:.
 
Okay, so after all this debate...has anybody actually jacked off into a cup of coffee yet to see how noticeable it may be?? Because now I'm really wondering and if anybody's gonna do it, you know my pecker is always primed and ready.
 
I wonder if he wasn't jacking off in the office, but maybe brought in the spooge in a different container? A wee bag or something?? Doing it at home before he came in (morning wood) or in the bathroom at break time??
 
Okay, so after all this debate...has anybody actually jacked off into a cup of coffee yet to see how noticeable it may be?? Because now I'm really wondering and if anybody's gonna do it, you know my pecker is always primed and ready.

I don't think anybody has, so I think you should put action behind those words and tell us the results! :)
 
This is ridiculous, he could have have some bodily fluid or blood borne disease and it is a form of assault.
This lady needs a better lawyer. All states have bio hazard laws in place for dealing with medical waste and potentially infectious waste. You cannot assault someone with a bio hazard. It's how cops are able to charge someone who spits on them, assault with a bodily fluid. Semen falls into those laws.

Which body fluids are considered infectious?
  • Amniotic fluids
  • Blood and its components
  • Cerebrospinal and synovial fluid
  • Dialysate and dialysis waste
  • Pericardial and pleural fluid
  • Peritoneal
  • Saliva in dental procedures
  • Semen
  • Vaginal secretions

Minnesota also has an adulteration law(adding a substance, not a sexual one) they could have used to charge him.
 
Honestly I'd love to see how she would approach this with her local Senator/representatives..

.... Explaining what happened to her.
... her on the local news with signs drumming up support (what would they say?) :shrug:

:crack::crack::crack::crack:
 
THE RESULTS ARE IN

I was going to be funny and deliver the results in a scientific peer review type of report, but know you are all waiting for the results. So simply:

I used an 8 oz coffee mug. Coffee temp was 155 degrees. Coffee was black.

Initially, some of the load sank to the bottom, some floated on top. A quick stir and it all disappeared. No unusual odor was detected.

I then added some creamer to see if this would change anything. It did not.

However, upon emptying the mug, it was found the entire load had sunk to the bottom and taken on some of the color of the coffee and creamer. So, somebody drinking this, nearing the bottom of the mug, would be faced with an gelatinous blob that looks like a black oyster or something - hard to miss.

Finally, regarding the taste - I don't know, and I'm not testing that.
 
THE RESULTS ARE IN

I was going to be funny and deliver the results in a scientific peer review type of report, but know you are all waiting for the results. So simply:

I used an 8 oz coffee mug. Coffee temp was 155 degrees. Coffee was black.

Initially, some of the load sank to the bottom, some floated on top. A quick stir and it all disappeared. No unusual odor was detected.

I then added some creamer to see if this would change anything. It did not.

However, upon emptying the mug, it was found the entire load had sunk to the bottom and taken on some of the color of the coffee and creamer. So, somebody drinking this, nearing the bottom of the mug, would be faced with an gelatinous blob that looks like a black oyster or something - hard to miss.

Finally, regarding the taste - I don't know, and I'm not testing that.
I appreciate your hard work in putting this matter to rest. Thank you.
 
This whole conversation is

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Thank you for this Nell. Thank you. I just can't even right now. The fact that this even is being debated right now has me icked out. I didn't even read the article I just knew the comments would make me cringe.
I'd cut this guy's dick off and beat him with it.
 
O.K. @rod2pop , as a man of Science, you've done the initial work - the handy and the "gross" results of the initial experiment are in. You're almost done. I can't make this any shorter, pard', it's gotta be done right if we're gonna get that grant money.

First, go get yourself a standard 400X magnification, illuminated microscope and a slide kit. I'd letcha use mine, but I don't know where the f**k you are, so we're gonna have to make do. I'll send you half on the equipment and supplies when we're done. As long as we keep meticulous records, :writer: the University Grant Committee doesn't give a f**k what we use (don't sweat it, I'll write up the application :smuggrin:).

Not sure, but I think you should still be able to get the slides in small quantities of 25 slides or less complete with the clear specimen/smear covers. There are some really reasonably priced scopes with both course and fine magnification out there that guys buy from Amazon and other vendors to do their own at-home sperm counts (true!). Remember - expensive doesn't mean shit here, Rod. We're studying splooge, not lookin' for a gd atom. Let the guys up at the Hadron Collider play with that pricey shit. :greedy:

Now remember, you have to make a "smear" here. You can't just get all handsy and excited and go into a seizure on a little piece of glass willy nilly 'cuz you'll just end up playing blast 'em and ruin the whole slide. Not only will you not be able to see your little athletes clearly and independently, your load'll look like a gd clusterf**k :wacky: under the microscope and you'll have to start ALL over again. You could end up having to repeat this so many times you could end up falling asleep face down in a big ol' puddle of snoodle snot all over the floor with weak knees and a raw, spent dick in your hand. We don't want the wife to catch you with your pants down, Rod. She may be cool as hell :cool: and just step over you and your little lake 'o baby gravy to put the kettle on, mumbling something about you being a "weird-assed ol' f**k again," but it's still not kosher, man. Trust me. You may be the filmmaker, but she'll have your bare, hairy :mooning: uploaded to her FB acct. before your next snore.:snaphappy:

This next part is where the real commitment comes in, partner, b/c you've only got less than 45 min. before your gooey, little tadpoles start to croak off from exposure and start sticking to the live ones slowing them down, and we want 'em fiesty and squirmin'. Got that? It's a critical factor for optimum results, so you're not gonna have time to bask in the afterglow on this one, dude. NO :cigar:, NO nap :yawn:. This is Science! FFS. They wanna live long enough to teach us something about cummy coffee as bad as we want them to, too, Rod!

K. It's go time, man. Put the coffee on and get everything gathered and set up on the kitchen table before Lift Off. Don't forget the coffee cup! When the coffee's done, set the alarm on your cell or prog your oven/micro timer for 45 min. Get your sleaziest, hottest, nastiest, most shamefully dirty, private, consenting adult(s) fantasy in your mind and when your sausage hits the haffa chub mark, drop those drawers and those tidy whities (we need a clean catch sample - no cotton fuzzies or fibers!), hit that timer and GO BUDDY! It's all you! Spank that monkey like the dirty, dirty, little slut he is! When that baby starts twitchin' (you know what I'm talkin' about ;)), grab your coffee cup and let that bad boy shoot himself straight into next week with a yank and a HOWL! I'm talkin' blow the fuggin' bottom outta that cup so hard those little f**kers are running around in circles from mass concussions. Now, hurry up (remember, no glow!) grab your loop, make your slide, put it on the plate and count those crazy little monsters. :drowning: :drowning: :drowning: Make sure and give 'em a big thumbs up for being troopers. They're on a suicide mission. They'll appreciate the support.

Check your time, set your stop watch for five minutes and do what you already did with the coffee the first time. When time is up, pour off the coffee until you get to the big, ol' slimy, goo blob in the bottom of the cup. Pour off as much liquid as you can then take your loop again (for gawdsakes, tell me you cleaned the gd thing after you slid it around in your load the first time :rolleyes: ) and make another slide. Now count the poor, little sad sacks that're still struggling to stay alive, if there are any. They're generally heat labile, so if they all died in the line of duty, it's O.K. Salute them and say a few words over their dead, little, spermy carcasses, i.e., "thanks for giving your life for Science, boys. I'm gonna miss ya, " or something like that.

Finally, compare your data and record the ratio/difference, even if it's a 100% death rate. If it's not, convert your numbers into a percentage and record it (I need it for the Abstract. I can do it, but you're the experimental guy here, so don't be a slacker). I'll go ahead and write up the conclusions as soon as you email me your notes. Go ahead and send a screenshot of the blobby pile of dead guys at the bottom of your cup, so I can pay my respects to the brave, little soldiers, too. Hopefully, we can bilk the government out of at least $100K in Research funding using this story to base our original hypothesis on - "How Many Live Sperm Were Likely Still Swimming Around in a Woman's Mouth Five Minutes After a Man Came in Her Coffee?" With some of the stupid shit they dole out the big bucks for, we oughta be in like Flint with this one, lol. :D
 
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O.K. @rod2pop , as a man of Science, you've done the initial work - the handy and the "gross" results of the initial experiment are in. You're almost done. I can't make this any shorter, pard', it's gotta be done right if we're gonna get that grant money...

Holy fuck. I knew you were funny, but...this is pricelessly fucking hilarious.

Incidentally, when I was younger, I did have a nice microscope, and I actually did view my sperm under there (with my first wife, she was amused I even thought of it), so I was reliving all that as I was reading your words, and knew exactly what it all looked like under magnification as you described it.

Thank you for taking the time to compose so hilarious a dissertation regarding my antics, it's so much nicer than the insults I'm getting of late (I can't access the "heart" icon while here at work, so imagine a nice big red loving heart right here).

I'm certain all the sperm must have been dead. The moment they hit the heat their proteins would have denatured, just like the white of an egg placed on a hot griddle.
 
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Holy fuck. I knew you were funny, but...this is pricelessly fucking hilarious.

Incidentally, when I was younger, I did have a nice microscope, and I actually did view my sperm under there (with my first wife, she was amused I even thought of it), so I was reliving all that as I was reading your words, and knew exactly what it all looked like under magnification as you described it.

Thank you for taking the time to compose so hilarious a dissertation regarding my antics, it's so much nice than the insults I'm getting of late (I can't access the "heart" icon while here at work, so imagine a nice big red loving heart right here).

I'm certain all the sperm must have been dead. The moment they hit the heat their proteins would have denatured, just like the white of an egg placed on a hot griddle.

:joyful: Cool about the microscope. Pretty cool, isn't it? A lot of guys (and interested gals) don't know you can do your own sperm count and check out their numbers, hardiness, motility, tails, etc. at home. I make slides out of EVERYthing just for the fun of it (I know, I'm a wilde childe livin' on the edge, lol :rolleyes: ).

After I read your great post, I had this quick little visual wondering what all their dead carcasses looked like in the residue inside her mouth and I just had to share. I agree at 155F they'd be dead on contact, but it was kinda fun to think about. :) For the :vomit: tummies, I know, I know, "Eeeeew!" :kiss: <3
 
I had this quick little visual wondering what all their dead carcasses looked like in the residue inside her mouth and I just had to share. I agree at 155F they'd be dead on contact, but it was kinda fun to think about. <3

You really make your own slides? That is awesome. I used to do that with my daughter when she was small, hoping it would interest in her science (for some reason, it didn't). Although she did like our nature walks.

I hafta tell ya, I don't know how this woman was able to down that load and not know it was there. It really was the very last thing out of the cup, because it was heavier and stayed on the bottom. How did she not see that big snotty glob slowly rolling toward her mouth? I guess she could have been looking at the work on her desk, but every time? Heck, maybe she's a girl who swallows, so didn't think anything of it? "Eh, tastes kinda like a guy's load...whatever."

Anyway, like most others here, I found it incredible that the judge wasn't able to find something of which to convict the guy, especially when you consider the biohazard info posted somewhere above. I mean, that's like a fucking given.

By the way, I know some will find this strange, but...I think about those sperms I put on the slide, or even all the ones that were left as residue somewhere, and it makes me wonder if they know they are dying and are they in some sort of pain? I know we think of them as just chemicals but...well, they're part of me, so I feel for them.
 
Heck, maybe she's a girl who swallows, so didn't think anything of it? "Eh, tastes kinda like a guy's load...whatever
Yeah, um, NO. As a swallower there is no way on God's green Earth I'm going to swallow a wad of snot like coffee substance without batting an eye.

I'm seriously not trying to get too gross here but there is a huge difference between swallowing cum in a sexual context and randomly gulping unknown substances. Swallowers know it's coming (ugh, no pun intended there), random snot globs in my drinks, nope no even gonna start to happen.

Oh and thank you for sacrificing in the name of science for us.;)
 
Oh and thank you for sacrificing in the name of science for us.;)

Well, I'll admit, it was a pretty hefty sacrifice - I wouldn't do that for just anybody - but I really wanted to help out and put all those curious minds to rest. Now we know and are all the better for it. As my name suggests, I was made for this type of thing.
 

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