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Atrixwolfe

Member
Okay Satanica said I could get cookies if I did an introduce yourself thread. I do love me some cookies. (The thing they say about the Dark Side having cookies is a lie, btw. We did have cookies but I ate them all and hoard every one I can find for myself!) I guess I’ve been a member since 2013 which is kind of news to me cuz I totally don’t remember signing up. That will all be explained later. My dilemma here is do I leave this short and sweet or do I give you the War and Peace break down of the Festival of Weirdness that is my life? Because it’s filled with action, adventure, heartbreak, death, romance, fencing, fighting, chases, escapes, true love……… wait a minute that’s The Princess Bride hang on I got sidetracked that happens a lot. Looks like I’ve opted for the cliff notes version, kinda.

My screen name Atrixwolfe comes from a book I discovered when I was about 17 titled “The Book of Atrixwolfe”, I thought it sounded cool and it became my email and my other screen names since then. I would like to get rid of it because it’s really not me anymore. I am now called DarthMom and I will force choke anyone who messes with my Young Apprentice. She’s 11 now and too smart for her own good. She is known in my family as Mini-Me because she is just like me, poor child. (Only not as goofy looking.) She’s an old soul who cares very deeply about everyone and everything, sometimes to her own detriment.

I married a man named Michael Myers 12 and a half years ago. While my daughter and I think it’s absolutely fabulous that the head of our household is Michael Myers, he’s kind of tired of the jokes that people lay out on him when they hear his name. He was born before the Halloween movies came out and no one has ever let him forget that since. If one does not run in horror circles, he’s Shrek or Wayne or Austin Powers. No one forgets his name though. Me? I’m “Oh yeah, you’re Michael Myers’s wife!!” Great. I went from being so and so's daughter and so and so's little sister to Michael Myers’s wife and so and so's mom. I owe that to my misanthropic ways. Not being seen in public much tends to make one forgettable.

I was born in a tiny mountain town high in the Rockies of Colorado. Driving past it on the freeway if you blink, you’d miss it. Population of 500, everyone knew everyone, what they were doing and who they were doing it with. My mom was the town clerk so of course she really did know everyone, my dad was a manager at the small air service station that was there and they were both volunteers on the fire department. My older sister who had a beautiful voice and a beautiful face was in several local beauty pageants and dated the most popular guy. You'd think all that would pave the way for me. Nope. Small, shy, pale bespectacled, often plagued with migraines, freckles, braces, ADD, and a mop of red unruly hair. I preferred the company of books over people. Books don't judge, books don't bully, books don't call you names. So I was the quintessential dork nerd geek freak whatever you want to call me. I own that now, I prefer to call myself an outcast genius. Delusions of grandeur? Possibly.

I only came into my own as a junior in high school when one girl just pushed me to my limit and I put my fist through a window behind her head. People left me alone after that. I graduated from high school early took a job and tried to save up money to attend school in Russia for a year on an exchange program. I lived there 1992-1983. This was just after the fall of Communism and boy did I see some shit over there. Came home, moved my happy ass out to Southern California where I started college. Not realizing just how freaking expensive the damn books were for all the classes, plus lab fees, I had to stop going and get a real job. Things were going well; I was no longer the ugly duckling, I was in my early 20’s driving a brand new Mustang, making $30,000 a year (that was a lot to me!), lived in La Costa, blond surfer boy/executive boyfriend, the works. Then unable to keep my big mouth shut I was fired because I made some comments about our CEO boffing his secretary, although that wasn’t reason they fired me, yeah right. It was disgusting. He was under 12 federal indictments at the time for the Savings and Loan Scandal and his wife stood by him the entire time, after he was acquitted of everything, he starts screwing his secretary! Surfer boy cheats on me on my birthday, so THAT ended too. Fast forward a few years; new job, new boyfriend who turns into husband, new house, two cats, plans for kids, attending college for forensics, intern at the M.E.’s office. Life is good!

Then the universe bitch slapped me. My husband was killed in a motorcycle accident a week before his 25th birthday. I lost everything. With love and support of my family and a few close friends, I carried on. It was tough, not gonna lie but I did it. Got involved with a new man, who supported me financially, physically, emotionally and wanted to marry me but he turned out to be a raging alcoholic. I’d already buried one husband, wasn’t looking to do it again so soon. So it was me or the bottle, he choose the bottle and once again, my happy ass packed all my shit and hit the road. To Texas this time. Why Texas? My sister and her family had moved here a few years prior and then my parents followed, to be closer to the grandkids. As I wasn’t working, I had no money, so my parents let me move in with them.

Finding a job was difficult in the one horse town my parents lived near, going back to school was impossible. I ended up schlepping tree branches around for a tree trimming guy, who paid me cash. During all of this, my health took a dive. Migraines almost all the time, anxiety, full body aches and pains, fatigue, insomnia, depression, addiction to the pain pills doctors kept throwing at me. My parents lived out in the middle of friggin nowhere, so social life? Hahahahaha! Mom suggested and paid for me to join e-harmony. I know, kinda lame. I humored her, besides my dad was kinda hoping for a grandchild from his biological daughter. He adopted my sister when he married our mom, she was 3. I didn’t know that bit of information until I was 13. It worked out though, met Michael, got married, my health improved somewhat, no more pain pills, had our daughter, he gets great job with big local airline, buy a house, two dogs, a rabbit named Kraken because shouting “Release the Kraken!” when letting it out of it’s cage never gets old. All we needed was a picket fence but those are against HOA regulations, puckerbutts the lot of them. Things are great!

SMACK!! Here’s the universe again!! No, not poor little Kraken going to the big rabbit hutch in the sky, although that WAS sad. Cancer. Not just any cancer, no not me! A rare blood cancer with no cure. An unclassified myloproliverative neoplasm disorder. But wait, there’s more! Fibromyalgia too, just for fun! Basically, my body is trying to kill me. 43 years old, need a cane to get around (and it’s awesome! Clear lucite with a silver skull on top.) forget stuff all the time, in pain all the time, sleep? What’s that? Prescription pharmacy on my kitchen counter (no pain meds though. I refuse. Kratom & CBD oil baby!), herbal supplements galore, monthly trips to five different doctors, I’m close friends with my phlebotomist and pharmacist because I see them so much. My mind, once a steel trap, able to remember just about anything and everything has turned into mush. I get lost in our neighborhood, struggle to form cohesive sentences; depending on pantomime and interpretive dance to get my point across and have to depend on my daughter and husband to remind me put pants on before I leave the house. My hair has been exiting stage left and (right) for some time now, just bought my first wig. Goody!! Having to go out is panic inducing, the people, the traffic, will I remember where I’m going? Will I remember how to get home? Will I have a “dizzy spell” while driving? (Mini seizures, the light beer of seizures).

So, I spend A LOT of time at home, in bed or at my desk, in pain trying to distract myself with tv, movies, books, music, PC games, the internet. Saving my strength and energy to take care of the household one hour a day and our daughter. She’s the reason I get out of bed in the morning. My husband, the poor guy, he’s raising the two of us on his own! He does an excellent job too, whilst having the patience of a Saint. Humor gets me through the moments when I can’t find my words or way or pants. Do I joke about dying? Yes. Our daughter’s “fairy” Godmother has agreed to attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand in the back of the room, pointing at anyone who coughs or sneezes. I want “Drop it like it’s hot” played at my service too. Nobody gets out alive, people. I plan to enjoy what time I have and want people to laugh when they remember me.

So, I might not comment or post that much but I do enjoy reading the articles and love, love, love the comments. Any thread with tard defenders or the tards themselves especially make me happy. My husband knows when I find a good thread, I give an evil little laugh. “Tard defenders.” He says. “Oh my yes!” I reply. He pats me gently on the head and wishes me a good night. I might accidentally hit response buttons or post random letters because my fingers sometimes have a mind of their own while I’m reading and start drifting off to glorious yet elusive sleep. Or because I’ve dropped my tablet on my face. I do apologize if that occurs. Thinking about becoming a BOLD member soon.

If you’ve come this far, huzzah!!

TL;DR I’ma sickly weirdo married to Michael Myers who forgets to wear pants out of the house sometimes. Huzzah!!
 
Have a cookie and hello! Nice intro! My husband would totally love to be called Michael Myers. We don’t require pants around here so ur good!!
 
That was amazing. I'm sorry to learn of your many challenges, and you're not alone. I love your grim reaper idea. Unfortunately, I've willed my body to the local medical school but maybe my loved ones could have a Grim Reaper at my going away party. I do want it to be fun even if I'm not there!

It's too bad I can only give you one cookie. You deserve at least a dozen for that detailed intro.
 
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Bravo! That was amazing. You've answered all my questions but one.

Am I your favorite?
[doublepost=1516310038,1516309966][/doublepost]Also I have requested in my will that they play this song at my funeral as the pallbearers take my body out. Kindred spirits? I think so!

 
Michael Myers’


I know one thing, we all gonna loooooove you around here. Nobody wil ever have to wonder what you're thinking, that's for sure. Oh yeah, better keep that awesome cane handy if you're ever near the couch, might need it to ward off the evil stickies.:D
 
Welcome! You are invited to stop by my house any time, and it is always "no pants o'clock" here, so even if you forgot your pants, it won't matter. I'll bake cookies, and endeavor not to get any pubic hair in the cookie dough, because I am classy like that. <3

PS - While I may be newer than many of you, I'm pretty sure I am the favorite. :p
 
I see you went the War and Peace route and successfully so.

Welcome to the Den.
Oh no, that was just the cliff notes version, there's a lot twists & turns I left out! (Mostly because I can't remember it all so good anymore. I'm pretty sure my husband has a logbook of everything for when he finally commits me.)
[doublepost=1516320705,1516320667][/doublepost]Awwwwwwwwwww, thanks demons, my cockles have been warmed.
 
Welcome! You are invited to stop by my house any time, and it is always "no pants o'clock" here, so even if you forgot your pants, it won't matter. I'll bake cookies, and endeavor not to get any pubic hair in the cookie dough, because I am classy like that. <3

PS - While I may be newer than many of you, I'm pretty sure I am the favorite. :p


Always raising the bar to an unreasonable high for the rest of us, aintcha?
[doublepost=1516336239,1516328028][/doublepost]
Oh no, that was just the cliff notes version, there's a lot twists & turns I left out! (Mostly because I can't remember it all so good anymore. I'm pretty sure my husband has a logbook of everything for when he finally commits me.)
[doublepost=1516320705,1516320667][/doublepost]Awwwwwwwwwww, thanks demons, my cockles have been warmed.

Your WHAT have been warmed???? :eek:
 
Welcome! You are invited to stop by my house any time, and it is always "no pants o'clock" here, so even if you forgot your pants, it won't matter. I'll bake cookies, and endeavor not to get any pubic hair in the cookie dough, because I am classy like that. <3

PS - While I may be newer than many of you, I'm pretty sure I am the favorite. :p
U r now my new favourite no matter what! Just because ur classy
[doublepost=1516336438,1516336382][/doublepost]Always happy to keep the cockles warm around here...
[doublepost=1516336469][/doublepost]
Always raising the bar to an unreasonable high for the rest of us, aintcha?
[doublepost=1516336239,1516328028][/doublepost]

Your WHAT have been warmed???? :eek:
I was thinking the SDT!
 
Welcome!
Sorry you've been through/are going through so much crap!
Glad you have Michael Myers to help!
Id give you a cookie, but I'm not bold yet either, so here's the best I can do right now...
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:<3<3<3<3<3
Eta - oops. Thought you had to be bold to give cookies!
Have given cookie, but you can also keep the hugs & love!
 
Holy fuck. The only way I'm touching this one with a ten foot pole is if I beat it to death.
[doublepost=1516421002,1516420053][/doublepost]Ugh..dude isn't that much of a yard..
 
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