Thank you very much, you have no idea how much it means that someone understands that it is effecting me, I'm not at all trying to be selfish and get attention, honestly I wouldn't want it not that way for sure. I just was looking for information and honestly somewhere I might be able to talk. I'm married now and my husband is pissed that I'm upset in the slightest and says he's just getting what's coming to him and so on... While I completely understand that rational it's still disturbing to think I spent 5 years with this man and we had a child together and I never in a million years would have suspected this happening. Cps (child welfare) called me today to get as much information on him as they could and dig up dirt on him . I didn't think I'd be much help but she seemed to think it was helpful. He never laid a hand on my son, I caught him making meth while I was at work two different times when I couldn't take custody from him but the first time I didn't even know what I was seeing, the second time I knew and it was the last! We had moved 6 hours away from all the negative bad people that supposedly was the reason for him not being able to stop so that is why I trusted that was it and he wouldn't ever do it again. I'm very ignorant to drugs as I've not had a past with them. Or I was, after this al happened I armed myself with the knowledge I needed to know what materials I needed to look out for when I was around him. I've been with my husband for nearly 5 years and he's taken my son under his wing like his own but I have no father (I've had a few shitty stand ins) and know what it's like to not be picked, to not feel important enough for my father to call, email, text, or even just ask my mother how I was. No birthdays, Christmass, or any acknowledgement of my existence for 26 years. That's tough and I know a lot of people know that struggle and always wonder if it was in some way them or the burden that came along with having to father me. I didn't want that for my son. I was married to his father that is rare to see a man be here through the pregnancy and a year after and then have nothing to do with the child. I think. I would think the attachment would be strong at that point. He loved his son very much and was so proud of him! I don't think I could have met a prouder father. He was avusive on the past and things got bad for us and then I found out he was sling drugs again. (He stopped when I threatened to leave him 2 months into our relationship. I was 17 and stupid! And of course in love. So I always thought he'd get his shit together and be a good father I gage him countless chances all while my now husband sat back seathing at the very thought of it. But I was not going to be that woman that got a bf and then decided things would just be easier for ME if my past wasn't there to bother me or knock on my door every other weekend. So I even begged him for our son to be there. I think he tried but I think the drugs won unfortunately. I know people might roll their eyes and think I'm an idiot and I'm in no way standing up for this mans actions I mean even one scratch on another child deserves jail time in my eyes! But I do not believe he would ever hurt his own children. I'm sick because this little girl is in the hospital who we all know didn't deserve this, I'm sick that I couldn't get that woman to listen to me as many times as I plead with her and told her he would ruin her life and I'm sick that my son may never ever get to know who his true father was at one point in time. Not the person he is now but the person I saw in him when we got pregnant and the person I know he could have been if he had just stopped doing drugs. I don't think he was doing meth anymore, meth makes him very very skinny. This is a 6'7 man so you can tell when he is on meth! Other stuff? Maybe... Drinking? I could definitely see that! That's when he used to beat me. More than likely this man (my sons father) will die in prison because people(including me) don't like child abusers and he should have already been in prison! He had 4 warrants out for his arrest and they would never ever put him in prison or jail for more than 2 weeks... I can't imagine why.... He will not make it because he knows stuff a lot of stuff that other people don't want getting out there and he's given a lot of it already which is why he was out in the first place and able to do this! This county will have a lot of questions to answer considering this fact. Nark or not no amount of information was important enough for this baby girl to be hurt! I know exactly how this will all play out! She wants her kids and they want him (she doesn't have too much of a criminal record) so they will simply tell her to say she was scared he would kill her so she couldn't call the cops and blah blah and pin it all on him when she knew exactly what she was playing with from the very beginning FIRE! She even knew that he was still in love with me and told her that if I ever changed my mind he'd leave her and be with me! I told her this and she still stayed with him. I wish I had a husband I could talk to about this! I wish my husband understood what it felt like for a split second to not be chosen by your blood! Then maybe he'd understand! But probably not. He's just jealous that if even give it a second thought. I'm not thinking about myself though and I wish I knew how to portray that more clearly. I took my ring off tonight. I do know I want to be with a man that will talk with me and be there for me and actually help me get through all this rather than make me feel like shit for caring about my sons future and beyond tomorrow! Also they have a 3 week old, and a one and a half year old together. Both of which were taken into custody. I wish I could take those babies and love them!