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Seriously? I'm not a control freak...but I had control over my children.

God damn right i did...We manipulated the shit out of their environment.

We took the couch out of the tv room and replaced them with gigantic

pillow so our kids wouldn't stay there that long, left them with public television

so they wouldn't be bombarded by advertising, stuck the couch in a room we called a library,

nothing in there but a big comfy sofa, bookshelves with books that WE chose and that

they had a say in sometimes, and a fish tank.

We control what they see...i never took my kids down the toy aisle in the walmart

...why...fuck that trap. They were ten before they knew it even existed.

I controlled what they ate...when I tried to serve my kid some salad

and he said no leaves for me mom...I heard him...he didn't eat any leaves that night,

but you better believe the next afternoon I took fifteen minutes and de-veined and

chopped a bunch of spinach and dumped into my spaghetti sauce ...because spinach

turns into the invisible man of ingredients when you do it right...and fuck you kid

tell me NO leaves for you...who the fuck do you think you are?

We control who they talk too...what they wear. Where they go.

We controlled their time ...breakfast time, school time...lunch. more school time

home time, homework and don't forget to bring the garbage cans in time,

dinner time...free time and bed time.

And all that time I was controlling every single thing in their lives

I was also controlling them ... some of us call it parenting.

Kids need and thrive with STRUCTURE.




Yup, you can do all that! And then when the child is 25 years old they still decide to steal a car, or hit their girlfriend when they get mad at her about something, or smoke some weed, or go pawn some of your tools because you wouldn't give them $20 for gas. No matter how much you 'control' your children when they are young or 'minimize the world they see' it doesn't mean you have the power to determine the type of adult they become.
 
. Whipping your kids is never ok

My sons each got a spanking once in their lives, not on the same day either, but earned it

on their own each in their own hour.

Once the toddler got it because he kept throwing his ball on the road. The first day I

told him No, or big big trouble, I picked up the ball and we went in the house.

The second day same.

The third day I didn't feel like going back in the house, I grabbed his arm and held it above

his head (nicely) reached down and swatted his big chubby cloth diapered butt

And Puff! And for a second nothing happened, and then he flipped the fuck out and not

because it hurt either, I had never touched him like that before...held is arm like that,

swatted him. We went in the house anyways, He was devastated, he had a total melt down.

On the fourth day...he walked to the edge of the driveway and held on to his ball

and HE told ME...No balls on the road.

I never spanked that kid again ever in his life ... I would just say you'll

be in big big trouble if you do that again if he was being annoying or dangerous and

he would just think for a second...stop.

Balls on the road is a solid NO...sometimes solid NO's need to be delivered by force.

Not always though...Once I had to give a solid NO...didn't use force.

told him...Because I'm the supreme authority in your life and I don't owe you any

explanations that's why. He did not know what a supreme authority was, but he

knew it wasn't him, and he fucked off and stopped bugging me.

Parenting is lot's of yes...compromise and solid NO's.
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Give them "that look"

I fucking love this....My kids get a lot from my eyes.
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Yup, you can do all that! And then when the child is 25 years old they still decide to steal a car, or hit their girlfriend when they get mad at her about something, or smoke some weed, or go pawn some of your tools because you wouldn't give them $20 for gas. No matter how much you 'control' your children when they are young or 'minimize the world they see' it doesn't mean you have the power to determine the type of adult they become.


I call it control too, but really its structure and boundaries, and my kids have mastered it

they are responsible. Not everyone breaks the law, not everyone steals, not everyone

pawns their belonging. Not everyone loses control and hits their girlfriend.

Lots of people have never had police contact.
 
My sons each got a spanking once in their lives, not on the same day either, but earned it
on their own each in their own hour.
Why the disagree? I said whipping your kids is never ok, not a once-in-a-lifetime spanking that's more about the surprise aspect and moderate pain. She drew blood, which is a bit different. Still totally feel for her, and I'm sure in the moment she acted on impulse led by a clearly deep-seated fear of her children entering the cycle. But whipping is ROUGH.
 
Seriously? I'm not a control freak...but I had control over my children.

God damn right i did...We manipulated the shit out of their environment.

We took the couch out of the tv room and replaced them with gigantic

pillow so our kids wouldn't stay there that long, left them with public television

so they wouldn't be bombarded by advertising, stuck the couch in a room we called a library,

nothing in there but a big comfy sofa, bookshelves with books that WE chose and that

they had a say in sometimes, and a fish tank.

We control what they see...i never took my kids down the toy aisle in the walmart

...why...fuck that trap. They were ten before they knew it even existed.

I controlled what they ate...when I tried to serve my kid some salad

and he said no leaves for me mom...I heard him...he didn't eat any leaves that night,

but you better believe the next afternoon I took fifteen minutes and de-veined and

chopped a bunch of spinach and dumped into my spaghetti sauce ...because spinach

turns into the invisible man of ingredients when you do it right...and fuck you kid

tell me NO leaves for you...who the fuck do you think you are?

We control who they talk too...what they wear. Where they go.

We controlled their time ...breakfast time, school time...lunch. more school time

home time, homework and don't forget to bring the garbage cans in time,

dinner time...free time and bed time.

And all that time I was controlling every single thing in their lives

I was also controlling them ... some of us call it parenting.

Kids need and thrive with STRUCTURE.
It said grow up to be,I took that as adults, good luck trying to control adult kids.
 
Until I'm privy of all the facts on the household, I'm kind of withholding opinion.
On one hand, if these kids are constantly getting in trouble and constantly getting beat, then it's no wonder they are Acting out and obviously don't have a fit told model.

If this was a first time offense and they were model children, I'd say a spanking on the ass in front of said neighbor and a written apology. Then they would be made to go there every weekend or everyday to help around the house, for an appropriate amount of time/hours.

Beating of any kind does nothing if you don't reinforce with behavioral changes and appropriate punishments for children. This beating sounded wild and the mom meant well but the children did not walk away with anything productive.

I truly believe using a cord to draw blood does nothing but scare and hurt these children and all they walk away with is fear and "mom is crazy and we better not get caught next time"

You have to back up neg behavior with positive reinforcement! And strict guidelines. Then they can start to gain trust and privileges (phone, tv, playing, toys)

Just whipping them while screaming creates panic and fear and they walk away with nothing learned from the experience.

Anytime Devon gets a slap on the butt, I tell her what she did wrong and she is the one who need to turn around.(as I try not to laugh at her cute little butt!) mostly use this for a re-set of her brain. That way it gives her time to realize what she did wrong. Mostly I stop her and give her the evil eye and she knows immediately that the shit is about to get heavy up in here! o_O

If these kids are just running wild and have no real structure, which I'm sure it's hard given she has so many kids, acting like a crazy lady, drawing blood with a cord that you found while raging, doesn't do too much for the long run in terms of changing behavior.

If it was my kids I would have taken each over and made them bend oven while I spanked their ass once, trust me that will stick with them longer, they will never want to go through that embarrassment again! Then make each apologize and come to a verbal agreement with the neighbor on what chores they will be doing for her. Then they would have all their " wants /privileges "taken away! Only nessessities-food, shelter, clothing,water. Then they could gain back privileges based on positive behavior.

When dealing with a home with a single mom and numerous children that is probably not in the best area, it is the parents responsibility to have strict structure. Those , unfortunately, are areas that are breeding grounds for gang recruiters, drugs, murder and crime. You can raise wonderful kids and children who work hard and become productive society members. But it takes fucking hard work from the mom/dad and constant pushing. I believe and have seen some of the smartest/wisest people I've encountered come from these types of homes, they had an inter drive coupled with someone who was a positive role model.

This mom sounds like she needs help. But I also believe sending children to juvy needs to be avoided at all costs! It is a breeding ground for children and teens to learn criminal behavior. At this age they mimic their peers and their peers in those places are only concerned with acting out and looking "cool" it introduces them to a whole new world and all they are surrounded with are teens talking about how bad they are and everyone is trying to one up each other. The only time I think juvy is useful is when it is used as a scared straight tactic and the teen stays for one night. Other wise it is for serious repeat offenders, violent teens, murders, etc...
I think you can do a much better job at home, if you are a strong parent and don't deviate from the set punishment by loosing your temper or letting it slide after a few days.
 
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well if you raise kids that respect themselves and you...then when they're adults you don;t have to worry about it.

What if you have a child with a mental illness or disorder and things don't fit neatly in the box? You can "raise" all you want but their ability to make good, healthy decisions is affected? Or is mental illness caused by bad parenting as well?
 
well if you raise kids that respect themselves and you...then when they're adults you don;t have to worry about it.

Unfortunately that is NOT always true. Sometimes it doesn't matter how you raise your children. My son still won't raise his voice to me and even though he was spanked very seldomly and never 'whipped' he will still run from me when he knows I am pissed and he will not ever cuss at me or around me. But he still does some really stupid things and is still not what I would consider a good person.
 
and is still not what I would consider a good person.

I hope your son never reads that because that's fucking sickening. If your son isn't a good

person that's your fault he spent years and years with you, some where along the line

you failed him...not the other way around.
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Or is mental illness caused by bad parenting as well?

Lot's of time it is....children in the hands of enablers and deniers (everything is fine) cause a lot

of damage. This is me thinking that if an adult is not either (enabler/or denier) then they

will and do get help for their children, and while those children might not fit

neatly in a box...they can develop the skills to Fit in anyplace with a little bit of effort.
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@lithiumgirl whats with your spacing? Why the need to double space between each sentence?


If that's the only thing you can come up with to bitch about today...I'm taking that as a

compliment too! <3
 
I asked a simple question, you defensive nut!

My son has ASD (diagnosed as Aspergers 5 years ago) and my daughter has Mood Disorder, ADHD and anxiety and I can assure you that I am a great parent and have raised them properly. It's people like you who might assume from a public outburst that my child(ren) is spoiled and I must be enabling/contributing to this rather than considering it's a sensory overload and the meltdown you see is over the loud hum of the fluorescent lights in Walmart. You are once again, talking out of your ass! Social Worker Extraordinaire.
 
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it's a sensory overload

Sensory overload. There is your problem, simplify your life.

Stop doing over stimulating things with your children, like taking them down the toy aisle

at walmart, getting mad at them because they fucking hate you and your shiny boxes of

disappointment. Stop getting mad at them for it.

I never bought toys when I was with my kids...parents should do the walmart

toy aisle alone. I always got out of walmart spending six bucks max.

Two bucks each at the vending machines on the way out the door.

a couple times they got stickers and gave them to me for my tool box.

(darlings)

YOU have the power to under expose your kids, or over expose or over load your kids.

I brought up time and control because its important. Kids need structure.

NO parent is just a mother or a father, they are architects. My adult children

are decent ones by my design. I made them.

The movie we need to talk about Kevin is one of the best parenting movies I've

ever seen in my life. Its bad parenting at its finest. has nothing to do with walmart

but has everything to do with parents that don't communicate or are divided...inconsistency

with discipline and consequences, and a kid that know he has way to much power

because of it.
 
Did I mention the toy aisle once? How about walking thru the fucking door you presumptuous twat? Wtf is wrong with you?
[doublepost=1466803548,1466803395][/doublepost]And I find it interesting you marked my post about spacing as "funny" last night but chose to get butt hurt about it today. Which personality are we dealing with right now, hmmm?

And since you've pointed out "my problem" which would include my children's problems. Got an hour or 3 for me to point out yours?
 
My son has ASD (diagnosed as Aspergers 5 years ago) and my daughter has Mood Disorder, ADHD and anxiety and I can assure you that I am a great parent and have raised them properly.

it's a sensory overload and the meltdown you see is over the loud hum of the fluorescent lights in Walmart.

I feel you! My 8yo was diagnosed at 6 with ASD. Neither he nor I can handle not only the lights but the whine of the refrigeration units in the produce section. Thank goodness I have a husband who can read a shopping list and doesn't begrudge the chore too much.

Sensory triggers can change literally daily. The gauntlet a parent with an ASD child runs on the hour is exhausting. There is a ton of control involved in effective parenting of an ASD child, and every single child is different. There's not one hard and fast rule but to try your damned best.

It does look like a meltdown from the outside but it doesn't always have anything to do with the toy aisle, with autism.

Though, Lego is a massive deal around here and if he's got his saved money and something in mind... :blackeye:
 
I feel you! My 8yo was diagnosed at 6 with ASD. Neither he nor I can handle not only the lights but the whine of the refrigeration units in the produce section. Thank goodness I have a husband who can read a shopping list and doesn't begrudge the chore too much.

Sensory triggers can change literally daily. The gauntlet a parent with an ASD child runs on the hour is exhausting. There is a ton of control involved in effective parenting of an ASD child, and every single child is different. There's not one hard and fast rule but to try your damned best.

It does look like a meltdown from the outside but it doesn't always have anything to do with the toy aisle, with autism.

Though, Lego is a massive deal around here and if he's got his saved money and something in mind... :blackeye:

You don't know how much I GET and appreciate this post! <3
 
It's a good thing I don't care what you think about me or my parenting. I don't think it's 'fucking sickening' that I can admit that my adult son is struggling with some things right now and making poor choices that make him be a not very good person right now. That doesn't mean he FAILED ME. I never said those words. And I did not fail him. I was the best parent I could possibly be.

In reading some of the things you've said about how you are a control freak and control everything your kids do, see, read, eat, etc. - I have a strong feeling you are failing your kids and they will struggle when the real world slaps them in the face and you have no control over the situations they find themselves in.

I am not an enabler nor a denier, which is why he is not currently allowed in my home unless I am there with him. He also knows that I disagree with many of his life choices right now. Unfortunately I cannot force him to make the right decisions. Eventually, I know he will get back on track and he will become the person he's meant to be. In the meantime I don't particularly like his choices and it's not bad of me to say so.
 
Reduce her bail to $1
Then in court make her boys testify to what total creeps they are and how they earned it.
Charges dropped, bang the gavel and send her on her way.

Then charge the boys with attempted burglary.
Convict them and sentence then to either mommas whipping, or caning along with community service.
 
smoke some weed,
Lets leave weed out of this.
There's nothing wrong with tooting the pipe every now and again. Hell, there's nothing wrong with banging the bong either.

But yes, your kids can fuck up after they are adults.
All we can do as parents is give them the tools they need to succeed. Its up to them if they pick them up and use them

Parents that don't give their kids the tools almost always produces a problem for society.
 
Lets leave weed out of this.
There's nothing wrong with tooting the pipe every now and again. Hell, there's nothing wrong with banging the bong either.

But yes, your kids can fuck up after they are adults.
All we can do as parents is give them the tools they need to succeed. Its up to them if they pick them up and use them

Parents that don't give their kids the tools almost always produces a problem for society.


LOL. Fair enough. I shouldn't have said that part. I enjoy the stuff myself, but I am also a functioning member of society.
 
Got an hour or 3 for me to point out yours?

I don't HAVE to work...so yeah I do.

My point was you have control over what your kids see, hear...eat...wear...etc.

Some parents overstimulate their kids because they don't have a leash on that shit.

Don't get mad at me because you're weak ass parent , obviously if your kid

is having those kind of problems who gave up that control a long time

ago...probably gave it to the 24 hour toon channel, and other programming OKAY!

Stop over stimulating your kids with bullshit and parent.

And I find it interesting you marked my post about spacing as "funny" last night but chose to get butt hurt about it today. Which personality are we dealing with right now, hmmm?

I thought your post was funny...my butt isn't hurt at all...not like your butt.

I double space my posts because I think it looks tidy...and so do my professors,

its their expectation and now its a habit.
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In reading some of the things you've said about how you are a control freak and control everything your kids do, see, read, eat, etc.



You're talking like my kids are twelve and they're adult or young adult and my parenting

paid off... it worked...their great.

I'm really proud of them...and I'm really proud of myself because I made them,

Yes I did...then they made themselves and they did great.

Like I know I could have just did everything for them and then whined because I had to work

so hard...but I didn't i made them help...I used their hands, my kids have known and

believed that they were useful (so important) since they were toddlers...ever since

they could find me all the grey socks.
 
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Did I mention the toy aisle once? How about walking thru the fucking door you presumptuous twat? Wtf is wrong with you?
[doublepost=1466803548,1466803395][/doublepost]And I find it interesting you marked my post about spacing as "funny" last night but chose to get butt hurt about it today. Which personality are we dealing with right now, hmmm?

And since you've pointed out "my problem" which would include my children's problems. Got an hour or 3 for me to point out yours?

Oh dear. I think this fable may sum up lith for you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Farmer_and_the_Viper
 
I was diagnosed ADHD as a child

Me too...but they were wrong. I didn't have ADD or ADHD. And I wasn't a psychopath, even if

I did stab Tanya S. in the back with a pencil, in second grade, I was simply trying to figure

out penetration,work out shit that was happening in my life. I knew something went in.

(me and her are still friends by the way)

The scariest day and the most empowering I suppose day of my life was listening to

doctors and teachers make a plan for my life at school, all on the premise that I had a

condition. i didn't have a condition I had a secret my parents and all of them didn't

know about yet and on that day i was the smartest person in the room.
 
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I bet she's been doing this all their lives, and I bet that's exactly why she raised little hoodrats. Parents that lash out angrily and/or violently tend to raise despicable little brats.

This. A million times, THIS.

Beating children (with a cord, drawing blood!?) results in worse behavior, not better. They may cower in fear for the moment, but the resentment and anger that's building up where you can't see it will eventually lead to behavior worse than what you're trying to correct.

If physical punishment were so successful, crime rates would be inverse. The uneducated are the most likely to employ it, and yet, :::somehow:::, they are still the most likely to commit crime.

That's because these parents can't be bothered to be decent role models, to help educate their children, to supervise their children, to enrich their children... Children who get a well-rounded upbringing don't rob the neighbor's house. No, people like this mom keep spittin' 'em out (how many, 6 kids?) and hoping for the best, thinking the school will train them up. But she falsely thinks she deserves to beat them when they embarrass her.

It's 2016, and we're on the verge of commercial space flight. We've got contacts that can read your blood sugar. We're developing tiny fucking machines that can be injected into us to repair us at the cellular level.

Can we finally take a deep breath and let go of the primitive belief that hitting children is a productive parenting strategy, now?

This woman needs to be sentenced to parenting classes, at the VERY least. Throw in some free birth control for good measure.
 
Oh dear. I think this fable may sum up lith for you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Farmer_and_the_Viper
Honestly, @Nell at this point..I don't give a shit. She contradicts herself in every other post and is a judgmental asshole. I like it here but she, alone makes me want to leave. it isn't about power before she gets a big head, it's about coming off as an arrogant, derogatory and often offensive attention whore just for the sake of stirring it up. No thank you.

Who has time for that?
 
Honestly, @Nell at this point..I don't give a shit. She contradicts herself in every other post and is a judgmental asshole. I like it here but she, alone makes me want to leave. it isn't about power before she gets a big head, it's about coming off as an arrogant, derogatory and often offensive attention whore just for the sake of stirring it up. No thank you.

Who has time for that?

Put her in ignore. She's not worth leaving over.
 
Yep, the ignore function is a beaut.

And this thread's not about to become another Lith-central thread. Lithium is in the name, FFS. And the name fits.

Now, corporal punishment... Go!
 
Honestly, @Nell at this point..I don't give a shit. She contradicts herself in every other post and is a judgmental asshole. I like it here but she, alone makes me want to leave. it isn't about power before she gets a big head, it's about coming off as an arrogant, derogatory and often offensive attention whore just for the sake of stirring it up. No thank you.

Who has time for that?

She's literally a crazy person. Her posts are all over the place. Most of them are tl;dr and make little to no sense.

Your children having ADHD/ASD/Anxiety has nothing to do with your parenting. It's not your fault. ADHD has some comorbidity with Anxiety and Depression, that's pretty common. Ignore the ignorant assholes. They don't speak for the rest of us!
 
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