In the first story, we focus on a 20-year-old coed named Caitlin Nelson….
First responders attempted to clear her airway but to no avail. Nelson was transported to the hospital, where she died Sunday.
It was initially believed that Nelson suffered anaphylactic shock, due to several food allergies, but it has since been revealed that food allergies did not contribute to her death.
Meanwhile, in Colorado….
The Heimlich maneuver was obviously unsuccessful — the Denver Office of the Medical Examiner confirmed Monday that Malouff died from “asphyxia, due to obstruction of the airway.”
Haven’t had your fill?…
And if that isn’t disturbing enough, the body was only discovered because the man’s landlord entered the home to find out why the rent hadn’t been paid in six months.
This information was revealed by a member of a cleaning service that had been hired to discreetly remove 6 tons of jizz mags in a way that would not be noticed by neighbors or the man’s family, to save them from shame. Welp, so much for discretion….
It is unclear if the man, identified only as a 50-year-old former auto worker named Joji, suffered a heart attack and brought the magazines down with him as he fell, or if they just fell on him, smothering him to death. All I can think of at this point is paper cuts. Lots and lots of paper cuts.
Every available space in the apartment was filled with magazines, the cleaner claims, and they were stacked on tables and shelves, as well.…
CHICAGO, IL – A Hyatt hotel hosting the Midwest Furfest Convention had to be evacuated early Sunday after an “intentional” chlorine gas incident sent 19 people to the hospital.
According to Furfest organizers, at around 12:45 AM on Sunday, the Hyatt Regency O’Hare received a complaint of a chemical odor spreading across the ninth floor.
First responders would find powdered chlorine in a ninth floor stairwell and the manner in which the gas was dispersed “suggests an intentional act,” according to police.
The entire hotel had to be evacuated, which included a large number of furries standing outside in their costumes. Because the incident was being investigated as a criminal act, it was several hours before hotel guests were allowed back into their rooms.
According to Rosemont Public Safety, nineteen people were transported to local hospitals suffering from nausea and dizziness. Some of these people have already been treated and released.
The convention would go on as scheduled, including CompuFur: A Furry Hackathon, the two hour Fursuit Dance Competition and Improv Puppet Do’s and Dont’s.…
Zambia — I normally wouldn’t post anything from Zambia because, face it, they do some weird ass shit over there — kinda like Florida, but without all the face eating. Anyways, because it’s a slow news day and it’s been a slow couple of weeks, I figured I’d give it a go. And, well, because GENITALS.
A man in Chipata is missing three toes and all of his cock-n-balls after apparently allowing a hyena to snack on him. Why would he allow such a thing, you ask? Because a witch doctor told him that sacrificing body parts was the best(?) way to get rich.
“I came from Malawi and when I arrived in Chipata I met some business persons who told me that the best way to become rich was to sacrifice parts of my body,” said Chamangeni Zulu. “I went to a bush where I was instructed to be naked and a hyena came to me and started eating my toes and eventually my manhood was eaten.”
After making his deposit, Zulu crawled to a road where he was picked up by passing police officers.…
Sandra Nabucco, 53, was just out walking her dog, minding her own business Wednesday, when a porcupine reportedly fell off a lamppost and landed on her head, leaving nearly 200 quills behind.
Wait…. what? Porcupines can climb? *googles* Yes, porcupines can climb. Except for African porcupines — I guess they just don’t like to. Learn something new every day here at the DD, eh? Like, did you know that the male porcupine squirts a hot stream of piss at the female porcupine prior to mating? Now you do.
“It was a huge shock,” Nabucco said of the incident. “I felt a thud on my head and then felt spines with my hands. The pain was enormous.”
A surgeon removed the quills with tweezers. Nabucco claims to have stopped counting once she reached 150, but swears there had to have been at least 200 quills lodged in her head.…
Lauderhill, FL – Two police officers turned themselves in last week amid allegations that they pressured two female DUI suspects into giving them sexual favors in return for not arresting them. One officer allegedly ordered one of the women to punch him in the nuts because it turned him on.
Police officer Thomas Merenda, 34, and his partner, Franklin Hartley, 33, pulled over two intoxicated women around 4 am at a Taco Bell. The women allege that Hartley told them he could arrest them, but then told them to drive behind a strip mall where Merenda was waiting.
Hartley followed them and once there, began to “kiss and touch” the passenger’s breasts “while reminding her she could be arrested.” Then he reportedly ordered her to have sex with him, which she did.
At the same time, Merenda gave the other female a very thorough “pat down” and then asked her to punch him in the “nuts” and “reassured her that this was ok and this turned him on.” His ever-helpful partner encouraged the woman to do so by saying that he “really enjoys this” and the woman kicked Merenda in the balls.…
DENMARK, SWEDEN – News Sweden is reporting that a man identified only as Hasse has died after attempting to have sex with a wasp’s nest.
The stinging sexual assault took place Monday on a farm near Ystad, a town of about 18,000, near Denmark, at the southern tip of the country better known for massages and their nonexistent bikini team.
According to investigators, Bertil Stahfraas discovered the 35-year-old victim lying unconscious on his farm. Stahfraas described his horny neighbor as being so bloated, at first he thought he was looking at a whale carcass. When he got closer, though, he was able to recognize Hasse’s neck tattoo. No word on whether Hasse was a Li’l Kim fan.
Hasse—unfortunately for him—was still alive, but died an hour after being found. Following an autopsy, police concluded that Hasse had tried to have intercourse with the wasp’s nest, without removing said wasps. The coronor found 146 stings on his body, including 54 on his genitals.
Insiders say the pathologist believes no man in recorded history ever wished to ejaculate prematurely more than Hasse.…
STCLOUD, FL – Police say 57-year-old Debra Farinella decorated her home and yard with hundreds of items stolen off of Mount Peace Cemetery gravesites, including the gravesites of babies.
She got busted after someone at the cemetery noticed her leaving a grave in which items were stolen and was able to provide police with a description and a partial license plate number.
When police arrived at her home, the noticed that her front yard and home were decorated with 146 pieces she’d stolen, including planters, flowers, angels, pottery, Christmas lights, religious figurines, wind chimes, and other trinkets that people had placed on the graves of their loved ones.
“She was not very particular,” said St. Cloud Police Department spokesperson, Officer Chad Durham. “She would take them from baby gravesites, as well as adult gravesites.”
They even found a baseball in her home that was from a gravesite of a boy who passed away at 16.
Farinella, who has a rap sheet 25 pages long, told police she had purchased the items from yard sales.…
MOUNT HOPKINS, AZ – Lord knows I have reported on just about every horrifying death imaginable, but every now and then one comes around that has me thinking about the victim and muttering, “You poor, poor son of a bitch.”
On Monday, 55-year-old Steven Johnson was found dead in the Santa Rita Mountains hanging from his rappelling gear and covered in bee stings. The dog Johnson often took with him was also found dead and covered in bee stings on the cliff Johnson had rappelled from.
Johnson, an experienced hiker and mountain climber, was reportedly working an area of Mount Hopkins on Friday to prepare it for future climbers. Sheriff’s deputies went to search the site after he failed to show up for work on Monday.
An autopsy will be conducted to determine actual cause of death, but Santa Cruz County’s Lt. Raoul Rodriguez believes that Johnson may have disturbed a bees’ nest while hammering his ropes into the cliff. Some comments state that this is a terrible time of year in regards to bees, and some mentioned that the bees that attacked Johnson and his dog were probably the dreaded Africanized Honey Bee, aka the true Killer Bee.…
California – Just when I thought I’ve covered just about every horrible death imaginable, five women died inside a burning limo while out celebrating the upcoming wedding of one of the victim, 31-year-old Neriza Fojas.
While crossing the San Mateo-Hayward bridge Saturday night, the white stretch Lincoln caught on fire. The driver, 46-year-old Orville Brown, pulled over when the women got his attention, thinking the women were asking him to stop so they could smoke.
“She said, ‘No smoke – smoke smoke…pull over pull over pull over,'” Brown recalled. “I saw the smoke, pulled over, by the time I was getting out the car there was a lady coming over the partition.”
He said he helped three other women escape the fiery limo, but was unable to help the bride-to-be and four other women. They ended up trapped inside and were all killed in the fire.
Police would later say that the victims were burned beyond recognition and had to be identified by their dental records. County coroner Robert Foucrault told NBC that the victims were found lying on top of each other, with one dying while trying to climb through the partition that separates the passenger compartment from the driver’s.…
Redford Township, MI – Police have arrested 64-year-old Dennis McCauley after it was discovered that he had been living with the corpse of 72-year-old Ann Marquis since November.
Dennis McCauley had been living with Mrs. Marquis in her mobile home at Long’s Mobile Home Court just outside of Detroit for about three years. When her rent hadn’t been paid for 6 months, the manager came to her home to evict her. When he knocked on the door, Dennis McCauley answered, and was apparently pretty nonchalant considering there was a rotting corpse laid out on the pull out sofa within easy view of the front door.
McCauley let an officer into the trailer and “the officer noted a pungent smell of decay and observed a corpse in the room immediately to the right of the front door,” states Redford Township Sgt. Kevin Crittenden. “The corpse had obviously been deceased for some time and was partially dried out.” I can’t help but imagine a comically short conversation between the officer and McCauley. Is that a dead body on the couch? …
BURKE COUNTY, Ga – One suspect is under arrest And authorities are hunting for a second after grave robberies that happened in Burke County last week.
Investigators say Ralph “Bubba” Hillis (you can’t make this shit up) was arrested Monday evening in Richmond County. His alleged accomplice, Jerry Atkinson, also of Waynesboro, is still wanted. Both men are charged with malicious removal of the dead from a grave.
The Old Church Cemetery’s caretakers said the scene was “heart-breaking,” after they discovered a toddler’s bones spilled from a casket and the uniform buried with a soldier in another plot strewn on the ground. In all, five graves were desecrated, according to police reports.
Burke County sheriff’s Sgt. Sean Cochran said that relic hunting is a possible motive. Or, Hillis and Atkinson could have just been trying to attract the attention of Buckwild producers for their own series.
A reward of more than $2,000 is being offered for information on the desecration at the Old Church Cemetery, or information on the whereabouts of Jerry Atkinson.…
CHICAGO, IL – Let it not be said that superstition and lore have no place in modern-day baseball, as evidenced by Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts receiving a package in the mail at Wrigley Field on Wednesday afternoon. The contents? A severed goat’s head.
The goat’s head, in all likelihood, is a reference to the infamous curse of the billy goat, a piece of baseball history that dates back to the 1945 World Series, and an incident in which Sam Sianis, a Cubs fan, was asked to leave a game against the rival Detroit Tigers due to the smell of his billy goat. Lost in years of retelling is whether the goat was the man’s date, or had its own ticket.
According to Julian Green, a team spokesman, a package was dropped at Wrigley Field’s Gate K on Wednesday, addressed to Ricketts. The package was apparently delivered by an unknown person, and did not appear to have been delivered by the USPS. Police were called at around 2:30, when it was determined that officials had on their hands an, “intimidating package.” Bet that was a heckuva phone call.…
West Covina, CA — An unidentified man with a helluva DIY project in mind, apparently walked into a West Covina Home Depot Wednesday evening and proceeded to saw through both of his arms as horrified customers looked on.
Police and witnesses say the man calmly walked into the store’s tool section just before 1:00 p.m., grabbed several small handsaws, including one meant to cut sheet rock, and got busy.
“He cut both arms with hand saws down to the bone,” said West Covina police Cpl. Rudy Lopez. “He was pretty much intent on doing what he did.”
An off-duty paramedic from the Pasadena Fire Department had been shopping nearby and rushed to help.
“The officers had already found the man down, face down, blood all over the store, multiple aisles, and the whole store is in chaos,” the paramedic, Art Hurtado, said.
Hurtado told reporters he thought the man was dead, but when he checked he found breath and a slight pulse and said he thought to himself, “I can save this guy.”
With help from others, Hurtado rounded up some rags and rope and, poof!…
The highway patrol investigator in charge of the case says many details are not available to give the public right now as the investigation is ongoing.
What they have stated is that before Richard Resnicoff fell of the car, he and his wife, 65 year old Lucille Horton, had some sort of domestic dispute. So far, it is unknown whether he hopped on the vehicle before she was in motion or if she was already roaring off.
The couple’s next-door neighbor, Bill Wescoski, reports he saw the car driving down the street and originally thought it was kids joyriding. At some point it struck him that it was, in fact, his neighbor Richard hanging onto the back.
“And I said, ‘Hey, that’s our neighbor.’ And as he goes down, and then the car sped up, you saw his feet up in the air,” described Wescoski.…
Spartanburg County, SC — Not much to this one – no one was shot, stabbed, eaten or even arrested – but because it involves flatulence, I had to get it posted. ‘Cause hey, I’m mature like that.
Police were called to the home of Shannon and Michael Manatis earlier this week after receiving a report of a domestic disturbance. Seems the Mr. let loose a butt burp that left the Mrs. gasping for air and fighting the urge to toss her cookies.
Shannon reportedly told the responding officer said air biscuit was “bad enough to cause her to almost puke.” So, in retaliation, she grabbed a can of vanilla scented Lysol (that exists?!?!) and sprayed it in the area her husband occupied.
She continued the story, claiming that as she turned to leave the residence, Michael started belly-aching about how she had sprayed him in the eye. She further claimed that Michael threw a glass of tea at the back of her head, and for that, she wanted to press charges.…
PLYMOUTH, MA — If you are interested in watching someone suffer severe backlash at the hands of the Internet because of a picture they posted on Facebook, then look no further than 30-year-old Lindsey Stone.
Stone was visiting the Arlington National Cemetery in October while on a paid business trip. She and a co-worker thought it would be funny to take this picture of Lindsey acting as if she was shouting while giving the finger to a sign at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier that asks for “silence and respect.”
Thinking that this was funny and clever and everyone would tell them what a laugh riot she is, Lindsey and her co-worker posted the image to their public Facebook profiles for the world to see. Of course, this turned out to be a real bad idea.
It wasn’t long before the picture went viral, outraging many, prompting someone claiming to be a disabled Operation Iraqi Freedom veteran to create a Fire Lindsey Stone Facebook page. He is demanding that Stone be fired from LIFE, the non-profit organization that helps adults with disabilities that Lindsey worked for and who paid for the trip.…
Pleasant View, UT — An 11-year-old girl in Utah has died after she accidentally impaled herself with a rod used to hold window blinds together.
Last Saturday morning, Nikki Clark was outside with her dog when she tripped while walking up the steps outside her parents’ home. She ended up landing on the rod which entered her chest, nicked her spine, and then exited out of her neck.
Nikki ran inside her house and, not knowing any better, removed the pole herself. The removal resulted in even more internal damage and caused massive bleeding.
“She immediately bled out within two minutes,” said family spokeswoman Brandi Babbitt.
Nikki was rushed to the hospital and underwent several surgeries and medical procedures, but doctor’s weren’t able to revive her. Nikki’s parents removed her from life support on Monday after she was declared brain dead and her salvageable organs were donated.
“It’s the decision we had to make ultimately because she wasn’t going to come back to us,” Tommy Clark, Nikki’s uncle, said. “The only thing we could do is let her go so she could be happy.”
The family is now looking at substantial medical costs on top of funeral expenses so a fund has been set up at U.S.…