Goldsboro, North Carolina — Michael Earl Ricks, 47, has been convicted of armed robbery, common law robbery and writing worthless checks. He has recently been released from prison and luckily, Mary McDuffie and Christy Hughes let him come live with them in the trailer they rented. After a few hours of drinking, the two women got into an argument with Ricks and threatened to kick him out. Ricks became upset and took a trip to his employer, Best Sand and Gravel, and returned with a front-end loader bulldozer. While one of the women was on the phone with 911, Ricks used the bulldozer to destroy the trailer. You can listen to the moment he hit the trailer here. After he was done with the trailer, he then chased the two women as they ran to their landlord’s home. The women were not injured, and Ricks was arrested at the scene. He is being held under a $1,500 bond at the Wayne County jail on Monday, charged with damage to real property.

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BARNESVILLE, Ohio – When these two kids decided to raise some hell, they did it right. I am surprised they actually were able to get away with as much as they did without anyone noticing and that it seems as if they have almost no supervision. Police pulled over a Pontiac Grand Am at around 3 a.m. Friday and found the 12-year-old boy behind the wheel with his 8-year-old brother in the stolen car. After questioning the boys, they readily gave the officer a laundry list of unlawful behavior they had been up to over the last 24 hours.

Here is what these two hellions had been up to, starting on Thursday:

1. Stole a wallet
2. Broke into two dump trucks.
3. Stole a fire extinguisher from one of the trucks
4. Sprayed stolen fire extinguisher into a parked vehicle.
5. Broke into another vehicle and started it but didn’t drive away.
6. Took the keys with them “because it had a bullet on the key ring and they stated that they were going to try and fire it off,” according to the police report.
7. Broke into another vehicle
8. Went to a tire shop and tried to start an all-terrain vehicle.
9. Went to a high school and broke into about six school buses.
10. Took a fire extinguisher from a bus
11. Set off stolen fire extinguisher inside another bus.

The 12-year-old is was taken to a juvenile detention center and his little brother was released to his mother – who I am sure has some questions to answer herself.

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ELGIN, Iowa – For whatever reason, 21-year-old Matthew Sodoma decided the 4th of July would not be complete without taking a shit on a downtown, Elgin sidewalk. Not satisfied with his handiwork, he then picked some of it up and began to smear it all over the door of the Valley Community Coalition. He left the scene before he could be apprehended. Authorities have no idea why he decided to do this, or why he targeted that particular door, but after a short investigation, Matthew Sodoma was identified as the culprit and arrested for it on Thursday.

On July 4th, police received reports that a man was observed pinching a loaf on the public sidewalk in front of the Valley Community Coalition, but by time they got to the scene, the man- like his bowels – had vacated. That is, aside from the pieces of himself he had left behind. The skidmarks that now graced the Elgin sidewalk and the stinking fingerpainting on the door of the Valley Community Coalition.

I checked out the website for the Valley Community Coalition to see what they were about and it seems as if they are an organization “formed to reduce substance abuse in the area” whose principle mission is “to reduce substance abuse and promote factors to minimize the risk of substance abuse in the Valley Community School District“.

It took officials a little over a week, but Matthew was finally arrested and has been charged with criminal mischief in the fifth degree, as well as defecating on a public sidewalk or building. Both charges are misdemeanors and Matthew is only facing a fine between $65 and $650 and up to 30 days in jail. This is just an act I could never imagine doing. Not saying I never would, I just am not sure if I ever could. The moist consistency, the possible contents, the smell…and the fact that it would be warm. I just don’t think I could handle it unless it was an act that could save my life. Like if smearing my own ass biscuits on a door would ward off a vengeful witch or something.

Smear. I have just realized how much I dislike that word. Whenever it is used, I always associate it with shit. I know that may be a personal issue, but regardless, it ruins things for me that it shouldn’t. Instead of imagining a sexy nurse using sex toys on a hot, spread-eagled woman…or a delicious bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese – the terms  “pap smear” and “bagel with a smear” induce images of shitting vaginas and turd sandwiches. Ugh. I have issues.

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It has been a lovely day with some exciting action in the forums.  We have discussed various ways to prepare a hot dog, the difference between livermush and liverwurst, and the benefits of waterproof mascara at mugshot time.  But alas, it’s that time again.  Time to bring you a short summary of some stories that did not quite make the cut in time for a full write up, but are filled with enough asshattery to be noteworthy.

Dustin Craig Borders

Dustin Craig Borders – Borders believes in repenting – immediately and thoroughly.  Police responding to a vandalism complaint at Kingsley United Methodist Church found broken pitchers, a broken stained glass window and “sorry” written in ketchup and mustard on the pews.  Oh, and they also found an apology note in an open bible in a classroom.  An apology note signed by Borders.  Thanks dumbass!  I’m sure they would have preferred you not fuck up their shit, but you know, being able to find you to punish you immediately is good too.

Carnell Bland – Bland is being charged with sexually assaulting a child.  The 5 year old told a witness about the incident and was able to demonstrated the abuse using dolls when interviewed.  Bland, in true sicko perv fashion, blamed the child for “inappropriate behaviors.”  We all know just how tempting and seductive 5 year old little girls can be. *gag*  Who do these pedos think they are fooling?  Go sell crazy somewhere else.  We don’t buy that here.

Bad Ass Mom – This woman remains unnamed to protect the identity of her 14 year old daughter who is a victim of sexual abuse, so we will call her what she is:  Bad Ass Mom (BAM.)  BAM first came to the attention of police when she was found beating the shit out of Pascual Gonzalez, 39, and his car with a baseball bat after first learning that he had been abusing her daughter.  When Gonzales made an appearance in court to answer to the abuse charges, BAM attacked him in the hallway grabbing his shirt and tearing off some buttons.  She says he made a comment to provoke her, he claims he didn’t.  I don;t know about you guys, but I am more likely to take the word of a loving mother over that of a sexual predator.  I may be baised though. *shrug*

Update – CHP investigators arrested two men — Shawn Philip Wagner of Mariposa and Rojelio Gomez of Fremont, both 21 years old — Thursday evening at around 9:30 p.m. according to Sgt. Trent Cross.

FREMONT, California. – I was completely unaware of this story until just now. But it seems as some asshole douchebag has been using a pellet gun to target motorists on Highway 680 between the Mission Boulevard and Washington Boulevard exits, near the Fremont-Sunol border. So far 25 drivers are known to have had their vehicles shot, five of them on Saturday between 11:40 p.m. and 11:45 p.m. Luckily only property damage at this point, with no reports of physical injuries. But it’s just a matter of time before someone freaks out after having their windshield explode on them, and someone ends up getting their ass hurt or killed.

I hate these fuckers. I know they are just going to be some dumbass kids, but still. These people are no different than those fuckers who drop shit over overpasses on to traffic. Ha. Ha. Ha. I cannot wait until they find the person or persons responsible for this, which they will, and hopefully they will charge them as severely as possible. I am praying to your God that they publish their pictures so I can do the same. If they are juveniles I say let a line form consisting of all that were shot at, or use that stretch of highway on a daily basis. Then like in the movie AIRPLANE, let them all file by the shooter(s) while slapping the morons across the face.

It looks as if they are closing in, so I will keep my imageshack.us gallery ready for some fresh mugshots. They have bolstered the amount of officers patrolling the area and CHP Sgt. Trent Cross stated “Our investigators have received some good information as well as gathered evidence in the area – we are very comfortable in the direction our investigation is heading,” he said. “So we strongly believe we will bring these shootings to a close soon.”

The CHP is asking anyone whose vehicle has been hit or who suspects their vehicle may have been hit to call them at (925) 828-0466 or (800) TELL-CHP.

Oh, and because I actually got an email wanting to know what the hell I was talking about when I referenced AIRPLANE…

Update – CHP investigators arrested the two men — Shawn Philip Wagner of Mariposa and Rojelio Gomez of Fremont, both 21 years old — Thursday evening at around 9:30 p.m. according to Sgt. Trent Cross. “Right now, they’re facing 42 counts of assault with a deadly weapon and 43 counts of vandalism,” said Cross. Wagner’s bail was set at $1.5 million and Rojelio Gomez’ bail at $1.3 million.

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Omaha, Nebraska–Denizens, feast your eyes on one bad-ass extortionist. Scary lookin’, isn’t he? Not exactly the face that pops into my mind when I think shakedown, extortion, or protection. When I look at Robert Peck, I think, ‘Opie: The Teenage Years.’ If you don’t agree to pay him for his ‘protection,’ he’ll aim his pretend gun at you!

Robert Peck Jr.

Opie Robert, 19, and three of his thugs entered the China Garden restaurant and said, ‘We can provide better protection than the cops do.’ For their services, the crew was asking for $75 a week. Employee Will Wang said, ‘No.’ I wonder if he was able to say it with a straight face? Opie Robert and his crew left the eatery, only to return with the same proposal, three or four more times. Kahlil Amin, owner of Mediterranean Foods, Inc., said Opie Robert  came into the store four times and demanded $75 per week. Amin pretty much told the kid to take a flying leap, and the two got into a scuffle. ‘I grab him from his shirt and just kind of wrestle with him and hit him.’ Amin punched the kid and wrestled his shirt off. That sent the little punk running…but he had these departing words, ‘I will get you.’ With that, he held his hand in the shape of a gun and pointed it at him. Detectives linked the shirt to the suspect.

Between March 31 and April 11, a total of 6 businesses were targeted by the wanna-be mobsters. Some of the businesses were vandalized, their windows smashed. Amin and Wang believe the stores were targeted because all six stores are ethnic. ‘They didn’t go to our American neighbors,’ Amin said. ‘They didn’t break their windows.’ Police arrested Robert Peck Jr. on suspicion of six misdemeanor counts of attempted extortion and one felony count of making terroristic threats. Opie, you crack me up! Extortion tactics in Omaha, that makes me LOFL. Dude…it’s friggin’ OMAHA!

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Wilmington, Delaware – Like alot of the mothers here, Karen Peet, 46, is one of those women that will do absolutely anything for her children.  However, this woman takes that motherly instinct and twists it into something really pathetic.  She put word out that she would pay $1000 to anyone who would jump her son’s 17 year old ex-girlfriend.

Karen Peet

The young girl had broken off a relationship with Peet’s 17 year old son, Cody, and he did not take it so well.  It seems that Cody would hit his ex-girlfriend and actually broke her nose when she broke up with him.  He was arrested and then repeatedly violated restraining orders that she had against him.  She was also set to testify against him in upcoming court proceedings where he was charged with vandalism.  That didn’t make mamma too happy either.  When he was arrested at a party for violating the restraining order, Peet approached the teens at the gathering and offered $1000 to anyone who would jump her son’s ex.

Someone took her up this because since then, the girl has had a cinderblock thrown through her car window and a tire fall off her car while she was driving. What kills me is that this kid is trying to portray himself as some sort of bad ass, when from Karen Peet’s MySpace page, they look like they are straight from suburbia.  Laugh out motherfucking loud.  Congratulations Mrs. Peet! You have proven the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree by raising a shitty vandal and woman beater who will probably never learn a sense of personal responsibility.  And Cody?  You are one load your enabling mother definitely should have swallowed.

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Canton, WI – Ah, Halloween.  It’s that time of year when evil runs amok in the hearts of men and emo runs amok in the hearts of teenagers.  You keep your black cats inside, buy plenty of cleaning fluids for the egg fights and silly string, and install concrete vaults around the graves of your dead, right?  Because otherwise, some pesky kids or weird Satanists are likely to cruise by your local haunted cemetery and steal a baby corpse.  Hey, it happens.  Yay Halloween! 

This year, the baby corpse – or, to be more accurate, the baby skeleton, probably – was stolen from Pioneers Rest Cemetery just north of Canton sometime late Sunday night or early Monday morning.  The cemetery sexton, David Bandli, was driving by the plot early on Tuesday when he noticed a pile of dirt that seemed out of place.

Bandli got out of his car and went to check, and found this hole, which was four feet deep by 20 inches wide and 4 1/2 feet long:

Inside were a few pieces of an infant’s casket.  The grave belonged to “Baby Locke”, who was born and died in 1925.  Baby Locke had, until his disinterrment, lain undisturbed in a plot near his one year old brother Leonard Locke, who was born in 1928 and died in 1929.  Also nearby are the graves of their parents, Elsie Locke (1896-1966) and William Locke (1895-1968).

Baby Locke’s surviving brother, Don Locke, who is now 78 years old, was disgusted and upset when told that his brother’s grave had been disturbed and the remains likely taken for Halloween use.  Don Locke issued a plea for the return of his brother’s mortal remains.  Locke also said that Baby Locke was a full term infant who died of disease, probably diphtheria.

Barron County Sheriff’s Department officials say that they currently have no suspects, but are hopeful that Baby Locke’s remains will be recovered.  The graverobbers could face jail time for vandalism, grave robbing and defacement of property.

Next time, you pesky kids, just go to the Halloween store and ask for something in the baby skull section.

Dakota Valkyrie unearthed this story in our forums.

DILLON, SC - Bonnie Bowens returned from church last Wednesday only to return home to find her trailer door open and the contents ransacked. She then called for her dog, Penny, whom she had only owned for 2-months. Penny didn’t come, but it was at that point Bonnie noticed the smell, the oven light on, and a chair propped against the oven’s door.

That’s right, someone decided to vandalize this woman’s home, and then in an act of cruelty we see on occasion here at D’D, put her pet dog in the oven, cooking it alive. Police feel that the intruder was wearing gloves as they were not able to lift prints from the scene. They are now asking for the public’s help in catching this asshole.

Anyone with more information on the incident is asked to call local police at (843) 774-0051.

Admittedly, watching the video report at first, I got a guilty chuckle out of Bonnie, but it is quite apparent she loved that animal and the video makes the levels of cruel this act was more apparent. Anyone who is able to do something like that to something so defenseless, needs to be outed and punished for it.