Framingham, MA – Chamil Guadarrama popped into the Eastfield Mall Bath and Body Works Wednesday evening to do a little shopping. On his shopping list? Lotion. And LOTS of it. And by LOTS, I mean about 75 bottles. And he was determined to get that stuff at a discount. A five-finger-discount. A store clerk alerted mall security after spotting Chamil slipping the 8-ounce glass bottles of lotion through his zipper and into his pants. The inventive little scamp had tied string around the legs of his pants to keep all the lotion in. Genius! When Chamil spotted the mall cops and realized they were on to him, the chase was on! Unfortunately for Chamil, the sheer bulk of the lotion bottles made it damn near impossible to run, so the chase didn’t last long. Once he was apprehended and turned over to the police, Chamil had another problem – his pants were so full he couldn’t bend over to get in the patrol car until some of the lotion was removed. Also, due to his brisk, yet complicated, jog through the mall, his legs were extremely chafed. Chamil, 30, pleaded innocent at his district court arraignment and was released on his own recognizance. The value of the pilfered lotion was a hefty $787.50. On another note, Chamil’s mugshot also appears on the Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Website – he’s a Level 3 offender. [Read more...]

Conway, SC – Shortly after 8 p.m. FridayFriday reviews, two Walmart asset protection employees stopped Dorina Williams, 41, because they suspected her of shoplifting. Williams and her 16-year-old daughter Myiesha Williams then got into an altercation with the Wal-Mart employees. What exactly transpired at that point is not known, but the teen says that her mother attempted to give the employees the bag they wanted to see, but that they began choking her mother. She says she tried to tell the employees that her mother could not breathe. Williams collapsed during the struggle and was taken to Conway Medical Center where she was later pronounced dead. Deputy Coroner Tony Hendrick said she died of natural causes. Her family is now speaking to the press, and they are not real happy with Wal-Mart. [Read more...]

WATERFORD TOWNSHIP, Mich. – I completely missed this story last week but I just could not let theses two asshole slip by. Samantha Lomasney, 20, and James Woodworth, 39, are facing life in prison after they killed a K-Mart security guard who was trying to stop them from shoplifing. Police say that Lomasney waited outside the store as Woodworth went inside and stole $500 worth of CDs to sell for drug money.  When Woodworth got into the passenger side of the 1994 GMC Jimmy Lomasney was driving, security guard Greg Paul Wainio, 36, got into a struggle with Woodworth as Lomasney drove away. The couple drug him through the parking lot for a few hundred feet before crushing him to death when Lomasney hit two concrete pillars.  WitnessesWitnesses reviews followed their vehicle to a residence where they were later arrested. These two winners have both been charged with first-degree murder and unarmed robbery. [Read more...]

CARROLLTON, Ohio – Diane Lyons was inside Discount Drug Mart with her children when one of her daughters informed her that her 6-year-old daughter had stuck a pack of stickers in her shirt. “I went over there to see in her shirt and I found it and I took her right to the manager,” said Lyons. But she wasn’t satisfied with that, and called police. The police came and did the “stick the kid in the car to try and scare her straight” crap, letting her off with a warning. But the police did say that the girl could have had charges pressed against her and let her know if she is caught doing it again, they would. But I’m not posting this story to praise the mother for what she did, because honestly, calling the police on your daughter for a pack of stickers is about 15-miles into the land of ridiculous. No, I am also posting it for something she said. She admitted that she thought of cashing in on a reward the store offers for turning in shoplifters. “There was a sign and I just didn’t know. Then I felt bad so I just didn’t even call,” said Lyons. oO [Read more...]

Dade City, FL – Not much to this one, but the whole damn story leaves me saying, “What the…? Why the…? Ummm, huh?” Robert McCray was in a stinky situation – he owed his crack dealer about $40, but was a little short on funds. What’s a crackhead to do? Well, this crackhead decided to go the easy route and just help himself to some extremely discounted merchandise (we’re talking a discount of the five-finger type, here) at a Dade City CVS on Thursday afternoon. It’s not the actual theft that makes me scratch my head in confusion – it’s the looted merchandise McCray tried to get out of the store with. Antiperspirant. A lot of antiperspirant. Over $80 worth. McCray allegedly stuffed 19 packages of underarm deodorant into his jacket and tried to beat feet out of the store. He didn’t get far – a couple of CVS employees caught up with him at the door and held him until police arrived. And judging by that lovely shiner, it looks like they held him real good. McCray told officers he took the deodorant to pay back a friend over a drug debt. McCray, who sports a chest tattoo that says, “Thug Life,” is charged with retail theft and resisting a merchant. Throw in possession of crack cocaine and possession of drug paraphernalia charges as well – officers found a crack pipe and a small baggie with some of the nasty rock in it. No stranger to law enforcement, having previously served six prison sentences for a total of eight years on convictions for drugs, grand theft auto and burglary, McCray is once again behind bars in lieu of $5,450 bail. [Read more...]

Muskegon — A male security guard busted two women stealing from a Wal-Mart on Halloween night. They were detained at the door after trying to get away with $45 in stolen merchandise that included curtains and makeup. The two women, Marilyn Cole, 35, and Rashieka L. Stewart, 23, were not going down without a fight, so they broke free and ran to their vehicle in the parking lot – the guard in pursuit. Stewart made it into the driver’s seat, but the guard was blocking the open passenger entry so that Stewart could not get in. The persistent Stewart then head-butted the guard, knocking him into the car. The 230 pound Stewart then sat on the guard as they drove away. The guard was able to get his phone and call 911, but not before Stewart pissed on him. If this act was on purpose or not has not been reported. They ended up across the street in another parking lot where they let the guard go, but would not get out themselves until forced to by police at gunpoint. Both ladies were charged with one count of unarmed robbery. Cole, on parole for a bank robbery, was charged as a second-time habitual offender. [Read more...]

Sheboygan, Wisconsin – I’m not sure how many of you watch COPS or not, but for those of you who do, it is a well known fact that police do not give a shit about your stage of dress (or undress) when they haul your ass to jail. If they decide to get your naked ass a pair of shorts or not is really depending on how big of an asshole you are, as well as the cop you asking to get them. Julia Laack, 36, found this out when she attempted to disrobe to keep cops from taking her to jail after she got busted for shoplifting beef jerky and a lighter from a gas station. But naked or not, JuliaJulia reviews was not going without a fight. [Read more...]

Zachary, LA – In these hard economic times, sometimes you have to get creative.  Chances are, when money’s tight, your recreational fund is the first one to get the cut.  So what’s a girl to do when she wants to get her drink on?  You could head to the nearest bar with a low cut top and an exaggerated wiggle in your walk and wait for the drinks to come to you OR you could be like Lisa Newsome.  Newsome made use of a huge housecoat, some strong thigh muscles and a maybe even a cavernous vajayjay to walk out of a local grocery with a case of beer.  Score! [Read more...]

Elizabethton, TN – Megan Cullop was planning on doing some redecorating – so, on Monday afternoon, she loaded up her kid and headed for the nearest WalMart. After filling her shopping cart with the must-haves, she made a beeline for the door – completely bypassing the cash registers. Alert security personnel caught up with Megan at the door, took away her shopping cart, more than likely lectured her on the evils of shoplifting, and let her go. Now, if Megan had even half a brain cell bumping around in her vacant little noggin, she would have realized how lucky she was that the cops weren’t called in and chalked it up as a lesson learned. But, seeing as how she is gracing the pages of the Dreamin’ Demon, you know that wasn’t the case. [Read more...]

Marietta, GA- Shortly after midnight on June 6, Lashaundra Cooper, 23, went to her local Wal-Mart to do some shopping. Actually, she went to do some shoplifting, but that is not the reason this ignorant bitch is gracing our front page. When Wal-Mart security caught Cooper trying to leave the store with about $25 in new duds for herself, they immediately called the police. After the officers arrived and placed the thieving twit under arrest for her unsuccessful five-finger discount, she informed them that she had left her two sons alone in her car. [Read more...]

Memphis, Tennessee–I bring to you, today, a story of fail. We have Camilla Fields, 26, and Stacey Cleaves, also 26. The two women hit their local Wal-Mart for a shopping shoplifting spree. With them, they had Cleaves’ two-month old infant…he was their ‘cover.’ Fields, under the guise of changing the baby’s diaper, entered a bathroom and began shoving her five-finger discounts into old, previously used Wal-Mart bags. When confronted, she used the infant as a weapon. [Read more...]

Fort Pierce, FL – Ermith Emonfils was a woman with a mission. She hit the aisles at her local Walgreens with beauty in mind. Her shopping list consisted of Elizabeth Arden Mediterranean Cologne, bright green Sinful Colors nail polish, and black fake eyelashes, ‘extra-long.’ *Insert wolf-whistle here* You go girl! Ermith must have been in a fugue state, because she walked right out of the store without actually paying for any of the stuff. When Ermith was accosted by officers in the parking lot, you won’t believe the weapon she whipped out…… [Read more...]

Delta Township, MI - Tyree Monique Tate, 26, and her sister had a really bad day on Monday.  They got caught shoplifting, assaulted a security guard and ran from the police before 10:00 in the morning.  By noon, Tyree Tate was in critical condition after hiding from the cops in a trash compactor that was accidentally turned on.  On Tuesday morning, Tyree Tate died.  This is probably the worst shoplifting-gone-bad story ever.  Read on, denizens, and see for yourselves. [Read more...]