Orangeburg, SC — Police responded to an Orangeburg County home Saturday afternoon after a homeowner called to report that a naked stranger had attempted to break into his home – that same stranger reportedly hinted that he would maybe like to have sex with the homeowner’s wife.
The homeowner told deputies the unidentified nekkid man appeared at his back door at about 2:00 that afternoon, and with the aid of a stick, attempted to gain entry through the man’s back door.
At that point, the nekkid stranger reportedly pointed at the woman of the house and “started moving in a hunching motion.” Hunching. Heh.
The nekkid man then “crudely” informed the homeowner that he wanted to have sex with the woman, armed himself a bigger stick and threatened to “ram the door.”
While deputies were speaking with the homeowner, the still unidentified nekkid man approached from behind the house – after a bit of a struggle, the man was handcuffed and transported to the hospital for an examination.
Police believe the 33-year-old man may have been under the influence of drugs.…
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Fredericksburg, VA - Daryl Haynes, 31, got himself in a bit of trouble after deciding to take a piss in the corner of a yard this past week. Seems innocent enough…
It all began at about 10:50AM on Thursday when – according to a police spokesperson – an off-duty Fredericksburg Police Deputy observed Haynes urinating in the back corner of a neighbor’s yard.
The deputy, Officer Billy Reyes, said that he had just finished mowing his lawn and, at first, decided to ignore the public urination. Then he reportedly saw Haynes shaking his penis while talking loudly to some people across the street from him. Not good. The deputy said that Haynes behavior upset him, in part, because “there are children in the neighborhood.”
Officer Reyes said he confronted the Haynes. Haynes – clearly an expert at diffusing awkward situations – responded by swearing at Reyes and threatening bodily harm. Officer Reyes then reportedly informed Haynes he was a law enforcement officer. Haynes responded by throwing several unlanded punches at Officer Reyes.…
Continue ReadingOlympic Hopeful Pees On 11-Year-Old Girl During JetBlue Flight
August 12, 2011 at 12:00 pm by Morbid
An 18-year-old member of the U.S. Ski Team got himself into a little trouble the other day after he drunkenly pissed on the leg of an 11-year-old passenger during a JetBlue flight to New York.
Witnesses say that during a red-eye flight from Oregon, Robert Vietze, of Warren, Vt., got up and staggered five rows behind him before pulling out his junk and pissing on a young girl’s leg.
Vietze had to be separated from the child’s father, a Stage 4 cancer patient, who had left the girl alone while he correctly used the bathroom and returned to find Vietze pissing on his daughter’s leg.
“F- -k that kid. I don’t want him near my family!” the understandably enraged man reportedly yelled.
Vietze admitted to law-enforcement authorities that he had consumed more than eight alcoholic beverages before he relieved himself on the girl and that he didn’t realize what he was doing.
Vietze was initially issued a federal summons for indecent exposure, but federal prosecutors dropped the case, possibly because the girl’s father refused to let her be interviewed by cops.…
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Cheadle, UK - Nicholas Read, 40, who had been convicted of indecent exposure last month, was given a 20-week jail term as punishment. It was then suspended by the UK court official who stated that jail ‘would not help him.’
Read is an actor who, up until this incident, was best known for his work in the Harry Potter and Star Wars films – having played both a Gringotts goblin and an Ewok warrior. The life of an Ewok warrior is understandably hard. Sadly, this Ewok warrior’s fall from grace was evident by his conviction for mastubating under a bowler hat while traveling on a UK passenger train last October.
On that fateful day, Read was reportedly traveling between London and Leicester by train. Court documents say that Read seated himself in an aisle seat next to a teenage girl at the window. Read was convicted for covering his lap with his bowler hat and stroking his mini-mini-me for “30 to 40 minutes” while effectively “trapping” his victim.
Inspector Mark Clements of British Transport Police said, “Read’s actions were deplorable.…
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Gurnee, IL — Kyle Plemons, 24, was recently arrested after an incident at a restaurant where a waiter refused to serve him a second beer.
An employee at Mama K’s restaurant told police he served Plemons a beer but, after conversing with the suspect, decided that Plemons was intoxicated and refused to serve him a second.
When he was informed that he would not be served, Plemons reportedly began yelling and causing a disturbance – because causing a loud disturbance is an excellent way to get served alcohol. Oddly, he was escorted out of the restaurant.
In an obvious effort to further demonstrate to the waiter that he was, in fact, sober and clear thinking, Plemons next positioned himself in plain view of the glass window at the front of the restaurant, and proceeded to wag his exposed johnson towards the patrons inside, said Gurnee Police Commander Jay Patrick. Those aren’t Patrick’s exact words. ..but they are pretty close.
Plemons self-imposed field sobriety test was not only witnessed by the patrons inside the restaurant – he happened to be standing next to a car of a woman loading her children to leave when he exposed himself, Patrick said.…
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Ukiah, CA - Clarence Christmas, 39, was arrested after police reportedly found him in the corner of a Curves Fitness Center, nude from the waist down, and masturbating.
Police were responding to a call from a Curves employee expressing how much they had not liked Christmas showing up unannounced and fapping his junk for all to see.
The Curves employee had originally told Christmas to leave or she would call police, but instead he grabbed her by the shoulder, police said. According to police, Christmas ‘grabbed her buttocks’ when she turned away to get a phone to call police. He also is accused of touching a Curves patron while masturbating, police said.
You may be surprised to learn that this is not Chistimas’ first offense. Christmas had been arrested in May 2010 when he was found without pants or underwear masturbating while watching a California Department of Corrections crew eradicating weeds and brush along the railroad tracks in Ukiah, police said.
For that incident, he was arrested for indecent exposure, possession of a methamphetamine smoking pipe and parole violation. Before you condemn him for that, please consider the hawtness of weed eradication as a mitigating factor.…
Continue ReadingSerial Flasher Pleads Guilty To Multiple Counts Of Indecent Exposure
July 6, 2011 at 2:25 am by Jaded
Palmerton, PA — Timothy Shelly, a registered sex offender, pleaded guilty in court Thursday to four counts of indecent exposure. The man obviously can’t keep it in his pants – police say has admitted to exposing himself nearly 100 times in area stores.
On September 11, police received a report of a man exposing himself at a K-Mart store. The store security guard told police the man had followed a young girl though the store, exposed himself to her and may have touched her.
When the 10-year-old victim was interviewed, she told police she was looking at birthday cards when the man approached her with his package out. The girl said she tried to move away from him, but he followed her and bumped against her. She ran to her mother and security was alerted.
Shelly reportedly told police he goes to a store such as K-Mart or Target, finds a girl he likes and exposes himself. He said he sometimes brushes against ‘em. He didn’t remember if he actually touched the 10-year-old, but said he probably did.…
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STRABANE, Pa. — Randy Wayne Northcutt, 43, was charged after North Strabane Township police say he repeatedly exposed himself in front of a fourth-floor window overlooking a Doubletree Hotel courtyard on Saturday afternoon. This with a wedding going on below.
Investigators say the hotel manager went to Northcutt’s room to inform him that there was a wedding ceremony outside – with young children in attendance – and asked him to close his curtains. A few minutes later, the manager reportedly received another complaint.
The bride’s uncle told police that Mr. Northcutt was fully nude, exposing his genitals to the wedding group for about 10 minutes, according to the affidavit. Wedding guests also told police that Northcutt fondled himself several times. I am sure that the guests will cherish the memories of that special day forever.
Northcutt is being held on $5,000 bail on charges including indecent exposure and open lewdness.…
Continue ReadingTeen Suspected Of Serial Flashing/Masturbation Leads Police On Naked Footchase
June 27, 2011 at 7:19 am by kniption
San Diego, CA — For days, drivers on one San Diego roadway have been subjected to the presence of a sometimes naked and sometimes masturbating man. Police, convinced that commuters were not driving in a provocative manner, issued a warning about the man with a description. He was described as a white man, between 16-24 years old, 5′ 9″, medium to thin weight, with brown shoulder length possibly bushy hair.
Authorities followed up quickly with a stakeout. That stakeout proved fruitful when, only one day later, undercover detectives saw 19-year-old Kevin Garrison take off his clothes on an embankment overlooking Del Mar Heights Boulevard.
“As they went to contact him, a foot pursuit ensued. He ran onto Ginger Glen. The officers lost sight of him. We set up a perimeter and did a yard to yard search,” said Lt. Todd Jarvis.
The search included many officers on foot interviewing neighbors and securing yards while a police helicopter was flying and observing from overhead. Police then got a break when it was discovered that Garrison cut himself during the foot chase.…
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Newport, PA — Not a lot of meat to this story, but with that name and those charges, there was no way I could pass this one up….
The gentleman to the left, Mr. Handy Wood, was taken into custody earlier this month after a woman reported seeing his twig and berries in the parking lot at the Colonial Commons Shopping Center on June 7.
The woman told police Wood pulled up next to her in his sleek and sexy Dodge mini-van with his pants around his knees, nodded at her and drove off. He was arrested a short time later after the victim spotted his grocery-getter cruising the parking lot of a nearby mall.
Wood is either extremely proud of his package or an extremely slow learner – he was arrested on similar charges on two separate occasions just last month…
Police say Wood first exposed himself to a female worker at the drive-thru of a McDonald’s restaurant on May 17. (I can’t give him too much crap for that one, the aroma of fried potatoes makes me wanna get nekkid, too).…
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Beaver, PA - Gary M. Steineman, 49, was arrested by Independence Township police reportedly urinating on the sleeping son of his house guests.
Tim and Kimberly Tustin and their juvenile son were staying with Steineman, described as a ‘family friend,’ in his mobile home according to a police report. Early on the morning of June 5, the boy said he awoke to find Steineman “standing over him, urinating on the boy’s face, ear, neck and down his body,” the report said.
Police became involved when, around 11am, Sgt. Lance Malobabich was driving through the mobile home park and heard yelling and screaming from Steineman’s lot. He reportedly found the Tustins and their son outside the residence with their belongings and pets. They told police that Steineman had thrown them out, along with all of their possessions.
Steineman is charged with simple assault, indecent exposure, open lewdness and harassment. His preliminary hearing is tentatively scheduled for July 7.
I may be jaded – you know what I mean – but the one thing that I found odd in this is the “Steineman had thrown them out” thing.…
Continue ReadingPriest Arrested After Exposing Himself To Deputy On Sarasota Beach
June 9, 2011 at 11:37 am by Morbid
SARASOTA, FL — Police have arrested a priest during an undercover investigation into indecent activities being reported on Caspersen Beach.
The Sarasota Sheriff’s Office says during their investigation on Tuesday, Father Bernard Chojnacki groped an undercover detective and exposed himself. The 36-year-old then stated his desire to perform a sexual act before getting his ass arrested and charged with Exposure of Sexual Organs and Battery. Which, to be honest, I thought was a chapter out of the Catholic Priest Indoctrination Manual.
Choknacki was appointed the position of Parochial Vicar of St. Charles Borromeo Parish in Port Charlotte back in 2009. The Diocese of Venice placed Chojnacki on administrative leave “until the situation comes to some sort of resolution” and released the following statement in an attempt alleviate anyone’s fears that he worked with children at the church:
“The charges against Father Chojnacki are unsettling. This is a sad time for the both the Parish and the Diocese, and matters of this nature are taken very seriously. Father Chojnacki’s principal assignment was as Parochial Vicar to St.…
Continue ReadingMan Arrested After ‘Naked Grind’ In Front Of Neighbor And Her Young Daughter
May 31, 2011 at 1:51 am by kniption
Utica, NY — Alkabi Abduleman, 56, was arrested late Friday after his attempts to romance his neighbor were deemed illegal.
Utica police said that Abduleman approached a small child near his home at around 8PM Friday and told the girl that he liked her mother.
Abduleman must have been concerned of the young girl’s ability to accurately convey his feelings because, according to the account provided to police by the girl’s mother, “Abduleman came outside his home completely naked in front of her and her daughter and started moving his hips in a sexual grinding motion and blew kisses to her and her daughter.” That’s pretty clear.
Abduleman is was charged with exposure and endangering the welfare of a child.
Since the filing of an affidavit seeking arrest is not, technically, a “no,” I promise to keep you updated on any reported progress in the budding romance between Abduleman and his new lady-friend.
…
Continue ReadingMan Arrested For Exposing Himself To Young Girls At Lemonade Stand
May 27, 2011 at 6:16 am by kniption
Gilroy, CA — According to police, Jose Franco, 39, of San Jose, california, was arrested Saturday in the small town of Gilroy for displaying his junk to three young girls who made the apparent mistake of setting up a lemonade stand without prominently displaying a sign saying “No Perverts Allowed.”
A Gilroy Police Department press release described Franco approaching the three girls and purchasing lemonade from them. The release then described Franco exposing himself to them and fleeing the area in his car.
A witness provided a suspect description and partial license plate number. According to the police account, the officer responding to the area located Franco, whose vehicle and appearance matched descriptions by the witness.
Franco was arrested and booked into jail on suspicion of indecent exposure, possession of less than one ounce of marijuana and driving with a suspended license.
Anyone who witnessed the incident or was a victim is asked to call Gilroy police at (408) 846-0350. Those wishing to remain anonymous can call the We Tip line at (800) 782-7463.…
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Denver, CO — Kyle Pearce, 25, of Florida was arrested by FBI agents at Denver International Airport when his United Airlines flight from Spokane landed. The charges result from complaints by fellow passengers about him openly masturbating – and ejaculating – while seated during the flight.
One of the witnesses was an 18-year-old woman seated in the row across from Pearce.
“I heard a noise and looked over and saw his penis,” she stated in the crimninal complaint. “He ejaculated and got some on the seat. Then he went to the bathroom for a long time.”
According to the criminal complaint, two male passengers sitting behind Pearce also witnessed the event. In the affidavit, one of the men recalled his friend turning to him to say “That man is masturbating.” One of those witnesses reportedly hit Pearce in the arm with a book, causing the man to cease and desist with the fapping.
Pearce was charged with making an “obscene and indecent exposure of his person” on an aircraft.…
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Salisbury, NC – This completely normal-looking fella right here is Randall Boyd Johnson. He is 55 years old and undoubtedly has saggy old man balls, which witnesses say he proudly displayed last Thursday at a Salvation Army thrift store.
A call was made to police at roughly 2pm stating that someone was trying to donate an old leather coin purse exposing themselves. The man was allegedly sitting on a couch in the store with his pants around his ankles and a leg propped up on the couch. What exactly that means I have no idea, because it seems to bend the laws of physics. If Randall does have magical powers that defy the laws of the universe, surely he can make his $1000 bail and beat the charge of indecent exposure.
Randall has since been banned from the establishment.…
Continue ReadingMan Gets Cocky In Drive-Thru After Bojangles’ Runs Out Of Chicken Legs
May 24, 2011 at 4:39 am by Jaded
Gastonia, NC — A man suspected of exposing his manjigglies to a fast food employee earlier this month is now facing charges of indecent exposure.
32-year-old Jason Gross and a female companion pulled into a Bojangles’ drive-thru the evening of May 16 and ordered a chicken leg dinner. When the pair pulled up to the window, the woman behind the glass, Jaqueline Green, informed them they were out of legs. Green said she tried to compromise by offering a substitute, but Gross wasn’t having it.
“You don’t have any (bleep) legs?!” he asked Green. When she confirmed that no, they had no legs, Gross reportedly replied, “Here’s a (bleep) leg for ya!” And with that, Green said the man began inching his jeans down his hips. He then followed suit with the boxers.
“He did it gradually,” Green said the day after the incident. “It’s going to be forever engrained in my head.”
Green and the store manager were able to jot down the license plate number of the mini-van in which Gross was riding, and the incident was reported to police.…
Continue ReadingPolice: Man Lifted Dress To Expose Genitals To Fellow Bus Passengers
May 23, 2011 at 2:11 am by kniption
Ukiah, CA — Lee Hazen Williamson, 56, was arrested by Thursday after he reportedly lifted his dress and exposed his genitals to fellow passengers on a Mendocino Transit Authority bus. According to the UPD report, officers responded shortly after 1 p.m. after receiving a report of Williamson’s transgression.
Williamson, who was also wearing a wig at the time, was booked into the Mendocino County jailon suspicion of indecent exposure and violation of parole.
The photo is from a January 2011 booking report of Williamson. In looking at his delicate features, I can only imagine the complete shock and utter dismay experienced by his fellow passengers upon realizing that Williamson was, in fact, a man. It makes me wonder if the report to police wasn’t, in part, retribution for the collective disappointment shared by those onlookers due to the fact that this older woman in their midst – so graceful and striking – was not as she had seemed.…
Continue ReadingSubstitute Teacher Arrested After Urinating In Trash Can During Class
May 20, 2011 at 9:20 am by Morbid
RIVERDALE, GA — A 60-year-old substitute teacher has been arrested after deciding it was perfectly acceptable to take a piss in a trashcan in a classroom full of fourth-graders.
Coleman Eaton Jr was teaching a class at Riverdale Elementary School when he allegedly walked to the back of the classroom and told the students not to turn around. Of course some did, and they say they witnessed Eaton urinating in a garbage can. One of these student went to the office and reported the incident.
Eaton was arrested immediately and charged with two counts of aggravated child molestation. Last reports were that he was still sitting in Clayton County Jail after he was unable to pay a $50,000 bond. Eaton denies the accusations, but Riverdale police Major Greg Barney says they have evidence that he did, in the form of Eaton’s DIY urinal.
Parents at the school are equally shocked and disgusted. “You don’t expect that from a teacher,” said parent Erica Reese. “That’s nasty. That’s why there are plenty of restrooms.”
Check out this video from CBS Atlanta for some more info, including some PTA meddling in how the school handled the situation.…
Continue ReadingMan Charged After Exposing His “Glistening White Buttocks” In Mall Restroom
May 20, 2011 at 9:05 am by Jaded
Chattanooga, TN — A 20-year-old man was charged with indecent exposure Wednesday after another man complained to police that he had been mooned while sitting in a restroom stall at the Northgate Mall.
According to the police report, Michael Vincent Devita initiated a conversation with the victim as he was taking care of business in the stall, asking flat out if the man was gay. When the victim said no, police say Devita then inquired as to whether the man would perform oral sex on him. The victim’s answer to that question is unknown at this point…
Anyway, the report states that when the victim glanced to the bottom of the stall door, he saw Devita’s “glistening white buttocks protruding into his occupied stall.” The man then reported the incident to mall security, who contacted law enforcement.
When apprehended, Devita reportedly told police he “went too far.” He is now free on bail.…
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