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Man Left Kids In Hot Car To Have Sex With Woman Behind ApartmentMallory Loyola First Woman Charged Under New Tennessee Law That Criminalizes Drug Use During PregnancyLittle Shit Causes Rollover Accident After Pointing Airsoft Gun Out Car Window  Naked Man Accused Of Breaking Into Family's Home, Licking Young GirlMatthew Durham Accused Of Sexually Abusing Children At Kenyan OrphanageMan Sentenced For Beating Toddler To Death While Trying To Turn Her GayMason Zisette Dies After Being Struck By Overpass While On Top Of Party BusToothless Man Accused Of Gumming Roommate After She Refused To Clean His EarTom Greer, 80, Has No Regrets About Shooting Pregnant Intruder To DeathElizabeth Johnson, Mother Of Missing Baby Gabriel, A Free Woman

Man Accused Of Exposing Self While Trying On Maternity Bras And DressesNorman, OK — Jeffery Don Watson, 48, was arrested earlier this month after an employee at Modern Maternity in Penn Square Mall told police he exposed himself to her as he tried on bras and dresses.

According to the victim, the bizarre incident occurred back in late December. Watson apparently needed a little help adjusting a baby bump, a prosthetic belly that replicates the shape of a woman’s stomach during different stages of pregnancy, and called the woman back to the dressing room area.

While she was presumably tending to his baby bump, he reportedly grabbed her hand, asked for her digits and suggested the two have lunch together. The woman told police she declined his most gracious offer. No word on whether she snortgiggled first.

Watson then approached the cash register with his selected items. After paying for the merchandise, he reportedly told the woman he had some additional clothing he wanted to try on and returned to the dressing room.

The woman told police Watson again asked for assistance. …

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Man Charged After Stripping, Exposing Self To Audience At Chipmunks MovieChicago, IL — Edward Brown, 34, was busted last Thursday after reportedly exposing himself to a theater filled with parents and children watching “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.”

According to witnesses, about 30 minutes into the 4:00 p.m. showing, a butt nekkid Brown rose from his seat in the front row, faced the crowd of about 86 Chipmunk fans, stretched out his hands and displayed his package before returning to his seat.

A couple of police officers just happened to be patrolling nearby and Brown was taken into custody within minutes.

When questioned, Brown reportedly told officers that he had been allowed inside the movie theater for free by an unknown female who told him to take a seat in the front row, take off his clothes and wait for her, and they would have sex, smoke crack and do heroin. Great. Unknown bitch went and stole my line….

Brown is being held in the Cook County Jail in lieu of $100,000 bail, charged with three felony counts of sexual exploitation of children, aged 4, 6 and 6, one misdemeanor count of sexual exploitation of a minor aged 14, and one misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct.…

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Road Rage Incident Leads To Charge Of Attempted Kidnapping Of ToddlerLanghorne, PA – Police have charged John Hardy, 45, of suburban Philadelphia after he allegedly attempted to snatch a 3-year-old out of the back of the car of a woman whom he did not know. This after an apparent road rage incident. …and before he reportedly got naked. If you are near a dry erase board, uncap a marker and try to keep up…

According to a probable cause affidavit, a Pennsylvania mother-of-three told police she was driving with her children – ages 3, 8 and 15 – when a white pickup truck cut her off several times. The woman reported that she drove into a shopping center where she maneuvered her car behind the pickup in an effort get a photo of the truck’s license plate using her cell phone.

According to court documents, when the driver of the pickup truck – Hardy – saw her take the picture, he ‘became agitated’ and blocked her car behind a vacant store. Hardy then reportedly got out of his truck and screamed profanities and threats while approaching her car.…

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Ex Oklahoma Judge Who Used Penis Pump During Trials Denied Pension BenefitsOklahoma City, OK – The Oklahoma Supreme Court has upheld a ruling that former Judge Donald D. Thompson will not have a $7,789-a-month judicial pension benefit reinstated.

Thompson had served as a judge from 1982 to 2004. The benefit was suspended at the time of Thompson’s conviction and incarceration on a number of felony charges. Thompson reportedly filed two separate appeals to get his retirement benefits reinstated, but the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruling Tuesday is the final word…and that word is “no.”

Here are the details…

According to the complaint filed against Thompson in 2004, the exposure of Thompson’s private parts in his court room were, apparently, quite common.

“Court reporters observed the felonious exposure of Mr. Thompson’s private parts, and testified to the fact during the criminal trial. That trial resulted in conviction of felonies. Those felonies violated Mr. Thompson’s oath of office,” Justice James Winchester wrote in the high court’s unanimous decision.

The original complaint described court employees witnessing Thompson masturbating, using a penis pump, and putting lotion on his privates while presiding over trials.…

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Police: Panty wearing Masturbator Called Out For Neighbors To Join HimCambridge, MA — Joseph P. Macdonald, 32, was arrested last week after his attempts to organize an impromptu block party were spurned by his unimaginative neighbors. …and we wonder why America lacks a “sense of community.”

The evening of October 3 began innocently enough when MacDonald reportedly came out of the isolation of his apartment to urinate on the front steps of the building. At his point, you might expect that his neighbors would inquire as to how the urinating was going or even join in – as that would be the polite thing. But, no. Completely out of the blue, some of his neighbors reportedly yelled at him to stop.

After a verbal exchange that we will simply describe as “unpleasant,” Macdonald reportedly returned to his apartment.

Not to be discouraged and clearly clinging to the notion that the concept of the neighborhood is not dead, Macdonald reportedly returned to the street. This time – while wearing only a T-shirt and peach-colored lace panties – police said Macdonald began masturbating in the middle of the street and calling out to the other residents to ‘come outside and join him.’ Ungrateful, neighbors called police.…

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Man Jailed After Found Lounging Naked On Neighbors PatioPrairie du Sac, WI — Carl W. Lemm Jr., 56, was jailed after reportedly being found sitting nude on his neighbor’s enclosed patio.  According to the criminal complaint for the case, the woman told a Sauk Prairie police officer that on Sept. 11 at about 1:30 a.m. she went to let her dogs out onto her patio. When she turned on a light, she discovered Lemm sitting naked in one of her chairs.

Lemm reportedly told the neighbor he had been thinking about her, that he had been watching her on a previous night, and had seen her ‘wearing pink bikini underwear as she walked around the house.’

Temptress!  What can you expect when wearing pink bikini underwear in rural Wisconsin?!

The woman also told the officer that Lemm knew what she had been watching on television in her second-floor bedroom. The woman took the opportunity to report to the officer that – several weeks before the patio incident – she saw Lemm walking in front of her house naked.…

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Cable Guy Accused Of Masturbating In Customers Living RoomSarasota County, FL — A Comcast cable installer was booked on exposure charges Tuesday night after a female customer accused him of jerkin’ his gherkin’ in her living room late last month when he was supposed to be hooking her sh*t up.

According to the 24-year-old victim, Shane Wheatley arrived at her home on July 31 to hook her up with cable and internet. At some point during the installation, Wheatley reportedly began touching himself through his shorts. The woman told police she looked away, but when she looked back, he was fully exposed. She said he then began masturbating while staring and smiling at her. Out the door she went.

Wheatley denied the accusations and requested a polygraph to clear his name. But based on the results of the investigation, the sheriff’s office believed they had probable cause to arrest Wheatley for the alleged fappage. He’s been charged with exposure of sexual organs.

Huh…I feel a little cheated. All I ever got was a free month of Starz.

 …

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Police: Naked Trespasser Demanded Sex From Homeowners WifeOrangeburg, SC — Police responded to an Orangeburg County home Saturday afternoon after a homeowner called to report that a naked stranger had attempted to break into his home – that same stranger reportedly hinted that he would maybe like to have sex with the homeowner’s wife.

The homeowner told deputies the unidentified nekkid man appeared at his back door at about 2:00 that afternoon, and with the aid of a stick, attempted to gain entry through the man’s back door.

At that point, the nekkid stranger reportedly pointed at the woman of the house and “started moving in a hunching motion.” Hunching. Heh.

The nekkid man then “crudely” informed the homeowner that he wanted to have sex with the woman, armed himself a bigger stick and threatened to “ram the door.”

While deputies were speaking with the homeowner, the still unidentified nekkid man approached from behind the house – after a bit of a struggle, the man was handcuffed and transported to the hospital for an examination.

Police believe the 33-year-old man may have been under the influence of drugs.…

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Mans Public Urination Leads To Neighborhood Power OutageFredericksburg, VA - Daryl Haynes, 31, got himself in a bit of trouble after deciding to take a piss in the corner of a yard this past week. Seems innocent enough…

It all began at about 10:50AM on Thursday when – according to a police spokesperson – an off-duty Fredericksburg Police Deputy observed Haynes urinating in the back corner of a neighbor’s yard.

The deputy, Officer Billy Reyes, said that he had just finished mowing his lawn and, at first, decided to ignore the public urination. Then he reportedly saw Haynes shaking his penis while talking loudly to some people across the street from him. Not good. The deputy said that Haynes behavior upset him, in part, because “there are children in the neighborhood.”

Officer Reyes said he confronted the Haynes. Haynes – clearly an expert at diffusing awkward situations – responded by swearing at Reyes and threatening bodily harm. Officer Reyes then reportedly informed Haynes he was a law enforcement officer. Haynes responded by throwing several unlanded punches at Officer Reyes.…

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Olympic Hopeful Pees On 11 Year Old Girl During JetBlue FlightAn 18-year-old member of the U.S. Ski Team got himself into a little trouble the other day after he drunkenly pissed on the leg of an 11-year-old passenger during a JetBlue flight to New York.

Witnesses say that during a red-eye flight from Oregon, Robert Vietze, of Warren, Vt.,  got up and staggered five rows behind him before pulling out his junk and pissing on a young girl’s leg.

Vietze had to be separated from the child’s father, a Stage 4 cancer patient, who had left the girl alone while he correctly used the bathroom and returned to find Vietze pissing on his daughter’s leg.

“F- -k that kid. I don’t want him near my family!” the understandably enraged man reportedly yelled.

Vietze admitted to law-enforcement authorities that he had consumed more than eight alcoholic beverages before he relieved himself on the girl and that he didn’t realize what he was doing.

Vietze was initially issued a federal summons for indecent exposure, but federal prosecutors dropped the case, possibly because the girl’s father refused to let her be interviewed by cops.…

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Ewok Actor Avoids Jail For Train Masturbation ConvictionCheadle, UK - Nicholas Read, 40, who had been convicted of indecent exposure last month, was given a 20-week jail term as punishment.  It was then suspended by the UK court official who stated that jail ‘would not help him.’

Read is an actor who, up until this incident, was best known for his work in the Harry Potter and Star Wars films – having played both a Gringotts goblin and an Ewok warrior.  The life of an Ewok warrior is understandably hard.  Sadly, this Ewok warrior’s fall from grace was evident by his conviction for mastubating under a bowler hat while traveling on a UK passenger train last October.

On that fateful day, Read was reportedly traveling between London and Leicester by train.  Court documents say that Read seated himself in an aisle seat next to a teenage girl at the window.  Read was convicted for covering his lap with his bowler hat and stroking his mini-mini-me for “30 to 40 minutes” while effectively “trapping” his victim.

Inspector Mark Clements of British Transport Police said, “Read’s actions were deplorable.  …

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Man Wags Junk At Restaurant After Being Refused AlcoholGurnee, IL — Kyle Plemons, 24, was recently arrested after an incident at a restaurant where a waiter refused to serve him a second beer.

An employee at Mama K’s restaurant told police he served Plemons a beer but, after conversing with the suspect, decided that Plemons was intoxicated and refused to serve him a second.

When he was informed that he would not be served, Plemons reportedly began yelling and causing a disturbance – because causing a loud disturbance is an excellent way to get served alcohol. Oddly, he was escorted out of the restaurant.

In an obvious effort to further demonstrate to the waiter that he was, in fact, sober and clear thinking, Plemons next positioned himself in plain view of the glass window at the front of the restaurant, and proceeded to wag his exposed johnson towards the patrons inside, said Gurnee Police Commander Jay Patrick. Those aren’t Patrick’s exact words.  ..but they are pretty close.

Plemons self-imposed field sobriety test was not only witnessed by the patrons inside the restaurant – he happened to be standing next to a car of a woman loading her children to leave when he exposed himself, Patrick said.…

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Man Caught Masturbating In Womens Only Fitness CenterUkiah, CA - Clarence Christmas, 39, was arrested after police reportedly found him in the corner of a Curves Fitness Center, nude from the waist down, and masturbating.

Police were responding to a call from a Curves employee expressing how much they had not liked Christmas showing up unannounced and fapping his junk for all to see.

The Curves employee had originally told Christmas to leave or she would call police, but instead he grabbed her by the shoulder, police said.  According to police, Christmas ‘grabbed her buttocks’ when she turned away to get a phone to call police. He also is accused of touching a Curves patron while masturbating, police said.

You may be surprised to learn that this is not Chistimas’ first offense.  Christmas had been arrested in May 2010 when he was found without pants or underwear masturbating while watching a California Department of Corrections crew eradicating weeds and brush along the railroad tracks in Ukiah, police said.

For that incident, he was arrested for indecent exposure, possession of a methamphetamine smoking pipe and parole violation. …

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Serial Flasher Pleads Guilty To Multiple Counts Of Indecent ExposurePalmerton, PA — Timothy Shelly, a registered sex offender, pleaded guilty in court Thursday to four counts of indecent exposure. The man obviously can’t keep it in his pants – police say has admitted to exposing himself nearly 100 times in area stores.

On September 11, police received a report of a man exposing himself at a K-Mart store. The store security guard told police the man had followed a young girl though the store, exposed himself to her and may have touched her.

When the 10-year-old victim was interviewed, she told police she was looking at birthday cards when the man approached her with his package out. The girl said she tried to move away from him, but he followed her and bumped against her. She ran to her mother and security was alerted.

Shelly reportedly told police he goes to a store such as K-Mart or Target, finds a girl he likes and exposes himself. He said he sometimes brushes against ‘em. He didn’t remember if he actually touched the 10-year-old, but said he probably did.…

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Man Charged For Repeatedly Exposing Himself To Wedding PartySTRABANE, Pa. — Randy Wayne Northcutt, 43, was charged after North Strabane Township police say he repeatedly exposed himself in front of a fourth-floor window overlooking a Doubletree Hotel courtyard on Saturday afternoon. This with a wedding going on below.

Investigators say the hotel manager went to Northcutt’s room to inform him that there was a wedding ceremony outside – with young children in attendance – and asked him to close his curtains. A few minutes later, the manager reportedly received another complaint.

The bride’s uncle told police that Mr. Northcutt was fully nude, exposing his genitals to the wedding group for about 10 minutes, according to the affidavit. Wedding guests also told police that Northcutt fondled himself several times. I am sure that the guests will cherish the memories of that special day forever.

Northcutt is being held on $5,000 bail on charges including indecent exposure and open lewdness.…

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Teen Suspected Of Serial Flashing/Masturbation Leads Police On Naked FootchaseSan Diego, CA — For days, drivers on one San Diego roadway have been subjected to the presence of a sometimes naked and sometimes masturbating man. Police, convinced that commuters were not driving in a provocative manner, issued a warning about the man with a description. He was described as a white man, between 16-24 years old, 5′ 9″, medium to thin weight, with brown shoulder length possibly bushy hair.

Authorities followed up quickly with a stakeout. That stakeout proved fruitful when, only one day later, undercover detectives saw 19-year-old Kevin Garrison take off his clothes on an embankment overlooking Del Mar Heights Boulevard.

“As they went to contact him, a foot pursuit ensued. He ran onto Ginger Glen. The officers lost sight of him. We set up a perimeter and did a yard to yard search,” said Lt. Todd Jarvis.

The search included many officers on foot interviewing neighbors and securing yards while a police helicopter was flying and observing from overhead. Police then got a break when it was discovered that Garrison cut himself during the foot chase.…

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Man Named Handy Wood Charged With Indecent ExposureNewport, PA — Not a lot of meat to this story, but with that name and those charges, there was no way I could pass this one up….

The gentleman to the left, Mr. Handy Wood, was taken into custody earlier this month after a woman reported seeing his twig and berries in the parking lot at the Colonial Commons Shopping Center on June 7.

The woman told police Wood pulled up next to her in his sleek and sexy Dodge mini-van with his pants around his knees, nodded at her and drove off. He was arrested a short time later after the victim spotted his grocery-getter cruising the parking lot of a nearby mall.

Wood is either extremely proud of his package or an extremely slow learner – he was arrested on similar charges on two separate occasions just last month…

Police say Wood first exposed himself to a female worker at the drive-thru of a McDonald’s restaurant on May 17. (I can’t give him too much crap for that one, the aroma of fried potatoes makes me wanna get nekkid, too).…

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Man Arrested For Peeing On Young House GuestBeaver, PA - Gary M. Steineman, 49, was arrested by Independence Township police reportedly urinating on the sleeping son of his house guests.

Tim and Kimberly Tustin and their juvenile son were staying with Steineman, described as a ‘family friend,’ in his mobile home  according to a police report.  Early on the morning of June 5, the boy said he awoke to find Steineman “standing over him, urinating on the boy’s face, ear, neck and down his body,” the report said.

Police became involved when, around 11am, Sgt. Lance Malobabich was driving through the mobile home park and heard yelling and screaming from Steineman’s lot.  He reportedly found the Tustins and their son outside the residence with their belongings and pets.  They told police that Steineman had thrown them out, along with all of their possessions.

Steineman is charged with simple assault, indecent exposure, open lewdness and harassment. His preliminary hearing is tentatively scheduled for July 7.

I may be jaded – you know what I mean – but the one thing that I found odd in this is the “Steineman had thrown them out” thing.  …

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Priest Arrested After Exposing Himself To Deputy On Sarasota BeachSARASOTA, FL — Police have arrested a priest during an undercover investigation into indecent activities being reported on Caspersen Beach.

The Sarasota Sheriff’s Office says during their investigation on Tuesday, Father Bernard Chojnacki groped an undercover detective and exposed himself. The 36-year-old then stated his desire to perform a sexual act before getting his ass arrested and charged with Exposure of Sexual Organs and Battery. Which, to be honest, I thought was a chapter out of the Catholic Priest Indoctrination Manual.

Choknacki was appointed the position of Parochial Vicar of St. Charles Borromeo Parish in Port Charlotte back in 2009. The Diocese of Venice placed Chojnacki on administrative leave “until the situation comes to some sort of resolution” and released the following statement in an attempt alleviate anyone’s fears that he worked with children at the church:

The charges against Father Chojnacki are unsettling. This is a sad time for the both the Parish and the Diocese, and matters of this nature are taken very seriously. Father Chojnacki’s principal assignment was as Parochial Vicar to St.

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Man Arrested After Naked Grind In Front Of Neighbor And Her Young DaughterUtica, NY — Alkabi Abduleman, 56, was arrested late Friday after his attempts to romance his neighbor were deemed illegal.

Utica police said that Abduleman approached a small child near his home at around 8PM Friday and told the girl that he liked her mother.

Abduleman  must have been concerned of the young girl’s ability to accurately convey his feelings because, according to the account provided to police by the girl’s mother, “Abduleman came outside his home completely naked in front of her and her daughter and started moving his hips in a sexual grinding motion and blew kisses to her and her daughter.” That’s pretty clear.

Abduleman is was charged with exposure and endangering the welfare of a child.

Since the filing of an affidavit seeking arrest is not, technically, a “no,” I promise to keep you updated on any reported progress in the budding romance between Abduleman and his new lady-friend.

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