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Boulder, CO — A Boulder High School teacher has been arrested after two women say he purposely exposed his genitals to them while shopping at two different garage sales.

According to police, Jim Kozlowski was at a garage sale Saturday morning when he employed a horribly ineffective ice-breaker. According to Commander Jeff Satur, Kozlowski intentionally exposed his twig and berries as they both shopped at a garage sale. “The victim said the suspect knelt down near some clothes, with his right knee on the ground and his left knee bent, with his left foot on the ground,” said Satur. “He asked the victim about the clothes, and then he pulled his shorts away from his leg with his left hand so his genitals were exposed through the left leg opening.”

Sure, Kozlowski’s peek-a-boo could have just been accidental, but police say after he left that garage sale his pork sword was spotted at another garage sale a block away. This time a woman stated Kozlowski repeated the same actions as before.…

Portland, OR – Jamie Todd Hensler, 40, who had been booked on charges of assault, harassment, disorderly conduct and reckless endangering earlier this year, is facing new charges of misuse of a drinking fountain, indecent exposure and disorderly conduct after allegedly exposing himself and washing his genitals in a public park’s water fountain in the presence of children.

Witnesses report that Hensler had been attempting to engage children at the park in conversation and, at some point, threw a water balloon in their general direction.  It’s unclear what prompted his next act, which was reportedly to drop his pants to his ankles and begin washing his junk in the water fountain, though I strongly suspect that the “water balloon” may have been filled with another type of liquid and that the inflation technique had proven far from flawless.

“He was bathing in the drinking fountain and had his pants down around his ankles and he was totally exposing himself,” said witness Michael Koopman. “Once I saw that I asked the teacher to bring the kids inside.”

Hensler was soon arrested on the charges mentioned above and banned from the park. …

Browerville, Minn. – Seth Kellen (pictured), 18, and Connor Burns, also 18, have been charged with multiple counts of sexual assault on their basketball teammates.  The attacks allegedly took place in showers (surprise, surprise), hotel rooms, and elevators.  The photos contained in this article are not mugshots, by the way.

Some are calling the attacks part of a hazing ritual, though County Attorney Chuck Rasmussen said this case is not viewed as hazing because “the victims included seniors, and there’s no reason for hazing seniors. Also, the victims said it didn’t feel like a hazing situation.”  Read on and you’ll likely agree with me that it sounds more like the activities of psychopathic, closeted, self-hating homosexuals.

One might now ask oneself if there is a “reason” for hazing underclassmen.  Now, at the risk of seeming like a sissy in the eyes of all closeted meatheads, I must admit that I’ve forever viewed hazing only as a vehicle for sociopaths to dole out punishment on others under the socially-acceptable guise of attempting to build strong bonds within groups of males. …

Houston, TX – Stephanie Dillard, 34, allegedly drove her car, containing her three children, aged 5, 12, and 16, into a city bus last Friday.  Instead of staying at the scene, however, she reportedly left the shaken-up children inside the car in the middle of an intersection and walked away. 

The five-year-old had suffered a laceration above his eye, but the other children did not suffer any more serious injuries; at least not physical ones.

Officers responding to the scene of the accident found the children still in the car.  It took a few minutes to track Dillard down, however.  They eventually found her in a nearby CVS drugstore, eating stolen ice cream naked, having taken her clothes off inside the store.  When police happened upon her, she was in the middle of inserting a tampon.  No, I’m just kidding about that last bit.

Dillard did reportedly resist arrest in a convincing manner, though she is currently only facing child endangerment charges, and not resisting arrest, public nudity, or ice cream theft. …

Boulder, CO – A 27-year-old man identifying himself as Derek Thor Apodaca was arrested for indecent exposure while dancing in a teal blue skirt, black fishnet stockings and a black tank top in front of the Boulder Municipal Building on June 6th.

Apodaca, known as “Thor” for the remainder of this article (because it’s fun), was allegedly performing his expressive dance at around lunch time when he caught the attention of several passers-by by giving them a sneak preview of his nether regions and then asking them for cigarettes.

Police who responded to the scene encountered an apparently intoxicated Thor and asked him if he was wearing anything beneath his skirt.  No such luck, apparently, but he did state that he was being a responsible she-male since, after previously realizing that his pubes were peeking above his waistband, he had donned a shirt and pulled his skirt down to keep his schlong from prying (or not-so-prying) eyes.

However, three witnesses to the events prior to the cop’s arrival had a different story to tell, indicating that Thor, while putting on his stockings, had placed his porksword on full display in a somewhat purposeful manner. …

Orlando, FL – Larchmont, New York’s own John Oldham, 68, was arrested and charged on Monday with two counts of lewd or lascivious exhibition after allegedly exposing himself to two girls, aged 7 and 9, at Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge swimming pool.  Public records show Oldham runs TargetVision Entertainment, an independent TV program distributor/media production company.

Oldham reportedly was targeting young girls who were wearing goggles and could presumably see clearly underwater.  The 9-year-old victim says that she was swimming when she almost bumped into Oldham.  She said that the man had his swim trunks hiked up to his waist on one side, exposing what she describes as something resembling…wait for it…a “dog chew toy.”

Upon further investigation, she identified it as his “private,” and later described it to investigators as “disgusting.”  I’m inclined to believe her, even though kids are known to be compulsive liars, often citing me as a “nanny-nanny-poopie-pants,” which I am absolutely not.  After the incident, the girl told her father about what had happened.

Around the same time, Oldham reportedly targeted a 7-year-old victim, who also claims to have had the distinct displeasure of glimpsing his junk. …

Milford, DE – Sandra Hardy, a 47-year-old mother of five, is out on $74,000 bond today after allegedly sharing pornographic material with two boys, aged 13 and 11, on numerous occasions, and attempting to coerce the 13-year-old into having sex with her.

She is charged with six counts of providing obscene material to a person under 18, three counts of sexual harassment, two counts of endangering the welfare of a child, two counts of tampering with physical evidence and one count of first-degree indecent exposure, police said.   Personally, I’d tack on “attempting to turn a male minor totally gay” and possibly “cruel and unusual punishment,” but I’m a realist.

Between 2009 and 2011, Hardy is believed to have watched adult pornographic movies with the boys, shown them her sex toys, and made overt sexual overtures to the 13-year-old, asking him to have sex with her and showing him lewd pictures of herself (as if there could be any other kind) taken with her cell phone which, miraculously, did not spontaneously combust in her hand.…

Pompano Beach, FL – Back in the days when homeless people were attacking us, and not the other way around, when human flesh was not considered a delicacy, when bath salts were thought to be a delightful addition to a woman’s nightly cleansing regimen, when dirty hard drives were a matter for the technically adept, and not the police, Tracy Mabb might have been a riveting story.

We’ve come a long way, dear readers.  The evolution of human society has vaulted us to heights our parents never could have imagined.  We are soaring like eagles, trudging our way to the Mount Everest of cultural awareness undaunted.  Poor, poor Tracy Mabb.  The only reason she has completed her ascent to the coveted front page of The Dreamin’ Demon is her sublime mugshot.

On Wednesday, Ms. Mabb, 35, was arrested at a Pompano Beach intersection while providing passing motorists full disclosure of the heavenly female form our benevolent God has graciously provided to humankind.  She wasn’t being stingy either, fully exposing her breasts, vagina, and buttocks. …

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Two officers from the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources who were checking for fishing violations at Dayton Port Roadside Park in Ramsey were forced to go above and beyond the call of duty on Thursday evening when they spotted a bare-genitaled man sitting in a sling, blindfolded, with all four of his limbs secured to two trees.  And yes, I did just make up a word.

For those of us from the Dreamin’ Demon, this probably sounds like the perfect scenario for a snuff film, or at least an invitation for a passerby to perform an impromptu castration.  That, however, was not what the man, Alan Petrusson, 50, seemed to have in mind.

The officers called in some real cops, but when the arrived, Petrusson was gone, leaving only the sling and some rope behind.  They did find Petrusson’s car though, and it contained (gasp) pornographic material.

Just as the officers were about to tow the vehicle, Petrusson showed up and turned himself in, admitting that he had blindfolded and bound himself with slipknots, and was awaiting anonymous sex. …

Tecumseh, MI – Occasionally, we here at D’D are asked to set aside our laser sharp Ivy League-caliber analysis of human psychosocial behavior to focus on 100% real and true crime fightin’.  This is one of those times…

Police are asking for civic-minded citizens to help them locate a man who was recorded on video surveillance cameras checking out at a Michigan grocery store with his johnson fully out of his zipper. The surveillance cameras – clearly equipped with the latest macro-zoom and digital enhancement features – recorded the man during his brazen display to an unwitting checkout worker.

Police say that at 2:07 p.m. Wednesday at Busch’s Valu-land in Tecumseh, Michigan, the man pictured was purchasing items. As the clerk scanned the suspect’s groceries, she noticed his jeans were unzipped and his genitals ‘fully exposed.’ The clerk told police the man stood very close to the checkout counter, but – cleverly – far enough back so she could see his man parts over the edge of the counter. As the man walked away, she observed him zipping his pants back up in a clear admission that this was no mistake!…

Radnor, Pa – A 19-year-old Pennsylvania man is getting a lesson in what is appropriate from authorities in Pennsylvania after allegedly posting photos of random girls – alongside his post-masturbatory penis – on their Facebook pages. He reportedly told police these actions were ‘no big deal.’ Police disagree.

Neil Geckle, 19, came to the attention of authorities after a gaggle of young females – all members of the Radnor High School network – arrived at police headquarters to complain. Radnor Police Superintendent William Colarulo said that when the girls – three juveniles and one 18-year-old – first came to the station to explain the situation, they were so “hysterical” that he ‘couldn’t understand them at first.’

“I didn’t understand what they were talking about until one of them pulled out a picture,” Colarulo said. “As soon as we saw that, we knew we were dealing with something serious.”

According to investigators, Geckle set up a fake Facebook account. It was reported that Geckle then printed pictures of the girls from Facebook, put the girls’ pictures on a desk in his grandma’s bedroom and – after masturbating to them and ejaculating on them – uploaded a picture of the result including the original photo and his penis to the girls’ pages.…

Denver, CO — A female passenger at Denver International Airport was detained after stripping naked at a departure gate on Concourse B, airport officials said.

According to a DIA spokeswoman, the woman was caught smoking a cigarette Tuesday at a departure gate – which are designated non-smoking areas. Airport workers reportedly instructed her to extinguish the cigarette after which time the woman removed her clothing and asked the gate agent to reprint her boarding pass.

Thankfully, safety-minded citizens were able to capture the incident on a cell phone camera.  Denver’s Concourse B does have a smoking lounge.

I personally think that – with the current police state we have surrounding airline travel – when a uniformed officer demands that someone “extinguish their butt” – they should be better prepared for this sort of misunderstanding. …but that’s me.

Denver police say her nakedness was unrelated to the smoking issue – although they could offer no explanation as to what it was related. Authorities transported the woman to local hospital for evaluation.  …

Iowa City, IA – Allen A. Bramwell, 25, was arrested on two counts of indecent exposure on March 23rd for exposing himself to women in two separate incidents.

Both women have positively identified him as the culprit.  He also faces charges of marijuana possession, preventing prosecution, and interference with official acts.  Normally, I might not cover this story since, you know, it’s just not my style and all.

However, there’s one very important, puzzling detail that piqued my interest. Let’s go over some of the details alleged by the police in their report and play a little guessing game, shall we?  Let’s keep in mind that I’m only going over what the report alleges.

Was it that he pulled out his dong to show it to two different women, five hours apart?  No.

Was it that the first incident occurred at 8:45 AM at Old Capitol Town Center and that he asked that woman for her name and phone number after wagging his willy at her?  No.

Was it that he was grinning at the second woman he flashed as she drove by in her car? …

Roseau, Dominica – Two California men were arrested aboard the Celebrity Climax Summit cruise ship on Wednesday after being spotted having sexual relations by someone on the dock.  Police Constable, John George (no relation to Boy, I assume) took John Robert Hart, 41, and Dennis Jay Mayer, 43 into custody on suspicion of “buggery” and “indecent exposure,” since same-gender sexual acts are unlawful on the island of Dominca.

The two, who were apparently enjoying their cruise too much for the liking of the Dominica authorities, were officially charged with “indecent exposure” and hauled into jail where they are being held in a cell at police headquarters in the capital of Roseau.  This is all sounding like a splendid plot for a gay porno (you know, if I were into that sort of thing).  A-hem.

The 2,000-passenger cruise, organized by Atlantis Events, left for St. Barts without the two men.  President, Rich Campbell, who was aboard the ship, believes that they will be released, facing only misdemeanor charges.  I’m forced to assume that he’s not speaking of the type of release that got them into this predicament in the first place. …

Albuquerque, New Mexico – As I understand it, most people who visit Hobby Lobby are there to purchase supplies to facilitate their hobbyist pursuits. However, it seems a certain young man in Albuquerque actually prefers to practice his there.

His hobby, you ask?  Why, exposing his genitalia to young girls, of course.

Santa Fe police are searching for a man who was seen on security footage entering a Hobby Lobby store on Friday, slapping a lingering look all over a couple of people, and then walking by. After this, he apparently zeroed in on two girls, aged 10 and 13, and followed them around in creepy fashion for a while.  He then proceeded to pull his pants down and stroke his manhood in front of them.

I’m not much of a scrapbooker, but I’m guessing there are less criminal ways to make glue.

Police are requesting help from the public in identifying the man captured on the security footage.  For the time being, I’ve nicknamed him “The Hobby Lobby Knob Slob,” since it kind of rolls off the tongue without dripping down your leg or staining your pants.…

Annapolis, MD — Police arrested a 28-year-old man for allegedly exposing himself to women at Anne Arundel Community College on numerous occasions back in February.

Several women reportedly complained to police that a man in a silver vehicle was exposing himself on campus between the 16th and 22nd of February.

After an extensive investigation involving both campus security and local law enforcement, a potential suspect was identified. That suspect, 28-year-old Jacob Bovia, was arrested Friday after he was seen acting all suspicious-like while seated in his silver Honda Accord.

One thing led to another, and police soon discovered Bovia was in possession of fake genitalia. When questioned, Bovia reportedly admitted to “exposing” the fake junk while, presumably, keeping the real junk in his draws. And that, my friends, resulted in three counts of indecent exposure and two counts of disorderly conduct.…

Philadelphia, PA – Willie Singletary had led a charmed life. In 2007, while running for the position of judge with the Philadelphia Traffic Court, it was discovered that Singletary – who holds no law degree – had a suspended license and more than $11,000 in traffic tickets. Singletary made up for his shortcomings with his positive campaign message, though.

“There’s going to be a basket going around, because I’m running for Traffic Court judge, right, and I need some money,” Singletary said at a 2007 biker rally. “Now, you all want me to get there. You’re all going to need my hookup, right?”

Singletary – shown in a picture from his Myspace page – would win that election. …and, after a small reprimand for the apparent suggestion that he would run a court steeped in corruption and favoritism, he was poised for great things. …at least until the FBI showed up.

In September 2011, the FBI raided the home and office of Administrative Judge Michael Sullivan and others amidst a long list of allegations of ticket fixing for political friends and family.…

Jose AyalaSacramento, CA – Jose Ayala, a 36 year old illegal immigrant, claims to be good with his hands.

Fortunately for the police and his prospective employer, he wasn’t demonstrating that skill on Saturday when he allegedly showed up for a job interview wearing only what his benevolent god gave him.

This video shows Mr. Ayala lingering outside a Del Paso Heights-area welding shop, boasting what appears to be a very blurry penis and a swagger that looked a tad to me like a stagger.

The stagger was allegedly a direct result of the fact that he was fairly high on crystal meth at the time.  No word on why his penis was so blurry, however.

Prior to the arrival of the police, who were presumably called by someone at the shop, Ayala seemed somewhat subdued, if not on a different planet.  However, when the cops did arrive to detain his jalapeno-waving ass, he became irate.

Wrestling Ayala proved to be a task of which the police seemed just barely capable, what with his hair-pulling tactics and whatnot.…

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