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Kingwood, TX - Many of you, at one time or another, have had that assclown stoner friend. You know the one: he’s a total idiot unless he is making a bong, and then he turns into MacGyver. I knew a guy once who made one out of a video game controller, […]

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Madison Heights, MI - I want Carole Penzabene and her girlfriend Kelly Templeton to move in next door to me. Penzabene, 41 and a dialysis patient, went above and beyond the good neighbor call on Wednesday night when two robbers entered her next-door neighbor’s home. Penzabene was looking out her living room […]

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Orlando, Fla. - If enough bad shit cannot already happen to you while shopping at Wal-Mart, one woman experienced more than long lines, rude customers and absent employees. This woman happened to meet with David Welker, 24. Welker had been waiting in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart for 30 minutes when this woman arrived […]

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Cambridge, WI -  James A. Hole, 34,  really is one.   A registered sex offender with a lengthy criminal record, Hole is accused of murdering Ann B. Nelson, 71, on March 18.  Nelson was a real estate agent who was showing Hole a house last Tuesday afternoon - a house Hole had no intention of […]

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If there is a Hell, certain crimes like murder or rape are deserving of the express lane. But there’s gotta be some sort of penalty for holding a gun on an Amish guy. Plus, we needed a break from babykillers and child molesters.
Jamesport, MO - Draper Scott Richardson, 26, […]

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