Pinellas Park, FL — In a video recently posted to LiveLeak, a 41-year-old woman, clad in nothing but a thong, is seen rampaging through a Pinellas County McDonald’s, breaking and throwing shit before eating ice cream straight out of the machine.
According to the fine folks over at WFTS, Susan Suarez walked into the McDonald’s at about 7:00 the evening of March 24th and offered one of the employees oral sex. When the employee refused, Suarez apparently started smashing, ultimately causing more than $10,000 in damage.
In the video, which has since gone viral, Suarez is seen banging her dome on the counter, pushing registers to the floor, throwing food and other items, toppling drink dispensers and repeatedly opening and closing a refrigerator door. The pièce de résistance, though? Sucking ice cream right out of the machine. And ice cream apparently soothes even the most savage of beasts because Suarez cooled her shit right then.
Well, kinda. Police say she put up a bit of a fight while they were trying to detain her, kicking, licking and attempting to kiss the arresting officers.…Continue Reading
GUILTY! OFF WITH HER HEAD!
It all started when Cameo Crispi’s ex called police on March 14 to complain that he had received numerous texts and phone calls from her within the range of one hour, and he really wanted her to knock it the fuck off already. He also told police he didn’t want Crispi at his home. Crispi. Heh.
An officer was dispatched to the man’s home and found smoke pouring out the front door. Inside, an “impaired” Crispi.
When the officer stepped inside the man’s home, he noticed a wood stove left open with a fire burning inside and hot coals on the floor around the stove. And on the kitchen stove, claimed the officer, there was a cookie sheet with about a pound of bacon on it. Now, bear with me, people….. this part of the story is extremely difficult for me.…Continue Reading
According to the 56-year-old victim, when he learned the postman wasn’t delivering the aforementioned check, an agitated Kiefer snatched his pepper spray off his belt and squirted him in the eyes. This led to a wrestling match, of sorts, in the street. The mailman told police that while the two were struggling, Kiefer bit him on the leg three times.
The two were still at it when police arrived on scene. Kiefer still had a bit of fight left in him, and when officers tried to subdue him, he reportedly resisted. This earned him a pepper sprayin’.
The two were eventually pried apart and Kiefer was taken into custody. He was charged with assault and battery and resisting arrest, and was ordered held on $1,000 bond.
The mailman was treated at the scene for the bite wounds and a cut to the knee.…Continue Reading
OKEECHOBEE, FL — Bryan Adams, 31, is looking at some serious time in jail, along with a re-arranged face, after he abducted his son he believed was possessed by demons.
According to the police report, Adams showed up at his ex-wife’s workplace demanding her car keys. He told her he wanted their 11-year-old son and that he was seeing demons. She denied his request, and later told police she’d left Adams because of his heavy crystal meth usage.
Not taking no for an answer, Adams abducted his 11-year-old son from his bed at around 3 a.m. that morning and dragged him into some nearby woods. Adams told his son, who was clad only in his pajamas and a t-shirt, that he was possessed by a demon. ”You are the demon.” Adams informed his son. “You know what I must do with you.”
Before anyone could find out exactly what Adams had in mind, police arrived with a K-9 unit and were able to quickly locate Adams and his son lying on the ground in the woods.…Continue Reading
Joseph Smolinsky, 36, is facing a couple of charges after allegedly assaulting his live-in girlfriend with a banana, and for resisting arrest after the fact.
Police were called to the couple’s home on New Year’s Day, and learned from the girlfriend that Smolinsky threw a banana at her. Smolinsky denied the accusation, of course, and blamed the banana tossing on the woman.
It was going to take some solid detective work to get to the bottom of this one….
After a thorough investigation, officers determined Smolinsky was the offending party. And how did they arrive at this conclusion? Well, the woman was sporting a red mark on the face, where the banana apparently landed, and there appeared to be a bit of banana peel on the floor near the couch where the woman was sitting.…Continue Reading
Orlando, FL — I’m a little late with this one, but Night Train, ya know….
Lisa Frink, 45, is facing multiple charges after allegedly poking a couple new holes in her live-in boyfriend because he refused to hand over his food stamp card. That isn’t exactly why I chose to feature her, though – the decision was made when I learned she attempted to resist her impending arrest by throwing a cat at a K-9 officer.
No, animal cruelty isn’t funny. Yes, using a cat as a weapon is. Because they’re evil.
Frink, off of her meds, apparently flipped her shit at the boyfriend’s refusal, armed herself with a couple of kitchen knives and started slashing. The man was left with deep lacerations on the face and neck.
Frink fled after the alleged attack, but police were able to track her to a nearby shed. When she refused to come out with her hands up, a couple of K-9 officers were sent in to retrieve her.
The arrival of the critters did nothing on the cooperation front, so one of the dogs, Bolt, was ordered to bite.…Continue Reading
Vero Beach, FL - Brenda Schumann reportedly found her estranged husband in bed with his naked girlfriend and did what any scorned woman would do in the same circumstances; she took a shit on the kitchen floor.
According to police, late last month, Brenda Shumann, 51, barged into her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s bedroom at 2:30 am carrying a rifle and threatening to kill him and his lover. Her husband was able to get the gun away from her. Not to be defeated that easily, she then urinated on the carpet outside the bedroom then proceeded to the kitchen where she defecated on the floor. She then found a second rifle and vandalized the house with it, smashing mirrors, pictures and Christmas decorations.
Her rage and her bowels finally empty, she vacated the premises, leaving the rifle behind.
Brenda was located at her nearby home later, resisted arrest, which almost never works, and is now charged with aggravated assault/domestic violence, battery and resisting arrest.
She is quoted as saying to her arresting deputies, “I found him in bed with a naked chick. …Continue Reading
Miami, FL – According to police, an unidentified homeowner heard his dog making a racket at about 5:00 Wednesday morning. He walked outside to find a naked man choking the shit out of his Rottweiler on his front porch.
That nekkid man was later identified as 20-year-old Jeffery Delice.
The homeowner confronted Delice and attempted to free his dog. At that point, police say, Delice attacked, biting and choking the homeowner.
Fearing for his life, the homeowner fired his gun twice, hitting the nekkid intruder once. In the foot.
When that failed to keep the crazed man down, the homeowner shot again. Unfortunately, the gun jammed. He did, however, manage to pin the crazy nekkid dude down while family members called for help.
When police arrived, the hungry little fucker tried to bite them, too.
Delice was transported to the hospital for the gunshot wound and is expected to make a full recovery. No word on whether drugs or alcohol were involved. *coughbathsaltscough*
He’s been charged with, among other things, assault, resisting arrest with violence, lewd and lascivious behavior and animal cruelty.…Continue Reading
Meet Deni Noa. He reportedly celebrated the New Year by punching some random female driver in the eye (one of Morbid’s sick fantasies), getting nekkid, and fighting with police.
Yep, according to police, Noa approached a vehicle stopped at a red light, reached inside the window, and popped the female behind the wheel before disappearing into the night. Presumably while cackling maniacally and drooling. Maybe even skipping….
As an officer was taking the woman’s statement, he heard a report over the radio about a man lying on a roadway nearby.
The officer responding to that call reported seeing a man laying on the street all nekkid and stuff. He also reported seeing two other men at the scene… they were apparently struggling with the nekkid guy and trying to stuff him in the trunk of their car.
Turns out the two other men on the scene were Noa’s brothers. Know why they were trying to stuff Noa in the trunk?…Continue Reading
Milwaukee, WI – Someone was in the right place at the right time on Friday when they captured a brawl between a police officer and a clown outside Milwaukee City Hall.
Police say the clown is a known activist who can often be seen outside government buildings. But on Friday, police were getting calls that the clown was chasing cars with a squirt gun. Luckily, someone just happened to be there filming as a responding officer approached the clown.
“The officer reached for him, and the next thing you know, they’re on the ground, tussling and rolling around. The officer started punching him, and then another officer showed up, and it looked like they were about to arrest him. It was pretty funny,” the witness said. “The clown was resisting, so the cop needed to do what he needed to do to make sure he was safe.”
“What’s going through my head is a cop beating up a clown. How can I not capture this video and show it to all my friends?” the witness said.…Continue Reading
DELTONA, Fla. – I’ll be honest. I’m only posting this story because of the mugshot. The details surrounding the moments before it was taken do not stray far from you average “drunken idiot resisting arrest” story we are all familiar with.
Police say they found the man pictured, 29-year-old Kelsey Smith, sitting inside a running Audi that was parked at an intersection. Officers noticed the smell of alcohol, Smith’s slurred speech and sporting eyes that resembled a pair of freshly f*cked assholes.
They ordered Smith out of the vehicle to participate in some field sobriety tests, but he refused and was Tased in the leg.
“The Taser cycle was basically ineffective, and Smith continued resisting,” the police report said.
When police tried to put handcuffs on Smith, he became physically combative and was Tased a second time. Finally secured, Smith repeatedly banged his head and face on the roof of the police car, causing his nose to bleed. Smith continued being combative and started spitting blood at the officers, so a hobble was placed on his legs and a spit hood over his face.…Continue Reading
Charles Swinney, 43, apparently stumbled into the Asian Nails salon late Tuesday evening and asked for a manicure and pedicure, offering up $100 for the service. When told by salon employees that the store was closing soon and they would not be able to assist him, Swinney reportedly started whining that said procedure was on his Bucket List and he wanted it now, dammit.
According to police, Swinney then tried to sweeten the deal with an additional $200. Now, I don’t know what nail techs are making these days, but this girl’s ass woulda stuck around an extra hour to service the odd-looking little man. The techs at Asian Nails, however, couldn’t be swayed and police were called after Swinney refused to leave the premises.
Swinney was taken into custody after a brief struggle. Police say he had a large amount of cash in one hand and was in possession of a bag he claimed contained nearly $10,000.…Continue Reading
Denver, CO - The brothers-sister trio at the center of a nationwide manhunt in August 2011 has been sentenced for their crimes in Colorado. Each had the opportunity to ask for mercy.
Last year, Dylan Stanley-Dougherty, 27, Ryan Dougherty, 22, and Lee Grace, 29, embarked on what authorities have described as a 10-day nationwide crime-spree. They are accused of shooting at a police officer during a car chase in Florida and a bank robbery in Georgia.
The current sentencing concerned their actions after reaching Colorado including 11 rounds being fired from an AK47 out the car window toward pursuing officers. They were reported as traveling over 120 mph before crashing after running over stop sticks.
Defense attorneys for the siblings told the judge they were driven by desperation to help the youngest, Ryan, evade probation and that thier action were the result of a bond created after a childhood filled with tragic loss and abuse.
Dylan – who plead guilty to one charge of first-degree assault – was the first to be sentenced Monday.…Continue Reading
According to a probable cause affidavit, Brandy Star Williams, 31, was arrested early Friday after police officers saw her vehicle hit a curb and exceed the speed limit. She was stopped and a portable breath test measured Williams’ BAC to be 0.188 percent.
Williams was taken to a police station to undergo an official breath test. According to police, while seated and waiting – in handcuffs – next to Muncie police officer Michael Rehfus, Williams “stood up and she bolted out the door.” Rehfus’ report said Williams then “jumped over a railing and fled on foot.” Rehfus and other officers chased Williams on foot, but reportedly lost her about two-tenths of a mile away. Wow. Two-tenths…
“Officers in pursuit. [pant] Suspect now two-tenths of a mile northeast?!? [pant] She’s a freakin’ MACHINE!!! [pant]”
Williams would be located a short time later at her home – nearly three miles from the police station from which she had ‘hurriedly departed.’ She was taken back into custody.…Continue Reading
Marland A. Anderson, 39 – whose stage name was “Sledge Hammer” and starred in such classics as Oh No! There’s a Negro in My Mom! 4 and Teenage Blackaholics - died Friday from unknown problems at a hospital.
LAPD Lt. Andy Neiman said that the incident reportedly began when – on April 8 – Anderson’s fiancé, 24-year-old Alexa Cruz, called police about an attempted suicide.
Paramedics and police showed up to Cruz’s apartment around 1:30 a.m., and took Anderson away in handcuffs, seemingly at his request, said Cruz – an adult film actress.
“He put his hands behind his back; he was very cooperative,” Cruz said. “They didn’t say anything about arrest. I think he just really wanted to get help.”
According to police, Anderson ‘became agitated’ during an ambulance ride to the hospital. According to reports, officers and paramedics struggled with Anderson in the back of the ambulance after Anderson had broken a handcuff that that was attached to a rail of the gurney he was on and tried to stand up.…Continue Reading
When police arrived on scene, they found 56-year-old Tony Jackson suffering from a massive wound to the gut. So massive, police say, his internal organs and intestines were visible and/or falling out.
According to investigators, after a long standing dispute with Jackson, Lott had finally had enough and walked over to the man’s home and opened up his gut with his big-ass, razor-sharp knife.
Police say Lott resisted arrest and was tasered while being taken into custody. And though he later admitted to quarreling with Jackson, he denied stabbing the guy. Lott is now facing charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and resisting an officer without violence.
Prosecutors have asked for increased bond, calling Lott a habitual violent offender. (Lott spent a year in prison after he was convicted of assaulting a pregnant woman with a deadly weapon and holding her captive in his home back in ’07).…Continue Reading
Pinellas Park, FL – By anyone’s standards, 20-year-old Danielle Maudsley’s day was already off to a bad start. An earlier chain of events had led to her being handcuffed and sitting in a detention room in a Florida Highway Patrol substation. Maudsley (pictured) was a suspect in two hit-and-run crashes and reportedly had drugs in her system. Her arresting officer, Trooper Daniel Cole, was sitting nearby busy completing paperwork.
Maudsley’s day became infinitely more complicated when she made a run for it. She got out the door and into the parking lot. It was then that Cole – only a few steps behind – leveled his Taser on Maudsley’s back and fired. In a single motion, Maudsley would spin around, fall, and strike her head squarely on the asphault.
Oddly and conveniently, dashcam video from a nearby cruiser recorded the incident. Maudsley is seen on the video recording clutching her head and struggled to rise.
She then reportedly said “I can’t get up.” Those would be her final words. Maudsley has been in a vegetative state ever since.…Continue Reading
According to the criminal complaint, deputies were dispatched to the club around 4:00 that morning, after receiving a report claiming Luna tried to pay for his lap dance with crack. While speaking with a bouncer at the club, police learned Luna kicked a member of the security staff and started screaming racial slurs as he was being escorted out of the establishment.
An intoxicated Luna was hesitant about being seated in the back of the patrol car, but complied after being threatened with a tasin’.
On the way to the cop shop, police say Luna began kicking the right rear door in an attempt to escape. The arresting officer then pulled the car over and attempted to secure Luna’s legs with a tarp. He was apparently unsuccessful, and another officer ended up getting kicked in the chest three times.…Continue Reading
Park Rdg, IL — A man got his face beat to a pulp after he refused to let go of a police officer’s groin.
Police were called to Dominick’s Finer Foods last week on a report of a possible shoplifter. When they arrived at the store they witnessed 44-year-old Frank Slowik running from an employee.
The responding officers gave chase and wrestled Slowik to the ground. While he was being restrained, Slowik decided this was a great oppurtunity to steal a handful of cock meat and proceeded grab one of the arresting officer’s groin.
When Slowik refused to let go of the officer’s lunchbox, his eyeballs were magically turned into freshly f*cked assholes by the officer’s fists, who also proceeded to turn one side of Slowik’s face fifteen shades of purple.
Slowik eventually let go of his prize and was placed in jail in lieu of $50,000 bail on charges of retail theft, aggravated battery to a police officer and resisting arrest. Police would find $1,000 of stolen seafood and meat in Slowik’s vehicle.…Continue Reading
Rochester, PA — Police reported a rough Monday night for a Pennsylvania state man. The evening reportedly included fighting with police officers, vandalizing a patrol car, and an unsuccessful suicide bid in a police station urinal.
According to police reports, the mayhem began when Samuel D. Boyd, 23, was found by Rochester officer Cesar Chavez to be sleeping in his car in the roadway around 4:50 a.m. After being awakened by Chavez, Boyd did not follow field sobriety test directions and refused a blood draw.
Chavez wrote in the criminal complaint that Boyd pushed and kicked officers who tried to search him and tried to run away. After more officers arrived, Boyd was restrained by police who subsequently found 64 stamp bags of heroin, straws and about $230 in cash in his possession.
While being tranferred to the police station, Boyd is said to have ripped off a window cage in the back of a Rochester patrol car. Police reported that Boyd ‘continually threatened to kill Chavez’ throughout all of this.…Continue Reading