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Roseville, CA — David Almas, 21, is recovering from second-degree burns to his face, ear and neck after being assaulted Friday evening with a small serving of hot creamed spinach. Police believe Almas, a Boston Market employee, was the victim of a prank known as “fire in the hole.” It goes a little something like this: You take 3 or 4 bored assholes and place ‘em in a vehicle. Said assholes order some sort of food or beverage from a fast-food joint. When served their order, assholes film themselves throwing food or drinks into the face of whatever poor sap drew the short straw and had to work drive-thru that day. After that, it’s all about the 15 minutes of YouTube fame, baby! Almas was working the drive-thru on Friday at about 9:00 p.m., when a group of teens placed an order for a small serving of creamed spinach. Once handed through the window, the spinach, heated to an estimated 180 degrees, was promptly thrown back in Almas’ face, causing serious burns.…

Manchester, VT — Police say 24-year-old Jeffrey Charbonneau was shot and killed in his sleep on Thursday after an apparent prank went way wrong. According to authorities, Charbonneau and his friend, 23-year-old Nicholas Bell, had stayed over at a mutual friend’s home Wednesday night. At around 8:00 Thursday morning, police say Bell, perhaps hoping to scare the piss out of his friend first thing in the a.m. by rousing him from his slumber in a somewhat untraditional manner, armed himself with what he thought was an air rifle and entered the room where Charbonneau was sleeping. He took aim and fired. Imagine his surprise when blood started spurting out of his buddy’s chest! What Bell initially thought was an air rifle was actually a .22-caliber rifle. Oopsie! Charbonneau was pronounced dead at the scene. Bennington County State’s Attorney Erica Marthage requested that Bell be charged with manslaughter. Though there is no evidence to suggest that Charbonneau’s death was anything but an accident, Bell did deliberately pull the trigger. “It was reckless behavior and he meant to shoot the gun,” Marthage said.…

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. – A 13-year-old student at Wilson Middle School has been arrested after pulling a prank on a fellow student. Rebecca Yanez says on Friday morning her 14-year-old daughter was with other students waiting outside the school for class to start when the boy walked up behind her and pulled down her shorts. “Her underwear also came off in the process and everything was exposed,” said Yanez. Since the girl’s monkey was exposed to a large group of students, the boy was suspended and arrested on charges of misdemeanor battery and interfering with the educational process.Veronica Garcia’s daughter goes to the school and feels the charges are a bit harsh. “I think that’s going a little overboard. It is a prank, and there are a lot worse things that happen to kids over here,” Garcia said. But Albuquerque police Sgt. Trish Hoffman disagrees. “The decision to make an arrest is that we take every incident extremely serious. We’re not going to make the decision if he was joking. What he did was inappropriate even if he was just joking.” Yanez says she will not pull her humiliated daughter out of the school as long as the boy is not there.…

BARSTOW, Calif.— Two women got into a bit of legal trouble after pulling a rather lame prank Wednesday night, wrapping a mannequin in a bloody sheet and placing it on the Nebo Street onramp to Interstate 40. The two women, Tina Jaramillo, 42, and Sharron Dennis, 39, sat on a nearby hillside and used binoculars to see what kind of reaction their dead body would get. The reaction turned out to be a bit more than the women bargained for, I suspect. After receiving a call about a body on the side of the road, deputies from the Barstow station, California Highway Patrol officers and U.S. Marine Corps military police came to the location while homicide detectives and members of the sheriff’s Scientific Investigations Division began heading to the scene. Deputies made contact with the two women after noticing them watching the scene. They would admit they had placed the mannequin there as a Halloween prank. They were both arrested and charged with suspicion of causing a false report of an emergency.…

GALATIA, IL — I’m sure some will rag on these parents, but I think they’re cool as hell, even if their Halloween prank turned serious for a few moments. Police say a couple decided to pull a prank on their two kids, ages 6 and 8, by staging a “murder” in their home. When the two kids walked in and saw the fake murder scene, they hauled ass to the neighbors before their parents could stop them. “The 911 caller identified himself and indicated the neighbors’ children had come to the house and said there’d been a murder or their mother had been strangled by Michael Meyers [sic],” Brown said. “There are Meyers that live in this area, and obviously we take any 911 call seriously.” When the police got to the home, they found everyone was fine and that it had just been a prank that got out of hand. I’m evil so I am still sitting here laughing thinking of those two kids leaving brown streaks all the way to their neighbor’s front door.…

Columbus, GA - Some of you may recall a story we posted back in May concerning an incident at a popular playground in Columbus. Long story short, someone taped several box-cutter type razor blades to the handles and steps of the slides and other playground equipment for shits and giggles. Fortunately, the blades were spotted and removed before any blood was spilled. Well, it appears as if the police have arrested the douchebags responsible for the evil act. Derek Fullum, 21, and Gary Bryan, 18, have admitted to planting the blades as a joke…they just wanted to see what would happen. “They say that they did not target the children even though they put these razor blades on playground equipment that was played with by children. They classified it as a party prank,” said Columbus Police Chief Ricky Boren. “They also told us about other times they had been to the park and vandalized some of the areas. One individual made a statement that they wanted to see how it would change lives of people.” Both have been charged with criminal damage to property in the first-degree and are being held in the Muscogee County Jail.…

Gaston County, NC – After a 39-year-old woman received a text that contained photos of a male’s genitals, a teen was charged with disseminating obscenity.  James Blair Lackey, 19, says the text was a joke and was accidentally sent to the victim. The woman did not find the text funny. In fact she was “offended by the text and she’s glad her children did not see the picture,” according to an affidavit. Lackey was released on bond and should feel lucky all he got was some obscenity charges for sending out pics of a man’s genitals. Last time I sent out pics of my junk, I got slapped with deadly weapon charges (*insert rimshot*). But seriously, obscenity charges for an accidental text? I’m curious who pursued the charges. I’m assuming the victim did. If it were some pics out of Jaded’s Midget Anal Sex-O-Rama collection maybe I’d get it. But criminal charges over an unintentional dick pic? God forbid this woman is ever introduced to Chat Roulette.…

SACRAMENTO, CA – Some students from West Sacramento’s River City High School stood before the school board with their parents boo-hooing about how unfair it is that the kids have lost their right to walk the stage during graduation. The reason? A prank that went too far. About 20 seniors were involved in a prank that included entering the school at night, stacking lunch tables and duct-taping them to school gates, marking windows and stacking recycle bins, spray-painting walls and egging the school. The students claim that kids from other schools are the ones who showed up and turned a simple prank into vandalism, not them. They feel that the suspension they received, which includes not being allowed to participate in the graduation ceremonies, is too harsh. “I believe the consequences are a bit too severe,” said class valedictorian Farhan Kakar. He was one of the students involved with the prank that night and wants a second chance and the ability to walk with her classmates across the stage…maybe do some community service or something…especially since they were there for more innocent reasons.…

LILBURN, Ga. – Remember the story I wrote up about the kid that got hit in the face with a balloon filled with bleach? I don’t see how not seeing as I wrote it and it was amazing. But in case you were absent that day, 14-year-old Miguel Mesa was walking home from Lilburn Middle School with his friends when they were hit by the bleach ballons thrown by some teens in a van. Police have announced that following an anonymous tip, four Meadow Creek High School students have been identified as suspects in the bleach balloon attack and the 16-year old driver of the van has been charged with aggravated battery. They also learned that the teens were fully aware of how dangerous bleach was as they were all wearing rubber gloves and filling the balloons while on the road seeing as the bleach ate through them. As for Mesa’s injuries, who had laser surgery Wednesday to stop some bleeding behind his right eye, his father said it could be weeks before doctors know if his son suffered any permanent damage to his sight.…

LILBURN, Ga. – In a true testament to just how much I suffer for my art, I have decided NOT to go to the new, hip club that’s opening tonight, an opening I was getting paid a pretty good amount to show up to. No, I have decided that there were too many interesting stories floating around today and I’m gonna post about them in a D’D Friday Night Extended Edition. Starting with the story out of Georgia about the kid who had a balloon full of bleach tossed on him as he walked home from school. Seems as if the town has a yearly ritual at the end of every school year in which the middle schoolers are harassed by the high schoolers. Normally harmless bullshit, but this year there was a turd in the punchbowl. Well, three of them to be exact. 14-year-old Miguel Mesa was walking home from Lilburn Middle School with his friends when they were hit by the bleach ballons thrown by some teens in a van.…

CROSBY, Minn – We did some dumb shit in school, but this is one fad I can never remember doing. It looks as if male youths find entertainment in punching other unsuspecting males in the groin. I am not sure if this took off because of some of the repressed homosexual antics of the Jackass crew, but whatever the reason, this practice has cost a boy a family jewel. As 14-year-old David Gibbons changed classes at Crosby Ironton High School, his testicles were assaulted by a punch from another student. The next day he woke up in excruciating pain. Before long, his right testicle was snipped and dangling from the forceps of a surgeon. The Gibbons are scheduled to meet with Crow Wing County Attorney Don Ryan to find out if the student that did the nutcracking can be criminally charged. At risk of sounding like an old man screaming from the other side of the generation chasm, I have to ask, “WHAT IN THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!

Soda Poop

May 25, 2010 at 10:34 am by  

Philadelphia – I wish the news article I got this from had not already used the term “soda poop” but they did and dammit I just cannot think of a title more fitting for this article. A 17-year-old student at Haddon Township High School has been charged with aggravated assault and tampering with a food product after he took a shit in a cup of soda a fellow student then drank from. The incident happened inside a classroom back in March. “Apparently once the victim drank from the cup, students in the classroom erupted in laughter,” said Jason Laughlin, a spokesman for the Camden County Prosecutor’s Office. The accused is a standout wrestler at the school, whose name has not been released because of his age. His mother told reporters that the entire thing has been blown out of proportion. All her son did was shit in a cup and let someone drink out of it. What’s the big deal? This wouldn’t be the first time a high school wrestler has gotten into trouble for pulling a mean-spirited prank.…

COLUMBUS, GA – You know, as I got older and quit playing in playgrounds, I still spent a lot of time in them. Mostly at night and mostly involving sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll. Sure we sometimes vandalized the equipment, or left empty beer bottles on the ground or laid down some white stripes inside the cement tunnel – but at no time can I recollect any of us saying, “Hey, it would be hilarious if we taped razor blades on some of this shit so when the little kids come to play, they’ll get slashed to ribbons! Har! Har! Har!” But that’s what someone did the other day in a Lakebottom playground. On Tuesday morning, a 2-year-old alerted his mother that there was a something attached to a piece of the playground’s equipment. The mother investigated and found that a boxcutter type razor had been taped to it. She confiscated the blade and notified a nearby traffic cop. All-in-all, nine razor blades were found on the equipment, all of them strategically placed to do damage to anyone using them.…

Teen Ruins The Pocket Game For Everyone

May 4, 2010 at 8:34 am by  

SAN DIEGO – You know, all it takes is one bad apple to spoil the fun for everyone. That was the case at a California high school recently when a fun, educational game practiced mostly by the male students, was deemed dangerous and against school rules. In fact, if you are caught playing this game, you face automatic suspension from school. The game is called “pockets”. The rules are simple. If you see someone with their hands in their pockets, you punch them in the chest. It’s family entertainment, people. But a 15-year-old Serra High student who had reached into his pockets to get his iPod went and messed everything up. After being struck in the chest he found he could not breathe and then blacked out, eating the pavement with his face after he fell over. San Diego Unified School District police are interviewing witnesses and building a case that could be sent to the district attorney for prosecution.…

China – Sometimes a title just says it all. A 59-year old man died after being admitted to the hospital suffering from internal bleeding. The cause of which was found during an autopsy. In the man’s intestines doctors found a 20-inch Asian swamp eel. The eel had tore the shit of the mans bowels. Pun intended. The man’s friends finally admitted that after a bout of heavy drinking, they thought it would be funny to insert the eel into the man’s rectum after he had passed out. The worst thing that ever happened as a result of a prank we pulled on someone who passed out happened when we placed a tampon in a passed out guy’s mouth at a party. He kept it in there almost all night but at some point he begin chewing on it and it slipped down his throat a bit triggering his gag reflex. He puked upwards and the chunky fountain arced up a bit and on to his own face – that tampon sitting perfectly on his forehead.…

Police: Someone Poisoned Teacher’s Coffee

April 29, 2010 at 1:52 pm by  

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. - Chad Wunschel, 27, is a JV softball coach who was substituting a welding class on Wednesday. At some point he drank some of his iced coffee and began experiencing severe stomach pains. He figured some jackass had put something in his drink – especially after his coffee melted a Styrofoam cup it was poured into. It was at this point that the Greater New Bedford Regional Technical High School teacher was rushed to the hospital. He is expected to recover, but detectives would really like to talk to the person who put the poison in the coffee. They think it was probably acetone – a chemical used to clean metal before it is welded. They have interviewed every student that was in the class so I figure it is only a matter of time before they catch who did it. In my experience, kids have big mouths and a large portion of them are very easy to crack. I particularly liked this blurb from the article from a girl whose friend was detained: “She was very mad because she had nothing to do with it and she had to sit in a room for a very long time.…

Fort Worth, Texas – Do you think it is wrong for a high school cheerleader to trick her fellow teammates into drinking her urine? My head says yes it is, but my erection seems to be encouraging this type of activity. Several varsity cheerleaders at Saginaw High School have received in-school suspensions after it was discovered that they tricked some of the other cheerleaders to drink piss at a basketball game. At least one cheerleader urinated into a cup and mixed the urine into drinks while other cheerleaders encouraged her to give the tainted sodas to teammates. School officials leaned of the “prank” after some of the group began running their mouths. The girls punished will not be allowed to take part in any of this year’s cheerleading events but can return next year. Some parents are not happy with that. “They shouldn’t be allowed to represent Saginaw,” a father of one of the victims stated. Click on for a video report that may auto run and the cheerleader who did the actual pissing?…

A Good Samaritan Gets Pissed

November 3, 2009 at 1:55 pm by  

SPOKANE, Washington – Caroline Francis was sitting at a light after leaving the YMCA last week when a large van with three men pulled up beside her and asked her to roll down her window. The passenger began asking for directions to a particular street. She tried giving them instructions, but started getting suspicious when they kept asking her questions. Their true intent became apparent when the light turned green. That’s when the passenger leaned out of his window and poured a 20-ounce bottle full of piss in her face. “I know this is really gross but I thought it was water and then I could smell it and it was all over me and I was freaking out shaking,” Caroline said. “It got all over me, in my eye, in my mouth, all over my car.” Um. GAG.…


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