DeLand, Florida - When I was just a little Jaded, I wanted to grow up and become a cop. I dreamed of saving the world with my shiny gun and my big-ass flashlight. Now that I’m almost all grown up, I realize that I never would have made it past the first week – I would have had a run-in with the likes of the lovely Julie Hubbard and I would have totally lost my shit. The arrest report would have read, “The cracked bitch spit on my leg, and that’s when I pulled out my big-ass flashlight and lit up her insides. The end.” Julie turned what could have been a simple ticket and a fine into a sputum flinging, name calling, law enforcement officer threatening, clusterfuck. …
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Carroll, IA – I’d like to give props to Matthew McNelly and Joey Miller for their resourcefulness and ability to think out of the box. I’d like to, but, I can’t. I will, however, give them props for making me laugh so hard I almost tinkled. It’s not every day we get to post a story here at the Dreamin’ Demon that exhibits such a high level of laughable fucktardary. Last Friday evening, police got a call about an attempted break-in. The caller described the suspects as two males with painted faces, both were wearing black hoodies, and it looked like both were armed. The caller reported that the two had just driven off in a large white car. Responding officers spotted a vehicle matching the description of the alleged suspect’s car just a couple of blocks away from the apartment and pulled it over. Just wait till you get a load of their awesome disguises! …
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Tulsa, OK - Having spent time in prison for sex crimes against children, Johnnie Joe Hobbs had no desire to revisit the Gray Bar Hotel. As a matter of fact, when the convicted sex offender discovered his parole was about to be revoked, he got a little hot under the collar. Tulsa County sheriff’s deputies paid a visit to Johnnie Joe Thursday afternoon to serve three protective orders – tagging along were officers from the state parole board who were there to haul Johnnie Joe back to the slammer on a parole violation. Officers spotted him sitting in a cargo van parked in his cluttered yard – as they approached the vehicle, Johnnie Joe slammed the door, doused the inside of the van with gasoline and lit it up. …
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Columbus, OH – She pulled up at Burlington Coat Factory in a Hummer stretch limo on Tuesday. She claimed that she had won $1.5 million in the lottery and dammit, if you wanted a new coat or some clothes, she was buying, as long as you didn’t spend more than $500. She told customers to call their friends and family – get ‘em down here and get ‘em some free clothing – she’d be there with her money until the store closed. And come, they did. One customer said she didn’t need clothes, but needed help with rent. The newly rich philanthropist didn’t even blink as she wrote the check. The customers were piling in – there were about 500 wandering through the aisles and getting their purchases tallied, and there were about 1,000 people outside the store waiting to get in. And everyone got a two new outfits and coats and lived happily ever after – their faith in the kindness of their fellow man restored. The end. Ha! Yeah right.…
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Slidell, LA – Over the last couple of months, I have diligently scoured my new home for any signs of peeper activity. I have investigated and caulked every single hole knee-level and up, I have checked for cameras behind my mirrors, I even went as far as poking my head into the attic for a look-see before nailing the damn thing shut. Why, you ask? Because I have this deep fear of being watched and/or videotaped by some skeevy bastard like Aaron Morphis. On October 7, a 28-year-old woman was showering in her grandmother’s shower when she noticed a gap between the ceiling and the shower vent. And, in that gap, she discovered a couple of beady eyes looking back at her. …
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Stuart, FL – Grace Calabrese and her husband thought they had a really big raccoon in the attic of their condo – they could hear him up there, scuttling and scurrying around. Opening a closet door to gain access to the attic, Grace discovered they didn’t have a critter at all – they had a creepy, tattooed, loser guy crawling around in there. She had but a glimpse of the interloper as she opened the door – a chair attached to a cord was being lowered to the floor from the attic door in the ceiling. At the other end of the cord, a tattooed arm. The arm retreated back into the ceiling once it’s owner realized that Grace was armed with a knife. …
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Tulsa, OK – Have you ever had one of those days? The kind of day where everything and everyone just annoy the shit out of you? Have you ever been so annoyed and pissed off that you just wanna beat the hell out of someone with a harmonica? No? Am I the only one with that strange urge? Nope. Meet 52-year-old Decai Liu. He must suffer from intermittent harmonicidal urges as well. According to police, Liu’s roommate was preparing for work on Saturday when Liu barged into the bathroom and started whalin’ on him with a harmonica. When officers arrived at the home, they found the roommate bleeding from cuts to his head and face – he told police, “I don’t know what his problem was.” (Maybe it wasn’t the roommate he intended to injure, but the harmonica. I feel the same way about banjos – I see or hear one, I want to kick it). Anyway, to make matters worse, Liu put up a fight when it was time to get cuffed and headbutted an officer.…
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Kissimmee, FL – The guy you see before you, with the bad-ass stripey-head ‘do, is 19-year-old Jonathan Alicea. Much like many of the men we feature here on the Dreamin’ Demon, Jonathan has a girlfriend with a couple of rugrats. And, much like many of the women we feature here, that girlfriend trusted her man with the lives of her children while she went about earning a living. And, like many of the stories we feature here, it doesn’t end well. Jonathan was playing Mr. Mom on Sunday and whipped up some dinner for the kiddos, ages 2 and 6. The 2-year-old may not have been extremely thrilled with Jonathan’s culinary skills and refused to eat. (Dinner was hot dogs and scrambled eggs – doesn’t sound very appetizing to me either). Jonathan was displeased. Already angry at the child’s refusal to eat, his temper boiled over when the kid peed his pants. What Jonathan did next both angers and baffles.
Jonathan ordered the child to change his clothes. When the little boy didn’t, couldn’t, or wouldn’t do it fast enough to please the big bad Jonathan, he got knocked into next week.…
Continue ReadingDarrin Daily, Four Others, Accused Of Heinous Acts Against Children
October 7, 2009 at 9:34 am by Jaded
Newberg, Oregon – Hold on to your tummies, Demonites and Denizens – I’m on a vomit-inducing roll this a.m. On September 4th, a 15-year-old girl reported to police that 44-year-old Darrin Daily had plied her with marijuana and alcohol before having sex with her. After obtaining a warrant to search Daily’s home, investigators seized his computer and other media storage devices and discovered the 15-year-old girl wasn’t his only victim. Forensic investigators reportedly found numerous photographs of a 14-year-old girl engaged in sex acts with Daily, as well as with several different adults. There were images of her being raped while tied up. There were images of the young teen having sexual intercourse with a dog. OMFG. That ain’t all, Demonites – there were also pictures of a 4-year-old child being sexually assaulted. …
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Ocala, FL - I love Floriduh. You couldn’t pay me to live there, but I love it nonetheless. During my time here at the Dreamin’ Demon, Florida has provided me with many entertaining, sometimes gag-inducing stories. And this one, well, that would fall into the gag-inducing category. Please allow me to introduce 41-year-old Venus Lewis. Cute, ain’t she? Ms. Lewis enjoys football, tag, alcohol, and younger men. Much younger men. While attending a teen football game at the E.D. Croskey Recreation Center last Saturday, Venus allegedly initiated a rousing game of tag with a couple of teen boys. She laid out the rules: “If I catch ya, I’m gonna have sex with ya.” Simple enough. And I’m sure those lads ran their little legs right off!! (Personally, if Venus was playing that game with me, you can guaran-fucking-tee I would have set a new world land speed record). Weary from the chase, Venus took a breather and chose that little break in the fun and games to drop trou’ and plug her flow hole with a tampon.…
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Phoenix, AZ - A word of warning to all of my Demon friends that possess a peter – please, take a minute to study the mugshot attached to this story. If you, or any of your manly body parts, have had any contact with the beastly oaf, authorities in Arizona and California would like to have a word with you. Furthermore, if you allowed this man to give you a thorough physical and make off with a smidgen of your semen in the hopes of getting some cash, well, you’re screwed! (Literally and figuratively). The man’s name is Jeffrey Graybill, but those who have been screwed may know him as Dr. Robert Richardson. Graybill allegedly set up an ad on Craigslist offering to pay Caucasian and Latino suckers men between the ages of 18 – 25 as much as $4,000 to be sperm donors for stem cell and/or other research. And wouldn’t you know it? He got ‘em to bite – hook, line, and sinker. …
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Eustis, FL – My teen daughters and I share many of the same interests – we have similar taste in music, clothing, books, and movies – and are always borrowing one item or another from each other. Lisa Johnson and her daughter, Jessica Fixl, have something in common as well. His name is Richard Bowman. Lisa and Richard had been living together as a couple for about a year. After Lisa had to go away to serve a stint behind bars, Richard and Jessica ended up doing the nasty. Ya know, it’s one thing to borrow a pair of pants or shoes from your mother, but, borrowing her boyfriend? That’s just gross. When Lisa was released from the Gray Bar Motel a couple weeks ago, she returned home and resumed living with Jessica and Richard. And the rest of the story plays out kinda like an episode of Jerry Springer. …
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Arlington, TX – Keashia Matthews has squished out a total of five children – but, because she has proven herself to be an idiot shitty mother in the past, she lost custody of two of those children some time back. That left her with three kiddos she needed to care and provide for. A task in itself for a two parent family blessed with functioning brain cells, it must have been quite the uphill battle for the single Keashia. Seeing as how her lovely mugshot is gracing the pages of the Dreamin’ Demon, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that Keashia has a history of neglecting her children. Suzette Edwards, Keashia’s mother, has custody of two of her children, now 14 and 12. Suzette gained custody after the 14-year-old was found alone and malnourished in a rancid apartment as an infant, and has had custody of the 12-year-old since she was born. “She (Keashia) has aggression issues, and she is not fit to be a mother,” Suzette said. “She never has been.…
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Pompano Beach, FL - Susan Grace was out and about Wednesday at about 5:00 p.m., when she happened upon a rather alarming sight – walking on the side of the road, along the white line, were two little ones just barely out of the toddler stage – one of them dragging a pillow, both barefoot. “I started panicking and I rolled down the window and I’m yelling, ‘Stop, stop,’ and of course, they can’t hear. And traffic’s just whizzing by them,” said Susan, a preschool teacher. She pulled her car over to the side of the road and waited with the kids until law enforcement showed up on scene. Seems the kiddos were on their way to pick up their older sister from school. But, where was mommy? While officers were questioning the kids, ages 3 and 4, one of them let it slip that “Mommy is drunk.” Hehhh…my kiddos had quite the vocabulary at that age, but the word ‘drunk’ wasn’t part of it. …
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Arnold, MO – Just the other day, my 14-year-old daughter and I were talking about boys. While we don’t see eye-to-eye on many aspects of that particular subject, we do agree on one thing – teenage boys are annoying, gross, and they smell funny. (I was trying to get the point across that many boys never get past that stinky gross phase). Why on earth would any grown woman want anything to do with a smelly adolescent that they didn’t have to be around? What is it about teenage boys that some women find so damn attractive? I just don’t get it. Take Christie Bradley, for instance. Her lovely mug is gracing the front page of the Dreamin’ Demon because she wanted to get a little sumpin’ sumpin’ from a 13-year-old boy. While some boys would jump at the chance to bed an older woman, the boy in this instance wasn’t feeling quite so froggy. …
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Panama City Beach, FL – I know this is going to sound silly, but, have you ever been to a tweaker yard sale? If you haven’t, put that on your list of things to do before you die because it is friggin’ hilarious. See, when tweakers are tweakin’, they like to take shit apart. Though they are up for 2-3 days at a time, with plenty of time to tinker, they never put the shit back together the right way and they just tape it all back together. They quickly get bored with one project and move onto another. I’ve been past many a yard sale where every single item has, at minimum, three strips of duct tape – TV’s, beds, dishes, couches, cribs, stereos, cars – you name it, it’s taped. The set of tweaker parents asshats in this story are very familiar with duct tape – they tried to fix their broken toddler with it. …
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Orlando, FL – Seems Michael Sesic has a problem keeping his skeevy paws to himself – busted back in 2000 for raping a 4-year-old girl – Michael is once again in hot water for attempting to get naughty with a 14-year-old girl. This time, though, there was some instant stabby justice. Early Wednesday morning, Michael broke into a home where a former girlfriend of his used to babysit. Investigators believe he entered through a screen door and then picked the lock inside and found the teens room – whether he knew the layout of the home or just lucked out is unknown. The sleeping girl was rudely awakened after the drunken asshole crept into her bed and attempted to get her shorts off. …
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Austin, TX – He kidnapped the 9-year-old girl as she walked to her school bus stop the morning of September 24th. He threatened her with a knife and forced her into his truck, threatening to cut her if she didn’t stop screaming. When he got the child back to his apartment, he tied her hands with dish rags and stuffed her in a closet. He fed her toast with jelly and some ravioli. After holding the child for most of the day, registered sex offender Charles Butcher let the child go, relatively unharmed and untouched, after she told him, “It’s time for me to go home.” At about the same time the child’s mother was calling police to report her daughter missing, Butcher was releasing the girl. It’s not every day we get a story like this one on the Dreamin’ Demon… …
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Casselberry, FL – Nioshka Bello is considered by neighbors to be an excellent and doting mother. That’s weird, because based on the fact that her mugshot and story are being featured here on the Dreamin’ Demon, you gotta figure that the chick is lacking in the most basic of parenting skills. Nioshka used to have a 2-year-old daughter named Janessa Sandoval, who, according to neighbors, was very well kept, doted upon, and happy. That happy little girl is dead – her mommy strangled her with a bra. Yes, Nioshka managed to rid this earth of one more toddler, but failed miserably when it came to taking her own life. …
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Sacramento, CA – I am not even ashamed to admit that I am very territorial when it comes to food – there are a few items in my house that you had better not even think about consuming. The punishment for snarfin’ down anything I have laid claim to (ice cream sandwiches, Goldfish crackers, pizza rolls, chocolate milk) is swift and severe and usually involves a spork. Which, in comparison to Chavonna Gough’s alleged brand of punishment, is actually pretty tame. When Chavonna surmised that her 16-year-old son ate the last pork chop, the bitch came unglued. First, without even thinking about all the starving kids over in Ethiopia and how much they might appreciate an omelette, Chavonna busted a couple of eggs over the kid’s head. Then she punched him in the face. She wasn’t done yet. She got her hands on a kitchen knife and chased the kid outta the house. Damn. Psycho much? The teen, who was taken into protective custody, is probably looking at years of therapy.…
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