Justine has just jumped up a few rungs on her school’s social ladder after being accepted into the leading clique that rules the halls of her school. Sure, in doing so she has had to make a couple sacrifices in the form losing two of her disappointed BFFs – but the trade off is worth it as now she gets to make fun of other people and let Alexis hide his sausage in her vagina. But all is not well within this nasty group of elitist, bullying pricks. Seems as if the one person who was the main target of their antics committed suicide recently. He was a large, passive and seemingly retarded Darren Mullet who was picked on relentlessly by Justine’s new group of friends. The bullying came in all forms. Physical attacks and humiliation as well as mental abuse and harassment via constant text messages and a public website that showed off their often filmed exploits. Darren decided this shit sucks and chose to stop his tormentors by removing himself from the equation at the end of a noose.…
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Eric Binford is a shy, chain-smoking movie nut who is often ridiculed by his peers. Working at a film distribution warehouse and living with his eccentric (and often times abusive) Aunt Stella, he delves deeply into film as a means of solace and, perhaps, power. Eric becomes a film aficionado, but spends quite a bit of time straddling the lines of reality; often quoting his favorite character Arthur “Cody” Jarrett (Played by James Cagney in White Heat), and almost constantly spouting movie references and trivia. This obsession with film is just another source of the jeering and ridicule he endures. His Aunt thinks he’s nuts, his boss can’t stand him, and the guys at work think he’s a joke. To top things off, Eric is stood up (un-intentionally) by Marilyn O’Connor – a stunning Marilyn Monroe look-alike – who agreed to a date. That was the proverbial last straw and Eric finally loses it (homicidally so). He begins a campaign of payback, progressing through his tormentors, using the characters from the films he has come to love.…
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The world’s human population has been infected with a human version of mad cow disease. Anyone afflicted with this particular ailment is rendered a crazed zombie hell-bent on nothing but feasting on the flesh of anyone not suffering the effects of the virus. Columbus has survived the initial onslaught by following 47 rules of zombie survival and is now making his way towards his parents to see if they have survived as well. As he navigates the urban wasteland he teams up with a Dale Earnhardt loving redneck named Tallahassee. Traveling alone like Columbus, he has an uncanny knack for dispatching zombies and a real strong hankerin’ for a creme filled Twinkie. They decide to try and partner up for a bit and see how it works out and for a while, it’s smooth sailing for the odd couple. That is until they meet Wichita and Little Rock, two crafty sisters making their way towards Pacific Playland amusement park – rumored to be a zombie free zone. Against all of their better judgment these vagabonds join forces and must decide if trusting and depending on each other is worth abandoning the rules that have kept them alive this long.…
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Ed Jr and his college friends are hanging around the local watering hole lamenting the fact that they have absolutely nothing planned for fall break. But that changes when Ed’s father calls and informs his son that he needs him to go to their beach condo and close it up for the winter. Ed finds the request strange seeing as him and his father have not been on good terms ever since Ed actually killed his mother while cleaning some guns for his dad’s birthday. Nevertheless, Ed agrees and decides to take his friends along and make a vacation out of it. But what should have been a relaxing, drunken break from academics will turn into something much more terrifying. Turns out Ed’s father has grown quite insane since the death of his wife, and he now he wants revenge. The request to prep the condo was merely a trap and Ed and his friends have walked right into it. Read on for more info on The Mutilator than anyone could possibly ever need.…
Continue ReadingReview: Trick ‘r Treat – My New Favorite Halloween Themed Film
September 29, 2009 at 12:27 pm by Morbid
Halloween. All Hallow’s Eve. Samhain. The holiday associated with costumes, candy, carved pumpkins and of course, trick-or-treating. But like most holidays, these long-held traditions stem from important rituals long since forgotten. Halloween was not always just for the kiddies, and it had some very important rules that were to be followed with terrible consequences awaiting those who did not do so. The residents of Warren Valley hold their a festival on Halloween night, turning their sleepy town into a spectacle akin to New Orleans’ Mardi Gras festivities. But some of the residents there are about to learn some very valuable lessons about this holiday and what can happen when the old rules are broken, and the warnings not heeded. Four tales of terror featuring a school principal who teaches a mischievous boy a valuable lesson, a group of kids learn the truth about a local legend that lies at bottom of the local rock quarry, a young woman is stalked by a masked stranger at the town festival, and an old-curmudgeon gets a very special trick-or-treater.…
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John’s uncle passed away recently, leaving him with a large chunk of land that him and his friends plan to use for a few days of camping and pig hunting. But their weekend of booze, boar and guns gets ruined rather quickly – and not just because John tainted the testosterone-laden circle jerk by bringing his hot girlfriend along with them. The further they get into the woods in hunt of their elusive prey, they find that there are a lot of really strange things in these neck of the woods. Along with the unpredictable, country-fried Tibbs brothers the hunting party also run into mutilated emus, homicidal rednecks, marijuana fields, naked Hippie Cult Girls with their machete wielding leader, and the local legend -a 3000 lb, man-eating black boar named The Ripper. Check out the trailer and my thoughts after the jump…
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As Conover County continues to transform into a supernatural sanitarium, the inmates flex their newfound “muscles.” David Atterhull – now able to toss pickup trucks – and his kin begin to claim territory as well as hostages. Wyatt, discovering strange new powers of his own, is confronted by enemies from school; enemies that can now call on unnatural energies. And Alisha continues her crash course in being a witch. It’s an apprenticeship that allies her with Sheriff Morgan, who has reason to believe Conover hasn’t yet seen the worst of this mess.…
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Grief, death, and rusty scissors collide in Lars von Trier’s Antichrist. A metaphysical sojourn with cinema’s loudest spoilsport, the picture stuns and sickens, almost daring viewers to keep watching as it articulates the ravages of the unwound mind, filling the frame with demented acts of unspeakable violence and deeply considered thematic stimulation. For fans of Trier, Antichrist is a return to his once irresistible provocative appetites, shamelessly exploiting suffering and misogyny to generate the outrage that fuels his daydreams (and bank accounts). It’s a pitch-black torrential downpour of pain, and should only be approached by those willing to allow Trier 100 precious minutes to play his madcap mind games.…
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Many films register as forgettable. Whiteout is practically the definition of the word, not actually requiring a viewing to sense a distinct worthlessness to this cinematic endeavor. Purportedly based on a beloved 1998 graphic novel, this Antarctic thriller is a dreadful sleeping pill, marching into production with the best intentions in the world, but coming out the other side a jumbled, incompetent, ludicrously underlined whodunit. Stationed on a remote base on Antarctica, U.S. Marshall Carrie Stetko (Kate Beckinsale, failing to hide her embarrassment) is looking forward to her last days patrolling a frozen wasteland. Riding out her final moments of duty with friends (Ton Skerritt, Columbus Short), dreaming of a warmer future, Carrie is instead pulled into a last-minute murder investigation when a body is discovered out in the middle of nowhere.…
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Ben is down in the dumps after finding out that the girl he loves has been using her vagina to host another man’s penis. To help him get out of the breakup slump that followed, his friends take him along to Mardi Gras figuring the best medicine for the broken heart is a healthy dose of sex, drugs and rock and roll. To their dismay, Ben just isn’t into it and instead of partaking in all the things that make Mardi Gras worth dealing with the drunks, pick-pockets, rivulets of piss shimmering on the crowded streets, he’d rather take a lame Haunted Swamp Boat Tour. Dragging his friend Marcus along with him, they join some other tourists on a late-night boat ride through the Louisiana swamps and directly into the stomping grounds of a local legend who don’t take too kindly to strangers.…
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In a world parallel to our own, a doll named #9 awakens in the remnants of what once used to be a home. He has no knowledge of what has transpired before he awoke or what his purpose is now that he has. Outside he finds a desolate landscape littered with the war-torn remains of man’s past creations. Hiding among these ruins he finds others like him, a small band of living rag-dolls named by the numbers that were painted on their backs by a hand long dead. But when one of their own is abducted by a mechanical monster, #9 leads a rescue attempt against the advice of the others. This leads to #9 inadvertently re-activating an artificial intelligence that immediately begins creating machines to hunt down and destroy them. Now #9 and his ilk are about to learn the reason for their existence, as well as their purpose, when they are forced to put aside their differences, emerge from hiding, and destroy this new enemy.…
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Somewhere in Midwestern America was a place called Conover County. When the old book was opened, and the runes therein used in haste and ignorance, a place of farms, simple folk, and small-town dreams became a den of monsters and nightmare. North 40 is the story of those who survived and came to confront an even greater evil on the horizon – one that wouldn’t just consume their flesh, but their souls as well. That’s the official description of Wildstorm’s first issue of their new horror comic, North 40. A six issue series detailing what happens when a county full of rednecks, trailer parks and farm boys are visited by evil forces from another dimension. …
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After the death f their father, Derek’s family have moved in with their grandmother in a new town. The transition has not been too difficult as Derek has made some good friends at his high school, works at the local teen hangout and has even caught the eye of Christy, one of the more popular girls at school. Life is good. But this all changes after Derek’s little brother accepts a dare and takes the town’s infamous shortcut. Cutting through some woods owned by a man rumored to be nuts, the shortcut is believed to be the last place some of the town’s missing denizens – and pets – were last seen alive. He made it through the shortcut successfully but did encounter a mutilated dog and the crazy, old man himself. Not too happy with his little brother being threatened, Derek and his friends develop Operation Old Man. They plan on spying on him and poke around his property, hopefully finding evidence proving their belief that the old man has been up to no good over the years.…
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Some time in the not so distant future, video games will allow a gamer to control a real, live person instead of a computer generated avatar. Two of the most popular games of this type are Society, a Sims type game in which beautiful, desperate people are paid to let others control them from the comfort of their weight-stressed computer chairs. The second game, Slayers, is broadcast weekly and features death row inmates who have signed up to be controlled by game players in death match skirmishes against other death row inmates. The controller gets the fame and celebrity status while the prisoner, if he wins 30 rounds, is awarded a full pardon. Kable (real name Tilman), the current game leader and crowd favorite, has been kicking ass in concert with his 17-year-old controller, Simon. They are on the eve of winning the game but Slayer’s creator, Ken Castle, has different plans for Kable that do not include winning, and much more sinister plans for the rest of the world.…
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Nick and his friends are taking a break from their studies enjoying a day at the race track when Nick foresees a catastrophic chain of events that leads to the deaths of a slew of people in attendance, including him and his friends. He gets a tad hysterical and leaves the stands with his friends and some strangers in tow. The group quickly realize how lucky they are to have left when they did when Nick’s premonition of death and destruction becomes a reality. But that’s the thing with Death. You really shouldn’t fuck with it. Now Death is coming back ’round the bend to collect on the lives that slipped through his icy, cold fingers and begins orchestrating freak accidents to pick off the survivors who left that day in the order they should have died. After dong a bit of Googling, Nick and his girlfriend think they have figured out what is happening and come up with a plan that should break the chain, and help the ones still alive cheat Death for a second time.…
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It seems my luck has run out. After a highly improbable run of exemplary books, I finally returned to earth with a decidedly mundane selection. Christopher Fowler‘s The Victoria Vanishes is a pedestrian exercise in crime fiction that tends to focus more on the drama inside the “Peculiar Crimes Unit” than it does the actual case it purports to solve. The thing is – once Fowler gets around to the actual meat of the book, his story is a rather good one. A killer is on the loose, and he is dispatching his victims in crowded pubs. He is targeting lonely, middle aged women, and administering death at the end of a syringe. If not for the good work of the pathologist, the very existence of a crime would have gone unnoticed. A check of other deaths reveals the work of a serial killer, and our heroes are on the case. …
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A year after the town of Haddonfield was terrorized by the bloody rampage of escaped mental patient Michael Myers, survivors of that night are trying to put their lives back together.
Laurie Strode, Michael’s sister and the person who “killed” Michael and effectively put a stop to big brother’s killing spree, is now living with fellow survivor Annie and her dad Sheriff Lee Brackett.
Dr. Loomis, the man many feel is responsible for the events that happened the year before, angers even more after writing a sleazy book detailing his years treating Michael along with the events of that Halloween that left so many innocent people brutally slaughtered.
As for Michael, well, no one really knows as his body never made it to the morgue it was being transported to. But his whereabouts are about to be known as Halloween is quickly approaching, and Haddonfield’s prodigal son has some unfinished business to take care of.
In a recent interview, Rob Zombie was asked why he was doing a sequel to his 2007 re-imaging of the 1978 classic (a sequel he once stated he would have no part of) to which he responded, “because I can do whatever the fuck I want“.…
Continue ReadingReview: Inglorious Basterds – Once Upon A Time In Nazi Occupied France
August 27, 2009 at 12:02 am by Morbid
Deep behind enemy lines, a group of men called the Basterds operate in Occupied France striking fear into the hearts of the uniformed officers of the Third Reich. Tales of Nazi’s being scalped, branded, or having their brains bashed out with a baseball bat by a group of men comprised largely of Jewish-American soldiers who love killing Nazis as much as their leader, Tennessean native, Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt reprising his Early Grayce accent from Kalifornia). But what the Basterds have planned next, if all goes according to plan, will be written in the history books and possibly end the war. They have received word that a new German film, A Nations Pride, is being premiered in a Paris cinema and all the Nazi elite will be in attendance, including the head honcho himself, Adolf Hitler. To have all of these key figures in one location is too good to be true and presents the Basterds with an opportunity they have no intentions of passing up. With the help of the British government, and unknowingly the theater owner herself, the Basterds plan to attend this Nazi shin-ding and – God willing – blow them all the fuck up.…
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Here’s one for some of you daring fans of the darker stuff. A detective (Panos Thanassoulis) working to solve the murder of a woman named Laura finds out that the she was not dead at all, that the dead body that had been found in her apartment was actually someone else. Once the detective tracks Laura down, he falls in love with her, only to have her leave him and disappear once again. The heartbroken detective’s life spirals out of control as he becomes obsessed with finding Laura a second time. He is fired from his job, succumbs to alcoholism and is pretty close to losing his sanity when he is finally able to track Laura to her last known location – a remote villa inhabited by a woman (Michele Valley) and her daughter (Meredyth Herold). Fortunately for the detective, they know exactly what happened to his long, lost love. Unfortunately for the now captive detective, they are both extremely deranged and batshit insane.…
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Andrea Barto (George Hilton) has had a run of bad luck lately. One of his female tenants in an apartment building he owns was brutally stabbed to death in the elevator. This event has left some units vacant and hard to fill so to counter-attack the ill effects a murder can have on a dwelling, Andrea decides to do some vanguard advertising. He finds a model willing to live in the building rent free. The plan being that when people find out a gorgeous model resides in the building, people will scramble to get in one of the remaining units. Unfortunately for Andrea, the model he picked is murdered shortly after moving into her new apartment, drowned in her bathtub. Undeterred by now having two murders tainting his building along with a possible serial killer, he offers a room to model Jennifer (the gorgeous Edwige Fenech) and her ditzy best friend Marilyn. However, on the first night in their new pad, Jennifer is accosted by a masked, gloved intruder who tries to strangle her but is scared off before completing the deed.…
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