Marion, IA - Allow me to introduce Kristine Pflughaupt (gesundheit). Ms. Phisoderm Pflughaupt is gracing the pages here at the Dreamin’ Demon for a number of reasons – that awesome last name, her cheerful mugshot, drunken hyjinx, and because she’s a big fan of noodles.  It has been reported that on November 3, a resident on Ms. Farfegnugen Pflughaupt’s mail route called police to complain that she had a strange mail carrier, in uniform and carrying a mail bag, sitting on the floor in her kitchen noshin’ on some left-over noodles. The homeowner, 95-year-old Marie O’Kelly, said she was watching TV in her living room when she heard a noise – she assumed it was her daughter coming for a visit, but grew suspicious when she didn’t receive a greeting from the girl. When she went to investigate the strange noise, she found Ms. Flobbernotten Pflughaupt sitting on the kitchen floor, eating noodles with her bare hands. “The noodles were running down her shirt. I asked her, ‘What are you doing here?’ She didn’t answer – she just kept eating those noodles.” Yum. 

Kristine Pflughaupt

By the time authorities arrived at the scene, Ms. Phlebitis Pflughaupt had had her fill of pasta and had passed out. Police report that she registered a .280 on a field sobriety test. It is believed that Ms. Pflugerville Pflughaupt, after having been dropped off to finish off her route, had entered O’Kelly’s home through an unlocked door and made her way to the fridge.

Ms. PfluckIt Pflughaupt, a mail carrier for 17 years, might just have a problem with the fire water. According to court documents, she has already racked up a total of three convictions for operating while intoxicated – the latest in August of ‘09, for which she received a suspended sentence – two prior public intoxication charges – three open container charges that were dismissed – and a partridge in a pear tree. Two words – Get. Help. Ms. Pflughaupt, 46, was arrested and charged with public intoxication.

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Charleston, SC – Dash cam footage has been made public detailing City Council Member, Deborah Morinelli, after she drove her SUV into a ditch. The footage shows police removing a bunch of mini-bottles of wine (or as Jaded likes to call them – breakfast) from the vehicle. More disturbing than that is the footage of Morinelli as she wallows in a ditch, drunk off her ass. She attempts to stand several times, but cannot and eventually the police and rescue workers have to carry her. She was charged with driving under the influence and open container in a motor vehicle. She pleaded guilty and had to pay fines that total more than $2,500. Morinelli represents District 2 since 2002 but announced she will not be running for re-election. Watch the video after the jump to see why.

I am not making light of alcoholism. I am sure it sucks. But she wasn’t drunk when she decided to start drinking to the point that she couldn’t even do something as simple as standing and then get behind the wheel of an SUV. If I were a judge and seen this video of a woman wallowing around in a SC ditch like a fucking pig, I’d have revoked her driver’s license on the spot. But that’s just me.

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MADEIRA BEACH, Florida – This is a story I am only posting because of one line in the article by Brant James that simply stated, “Then he started throwing sea creatures”. For some reason, this line cracked me up and has made my day. 41-year-old Keith Edward Marriott is facing charges of disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon because of his bizarre behavior at the beach. Pinellas County sheriff’s deputies said Marriott repeatedly pretended to be drowning and then float to the surface, “causing concern for his safety,” and was “loud and disruptive,” according to a sheriff’s report. Then he started throwing sea creatures. Or more specifically, he started throwing jellyfish at some teenagers. Marriott was being held at Pinellas County Jail in lieu of $250 bail. I love obnoxious drunks.

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St. Charles, Missouri - Evan Hassan Wormley, aka EV THA TV, had a bad morning yesterday.   So did his two-year-old son, Ev Junior.  So did Random Casino Bystander Guy, who was just trying to scratch a gambling itch at a St. Louis-area casino.  At 4:30 a.m. Tuesday, aspiring hip-hop artist Wormley, 21, showed up at the Ameristar casino in St. Charles.  That’s not weird, right?  People gamble at all hours.  But Ev was (a) drunk, and (b) had his kid with him, and the baby was wearing nothing but a dirty diaper.  That probably should have been Sign #1 that things weren’t going to go well for either Evan. 

Wormley headed straight for the elevators, where he figured a casino was as good a place as any for a little shakedown.  Mr. Random Bystander Guy, who is in his seventies, was either up really late or really early.  He and his daughter were standing near the elevators when Wormley approached and began to demand some gamblin’ money.  The man resisted, so Wormley thought he’d put a little hurt on, which is kind of hard to do with a stinky-diapered toddler on your hip, I guess.  So Wormley dropped his son and proceeded to the attempted beatdown part of EV’s Very Bad Judgement Call.

The little boy fell onto an industrial floor cleaner and was hurt during the scuffle, which sent Random Bystander Guy into a wall.   Here’s the part where you think “well, Ev made a bad decision, picked up his kid, and left,” right?  Shyeah, whatever.  This is the Demon, kids.  Wormley, ever the asshat, took off running, leaving both his son and his assault victim in the lobby of the casino.  Security and police caught up with Ev in the casino parking lot, because St. Louis cops run really fast or else Evan was too drunk to find his car.

Evan Junior and Random Bystander Guy were taken to a nearby hospital, where they were treated and released.  Evan Junior is now in the legal custody of his grandmother.  Evan Junior’s mother, Rosheeta Carter, was apparently not involved in the incident, so I dunno where she is or why she didn’t get her baby – maybe it had something to do with the baby being at a casino with his drunken father.

Evan Hassan Wormley is being held on a class C felony child endangerment charge at the St. Charles Jail, where he posed for the hawt-or-not topless mugshot above.  His bail has been set at $15,000 cash with no ten-percent option, and prosecutors say more charges may be forthcoming.

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Louisville, KY- Reeking of alcohol with slurred speech, the trollish looking Cecil Bryant now faces several charges including first-degree assault, disorderly conduct, menacing and public intoxication. Police responded to a report last Saturday morning of a woman who was beaten and bloody. Police found 53-year old Elsie Rollins with a bleeding head wound and she told the officers that Bryant, 75, had attacked her with a bedpost. Bryant, who’s eyes were as unsteady as his feet, was hollering at the neighbors and even pushed a bystander. When the officers told Bryant to sit his crazy ass down, he began screaming at them. Once inside the apartment, police noticed blood-spattered walls and found the bloody bedpost. Silly me. Here all this time I thought troll dolls brought you good luck.

Palmetto, FL – There are some children in this world that have to overcome some pretty horrendous obstacles to make it to adulthood.  Things like abuse, neglect, poverty, soccer moms with a cell phone attached to one ear, a latte in the other, and a foot on the gas pedal trying to make an early morning pilates class – you know, the usual.  Then there are some that have the odds stacked against them even before they are thrust into this world naked, cold and hungry, some that never have a chance, some like the fetus Guadlia Bravo is carrying in her miserable womb.  Bravo seems to be as fertile as some freshly turned compost, but with the mothering instincts of a lump of dog shit. When her toddler was found wandering in a grocery store parking lot, Bravo, 7 months pregnant, was found tanked, sitting on a curb, getting her drink on.

A 19 month old boy was found wandering in the parking lot of a shopping center near a dumpster area.   When approached, Bravo denied that the child was hers and the police were called.  After police arrived, Bravo confessed to being the mother of the boy and also admitted that she was pregnant.   She was taken to the hospital for observation where her blood was drawn and she was found to have a .342 BAC, four times the legal limit.  I don’t know about you guys, but for me, that is WAY past the drunk dialing and making out with random strangers stage. That is more like the “Oh-my-fucking-gawd-someone-call-an-ambulance-before-I-start-seizing-and-stop-breathing” stage.   A search of the diaper bag she was carrying revealed that she had a few more cold ones she had not even hit yet.  Wow.

After she was cleared at the hospital, and where it was more than likely confirmed that she was a cockroach and would indeed survive the apocalypse just as fertile as she was in her peak, they hauled her drunk ass to jail.  During processing, in true drunk fashion, she pissed herself.  Classic.

Bravo was charged with child neglect and held on a $20,000 bond.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome folks.  Look it up.  It is a 100% preventable disease, but the children born with it suffer some serious physical problems and mental delays.   With the right environment however, these children can thrive.  Let’s hope Bravo’s toddler gets a loving home with responsible parents.  As far as the fetus goes, if they don’t take it from her at birth, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she squeezes it out in an alleyway where a pack of feral cats immediately take over the rearing of the baby.  It will have a far better chance.

Great Falls, MT – Being from the Midwest means I’ve had to build a tolerance to the many jokes regarding the stereotypical redneck. Well, not so much a tolerance to the jokes but rather: the stereotypical redneck! Here, the mullet haircut is still the most requested $10 style in the “salons”. Busch and Bud are the beers of choice because, by God, this is Anheuser-Busch country. And what the hell is the favorite past time, you ask? NASCAR. (Nothing goes better with Busch products. Think I’m full of shit? Head to their website. “Site contains fishing, hunting, and NASCAR information”)

Michael Dauwalder

I’ve always joked about NASCAR fans and perhaps it’s a personal defect of mine: not being able to understand it as a dynamic and action packed sport. I can neither become excited about the prospect of being a driver going around and around in a circle for an extended amount of time nor sitting in the stands watching the cars go around and around for the same amount of time. What I do enjoy is the three seconds I give the TV channel as I’m flipping through. The camera men and producers never let me down as I await the cars approaching the crowd side of the track and the “human wave” of fans standing whooping it up and saluting their favorite driver with their Busch beers.

Meet Michael Dauwalder, drunk driver extraordinaire.

Friday evening, Michael got a little shit-faced and headed to the parking lot of the local Popcorn Colonel looking for friends. His friending attempt started with asking people to smoke some pot with him, anybody and everybody…ended with nobody. Not one dope smoking fiend took him up his kindly offer. What’s a drunk man to do but step up his attention gathering tricks! Reports to the police state Michael started driving in circles not only exhibiting his steering expertise, but his mathematical skills as well. Each time he passed the South end of the parking lot, he yelled out his lap number. That’s multi-tasking. Damn NASCAR drivers aren’t expected to keep count, they’ve got some overpaid individual in a coveted position waving different colored flags. My buddy Michael is a smart smart man, being able to do all that and remain drunk.

Finally having enough (perhaps he was just dizzy) he asked advice on how to perform a “burnout”. LOL. Michael, I think you’ve already achieved that! With the car still running and his door wide open, he stumbled out and graced a nearby gas station with his presence where the police decided to pay him the attention he earlier craved. “I’m drunk as hell” he told them and promptly asked them to take him to jail. See, I told you he was smart!

NASCAR Dauwalder was charged with a felony DUI Monday as he made is initial appearance in the Cascade County District Court. Damn, I hate it when friend whoring comes at such a cost.

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Alcoa, TN- As I was sitting here in front of my keyboard dressed in my usual work attire ( Tinkerbell pajamas with periwinkle blue slippers) and first began reading about this story, two questions came to mind. How the hell did this woman master the trick of spraying officers with her own urine and why, oh fucking why, can’t I be graced by the Gods of Demented Demon-ship and be allowed to find at least one mugshot of this truculent tigress? At first, I believed finding a pic was hopeless, but thanks to the detective skills of one of my favorite members, Tazzzz, Cindy Lynn Holder’s mug is now gracing our front page.

Cindy Holder

Around 3 a.m. Sunday morning, a friend dropped Cindy Lynn Holder’s drunk ass off in front of an apartment building. When she began crying and knocking on one of the apartment doors, the police were called. When officers arrived, they found Holder passed out, completely nekkid, and drunk as a skunk. When an officer tried to awaken the drowsing drunk, her speech was slurred and she reeked of alcohol.

When Holder was taken to jail, she refused to stand up when intake officers attempted to bring her in for booking. For unknown reasons, the officers then took Holder to the hospital and obtained warrants charging her with public intoxication and indecent exposure and asked hospital staff to alert authorities upon her release. Around noon that same day, the hospital called police to report Holder had ran from the ER and was trying to escape. Holder was found hiding behind an ATM wearing only a T-shirt and naked from the waist down. Holder, who was catheterized, refused to come out from behind the ATM machine. When the officers took her by the arms, she became angry and threatened to sling her piss on them. Then the little hellcat reached down, grabbed the catheter and began to sling it back and forth, spraying the officers with urine. If I was one of those cops, she would have been choking on that catheter. Holder was arrested once more and charged with two counts of reckless endangerment. She was being held in lieu of bonds totaling $10,775.

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Wheeling, West Virginia -  I never have liked clowns. I always found them to be creepy. They wait for you to go to sleep at night, then eat you. I don’t have much use for drunks either, especially behind the wheel. You might call Patricia Ingalls the drunken hit and run clown.

Patricia Ingalls

Ingalls, a clown for 17 years, was in full clown costume and on her way to work a gig at the Ogden 20K Race. Anxious to get to work blowing up balloons and whatever other things creepy clowns do, she got in an accident with another vehicle and decided to haul ass. Imagine the horror as police arrived and arrested her in front of the kiddies. They kids clung to her and begged them not to take the clown away. Actually the true horror is her clown makeup. Down at the station, the drunken clown blew a .252, more than three times the legal limit.

Ingalls spoke out after her arrest to say she was sorry the kids witnessed her being taken into custody. “I’m not allowed to drink in costume and I should have never went because I was too upset,” said Ingalls. However, she denies she was drunk at the time of the accident. Did I mention that I don’t like clowns? Bah!

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Weeki Wachee, FL- A drunk and disorderly Richard Schneider was being abusive in the D & T General Store, so the clerk, Dennis Brooks, told him to get out and locked the door. Schneider walked around to the drive-thru window and began to climb through it. Brooks was ready for him and taught the determined drunk a lesson on why, sometimes, you should just leave well-enough alone.

Richard Schneider

As Schneider began crawling through the drive-thru window, Brooks continued the fight of keeping him out of the store. Schneider began punching Brooks and after Brooks got a bloody lip, he grabbed a big stick he kept in the store for protection and popped Schneider on the head with it. Schneider backed out of the window, but he didn’t leave. He remained in the parking lot setting off car alarms and even knocked down a mailbox. Schneider didn’t give up on his desire to re-enter the store, he was still trying to open the locked front door when the police arrived.

Richard Schneider has been charged with disorderly intoxication. Brooks says the lunatic is lucky he didn’t kill him because he was prepared to use his .357 magnum if the man made it back inside the store. “If he’d have got in the store, he wouldn’t have woke up in jail. He’d have woke up in the morgue,” said Brooks.

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Memphis, TN- I have never tried any brand of Kentucky Bourbon. Now, after reading about 46-year old Karen Sims and her crazy-assed drunk display on March 25, 2009, I think my lightweight ass will stick with beer. I know this is not one of the usual crimes we front page here on the Dreamin’ Demon, but being it is April 1, I thought the story of a drunk fool would be appropriate.

A couple days ago, James Chambers said he noticed a strange woman walking in a very peculiar way with something in her hand. He said it could have been a bottle, but was unsure. He thought maybe the woman just “had problems“.

Several other neighbors have stated that the 46-year old woman, Karen Sims, had given them problems before, but nothing like this. Alvaro Pacheco and Gonzalo Tocarruncho said they’ve had trouble in the backyard each night and things have been disappearing.  Last Wednesday, Sims ignored (or was too sloshed to take notice of) the ‘No Trespassing’ signs, and stumbled her way into their backyard. For hours she staggered around their yard and begged them for money to buy more booze. These two guys must be very patient or completely starved for entertainment because I would not have put up with this drunken damsel’s distress calls for more than an hour. I would of videotaped what I could and spent the rest of that time sending it to friends and uploading it on YouTube.

After the men grew tired of the lush’s drunken demands, Tocarruncho asked her to leave. Sims must of misheard his request because she removed her shirt. When Tocarruncho told her he called the police, Sims gave him another eerie eyeful by removing her pants. Damn. Now I see why I need to have more patience. I would have missed the entire strip-tease of this tanked-up tootsie and that would have caused a much lower view count on YouTube.

“She drank too much and she off up her clothes,” said Pacheco with a nervous grin. “She is crazy. She needs a hospital or jail, I don’t know which.” I don’t know either, but I do hope she gets the help she obviously needs.

When police arrived, they found Sims staggering around Tocarruncho’s backyard stark naked and holding a nearly empty bottle of Kentucky Bourbon. When the drunken diva finally noticed the officers, she became belligerent and began cursing loudly. She screamed at the officers and refused to obey their commands.

Karen Sims, who lives down the street, was arrested and charged with trespassing, disorderly conduct, public indecency and public intoxication. Police stated this is not the first time Sims has been arrested.

So all of you can get a proper visual of the drunk and naked nuisance, here  is the mugshot of Ms. Karen Sims. Happy April Fool’s Day, Demonites!

I’m guessing that if Alvaro Pacheco and Gonzalo Tocarruncho were not drinking men before, they are now. *shudder*

Thanks to Tazzzz who has this in our forums.

…and pooped on it.

Thomas Whitley Teague

Brownsville, TX–Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce 26-year-old Thomas Whitley Teague. Mr. Teague graduated from Texas Tech University in May 2008, and in November, gained his license to practice law in the state of Texas. Mr. Teague is also a former Cameron County assistant DA. Teague now has a smear on his resume…he will forever be known as that guy that took a dump outside of an IHOP restaurant.

Imagine you are sitting there at your local IHOP, devouring a short stack with a side of bacon…you look up to see a man taking a shit on a bench right outside the entrance of the restaurant. How would you react? Personally, I would laugh until coffee came out of my nose…then I would reach for my camera and think about how glorious my 15 minutes of YouTube fame is gonna be. Others reached for their phones and called the cops.

Authorities found Teague to be more than just a little intoxicated: bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, unsteady on his feet, booze on his breath. They also found a large amount of shit on the bench. No mention of any toilet paper in the area. Teague was arrested and charged with public intoxication and disorderly conduct. He was released from the municipal jail Monday, after he paid a $200 fine. Classy dude.

Please note: Thomas Teague resigned from the DA’s office on Friday, before the poop incident over the weekend. Teague cited personal reasons for his departure.

On a more personal note: Thomas, it’s been a long and depressing week here at the Dreamin’ Demon…thanks for the comic relief.

…so he set his trailer on fire

Theodore, AL–Lawrence Edward Lee, 45, had a bad case of the ‘nobody loves me’ Christmas blues. He didn’t get a single present for Christmas. Not even a re-gifted fruitcake. Can you believe that? Well, he got even with the selfish relatives who overlooked him…he set his own trailer on fire. That’ll show ‘em! Now he not only lacks presents, but also a home. Luckily, the kind-hearted folks down at the Metro Jail welcomed him with open arms.

Lee’s sister-in-law, Sheryl Matthews, told reporters that she got a disturbing warning from Lee. He hinted to her that he was depressed and nobody loved him, so he was going to go home and burn his house down. With him in it. Well, that got the relatives in a panic and they rushed over to Lee’s place to try and stop him. By the time they made it there, the trailer was destroyed. There was no sign of Lee. Through the smoke, a firefighter emerged, with Lee in tow. After relatives realized that Lee wasn’t barbecued to a crisp, relief set in. They still didn’t whip out any presents though.

One firefighter told police that once they had the fire out, Lee emerged from the woods in behind his house, unburned and unscathed. Awwww…I do love a happy ending.

Not surprisingly, investigators suspect arson as the cause of the blaze. Lee did offer up a couple of different stories, one of them being that he fell asleep with a cigarette. As a perfect end to his shitty Christmas, Lee was arrested and hauled off to the Metro Jail. He is being charged with reckless endangerment, public intoxication, resisting arrest, and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Lee’s cousin William Clemons, now has a gift he wants to bestow upon him. ‘If I see him, I’m going to slap him just one hard time. I just want to slap him once for scaring me like that.’ I’d take a good ‘ole slap to the face over a fruitcake any day.

This story written and submitted by our member Damaged Goods.  Thanks, DG!

Seriously.. what is that mess on Joe Rice’s forehead?

Minneapolis, MN – Joseph Conrad Rice, 63,  seems a little worse for wear. Well… he has been having an interesting time. In mid-December, Mr. Rice was arrested for trying to stiff the poor cabbie who drove his inebriated ass home from a local strip club. About two days after that, police were called to the Minikahda Country Club to pick up a drunk-again Joseph Rice. This time he apparently made “terrorist threats” to a police officer.  All reports also state that Rice reported his Mercedes stolen, but I honestly don’t know why anyone gives a shit. 

Rice is now in custody for what he did on December 15, 2008. First, he arrived by cab to the Country Club, quite drunk, and demanding entrance. The guard advised him that seeing as he was banned from the club, they wouldn’t be allowing him in. Being the gentleman that he is, Mr Rice told the guard that he was going to have him fired. When this dire threat failed to gain him entrance, he went home…

Curses! Foiled again!

Not one to take a hint or be deterred, Mr Rice returned, in his red ‘72 classic Ferrari. (Subtle!) The guard recognized him, and, not wanting another run-in with Crazy Old Drunk (henceforth “C.O.D.”), hid upstairs. He heard banging on the locked door followed by the sound of at least 4 gunshots. Gun… shots! This asshole was so pissed about not getting into a country club at 2:00 in the morning that he was willing to SHOOT people. What the hell?

It seems he was an ex-member of the country club, but had his membership suspended for erratic behaviour, including threatening the life of a staff member.

Yeah you’re a real mature guy there Joe! What reasonable adult wouldn’t deal with rejection by a country club by threatening people, shooting at them and attacking police? How do you reach the age of 63 and still have the emotional maturity of a spoiled 5 year old? It would seem the brainpower of one as well. I’d say grow up, but if you haven’t yet… well…

Oh and who knows what Notorious C.O.D. would have done had police not arrested him when they had. They caught him walking out of his apartment, carrying a bag that held two loaded hand guns, three gun magazines, two gun cases, miscellaneous gun cleaning accessories, and a partridge in a pear tree. I don’t think he was planning on bringing anybody early Christmas presents.

Joseph Rice: Setting the bar for Crazy Old Drunks everywhere!

Aaron Saunders and James Brogden

Highway Patrol were chasing a front-end loader Saturday morning, a front-end loader that had been stolen from Cherokee County Speedway. The person who stole the vehicle was Aaron Christopher Saunders, 28. Police tried stopping him by shooting out the tires, but Aaron was having none of it. Police say he intentionally tried to run over officers, even running over one of the patrol cars. Aaron drove the front-loader to 973 Pleasant School Road, tearing down trees and signs on the way there. Aaron began destroying a car at that residence when a man house-sitting for his son-in-law, James Ellie Brogden, 67, came out to investigate, Aaron killed him with the front-loader.

Deputies then shot Aaron, where he later died after being airlifted to the hospital. At first, his rampage remained a mystery, but now more details have come out as to why Aaron did what he did. He was drunk. And angry.

Seems as if he had a little tiff with his girlfriend, April Holcomb, because *gasp* he was drunk. He then went to a bar and sent her a text message stating that he was gonna be on the front page. But she didn’t take that seriously because, well shit, he did that all the time when he got drunk. In fact, she said, “He was drunk. He’s one of those people that doesn’t need to be drinking because he’ll black and out not know what’s going on.”

Two different reports state two different ways in which Brogden was killed. One states that Aaron beelined towards him when he came out to investigate and ran over him. Another states that Aaron dropped a car on top of him. But April doesn’t think it was on purpose. Oh, no…not Aaron. “He’s not a monster like they made him out to be,” she said. “I don’t think he intentionally did it. I think he didn’t see the guy because if you’re in a big old loader you cannot see because it’s dark outside and you got the car picked up”

But it really doesn’t matter if it was intentional or not, as either way this drunk asshole took out a man who has done nothing but try to improve the community around him. Brogden was a major in the Salvation Army where he had served for 40 years. He also worked at a rehabilitation center in Charlotte, NC.

“Cecil Brogden was one of the finest men I’ve probably ever met…He is a man of integrity — a great Christian man, a man of faith, a man of the Word. One of the finest preachers the Salvation Army has ever had.” Major Dalton Cunningham stated.

And what does he get for his efforts? Well, for some of you, he is playing ping-pong with God about right now. But to me? He met his end at the bottom of the treads of a goddamn front-end loader, leaving behind a wife and three children. Just doesn’t seem right, does it? All that “mysterious ways” crap I guess.

No real reason for me posting this, as there will be no trial or anything like that. It just always burns me when good people get taken out in completely stupid ways by equally stupid people. In Brogden’s wildest dreams, I cannot imagine that he ever thought his death would be in the form of a 10-ton front-end loader driven by a drunk, at 3 in the morning, in front of his son-in-law’s house. Tragic. So for all you praying people, tell God I said thanks for taking another good one, and for blessing some police officers with good aim.