Here, Now – Thanks to everyone who showed up to the 5th episode of the Pulpit of Doom Drunkcast to do some drinking with me, Jaded and Athena. You can listen to it here. The drunkcasts are like our Wednesday show, just infused with copious amounts of alcohol.
Because of the site issues we had yesterday stemming from my forgetting to re-register the dreamindemon.com domain name, I was drinking long before the show started and, man, does it show.
I think the slurring starts at the halfway mark as we discussed getting kicked off planes because of a toddler’s tantrum, teenagers caught on camera having sex with willing pit bulls, friends who will help you move a body, two women who turned a man into soup, the little-known dangers of Jewish blowjobs, creepy funeral home employees looking for love in all the wrong places and much, much more.
By the end of the show I’m pretty sure we were talking about large dildos. After we went off the air, we had a drunken conversation about God knows what — I refuse to go back and listen.…Continue Reading
Potrero, CA - Richard Fox, 39, achieved a D’D trifecta when, after drinking, he loaded his homemade cannon with powder extracted from fireworks, ignited it sending shrapnel through his mobile home, thus killing his 38-year-old girlfriend.
San Diego County Sheriff’s Department homicide detectives are investigating the incident at the Twin Lakes Resort mobile home park near the California-Mexico border where Jeanette Ogara was found dead just after midnight. There was little mystery as to the cause of her demise.
“They had a large-sized hole in the side of the trailer,” Mike Moller of Cal Fire told news reporters.
Three other adults were inside the trailer when the mobile home was hit by the shrapnel from the exploding cannon. For those of you who can still see on your four horizons the distant edges of the continental land mass that is Fox’s stupidity, I will add that the dead woman’s 4-year-old daughter was also in the trailer at the time. Thankfully, neither the young girl nor the other adults were hurt.
One of Fox’s neighbors said the couple have been together for about 10 years and that Fox was a handyman who liked to tinker with things.…Continue Reading
PARKVILLE, Md. - A 13-year-old boy died the other day after he fell out of a moving car and was struck by another vehicle. According to reports, he had opened the front passenger door to throw up, sick from having consumed Four Loko.
Michael Truluck’s mother says her son had spent Saturday afternoon with friends at a fast food restaurant and playing basketball. Just before 6 p.m. he texted her and asked for someone to come pick him and two friends up, so she sent her fiancee to get them.
What they didn’t know was that Truluck was sick from drinking Four Loko, which can be 12% alcohol, an unidentified adult had purchased for him. For those unaware, Four Loko is an alcoholic beverage that once contained caffeine and at one time was marketed as energy drinks. The company that produces it got into some legal issues that led to them removing the caffeine and to stop marketing the product as energy drinks.
Truluck’s friends say he had already thrown up twice before his mother’s fiancee arrived to pick him and his two friends up.…Continue Reading
According to the criminal complaint, deputies were dispatched to the club around 4:00 that morning, after receiving a report claiming Luna tried to pay for his lap dance with crack. While speaking with a bouncer at the club, police learned Luna kicked a member of the security staff and started screaming racial slurs as he was being escorted out of the establishment.
An intoxicated Luna was hesitant about being seated in the back of the patrol car, but complied after being threatened with a tasin’.
On the way to the cop shop, police say Luna began kicking the right rear door in an attempt to escape. The arresting officer then pulled the car over and attempted to secure Luna’s legs with a tarp. He was apparently unsuccessful, and another officer ended up getting kicked in the chest three times.…Continue Reading
Here, Now – I cannot believe I forgot to post a link to this today, but thanks to everyone who showed up to our second drunkcast. It was fun. You can listen to it at our BlogTalkRadio page.
For those of you who were lame, or had a life, our drunkcasts are pretty much the same as our Wednesday night Pulpit of Doom podcasts, but we make a point of drinking as much alcohol as we can handle during the show. In this case, I was drinking Old Fashioneds while Jaded nursed some vodka.
It’s only our second drunkcast, and so far nothing too embarrassing has happened (that I can remember) aside from Jaded’s made up words and insane giggling. Of course I maintained a constant air of dignity and restraint as we discussed stuff I cannot remember before discussing being butt-raped by Bigfoot.
Anyway, thanks again to all of you who showed up and chatted. We hope to have a guest next time… for some reason people seem reluctant to show up on such a classy show held in such high regard by the upper echelons of the podcasting community.…Continue Reading
Mansfield, OH – Police say that on the night of Jan. 31, Paul Lovely, 44, swerved off the road, over-corrected, and ended up hitting a tree while intoxicated.
“At that point he got out of the vehicle, and – with a bottle of whiskey in his hand – walked east to Lexington Avenue and waited for the light to turn green,” Mansfield police Officer Korey Kaufman said.
“The light turned green and he just came out of nowhere,” Jordan Eagleston, the driver of the first vehicle to hit Lovely, said. “I don’t know why he would try to cross the road then.”
Police reports say that the impact from Eagleston’s car sent Lovely airborne. He landed in the street. Lovely was then struck by a second vehicle while laying on the ground.
“When we found him, he had a bottle of liquor laying next to him in the road,” Police Sgt. Ken Carroll said.
Lovely was transported to a local hospital with injuries. He was initially listed as being in stable condition.…Continue Reading
Denver, CO – As evident by Jaded’s reaction to Septic Flesh, certain people just don’t appreciate fine art. Some people in a Denver museum learned this as well when a drunken idiot stumbled in and tried to piss on a painting worth millions of dollars.
Police say that at around 3:30 p.m. on Dec 29, a heavily intoxicated Carmen Lucette Tisch showed her disdain for “1957-J-No. 2.,” a $30 million painting by Clyfford Still, by walking up to it and attacking it.
Witnesses say the 36-year-old scratched and hit the painting before dropping trou and putting her ass against it. That’s when she reportedly slid down the painting and began urinating.
Luckily, she did not successfully spray the 9 1/2 feet tall and 13 feet wide painting with her stank, but she did do an estimated $10,000 worth of damage and get slapped with a felony criminal mischief charge, which carries a maximum sentence of up to 12 years in prison.
Probably not much of a surprise, but this isn’t Tisch’s first run-in with the law. Charges of theft and armed robbery against her were dropped last month and in 2008 she was arrested on a complaint of driving under the influence.…Continue Reading
Mount Olive, NJ — Vincent Pasquarello, 19, has racked up a myriad of charges after a (hopefully) out-of-the-ordinary night. Police first became interested in Pasquarello after they were called by a diner in response to Pasquarello allegedly using a fake credit card to pay a $17.50 bill for a meal he had shared with his female companion. Police said that the couple told the diner staff that they were going outside to get money from their car – but then drove off.
Staff at the diner reported a description of the vehicle the fled in and reported it to police. A patrol officer saw a car matching the description and pulled it over. Police said that the officer identified the driver as the suspect from the diner. The officer also reportedly noted a “heavy odor of alcoholic beverages” and asked the driver to step out of the vehicle.
Police said that the driver, Pasquarello, shifted the car into drive and quickly accelerated from the scene. The patrol officer attempted to grab Pasquarello from the vehicle as he accelerated and had to free himself as the car drove off, police said.…Continue Reading
Newport, TN — Police and paramedics were called to the home of a 38-year-old man Wednesday night in response to a rather bizarre stabbing incident – the man of the house apparently poked himself in the gut with a turkey thermometer to see if he was “done.”
The man in question, Scott Kelly, was found lying on a sofa in the home with a small stab wound in his gut.
When questioned, Kelly reportedly told officers he was “basting himself” and just wanted to be left alone. He then explained that he had stuck the thermometer into his stomach “to check his temperature, and to determine if he was done or not.”
Why, yes, alcohol was involved! How did you guess?
Kelly’s girlfriend told police the man had consumed a fifth of liquor and eight or nine beers before jabbing himself with the thermometer. Based on that information, I’m assuming Kelly was, in fact, done. Well done, even.
Kelly was transported to the hospital for treatment and a mental evaluation.…Continue Reading
Illinois – Police arrested an 18-year-old drunk chick who crashed her car on Saturday because, according to police, she was upset over her boyfriend not taking her to see that crappy Twilight movie.
Olivia Ornelas, 18, was charged with drunken driving and unlawful consumption of alcohol by a minor after her car was found in a ditch at 12:04 a.m. Saturday morning. The car she was trying to drive while “extremely intoxicated” was missing a front right tire.
She reportedly told deputies that she had ended up in the roadside ditch because her boyfriend had upset her when he didn’t take her to see the new Twilight movie as planned.
I gotta commend the boyfriend if he bailed on this loopy broad on purpose as sometimes the vagina just isn’t worth the hassle. Hell, Sofía Vergara could ask me to go to the new Twilight movie and my immediate response would be me telling her to go f*ck herself.
I know, I know… it’s almost cliche to hate on Twilight. But I’m dead serious.…Continue Reading
Salem, OR - Marion County, Oregon Sheriff’s were recently pressed into action after 911 callers reported a naked man engage in roadside masturbation. Deputies searching the area found footprints and a cellphone. …but no masturbator. After more time – and more 911 calls – a K9 unit was dispatched to scene.
It was reported that Deputy Jeff Stutrud and his dog, Renzo, conducted a search of the hazelnut orchard where the perpetrator was last reportedly seen. Renzo located the the man ‘about 12 feet up a tree wearing only tennis shoes,’ sheriff’s spokesman Don Thomson said.
Due to the 30-degree weather, Stephen James Frolov, 28 – who also goes by the name Stephen James Ellingsworth – was first given a blanket. He was then given formal charges of three counts of public indecency. Bail was set at $15,000
Investigators said that Frolov told them that he had been out drinking with friends the night before and didn’t know how he got to Duck Inn Road. Frolov also said that he didn’t know where his clothes were.…Continue Reading
Rockwell, NC — Don’t ya just hate it when you get all sh*tfaced, break into someone’s home, eat their cookies and fall asleep in their bed and the homeowner and the cops are all up in your face trying to kill your buzz with their questions and handcuffs? What? Don’t act like it’s never happened to you….
Anyway, 26-year-old Ashley Haithcock, my new BFF, knows what I’m talking about…she found herself in a similar situation Friday evening.
Police received a call from one Martha Birtch at about 10:00 Friday night. Birtch told police she had returned home to find her sliding glass door open and broken cookie jar in the kitchen. When she entered her home, she heard a woman’s voice coming from the direction of her bedroom. The voice belonged to Haithcock – she had apparently fallen asleep in Birtch’s bed after consuming the woman’s cookies.
Roused from her drunken slumber, an unhappy Haithcock apparently argued with Birtch and her daughter, and at some point, assaulted the younger Birtch.
She still had a bit of that piss and vinegar in her system when police arrived – she reportedly kicked three deputies when they attempted to speak to her.…Continue Reading
Houston, TX – The obvious bid by Texas to become the new Florida is being strengthened by citizens like David Cruz. Cruz, 20, is in custody after reportedly abandoning passengers hurt in a car crash he caused but leaving with the beer. One of the passengers later died.
According to his passengers, Cruz was driving at a high rate of speed when he ran a light and crashed his four-door Hyundai around 1AM Halloween night. Two of the passengers – twin brothers Marion and Patrick Bock – were injured and bleeding. The third passenger – Anthony Story, 17 – was reported to be unconscious and seriously injured.
The Bock brothers said that they asked Cruz to stop but, instead, he drove another two miles. The Bocks said Cruz then grabbed four beer cans from the car and took off on foot. Police said Cruz ran to a friend’s apartment, where he changed clothes and told the friend he’d been involved in an accident. Investigators said that, even then, he still didn’t call for help.…Continue Reading
BRIDGEPORT, CT – I was just about to write a story about a woman in Pennsylvania who abandoned her kid in a Taco Bell parking lot when I found an update on 29-year-old Juliette Dunn who Jaded posted about back in July. She and another woman have admitted to supplying beer and cocaine to Dunn’s 4-year-old son and 10-month-old daughter.
Dunn and 33-year-old Lisa Jefferson both plead guilty Wednesday to two counts of risk of injury to a child after an event that happened back in June. Police were flagged down by someone who informed them Dunn and Jefferson were at a playground with Dunn’s two young children. They said they watched Jefferson make Dunn’s 4-year-old son chug a bottle of beer. When he had finished, Jefferson allegedly called the boy an alcoholic.
When police approached the women there was an empty 40-ounce bottle of Steel reserve beer on the ground beside the boy and a baby bottle was next to the 10-month-old girl that contained a dark liquid that smelled like alcohol.…Continue Reading
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Stories regarding someone killing their family before killing themselves often have people remarking that they wish the person would’ve done things in reverse order. That seems to have been the case for a man in California, who intentionally drove off a cliff after threatening to kill his wife and kids.
Police say a husband and wife got into a fight Sunday that had the woman leaving the home. When she returned the following morning, her husband was drunk and threatening to kill her, their kids and even his fellow employees. Being one of the smarter women we have reported on, she left the house again and used the phone at a nearby gas station to call police.
While on the phone with police, her husband drove by her slowly while yelling at her, telling the police who had showed up they’d better follow him into the canyon. Police began following the man as he drove down the highway at 70 mph, but pulled back at a safe speed after learning the driver had called police headquarters informing them he was planning on driving off a cliff.…Continue Reading
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — I was wondering when we would start getting our annual haunted house stories and 24-year-old Jessica K. Bottoms gets the honors of being the first. Her drunk ass got arrested after she punched an actor in a haunted house attraction.
According to arrest records, shortly after midnight Friday, Bottoms was drunk at the Haunted Hotel when she punched one of the employees and was observed by police grabbing on other attraction workers.
She was told to leave but she decided to eschew logic, like most drunks do, and became combative. She continued fighting with police even after she was restrained and arrested.
Bottoms was placed in jail on preliminary charges of misdemeanor charges of alcohol intoxication, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. While I find nothing quite as aggravating as a belligerent drunk chick, at least she wasn’t a drunk cop.
Anyone else have any memorable experiences at a haunted house attraction? I never got scared at them as much as I got aggravated at people jumping out at me.…Continue Reading
NORTH HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – A California woman is facing some legal issues after police say she drunkenly flipped her vehicle with her 4-year-old inside and then tried to flee the scene without her kid.
Reports are that early Wednesday morning, the woman crashed her car into some parked cars causing her to roll her vehicle on its roof.
Neighbors say that when they heard the crash they came out and helped pull the woman’s unrestrained child out of the car as her drunk mother was running around asking where her other children where.
Neighbors then began searching underneath cars and around the general area fearing that there may be possible victims who were ejected from the vehicle, but would not find anyone.
I’m guessing it was during this time that the woman tried to leave the scene through a neighboring field without her child. Police would catch her a block away and arrest her on suspicion of drunk driving and child endangerment. Neither she nor her child suffered any life-threatening injuries.
Oh, and the ghost children the woman was looking for after the crash?…Continue Reading
CLEVELAND — An Ohio couple have been charged with misdemeanor child endangerment after allegedly leaving their 9-year-old foster son at a Cleveland Browns game.
I can only go by news reports but if Anna and Earnest Fugate are guilty of what they have been accused of they both deserve a karate chop to the neck.
Police reports say the couple were with their foster son partying in the city’s Municipal Parking Lot before the Browns-Dolphins game on Sunday when they got into an argument.
Anna ended up smashing Earnest’s cell phone before smashing her own. Earnest then walked inside the stadium, leaving the boy with a highly intoxicated Anna who would hand the boy over to some strangers headed into the stadium.
Police were contacted who immediately began searching for the couple. They were not found in the parking lot, nor were they found in their seats inside the stadium.
The couple, stinking of alcohol, were finally pulled over as they tried to drive away from the lot. They told the officer that they just wanted to go home and didn’t inquire about the whereabouts of their foster kid.…Continue Reading
According to police, shortly after 9:30 a.m. Sunday, officers were called to a local hotel to investigate a report of shots fired. When they arrived, they reportedly found Stefanie Bradford, 31, outside screaming in a T-Shirt and underwear. Her two drinking partners – brothers – were naked, with one reported to be locked inside the hotel room and the other hiding nearby.
This caught the interest of the responding officers. It must have been a slow day.
All parties agree that they met for the first time at a neighboring bar, Shenanigan’s, on Saturday night. Sometime between midnight and 1 a.m. Sunday, the three of them went back to the hotel to continue drinking.
Bradford told police that a hooker was in the hotel room when they arrived and, so, she immediately wanted to leave – but then she was hit in the head from behind and did not remember anything else until she woke later in the morning.…Continue Reading
Tampa Bay, FL — Natalie M. Behnke, 25, was arrested for impersonating a stripper at a local gentlemen’s club after an evening of stripping, dancing, panhandling, and fighting. Wait! That was my evening…
Behnke reportedly disrobed and began dancing at the Baby Dolls club at around midnight Tuesday. After she then asked customers to give her money, authorities said, the staff asked her to leave.
According to the arrest report, she wouldn’t go and, in fact, tried to pick a fight with the real dancers. This because, as we all know, that’s where the big money is…
Behnke was arrested on a charge of disorderly intoxication. At her first court appearance Wednesday, Behnke pleaded no contest to the misdemeanor and was fined $450, according to Pinellas court records.
Behnke, whose last name is also spelled Benke in criminal records, is considered a habitual juvenile offender in Florida, according to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. She was described in court documents as a transient.
I, for one, was shocked to learn from this that impersonating a stripper is not a federal crime.…Continue Reading