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Lorie HillWAGONER, OK – Police arrested Lorie Hill at Wagoner High School on Monday after she was found drunk in her classroom and not wearing any pants.

Hill is a newly hired teacher for Wagoner Public Schools and was found by two other teachers slumped over a desk in an empty classroom on the first day back at school for teachers.

“They didn’t know who she was, she was apparently new and was supposed to start yesterday,” Police Chief Bob Haley said.

When police arrived, they found the 49-year-old in principal’s office where someone had given her some shorts to wear. Hill admitted to police that she’d been drinking, and an empty cup smelling of vodka was found inside her car.

Since police could not prove she was intoxicated when she drove her vehicle, Hill was only charged with public intoxication. The Wagoner School District declined to comment on any possible disciplinary actions against Lorie, saying they do not comment on personnel matters.

Parents are, understandably, outraged. “I don’t know, as an adult, I just don’t know how you can be a professional teacher and teaching young people, and then show up drunk,” said one parent.…

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Paul GerlachDorset, England - In an incident that increased the currently small number of speed boat-related murder convictions, Paul Gerlach and Louis Borzoni were sentenced to life in prison for the murder of aspiring rapper Rico Dardis.

The pair were convicted for an incident that took place May 27th of last last year in Christchurch Bay in Dorset, England. According to official reports, Gerlach, Borzoni, and Dardis were enjoying an alcohol-enhanced day-trip, when the conversation turned heated. One witness claims he heard one the convicted men saying “You are being ungrateful, you’ve smoked all my cigarettes and drunk all my beer.”

This lead to to the two men pushing Dardis off the boat and then running him over, fatally slicing the 30-year-old with the boat’s propellers. The severed parts became entangled in the propeller, which caused the boat to stop working. Rather than calling for help, the two men attempted to recover the body parts and then allowed the boat to drift to shore. Another beach-goer captured a photograph of the two men shortly after the murder.…

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Kisha YoungCROWLEY, TX – A 12-year-old girl is dead after a woman had her ride on top of her car because she didn’t want the girl’s wet bathing suit messing up the car’s upholstery.

Kisha Young, 38, spent June 17 getting drunk at the Creekside Community Pool with the victim’s mother and their six children between the ages of 8 and 14.

When the group left the pool, Young had the kids ride on top of her Chevy Malibu because their bathing suits were wet.

While taking the 1-minute drive home, four of the children fell off the car as Young drove around a corner. Neither Young or the victim’s mother were aware their load had lightened until some teenagers flagged down their car at the end of the street.

Three of the children were treated at the hospital and later released, but 12-year-old Octavia Watkins was admitted with severe head injuries. She never regained consciousness and was removed from life support last Wednesday.

“She was totally unconscious the whole time, so that was my main concern,” said Albert Garcia who found Watkins in the street.…

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Dewey GreenDOUGLASVILLE, GA – Police have charged 23-year-old Dewey Green with murder after they say he intentionally ran over a pregnant woman.

Police say 53-year-old Janice Pitts was in her Lincoln Navigator with her daughter and grandson when Green repeatedly hit her from behind with his truck while she was sitting at a traffic light.

When Pitts got out to check the damage, Green rammed his truck into her and pinned her body between their two vehicles. Pitts’ daughter, Iesha Davis, says she got out and tried to get Green to back his truck up.

“I’m banging on the window, ‘Please, you’re crushing my mom, you’re crushing my mom. Please, you’re crushing my mom. He wouldn’t look at me, He kept his face straight and kept his foot down on the gas,’” said Davis.

When Green finally backed up, Pitts fell to the road and Green ran over her crushed body as he drove over the median, went across a grassy knoll and ended up sideways across a road where witnesses were able to stop him.…

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Shery DownsBILLINGS, MT – Police have arrested 52-year-old Shery Downs on a felony charge of assault with a weapon after she allegedly knifed her hubby in the face because he pissed on the bathroom floor.

When police arrived at the couple’s home, Shery’s 68-year-old husbnad was on the front steps holding a bloody towel to his face. Following a blood trail into the home, police found Shery who seemed to be intoxicated.

She told them that her husband had hurt himself after she called police to report he gave a false name to the cable company in an attempt to get free cable installed at the home. She denied hurting her husband or seeing his injury.

Her husband had a different story, claiming Shery got angry with him because he pissed on the bathroom floor. She told him she wanted to “cut him up” before using a cleaver-type knife to slash his throat and face. Afterwards, she told him she hoped he died.

Her husband was taken to the hospital where stitches were needed to treat the cut on his face.…

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Amanda EzraOSCEOLA, IN - Police say 24-year-old Amanda Ezra was killed early Sunday morning when her head struck something after she leaned out of the passenger window to vomit.

According to police, Ezra was riding in a minivan with four other people at around 4:40 a.m. when the freak accident occurred. The mother of three had been drinking at a party and was sitting on the lap of a front seat passenger. When she began to feel sick and stuck her head out the window to throw up, her head struck a telephone pole.

After the accident, the driver and one of the other passengers fled the scene but were apprehended later. The driver, a man in his 20s, has been charged with operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated, causing serious bodily injury and leaving the scene of an accident.

“You’ve got a 24-year-old child, you’ve raised to be a young adult and has their whole life ahead of them and it’s snuffed out because of a decision that was made and because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time,” said Michelle Lyman, who lives near the crash site.…

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Soukvilay BartonRIVERSIDE, CA – A man was killed by his own daughter after he was struck by her car as he tried stopping her from driving drunk.

Police say 37-year-old Soukvilay Barton was drinking and arguing with family members on Friday when she decided to leave.

Her father, 69-year-old Bounmy Rajsombath, tried to stop her from driving since she had been drinking, but she got into a BMW parked in the garage.

As she backed out of the driveway, her father stood behind the car in an attempt to stop her. Unfortunately, Barton didn’t see her father and hit him with the car as she backed out of the driveway.

Witnesses say that once Barton noticed her father had been injured, she immediately stopped the vehicle, got out and started sobbing. Rajsombatch was rushed to Riverside Community Hospital where he was later pronounced dead.

Barton was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and gross vehicle manslaughter. She’s currently being held on $75,000 bail. A review of California court records showed Barton has had multiple traffic violations, including a DUI conviction from 2006.…

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Nathan StumlerLOUISVILLE, KY – I missed this when it was reported on last week, but I just couldn’t pass up the mugshot.

Nathan Stumler has been accused of getting into an accident while driving drunk, then leaving his 7-year-old child crying in the road after he fled the scene.

Officers responding to a report of an intoxicated driver found Stumler’s daughter screaming in the street. They also found Stumler’s still-running vehicle with some fresh damage to the front end.

When officers calmed down the frightened but uninjured girl, she told them that her father had struck something with his vehicle and ran over the curb before parking the car and running away on foot.

She also pointed out the direction her drunk dad had ran, and police were able to locate the 25-year-old a short time later. Police reported that when he was found, Stumler was unsteady on his feet, had slurred speech and smelled like alcohol.

For his attempt at getting out of a DUI charge, Stumler was taken into custody and charged with operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol or drugs and first-degree wanton endangerment.…

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Andrew HaynesCALHOUN, GA – Police have charged Andrew Haynes, Fields Chapman and Damon “Avery” Johnson, all 18-years-old,  with aggravated sexual battery after an alleged attack on a girl inside a cabin during a post-prom party earlier this month.

Gilmer County Sheriff Stacy Nicholson said the charges stem from an incident that happened earlier this month inside the bedroom of a cabin at the Coosawattee River Resort. It’s being reported that an 18-year-old girl was sexually assaulted by the three teens during an “out of control” drinking party attended by as many as 27 people. The victim ended up hospitalized for several hours the next day for “substantial” injuries.

Nicholson said the arrests were made after more than 50 interviews — including someone who witnessed the assault, studying forensic evidence, and enlisting the help of sexual assault experts. He went on to say that they were not able to charge the teens with rape because they’d used a foreign object on the victim.

He declined to elaborate when questioned about this, only stating that what happened to the victim was not “true rape” as outlined by the law.…

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Lonnie HuttonMurfreesboro, TN –A 49-year-old man was taken into custody late last week, charged with public intoxication, after he was seen bumping uglies with an ATM and a picnic table. Giggity.

Sex machine Lonnie Hutton reportedly walked into The Boro Bar & Grille Friday evening, and headed straight to the ATM. Then, according to witnesses, Hutton dropped his pants and undies, exposing his genitals, and attempted to make sweet, sweet love to the money machine.

No word on whether an actual deposit was made…..

When he was finished, Hutton then moseyed around the bar for a while, his junk just a bouncin’ and a swingin’, making thrusting motions with his hips, witnesses told police.

He was promptly escorted outside.

When police arrived on scene, Hutton was ordered to sit his drunk ass down at a picnic table while they collected information from the reporting party. It was then that Hutton allegedly disrobed and attempted to get his freak on with the table.

Hutton was arrested after being deemed a danger to himself and 90% of the inanimate objects within his field of vision.…

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Sandra KrusenSalt Lake City, UT — A couple of lovebirds were arrested Saturday after being found engaged in oral sex on the front lawn of the Sacred Heart Catholic Church… in front of an icked out wedding party that included a few kiddos. Darling, no?

According to the police report, Officer Rich Stone was flagged down by a member of said wedding party that evening. The lucky bastid got to witness, all up close and personal, the sexy that was the pairing of 60-year-old Sandra Kruser and 56-year-old Wilson Benally.

Stone spotted the pair writhing around on the lawn, and when he approached, got quite an eyeful. Benally, Stone reported, “had his tongue and finger inside of Ms. Krusen’s vagina.” No… giggity…

Stone reportedly demanded the couple separate, but they refused. Poor cop had to “pry” the two apart. Oh my god, the visuals…

Both were charged with gross lewdness and public intoxication. Benally was additionally charged with criminal trespass. Bond was set at $2,313 for Benally, and $2,093 for Kruser.…

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Cameo CrispiNaples, UT — A 31-year-old woman has been arrested after allegedly attempting to burn down her ex-boyfriend’s home by intentionally leaving a pound of bacon burning on a gas stove.

GUILTY! OFF WITH HER HEAD!

It all started when Cameo Crispi’s ex called police on March 14 to complain that he had received numerous texts and phone calls from her within the range of one hour, and he really wanted her to knock it the fuck off already. He also told police he didn’t want Crispi at his home. Crispi. Heh.

An officer was dispatched to the man’s home and found smoke pouring out the front door. Inside, an “impaired” Crispi.

When the officer stepped inside the man’s home, he noticed a wood stove left open with a fire burning inside and hot coals on the floor around the stove. And on the kitchen stove, claimed the officer, there was a cookie sheet with about a pound of bacon on it. Now, bear with me, people….. this part of the story is extremely difficult for me.…

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Maura FussellReston, VA – An inebriated 26-year-old woman was arrested Saturday evening after allegedly showing up at the Arlington Magistrate’s Office in her birthday suit, hoping to see her recently incarcerated hubby.

It is unclear as to whether Maura Fussell had been clothed at some point before entering the building, or whether she arrived all nekkid. Either way, she was bare. And drunk.

Officers apparently gave her many opportunities to put some damn clothes on, or at least take a cab home, but Fussell reportedly refused.

That refusal earned her an overnight stay at the old Graybar Hotel. She’s been charged with indecent exposure and drunk in public. I’m assuming they released her after she sobered up a bit.

No word on what landed hubby in the slammer.…

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Shadreon Sade JeffersonHOUSTON, TX – The mother and aunt of a 1-year-old girl are both facing charges after the little girl was admitted to the hospital suffering from alcohol poisoning.

On February 8, police were called to a home where a man said his young daughter had been dropped off by his mother and was now unresponsive. When emergency personnel arrived, they found the 1-year-old had turned into Jaded on any given day of the week; moaning, smelling of alcohol and covered in vomit.

The girl was taken to the hospital where it was determined she had suffered alcohol poisoning and a BAC of over .26. The girl’s father told police that she was like that when she’d been dropped off after being cared for by her mother, 17-year-old Shadreon Jefferson and Jefferson’s sister, 24-year-old Shamara Batiste.

When deputies interviewed Jefferson, she told them she’d fallen asleep and woke up to find that Batiste had given the girl about six shots of vodka. Instead of taking the girl to the hospital, they simply dropped the baby girl off at her father’s home to let him deal with it.…

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Axel Esteban InostrozaFort Lauderdale, FL – Axel Esteban Inostroza, 27, is in custody after allegedly hitting 53-year-old cyclist Craig Camlin, and driving away with the victim still stuck to his vehicle.

Early Monday morning, Camlin went on what he thought would be a nice bike ride, only to be hit from behind by a vehicle matching the description of Inostroza’s black Ford Mustang. After impact, police say, Camlin hit the front windshield, rolled over the roof of the car, and landed onto the back windshield where he was wedged between the window and the spoiler.

Inostroza is said to have then driven for another two miles before dumping the injured man in a wooded area behind a dumpster. After that, he did what every normal person does after an accident — he went home and took a nap.

A few hours later, a landscaping crew found the man clinging to life. 911 was called and Camlin was taken to the hospital. His body temperature was so low when they got to him that if he hadn’t been found when he was, it’s likely he wouldn’t have survived.…

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Lewis AtwoodCasco Township, MI – A man in Michigan was arrested after he allegedly punched his mother in the face repeatedly while decorating the family Christmas tree.

Pasco Township Police received a 911 call from a home on Friday with no one on the line. However, shouting could be heard as well as a female yelling “you are hurting me.” When police arrived at the home, they found 33-year-old Lewis Atwood with his girlfriend, mother and brother.

According to the report, the family had been decorating the family Christmas tree when a drunken Atwood flew into a jealous rage over finding his brother had a personalized ornament to hang on the tree, but he did not. In response, he began repeatedly punching his 58-year-old mom in the face.

The woman suffered a bloody nose, swollen eye and a swollen lip. As for Atwood, he had minor injuries to his knuckles and hands consistent with drunkenly punching your mother in the face multiple times. Atwood was arrested for domestic violence and booked into the county jail, where he’s being held on a $5000 bond.…

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Adult Son Bites Father’s Eyebrow Off

December 14, 2013 at 3:03 am by  

2013-12-14_100254Burien, WA - A man is being charged with assault after biting his loving dad’s eyebrow off in a drunken dispute.

Hermilo Salmeron was driving his son, 30 year-old Joel Salmeron-Ciprian, his son’s wife, as well as his grandkids home from a wedding because his son was too drunk to drive.

Prosecutor’s have relayed that Salmeron-Ciprian munchy-wunched on his father’s face after the patriarch pulled the car over because his inebriated failure of a son was screaming expletives at him, punched him in the face, and eventually placed his hands around the driver’s throat.

A fight ensued after both men exited the truck leading up to the bite. All of this in front of the passengers in the car, which included young children.

King County deputy sheriffs answered the call and found Salmeron-Ciprian pinned to the ground by his father, who was bleeding profusely from his face. Medics responded to the scene and took the older man to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle.

Upon his arrest, Salmeron-Ciprian decided to challenge deputies, which led to his dumb ass being subdued with a stun-gun.…

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Ethan CouchFORT WORTH, TX — A juvenile court judge has gotten some people upset after she sentenced 16-year-old Ethan Couch to 10 years’ probation for the drunk driving crash that killed four people.

Back in June, Breanna Mitchell’s SUV had a flat tire so she pulled over to the side of the road. Hollie Boyles, 52, and her daughter, Shelby Boyles, 21, lived nearby and had came out to help Mitchell. Brian Jennings, 41, was driving by and also stopped to see if he could lend a hand.

Unfortunately for all of them, 16-year-old Ethan Couch was also on the road, driving drunk. He and some of his seven passengers had stolen some beer from a Walmart hours earlier and were speeding when Couch lost control of his truck, left the road and struck Breanna’s SUV.

Breanna, Hollie, Shelby and Brian were not in the road when the collision occurred, but they were all killed on impact and thrown 50 to 60 yards away. One of Couch’s passengers suffered serious injuries while another remains paralyzed and only able to communicate by blinking his eyes.…

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