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Carmine CervellinoThomaston, CT — Carmine Cervellino, 49, was arrested last week after his wife told police he stabbed a watermelon in a manner she perceived as “threatening.”

It all started on July 4, when Cervellino’s wife contacted police after finding a toolbox in their home with marijuana and an assortment of pills hidden inside. She told police she snatched the drugs and took photos of the items with her cell phone before stashing them in her bedroom.

When police arrived at the couple’s home, the toolbox and the alleged drug stash were nowhere to be found. The woman’s pictures weren’t going to be enough to make a case, so no arrest was made.

Later that day, the woman claims, she returned home to find a watermelon on the kitchen counter with a butcher knife sticking out of it. Just moments later, she said, her husband walked into the kitchen and, without saying a word, began carving the melon in what she called a passive-aggressive and menacing manner. She whipped out her cell phone again and took pictures of the knife, which she later showed to police.…

boy with gunMILTON, WI – Two people were hurt in a three-vehicle rollover accident caused by an 11-year-old boy pointing an Airsoft gun out the rear window of a car.

The accident happened last week on Highway 59 in Milton, near Highway N. A female driver told investigators a boy leaned out the back window of the car in front of her pointing a gun.

She immediately slammed on her brakes, causing the car following behind her to ram into the back of her vehicle before swerving into the opposite lane of traffic, hitting an SUV head-on and causing it to rollover.

Surprisingly, no one was seriously injured. The driver of the SUV that rolled and the woman who initially slammed on her brakes were both taken to the hospital with minor injuries but released a short time later.

Authorities eventually identified the 11-year-old boy and his family, who were staying at a campground just down the road from where the accident happened. The boy’s grandmother had been driving and said she didn’t even know there had been an accident or that her grandson had been pointing the toy gun out the window.…

Hillard StallingsOklahoma City, OK — A registered sex offender is facing numerous charges after police received complaints about the man walking butt nekkid in his yard, and for shaking his dick at a teen boy.

The first complaint came from a mother driving her three children to their piano lessons. The woman informed dispatchers that her children, ages 6, 10, and 12, brought her attention to the nekkid man, identified as 68-year-old Hillard Stallings.

It didn’t take long for the rest of the neighborhood to chime in with police — they informed dispatchers Stallings had been wandering around the yard, in the buff, for at least 10 minutes.

Officers made contact with Stallings, and chatted with him for a bit, but an immediate arrest was not made. When they drove back through the neighborhood a few minutes later, though, they spotted the skeevy bastard in the yard, shaking his willy and making thrusting motions at a 14-year-old boy who had been passing the home.

Stallings spotted police and raced for the house, but the officers were quicker.…

Tim MargisHomer Glen, IL — The director of public safety for Concordia University was terminated and arrested last week after a female employee at the school accused him of depositing a load of pecker spit in her shoe.

According to authorities, the female employee claimed she witnessed 38-year-old Tim Margis walk out of her office on the evening of February 10, buttoning up his pants and fastening his belt. When the woman asked Margis what he was doing in her office, he told her he was checking the room because the door had been left open.

When the woman walked into her office, she discovered a “clear liquid” inside one of her shoes.

Margis was interviewed a couple days later and reportedly admitted to having masturbated in the woman’s shoe. He failed to explain why, though. Police say there was never any sort of relationship between Margis and the victim, and there hadn’t been any previous allegations of misconduct.

Margis charged with public indecency and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors, and released on $150 bail.…

Ashley Marie PrenovostGlendale, AZ — A 24-year-old woman is facing several charges after allegedly pitching a fit and breaking stuff, and slightly injuring her infant, after her boyfriend refused to give her the D.

This may come as a surprise to none of you, but this isn’t the first time we’ve covered such a story. We got a beatin‘, a fish-hookin‘ and a dick bitin‘… just to name a few. Will you men never learn?

Anyway, police were called to the couple’s home Monday and found Ashley Marie Prenovost nekkid, bloody and drunk. It  is alleged that after the boyfriend refused coitus, Prenovost went on a rampage. Police say she punched a couple of holes in the bedroom wall and smashed a picture frame, causing injuries to both of her hands.

Then, for whatever reason, Prenovost picked up the four-month-old child she shares with her boyfriend, and began carrying her around the house, yelling and screaming and bleeding all over the place. At some point during the alleged tirade, the child’s head met a dresser.…

Tevin Kievelle MonroeNorfolk, VA — A 31-year-old man is facing numerous charges after police say he flashed a handgun in the general direction of a manager at McDonald’s when said manager informed him he must fill out an application for employment online.

According to police, Tevin Monroe walked into a Norfolk McDonald’s last week and asked for a job application. The manager on duty informed Monroe they don’t do paper applications anymore — the application process is handled online. Because fuck doing things the old-fashioned way…. it’s all about cold, hard technology, bitch. Just click “Submit,” cross your fingers and pray an actual human looks at it and has the courtesy to get back in touch, k?

Anyway, Tevin wasn’t buying the whole “we don’t have paper applications” thing and asked again. Nonverbally. Like, with a gun. Tevin didn’t even have to remove the handgun from his waistband, he just flashed it. Then, whaddyaknow? A paper application appeared in the manager’s hands.

Poor, stupid Tevin was sitting down in the restaurant filling out that application when police arrived.…

frozen turkeyMADISON, WI – An argument between two groups of women at the meat counter of a Woodman’s Food Market turned into a food fight involving pepper spray, yogurt, bacon, and a frozen turkey.

Police say the fight between the women was an ongoing dispute over money that, for some reason, came to a head at the store’s meat counter. Words were exchanged and two women found themselves facing off against four other women.

One of the women in the larger group pulled out some pepper spray and sprayed the other two. This led to one of the women grabbing a frozen turkey and swinging it around before throwing it at another woman. She missed her intended target, but managed to hit a pallet of bacon, which toppled to the floor.

A 62-year-old man inside the store called 911 to report the fight, telling police he was just hit in the head with a full container of strawberry yogurt. Two of the women began punching each other before rolling around on the floor in the spilled yogurt and bacon.…

girl bullySTAMFORD, CT – Police in Connecticut have arrested a 12-year-old girl after they say she was relentlessly bullying another student at a private middle school in Stamford.

The parents of a 13-year-old girl went to police after their daughter told them she was being bullied at school by the 12-year-old, who constantly taunted and harassed her. Even after making the complaint to police, the bullying continued and even intensified.

The bullying got so bad that the victim spoke about killing herself, prompting school administrators to work with police and investigate the bullying claims. This lead to police arresting the bully and charging her with disorderly conduct.

“This behavior will not be tolerated,” Stamford Police Capt. Richard Conklin said. “If it is brought to our attention, we will vigorously investigate the allegations and make arrests when appropriate. We investigate all claims of bullying, and this type of behavior will not be condoned in a learning environment.”

Some residents think that arresting the girl, who was later released to her parents, is a bit drastic.…

Woman Accused Of Holding Two Men Hostage For Sex

August 19, 2013 at 8:47 am by  

Terry BoydWAUSAU, WI – Police have arrested a woman after they say she was holding two men hostage in her home to use them for sex.

Police responded to the home of 52-year-old Terry Boyd after neighbors reported hearing a man screaming for help. When police arrived at the home, they found two men yelling from an upstairs window.

“When officers arrived (the first time) the males yelled out the window that they weren’t being allowed to leave and that the female was sitting in front of the door,” said Detective Captain Greg Hagenbusher. “They threw the keys to the officers and asked them to come in and get them out. So officers opened the door with the key, the female was sitting in front of the door, blocking the door but they were able to force the door open and get inside.”

The two men were rescued; telling officers that Boyd wanted to have sex and would not let either of the two men out of the room until one of them put their penis in her vagina.…

Jason ScalesMILWAUKEE — Cell phone video was posted on Youtube that showed Jason Scales body slamming a DMV security guard after he was asked to leave the building, while other patrons cheered him on.

The 35-year-old man had been asked to leave the north side DMV after he refused to turn down the music on his cell phone. Scales got mad and refused to leave, so a security guard stepped in to escort Scales out of the building.

As you can see in the video below, the guard has some trouble getting Scales to leave, and ends up getting body slammed to the ground while the crowd laughed and cheered for Scales. After getting off the ground, the guard pulled his gun on Scales as he finally left the building.

Milwaukee police say the man was eventually arrested and charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct, but no felony assault charges.

Law enforcement expert Brian Dorow said that while the confrontation would have been challenging for an experienced officer to control, guards or officers should not touch an unruly person if they are not posing an eminent threat.…

Jamie CraftJONESBORO, Arkansas — Police say 28-year-old Jamie Craft was drunk and half naked when she tried to flee the scene of a car crash in a battery operated toy truck.

According to police, Craft was drunk Sunday when she crashed her 2001 Grand Am into the side of a mobile home. The owner of the mobile home said Craft was travelling at a high rate of speed when she rounded a corner and hit the under panel of his trailer.

Another witness told police that Craft was not wearing any pants when she got out of her car and began yelling at him. According to the police report, she grabbed the man’s daughter and got into his son’s Power Wheels truck and tried to drive off.

Police found Craft at her mother’s house, where she had walked after getting out of the toy truck. They say she was also “irate and very intoxicated.” When officers tried administering a portable breathalyzer test to Craft, “she could barely stand.” Officers had to hold her shoulders so that she would not fall over.…

Man, 67, Busted For Sucking On Dildo While Driving

February 19, 2013 at 8:38 am by  

dildo dogTrenton, MI — Well, hell, there isn’t a lot of information to this one, and no video that we know of, but you just know I couldn’t let this one go…..

According to a police report obtained by those beautiful people over at The Smoking Gun, a 67-year-old man was arrested last week after witnesses reported seeing him sucking on a dildo at a local park.

The responding officer, Sergeant Steve Allen, wrote in his report that upon his arrival at the scene, he was flagged down by an unidentified witness who pointed to a silver car in the parking lot and claimed that he/she had witnessed the driver of the vehicle sucking on a dildo as he drove past.

When Officer Allen approached the vehicle, he noticed what appeared to be a flesh-colored dildo on the passenger seat. He then asked the unidentified oldster, the only occupant in the vehicle, what, exactly, he was doing. The oldster apparently replied, “SUCKING ON A DILDO, I’M SORRY!

No, my caps lock isn’t busted….…

Emilio MendozaStamford, Connecticut — Emilio Mendoza, 27, apparently hates getting told what to do. And who doesn’t after moving out of your parents house!?

According to police, on Feb. 11th, Mendoza’s cousin/roommate, Ruiz Clemente-Pérez, asked him to turn the music down because he had to go to work in the morning. Oh, hell no! You are NOT going to mess with his jam. Mendoza then proceeded to punch Pérez in the head, police say.

At some point during the brawl, Mendoza allegedly bit Pérez’s left ear, tearing part of his earlobe off. Stamford Police Sgt. Richard Barbagallo told the press that an intoxicated Mendoza then swallowed the chunk of ear meat. No longer an empty stomach? Can keep on drinking.

Mendoza alleges that Pérez threw the first punch.

Pérez was hospitalized with a broken nose and fractured eye socket. Sadly, he also never made it to work the next morning since he was charged with third degree assault.

Mendoza’s bail was set at $100,000, and he was charged with first-degree assault, interfering with police, forgery and disorderly conduct.…

Strippers Cited In Fight Over Dollar Bill

January 19, 2013 at 2:25 am by  

monopoly-stripperJuneau, WI — Patrons at Silk Exotic Juneau Gentleman’s Club were treated to quite a show this week, after a couple of strippers got into a knock-down, drag-out fight over a single dollar bill.

Deputies responded to the club at about 9:30 Thursday night for a call about a fight. Upon their arrival, they learned that two of the dancers, ages 19 and 23, had gotten into a cat fight on stage over a dollar bill.

Seems a patron had attempted to give the bill to one of the dancers, but the other had a shit fit because she felt that she had earned that dollar.

Police say both women fell to the floor, punching and slapping each other. Giggity? It has also been reported that hair was pulled. Which, in reality, deserves a fork to the neck.

The fight was eventually broken up by customers and other dancers. I say ‘eventually’ because you know they let that shit roll for a minute.

Neither of the women required immediate medical attention, though one of them is preggers, and both were cited for disorderly conduct, which carries a $250 fine.…

Lawrence AdamczykRiverside, IL —  My, my… another repeat offender on the Dreamin’ Demon this morning.

Meet Lawrence Adamczyk – he made his first appearance here at the D’D in June of 2011, when he was accused of exposing himself and groping men at the X-Sport Fitness Club in St. Charles.

Larry (not even gonna try and type dude’s last name more than once… it’s like a tongue twister for my fingers) was apparently found guilty in that case, as a recent update mentions he was paroled in December of 2012 and was being monitored electronically. The same update also points out that Larry had previous arrests dating back to 2005, all similar and sexual in nature. But for whatever reason, he was not required to register as a sex offender.

Larry was confronted by security personnel at Riverside Brookfield High School Saturday morning while wandering about in a hallway that was closed and off-limits because of a boys’ swim meet, police said. The police were called and responding officers found Larry sitting on the bleachers, watching the competition.…

NoNookieChandler, AZ — A sexually frustrated woman was taken into custody Sunday after allegedly threatening to kill her husband because he wouldn’t give her any nookie.

Gloria Pratt, 53, reportedly called police to complain that she and her husband of two years were no longer having sex and she was upset, dammit.

When police arrived at the home that evening, they met with an allegedly intoxicated Pratt, who repeated the complaint. I’m guessing she didn’t explain the reasoning behind the man’s refusal to give her dick.

It was quite apparent that a crime had not been committed by either party, so the officers wished the couple good luck and left the home.

About a minute later, the responding officers glanced at the couple’s living room window and witnessed Pratt screaming “do something!” at her husband as he reclined on the couch.

According to police, Pratt then yelled, “I’m going to kill you!” before walking off to the kitchen. You know, where the pointy and poisony shit is stored….

The officers then had reason to arrest Pratt – they knocked on the couple’s door and detained her.…

Hamilton, Ohio – A woman in Ohio was arrested the other day after she was busted trying to break into jail.

On Sunday morning, a Hamilton jail corrections officer was leaving work when he noticed 36-year-old Tiffany Hurd lying near a fence at the rear of the jail. She was wearing a backpack and appeared to be intoxicated.

Deputies were called to the scene after she refused to leave the premises and attempted to climb the barbed wire fence that surrounded the compound. When deputies arrived, they also advised Hurd to leave the area, but again she refused and continued her attempt to scale the fence. “I want to be arrested,” she stated.

So the deputies obliged her. Hurd was arrested and charged with criminal trespass and disorderly conduct. Her bond has been set at $2,500.

“Her actions really caught me by surprise,” said Sheriff Jones.  “I know the economy is bad right now, but I didn’t think it was so bad that someone would actually try to break IN to jail.  …

GWINNETT COUNTY, GA – And the bath salt train just keeps on rollin’ along. This time a Georgia man was arrested after snorting bath salts, eating shit, and then trying to fight a cop.

It all started last Tuesday when 21-year-old Matthew Hammond’s mother called 911 to report her son was acting like a nut. She said he was “walking around out of his mind, armed with a knife…talking about he’s going to hurt somebody.”

When an officer pulled up to the home, he was greeted by a highly agitated Hammond charging towards his car with something silver in his hand. The officer pulled away and Hammond gave chase, banging on the windows and trying to open the car door.

The officer got out of his car with his gun drawn and ordered Hammond to drop whatever he was holding in his hand and to get on the ground. Hammond initially refused, challenging the officer to fight, but eventually got on the ground.

The item in his hand was not a knife, but rather a cell phone.…


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