The first complaint came from a mother driving her three children to their piano lessons. The woman informed dispatchers that her children, ages 6, 10, and 12, brought her attention to the nekkid man, identified as 68-year-old Hillard Stallings.
It didn’t take long for the rest of the neighborhood to chime in with police — they informed dispatchers Stallings had been wandering around the yard, in the buff, for at least 10 minutes.
Officers made contact with Stallings, and chatted with him for a bit, but an immediate arrest was not made. When they drove back through the neighborhood a few minutes later, though, they spotted the skeevy bastard in the yard, shaking his willy and making thrusting motions at a 14-year-old boy who had been passing the home.
Stallings spotted police and raced for the house, but the officers were quicker.…Continue Reading
Homer Glen, IL – The director of public safety for Concordia University was terminated and arrested last week after a female employee at the school accused him of depositing a load of pecker spit in her shoe.
According to authorities, the female employee claimed she witnessed 38-year-old Tim Margis walk out of her office on the evening of February 10, buttoning up his pants and fastening his belt. When the woman asked Margis what he was doing in her office, he told her he was checking the room because the door had been left open.
When the woman walked into her office, she discovered a “clear liquid” inside one of her shoes.
Margis was interviewed a couple days later and reportedly admitted to having masturbated in the woman’s shoe. He failed to explain why, though. Police say there was never any sort of relationship between Margis and the victim, and there hadn’t been any previous allegations of misconduct.
Margis charged with public indecency and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors, and released on $150 bail.…Continue Reading
Anyway, police were called to the couple’s home Monday and found Ashley Marie Prenovost nekkid, bloody and drunk. It is alleged that after the boyfriend refused coitus, Prenovost went on a rampage. Police say she punched a couple of holes in the bedroom wall and smashed a picture frame, causing injuries to both of her hands.
Then, for whatever reason, Prenovost picked up the four-month-old child she shares with her boyfriend, and began carrying her around the house, yelling and screaming and bleeding all over the place. At some point during the alleged tirade, the child’s head met a dresser.…Continue Reading
Norfolk, VA — A 31-year-old man is facing numerous charges after police say he flashed a handgun in the general direction of a manager at McDonald’s when said manager informed him he must fill out an application for employment online.
According to police, Tevin Monroe walked into a Norfolk McDonald’s last week and asked for a job application. The manager on duty informed Monroe they don’t do paper applications anymore — the application process is handled online. Because fuck doing things the old-fashioned way…. it’s all about cold, hard technology, bitch. Just click “Submit,” cross your fingers and pray an actual human looks at it and has the courtesy to get back in touch, k?
Anyway, Tevin wasn’t buying the whole “we don’t have paper applications” thing and asked again. Nonverbally. Like, with a gun. Tevin didn’t even have to remove the handgun from his waistband, he just flashed it. Then, whaddyaknow? A paper application appeared in the manager’s hands.
Poor, stupid Tevin was sitting down in the restaurant filling out that application when police arrived.…Continue Reading
MADISON, WI – An argument between two groups of women at the meat counter of a Woodman’s Food Market turned into a food fight involving pepper spray, yogurt, bacon, and a frozen turkey.
Police say the fight between the women was an ongoing dispute over money that, for some reason, came to a head at the store’s meat counter. Words were exchanged and two women found themselves facing off against four other women.
One of the women in the larger group pulled out some pepper spray and sprayed the other two. This led to one of the women grabbing a frozen turkey and swinging it around before throwing it at another woman. She missed her intended target, but managed to hit a pallet of bacon, which toppled to the floor.
A 62-year-old man inside the store called 911 to report the fight, telling police he was just hit in the head with a full container of strawberry yogurt. Two of the women began punching each other before rolling around on the floor in the spilled yogurt and bacon.…Continue Reading
STAMFORD, CT - Police in Connecticut have arrested a 12-year-old girl after they say she was relentlessly bullying another student at a private middle school in Stamford.
The parents of a 13-year-old girl went to police after their daughter told them she was being bullied at school by the 12-year-old, who constantly taunted and harassed her. Even after making the complaint to police, the bullying continued and even intensified.
The bullying got so bad that the victim spoke about killing herself, prompting school administrators to work with police and investigate the bullying claims. This lead to police arresting the bully and charging her with disorderly conduct.
“This behavior will not be tolerated,” Stamford Police Capt. Richard Conklin said. “If it is brought to our attention, we will vigorously investigate the allegations and make arrests when appropriate. We investigate all claims of bullying, and this type of behavior will not be condoned in a learning environment.”
Some residents think that arresting the girl, who was later released to her parents, is a bit drastic.…Continue Reading
Police responded to the home of 52-year-old Terry Boyd after neighbors reported hearing a man screaming for help. When police arrived at the home, they found two men yelling from an upstairs window.
“When officers arrived (the first time) the males yelled out the window that they weren’t being allowed to leave and that the female was sitting in front of the door,” said Detective Captain Greg Hagenbusher. “They threw the keys to the officers and asked them to come in and get them out. So officers opened the door with the key, the female was sitting in front of the door, blocking the door but they were able to force the door open and get inside.”
The two men were rescued; telling officers that Boyd wanted to have sex and would not let either of the two men out of the room until one of them put their penis in her vagina.…Continue Reading
MILWAUKEE — Cell phone video was posted on Youtube that showed Jason Scales body slamming a DMV security guard after he was asked to leave the building, while other patrons cheered him on.
The 35-year-old man had been asked to leave the north side DMV after he refused to turn down the music on his cell phone. Scales got mad and refused to leave, so a security guard stepped in to escort Scales out of the building.
As you can see in the video below, the guard has some trouble getting Scales to leave, and ends up getting body slammed to the ground while the crowd laughed and cheered for Scales. After getting off the ground, the guard pulled his gun on Scales as he finally left the building.
Milwaukee police say the man was eventually arrested and charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct, but no felony assault charges.
Law enforcement expert Brian Dorow said that while the confrontation would have been challenging for an experienced officer to control, guards or officers should not touch an unruly person if they are not posing an eminent threat.…Continue Reading
JONESBORO, Arkansas — Police say 28-year-old Jamie Craft was drunk and half naked when she tried to flee the scene of a car crash in a battery operated toy truck.
According to police, Craft was drunk Sunday when she crashed her 2001 Grand Am into the side of a mobile home. The owner of the mobile home said Craft was travelling at a high rate of speed when she rounded a corner and hit the under panel of his trailer.
Another witness told police that Craft was not wearing any pants when she got out of her car and began yelling at him. According to the police report, she grabbed the man’s daughter and got into his son’s Power Wheels truck and tried to drive off.
Police found Craft at her mother’s house, where she had walked after getting out of the toy truck. They say she was also “irate and very intoxicated.” When officers tried administering a portable breathalyzer test to Craft, “she could barely stand.” Officers had to hold her shoulders so that she would not fall over.…Continue Reading
According to a police report obtained by those beautiful people over at The Smoking Gun, a 67-year-old man was arrested last week after witnesses reported seeing him sucking on a dildo at a local park.
The responding officer, Sergeant Steve Allen, wrote in his report that upon his arrival at the scene, he was flagged down by an unidentified witness who pointed to a silver car in the parking lot and claimed that he/she had witnessed the driver of the vehicle sucking on a dildo as he drove past.
When Officer Allen approached the vehicle, he noticed what appeared to be a flesh-colored dildo on the passenger seat. He then asked the unidentified oldster, the only occupant in the vehicle, what, exactly, he was doing. The oldster apparently replied, “SUCKING ON A DILDO, I’M SORRY!”
No, my caps lock isn’t busted….…Continue Reading
According to police, on Feb. 11th, Mendoza’s cousin/roommate, Ruiz Clemente-Pérez, asked him to turn the music down because he had to go to work in the morning. Oh, hell no! You are NOT going to mess with his jam. Mendoza then proceeded to punch Pérez in the head, police say.
At some point during the brawl, Mendoza allegedly bit Pérez’s left ear, tearing part of his earlobe off. Stamford Police Sgt. Richard Barbagallo told the press that an intoxicated Mendoza then swallowed the chunk of ear meat. No longer an empty stomach? Can keep on drinking.
Mendoza alleges that Pérez threw the first punch.
Pérez was hospitalized with a broken nose and fractured eye socket. Sadly, he also never made it to work the next morning since he was charged with third degree assault.
Mendoza’s bail was set at $100,000, and he was charged with first-degree assault, interfering with police, forgery and disorderly conduct.…Continue Reading
Deputies responded to the club at about 9:30 Thursday night for a call about a fight. Upon their arrival, they learned that two of the dancers, ages 19 and 23, had gotten into a cat fight on stage over a dollar bill.
Seems a patron had attempted to give the bill to one of the dancers, but the other had a shit fit because she felt that she had earned that dollar.
Police say both women fell to the floor, punching and slapping each other. Giggity? It has also been reported that hair was pulled. Which, in reality, deserves a fork to the neck.
The fight was eventually broken up by customers and other dancers. I say ‘eventually’ because you know they let that shit roll for a minute.
Neither of the women required immediate medical attention, though one of them is preggers, and both were cited for disorderly conduct, which carries a $250 fine.…Continue Reading
Meet Lawrence Adamczyk – he made his first appearance here at the D’D in June of 2011, when he was accused of exposing himself and groping men at the X-Sport Fitness Club in St. Charles.
Larry (not even gonna try and type dude’s last name more than once… it’s like a tongue twister for my fingers) was apparently found guilty in that case, as a recent update mentions he was paroled in December of 2012 and was being monitored electronically. The same update also points out that Larry had previous arrests dating back to 2005, all similar and sexual in nature. But for whatever reason, he was not required to register as a sex offender.
Larry was confronted by security personnel at Riverside Brookfield High School Saturday morning while wandering about in a hallway that was closed and off-limits because of a boys’ swim meet, police said. The police were called and responding officers found Larry sitting on the bleachers, watching the competition.…Continue Reading
Gloria Pratt, 53, reportedly called police to complain that she and her husband of two years were no longer having sex and she was upset, dammit.
When police arrived at the home that evening, they met with an allegedly intoxicated Pratt, who repeated the complaint. I’m guessing she didn’t explain the reasoning behind the man’s refusal to give her dick.
It was quite apparent that a crime had not been committed by either party, so the officers wished the couple good luck and left the home.
About a minute later, the responding officers glanced at the couple’s living room window and witnessed Pratt screaming “do something!” at her husband as he reclined on the couch.
According to police, Pratt then yelled, “I’m going to kill you!” before walking off to the kitchen. You know, where the pointy and poisony shit is stored….
The officers then had reason to arrest Pratt – they knocked on the couple’s door and detained her.…Continue Reading
Hamilton, Ohio – A woman in Ohio was arrested the other day after she was busted trying to break into jail.
On Sunday morning, a Hamilton jail corrections officer was leaving work when he noticed 36-year-old Tiffany Hurd lying near a fence at the rear of the jail. She was wearing a backpack and appeared to be intoxicated.
Deputies were called to the scene after she refused to leave the premises and attempted to climb the barbed wire fence that surrounded the compound. When deputies arrived, they also advised Hurd to leave the area, but again she refused and continued her attempt to scale the fence. “I want to be arrested,” she stated.
So the deputies obliged her. Hurd was arrested and charged with criminal trespass and disorderly conduct. Her bond has been set at $2,500.
“Her actions really caught me by surprise,” said Sheriff Jones. “I know the economy is bad right now, but I didn’t think it was so bad that someone would actually try to break IN to jail. …Continue Reading
GWINNETT COUNTY, GA – And the bath salt train just keeps on rollin’ along. This time a Georgia man was arrested after snorting bath salts, eating shit, and then trying to fight a cop.
It all started last Tuesday when 21-year-old Matthew Hammond’s mother called 911 to report her son was acting like a nut. She said he was “walking around out of his mind, armed with a knife…talking about he’s going to hurt somebody.”
When an officer pulled up to the home, he was greeted by a highly agitated Hammond charging towards his car with something silver in his hand. The officer pulled away and Hammond gave chase, banging on the windows and trying to open the car door.
The officer got out of his car with his gun drawn and ordered Hammond to drop whatever he was holding in his hand and to get on the ground. Hammond initially refused, challenging the officer to fight, but eventually got on the ground.
The item in his hand was not a knife, but rather a cell phone.…Continue Reading
As is evident by the title, this isn’t Marshall’s first go-round with the police or a stuffed animal – this is his fourth time he’s been busted for buggerin’ a stuffed bear.
According to the fine folks over at The Smoking Gun, Marshall was first arrested in February of 2010, after witnesses reported seeing him going to town on a teddy bear in the men’s room of a public library. That charge prompted a judge to ban Marshall from all public libraries in Hamilton County.
He was slapped with similar charges in November of that year. The arresting officer in that particular case noted on the police report that Marshall’s public indecency with a teddy bear had been an “ongoing problem.”
He was arrested once more in August of 2011. Police accused him of masturbating with a teddy bear in a place where minors were likely present.…Continue Reading
Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling – the 340-pound, 26-year-old woman was recently busted with a bag of pilfered goodies outside an Athens Piggly Wiggly supermarket.
According to the charging documents, another customer inside the store informed employees that she had witnessed Appling concealing numerous grocery items in a canvas bag as she perused the aisles.
When Appling approached the cash register and placed just one item on the belt, the employee questioned her about the other items allegedly concealed in her bag. And with that, Appling made a mad dash for the exit.
Employee Johnathon Orr was right on her heels, though, and when he attempted to stop the heifer from leaving the premises, he was rewarded with a dose of pepper spray to the face. When that didn’t take Orr down, Appling reportedly delivered a right hook and a loogie.…Continue Reading
Witnesses said John Daniels, 43, drove his motorcycle into Sportsman’s Bar through the opened front door just before 7 p.m. Saturday and asked if anyone wanted to fight.
While bar employees tried to push the motorcycle outside, Daniels reportedly got off the bike and began fighting with employees and other patrons. Sheriff’s police were called to the bar for ‘a large fight in progress.’
Police arrested Daniels on a battery and disorderly conduct charges
and an additional charge of felony mugshot grimacing. Police also arrested Thomas Hines, 47, who told police that he began fighting alongside Daniels because ‘everyone attacked [him].’
Hines was also charged with battery and disorderly conduct charges. Additional charges against both men for unlawful possession of douchey facial hair and felony resisting middle age are presumably still pending.…Continue Reading
Bridgeton, NJ — In response to presumed claims of police brutality by local news media, the Chief of Police in Bridgeton New Jersey has declared as justified the use of pepper-spray to subdue a woman at a 7-Eleven. Police took the opportunity to provide additional details of the tense situation that existed at the time of the incident.
Bridgeton Police Chief Mark Ott said that a panic alarm was activated a 7-Eleven on West Broad Street at 3:05 a.m. An
armed response team officer was immediately dispatched to the scene.
The responding officer reported that – as he pulled into the parking lot – he saw Brittany C. Glanville, 25, ‘wing’ an item at the head of the clerk on duty. The police report lauded the intended victim by saying “with quick reflexes the clerk was able to snatch the item out of the air and avoid being hit.” As the officer began to enter the store, he described Glanville attempting to climb over the counter to reach the clerk. She was subdued and arrested.…Continue Reading