TUALATIN, Oregon - On June 24, Tualatin police received an anonymous tip stating that a woman, Olivia Bunn, 20, had recently enlisted the help of three men to rough up her ex-boyfriend, the father of her 2-month-old son. Michael Asberry, 20; Jeffrey Dahlke, 20; and Sampson Johnson, 21, were supposed to break into his home and give him a good, old-fashioned beat down, along with another female. Authorities did not give specifics on Olivia’s motive, aside from it being revenge for something. But people close to the case said Olivia hired the three men because she was angry with her baby’s daddy and his new girlfriend.

It didn’t take long for this genius plan to fall apart as one day after the tip came in, Olivia was arrested. The day after that, the three men she allegedly hired were apprehended near the Bridgeport Village mall.

Olivia was indicted on July 2 on a slew of charges including conspiracy to commit assault, conspiracy to commit robbery, conspiracy to commit burglary, soliciting assault, soliciting robbery, soliciting burglary, stalking and criminal mischief. Not sure what possible sentence she could get on any or all of those charges, but I am gonna take a stab that she is gonna have a tough time taking care of that baby. Her mother is not sure if she is guilty or not, but did state she is worried for the baby’s safety. No clue what she is implying, but it is what she said.

On Tuesday, the three “muscle” were indicted on charges of conspiracy to commit assault, conspiracy to commit robbery and conspiracy to commit burglary. The male trio remain in the Washington County Jail. I was going to make some Napolean Dynamite jokes, but it’s just too easy – although if any of the three do actually serve any time for this, the dude on the bottom right should just shave his head beforehand…at the very least a mohawk.

Loose lips sink ships and all that, and I am going to go ahead an assume that the ex got lucky when one of these three, or Olivia herself, couldn’t keep their mouth shut.

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PITTSBURGH, PA – Kelsey Lansaw is a 19-year-old student at Robert Morris University. She drives a Mercedes, works at the Forever Young day care center with a goal to be an elementary school teacher. But I’m pretty sure that Lansaw may have effectively narrowed down her potential career choices after being arrested for selling drugs to undercover officers. Aside from selling some weed to the undercover cops outside of the day care she works, she also sold them $750 worth of Ecstasy in a gas station parking lot. Crazy kids.

Police allege that they arranged a meeting with Lansaw outside of the day care’s play area where she was watching a group of children. They gave Lansaw $80 for some pot, which she produced from her blouse. She then told them she could get them some ecstasy and another meeting was arranged. After exchanging the money for the pills, she and a male passenger, were arrested in the parking lot of the gas station.

Now Lansaw is facing Lansaw charges that include delivery of a controlled substance, possession with intent to deliver, criminal use of a communication facility and criminal conspiracy. She has since been released without bond.

Here is a little snippet from Channel 4 News that I found amusing.

The undercover detective told Channel 4 Action News that when Lansaw was arrested, she said, “I’m a student at Robert Morris University, I’m going to be an elementary education teacher.”

“Not any more, you’re not,” the detective told her.

Don’t you know that cops must wait everyday to use a one-liner like that. It’s right out of damn television program, right? If I were that undercover cop, I would be re-telling that story every. Single. Day. And I would laugh while telling it. The aggravating way people laugh at their own jokes before getting to the punchline.

Raise your hand if you think that it will all be blamed on the passenger in her car? That she was a nice, well-mannered, we-adjusted kid with great grades who overnight, changed into the Kelsey that would be dumb enough to sell drugs to undercover officers after hooking up with “HIM“. Whatever. So she may like the bad boy. All I know is that she is a 19-year-old party girl, a college student who drives a Mercedes and can get her hands on weed and X. Kelsey, once all this blows over and your daddy pays the money that has all this go away, give old Morbid a ring. We can hang out.

UPDATE

Since so many people seem to be interested in Kelsey, I figured I would update the article. According to the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, the passenger was Paris Lundy, 22, of Homestead. It also reveals that the detective got the Ecstasy from Ms. Lansaw and gave $750 to Mr. Lundy.

The charges Kelsey got were two counts of delivery of a controlled substance, two counts each of drug possession with intent to deliver, drug possession and criminal use of a communication facility and one count of criminal conspiracy. Paris got charged with conspiracy, delivery, possession with intent and possession. So again, how long before all this is blamed on Paris being a bad influence?

Well, here is more. Looks like the title I chose (in relation to this incident) rang quite true. At age 19, Kelsey is on the right track towards her teaching goals. Along with these new drug charges, KDKA Investigators found that Kelsey Lansaw has had several run-ins with police for theft, illegal purchase of alcohol and a traffic violation. I know, I know…WOW a real criminal. But if takes a village to raise an idiot, and poor Kelsey seems to be escalating her criminal behavior. Won’t someone think of the children???

The same article also states that the day care is now being investigated. “Whether or not any children have been harmed by this individual in care given that it’s being alleged there were controlled substances on her person while she was there and whether or not the children were placed in harm because they were unsupervised at the time,” Stacey Witalec, from the Pa. Department of Public Welfare, said.

Have you ever tried a new food and the taste that assaults your senses is strong, vibrant, and oh, so exotic? You spend the first few bites trying to determine if you even like it or not. But in a very short time you find that your mouth simply cannot be without the flavor. On a few rare occasions, a book will be that way for me. It’s the literary equivalent of my first experience with an Indian restaurant, or, in this case, authentic Spanish cuisine. Santiago Roncagliolo offers up a wonderful new taste experience with his debut novel, Red April.

Everything in this story was strange and different for me. And I loved it! Roncagliolo is a native Spaniard who writes with the rhythms of his people. The over-all feel of manners and civility permeates every aspect of the text, and adds to the atmosphere of the small Peruvian town that is the stories main setting. We are introduced to Associate District Prosecutor Felix Chacaltana Saldivar. That his full name and title are used repeatedly in the text reinforces the proper, ordered structure of the society we are meant to understand. Chacaltana is an anti-hero. He is the least likely to make an impact on anything, let alone a murder investigation.

When we first meet Felix, he is a lowly public servant, without any real power. His world is reports and procedures. The more we learn about him, the more we realize how disturbed this character really is. He is divorced, lives a solitary life, and is methodically transforming a room in his house into a shrine for his long dead mother. He has no personal skills, and little understands the nuances of normal human interaction. Socially handicapped, he is a by-the-book kind of guy trying to function in an environment of corruption and legendary South American inefficiency.

We learn that due to past trouble with insurrectionists, trouble now “officially” over, this is the first major crime that civil authorities have been allowed to work. Such crimes were the exclusive purview of military intelligence up to this point. We get to watch as Felix grows into his role of investigator, and feel all of the pains along the way. But don’t think for a second that this book is merely an exercise in character development. The plot is intricate and full of gore and intrigue. It twists and turns, and with every new facet we learn more about the small part of the world between Lima and Cuzco. The more we learn, the more our attitudes about “right” and “truth” are challenged, right along with those of our ersatz hero. This is tale of finding ones place in the harsh realities of life, of gaining trust in ones self, and of the darker, animalistic nature we all possess, but are, thankfully, rarely forced to acknowledge.

This is also the story of the investigation in to a series of brutal and ritualistic killings. Roncagliolo has a knack of presenting the evidence and clues in a way that doesn’t telegraph the ending. Every new development had me reformulating my theories, and at times I was left simply dumbfounded. Chacaltana’s journey had me guessing the whole way, and desperately eager for the next clue. From the third chapter , right through the end, this book was rating a 5 in the back of my mind. I was never disappointed. The romantic element was vital and compelling. The setting was truly a different world, yet very real. Chacaltana’s growth and continuing neurosis held me spellbound. The climax is tight and concise, with a tension filled action scene that is not overdone. The closing pages put a tragic and profoundly moving capstone on a beautifully crafted novel.

I cannot adequately convey my appreciation of this book. and I would recommend it vigorously to all but the shallowest of readers.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Brooklyn, NY - This story has been going on a few days now, but after seeing the video, I HAD to post it. Thomas Prusik’s mother died back in 2003 – natural causes I am assuming as no foul play is being reported – but that didn’t stop Thomas from collecting her Social Security checks. By reporting a bit of false info to the funeral director, Thomas was able to continue receiving the checks and simply dressed up as his dead mother to cash them even going as far as renewing her drivers license in April – dressed as her. But his scam went further than just social security and also involved some million dollar property as well. Officials state this scam netted him $62,000 in Social Security payments and $65,000 in state rent subsidies. Think I’m kidding? Read on for more details, and a video of him in action. 

As you saw, this guy pulled this off for SIX YEARS. That’s dedication to your craft right there. But the government doesn’t look too kindly to people dressing up like dead people to rip them off, so Thomas, 49, is looking at 25 years or more with the 47 counts of grand larceny, forgery and conspiracy charges he got nailed with. Another man, Mhilton Rimolo – reportedly the dead woman’s nephew – has also been arrested accused of helping Thomas pull off the scam. Thomas reportedly had a coffin in his living room when Ciy marshals went to evict him and had even made up a son and a nephew.

But make no mistake, this guy is no Norman Bates, no matter how creepy his actions seem. This guy was running a pretty good scam, even if it was a bit TOO ballsy. Almost conning a million dollars on top of the thousands he had already received over the years and fooling bureaucrats, banks, lawyers, mortgage brokers and title company representatives along the way. I am not condoning what this guy and his accomplice have done, so don’t take this next comment the wrong way, but I am real curious as to how much time he is about to get compared to some of the drunk drivers who kill people, or child molesters we have featured on the site.

Dallas, Texas–Hinky meters were going off like crazy when the story of Daisja Weaver hit the forums last Wednesday. Daisja’s mother, Tamaira Creagh, had quite a frightening tale to tell. Last Tuesday evening, while Tamaira was preparing to move items to a new apartment, a Hispanic male, dressed in red and black, entered her apartment and attempted to sexually assault her…she managed to fight him off. Thwarted, the man grabbed her infant daughter, Daisja, car seat and all, jumped from a second-story balcony, and disappeared into the night. Scary shit, huh? Almost as scary as the real story behind little Daisja’s disappearance.

Alandus Weaver and Tamaira Creagh

About 12 hours after the initial call to police, an Amber Alert was issued. (The alert was delayed because Tamiria could not provide a description of the suspect, and because she and the baby’s father, Alandus Weaver, told conflcting stories). Hours were spent searching the apartment complex and the surrounding area…nothing was found. Tamaira pleaded for the return of her child. “Bring us our child. Please. Daisja, I need you mama. I need you so bad,” she cried. “Whoever has my little girl, bring her back. She needs her mom. She needs her dad. She needs us.” Saturday morning, Tamaira dropped the bullshit act and recanted her story. Daisja hadn’t been kidnapped at all…in fact, she was dead. Here’s the real story…

On June 8, Alandus picked her up from work, but Daisja wasn’t with him. Tamaira asked him where the baby was, and he said he had bathed the child and left her home alone.  When they arrived back at their apartment, Tamaira found the Daisja’s lifeless body wrapped in a towel on the floor. When she asked Alandus what happened, he grew violent. When she attempted to call police, he stopped her and told her they had to “stick together.” They would just tell everyone Daisja had been kidnapped. With that plan in place, Alandus picked Tamaira up from work the following day, drove to Lewisville Lake, stopped on a bridge, tied a sandbag to the baby’s body, and tossed it in. Tamaira, who is 6 months pregnant, told police she went along with the plan because she feared Alandus. The arrest affidavit does not mention the cause of death and little Daisja’s body still hasn’t been recovered.

Alandus Weaver, 21, and Tamaira Creagh, 19, are both being held on charges of tampering with evidence. Police say more charges are likely, pending the outcome of the search and investigation.

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Los Lunas, N.M.–“These innocent children were treated like livestock,” said Valencia County Deputy Sheriff Joe Martinez. Shit…livestock gets treated better than these kids did. The children, three girls and one boy, ages 3, 4, 4, and 6, were removed from their Los Lunas home early Friday evening. Deputies report that the children had been duct taped to a chair, with towels placed over their heads, and shocked repeatedly with an electric battery. They had been beaten with a belt. They had been, in essence, tortured.

The adults responsible, Anthony Welker, Kimberly Galczynski, Brenda Mundo, and Gerald Tunnell, have all been arrested and charged with child abuse, kidnapping, and conspiracy. All four are being held on $1 million cash bond. Welker is reported to be the father of three girls that live in the home, his girlfriend, Galczynski, is their mother. Mundo is grandmother to the three girls and guardian to the boy, and Tunnel isn’t related to any of the kids…he’s Mundo’s boyfriend and supposedly the most sadistic of the quartet. So far, that is the only information being released on this one. We’ll keep you updated and more details are made available.

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Phoenix, Arizona–Cynthia Roberson was devastated when she lost her job back in April. How was she going to put food on the table? Pay the rent? Make the payments on her Chevrolet HHR? Since prostitution is out of the question, for obvious reasons, she came up with another brilliant idea…she’d turn her two young sons and their friends into thugs and learn ‘em in the fine art of armed robbery. Fan-fuckin-tastic, Cynthia!

Roberson, dubbed “Ma Barker” by investigators, her two sons, ages 12 and 14, and five others face charges of armed robbery and aggravated assault. Roberson and her gang of thieves all occupied the same filthy apartment. Police believe she guilted all of the parties involved into committing robberies to make the rent and car payments. Police have identified at least 20 violent robberies in which Roberson and her little gang were involved, and believe they are responsible for as many as 20 more. In all 20 cases, Roberson drove the get-away car, a very identifiable gold Chevy HHR. Each time the crew robbed, a victim was injured. One victim was hospitalized with a concussion. In another robbery, a 13-year-old boy was beaten into submission and forced to empty his pockets. The kid had no money and no cell phone, his pockets contained nothing but a single orange lollipop.

In one robbery, Roberson, fine mother that she is, actually coached her 14-year-old son when he had difficulty getting a victim to hand over a cell phone. That victim ended up getting hit upside the head with a gun. Police said different boys and men were involved in each robbery, but that all of them, including the 12-year-old, used a gun or a pellet gun in the crimes. Police don’t know how much money the crew made, but said the figure couldn’t be very high, considering they usually made away with nothing but a cell phone or a bit of cash.

Roberson’s 12-year-old son has been placed into protective custody, but still faces charges, and her 14-year-old son now sits in a juvenile detention facility. Two other juveniles, ages 14 and 16, are also sitting in juvie. The other *ahem* adults in this little scheme are as follows: Jorge Elias, 18, Tony Vaughn, 20, and Jason Moore, 20. A search of the apartment revealed a sawed off shotgun, two pellet guns, a sub-machine gun, and several stolen items from the reported robberies. All of the adults are facing several armed robbery charges…Roberson, 51, is getting extra charges thrown on, including child abuse and conspiracy.

And what does Roberson have to say about all of this? She shifted blame to the guys, saying that she thought they were doing gang initiations when she saw them beating up others as she waited in her car. This woman is a revolting, steaming pile of malodorous human excrement.

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Kayla Newton

Fort Pierce, Florida–Some people are so insanely stupid, that I find it hard to believe they can manage to walk and breathe at the same time. Take Kayla Newton, for example. She needed some quick cash to free her boyfriend, Roy Dillard, from jail. Speaking in code, over the jail house telephone, Kayla and Roy hatched a plan to buy his freedom.

We’ll start at the beginning…Roy Dillard, 20, was arrested March 19 and charged with grand theft of a firearm, home invasion robbery with a firearm, impeding power or telephone communication to a dwelling and aggravated assault on an elderly person. Roy pistol-whipped an elderly man, fired two shots, and took off running. Police later found him hiding out in the woods. In his possession was a stolen .22-caliber handgun, mask, glove, shirt and a pill bottle. His bail was set at $500,000.

Kayla was missing her man and was wracking her brain trying to figure out how to come up with the money necessary to free him. Last month, Roy had mentioned to his mother that he had hidden some ‘blues’ in the wooded area where he was apprehended. Kayla started planning.

Any time you pick up a jail house phone, you get a recording that informs you the call is being recorded. Kayla and Roy are aware of that fact, so they started speaking in code. She was heard asking Roy where he had hidden a ’shoe’ that could help hire an attorney for him. ‘Did your mom tell you I went on a scavenger hunt?’ she asked Roy. ‘I need more clues Roy. The shoe could help you, Roy. You need to give clues. Half would get you what you need.’ The ’shoe’ that Kayla was referring to was actually a stash of 17 oxycodone pills. I don’t know what OC’s sell for in Florida, but Kayla thought it would be enough to hire an attorney for Roy.

Roy, not being very bright either, gave his girlfriend the directions. ‘Make a right off of dead man’s curve, it’s underneath the little fucking dirt curve walking through the trail,’ he said. ‘That’s all I can tell ya Kayla. You’re gonna end up in here with me.’ Prophetical….

Armed with directions, Kayla set off to find the stash. She was oblivious to the fact that the cops had the same set of directions. She found the hiding spot. Imagine the look on her face when she discovered the pills were gone. In their place, a sheriff’s office business card with a detective’s name on it. Gotcha!! That would have been the ultimate Candid Camera moment.

Kayla had to deliver the bad news to her man. Roy then told Kayla that the only thing she had accomplished was to cause more charges to be placed on him, ‘Those pills carry a lot of time, Kayla,’ said Roy. ‘I was only trying to help, Roy,’ replied Kayla. Yeah, Roy! Ungrateful fucker!

Kayla Newton, 21, was arrested Tuesday on a conspiracy to sell or deliver oxycodone charge. She was released Tuesday from the St. Lucie County jail on $15,000 bail.

Roy’s Myspace proclaims, ‘LoCk3d Up…aT tH3 RoCk 4 a MiNuT3…’ And Kayla’s Myspace says, ‘FREE MY BABY…I LOVE YOU!!!’ Isn’t that sweeeeet? Kayla, just a tip, mommy to mommy. Take care of your kid and let your adult boyfriend lay in the bed he made, K? To the detectives? Good one!

Here’s Roy, looking all beat up and sad-faced…

Roy Dillard

Mary Sharpski, Michael Calvin Shores II, and Antonio Ortega

Just before 6 a.m. on March 3, 2009, neighbors woke to the blood-curdling screams of a man crying for help. Frank Sharpski, 47, had just left his apartment to go to work as a FedEx contract driver when he was suddenly attacked by a man with a machete. Neighbors said the screams were “chilling” and some even heard the blows of the machete pounding Sharpski’s flesh as he fought for his life. Sharpski’s thumb, index finger and middle finger on his left hand were cut off. His skull was crushed and his nose was nearly sliced off his face. The attacker left his disfigured victim for dead. Police found the mutilated man oozing blood in an alley near carports where he lived.

Based on the severity, the police immediately felt the horrific assault was personal. Ya, think? They did not believe Sharpski was attacked because he witnessed a crime and the “Jason” wannabe was trying to escape. After a month long investigation, police now believe they have all the people responsible for Sharpski’s malicious attack. They first began their investigation with those living in Sharpski’s home.

Police said things never really added up from the beginning. Michael Calvin Shores II, 39, was an unemployed security guard down on his luck. Being a good Samaritan, Sharpski offered to rent a room to Shores in his home. Shores moved in and lived there with Sharpski, his wife and their three children. Personally, I would have just given the guy directions to the nearest homeless shelter, unemployment office, and possibly some cash to get a meal. I believe it’s difficult for someone to learn their own strength when they live off the strength of others. How did Shores repay Sharpski for his kindness? He began having an affair with Sharpski’s wife, Mary.

As Mary and Shores relationship grew, so did their dislike for Mary’s husband, Frank. They decided to contact Antonio Ortega, 23, who is a very good friend of Shores. Besides being a local grocery store butcher, Ortega is an avid knife and sword collector. Police believe Mary began plotting with her lover and the grocery store butcher to have her husband killed as part of some twisted love triangle.

Search warrants were served for Sharpski’s apartment, Ortega’s Santa Ana home and the Huntington Beach Stater Bros. grocery store where Ortega worked. They found Ortega’s knives and swords and among them was an extremely large, jagged hunting-type knife. Forensic evidence at the scene put Ortega as the attacker and police believe Ortega was waiting in the dark for Sharpski to come out that morning. Police are unsure what, if anything, was paid to Ortega for his part in this murderous plot to savagely slice and dice Frank.

Mary Sharpski, 46, confessed to conspiring against her husband, Frank. She was arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to commit murder, attempted murder and mayhem. Antonio Ortega is being held on suspicion of attempted murder and mayhem. Michael Calvin Shores II is being held on suspicion of being an accessory to attempted murder and mayhem. All three are behind bars in lieu of $1 million bail.

After remaining in critical condition for several weeks after the attack, Frank Sharpski is now recovering from several surgeries. Police say the surgeons did a phenomenal job and Sharpski’s nose has been repaired. Surgeons tried to reattach his thumb and two fingers, but were unable to reattach his thumb and another finger. Part of a fourth finger had to be amputated because it was so badly damaged. The Sharpskis are still married and have three children, ages 16, 11 and 10. They are all in protective custody.

Note: Police had identified Ortega as a butcher, but his employer, Stater Bros., said he was a meat wrapper at its Huntington Beach store. Personally, I think after showing that he is very capable of hacking up fresh meat, Ortega has earned the term Butcher.

Shana Brown (Myspace) and Duane Calloway

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania–Shana Brown wanted a baby. Sadly, she is no longer able to reproduce. What to do? I know!! Get your 13-year-old daughter drunk and drugged up and ask your nasty ass boyfriend to rape and impregnate her! Brilliant! Abso-fuckin-lutely brilliant.

In December, Shana approached her daughter with a proposal: Let my boyfriend get you pregnant, and I’ll let you marry him. Yeah, great trade-off there mom. The young lady refused her mother’s proposal and told her father. When the girl’s father confronted Shana about the child’s accusations, she denied it.

Rejected, Shana and her boyfriend, Duane Calloway, came up with a plan; they would just take what the girl didn’t want to give. In February, the girl and her mother went to Duane’s residence. Shana left to get pizza, leaving her child alone with the man. Duane started groping her, but she fought him off. Again, she told her father, who confronted her mother, who denied the whole thing.

Shana and Duane had to step things up a bit. About three weeks ago, the girl was in her home when Shana spiked her Pepsi. The drink was spiked with Calico Jack Rum. After she drank the soda, she got sick and passed out. When she came to, one of her legs was out of her jeans and Duane was standing over her. Again, she fought him off. Again, she told her father, who confronted her mother, who denied the whole thing.

One week ago, the teen was feeling sick and came home from school early. Her loving mother offered her some tea, to make her feel better. The tea was spiked with crushed up Tylenol PM. The girl fell asleep but awoke when she felt Duane pulling the covers off of her. She pretended to be asleep until he began fondling her…at that point, she slapped his hands away and he left the room. She reported having a powdery substance on the roof of her mouth. This time, someone believed her.

When police served a search warrant on the home, they found a receipt for the tea. A search of the Shana’s trash also turned up an empty Calico Jack bottle and a pill cutter with white powder residue on the blade. Other incriminating evidence was found on the couple’s cell phones. Duane sent this message to Shana: ‘u need 2 give her more pills. i wount this done and over with don’t u so let’s get this rite.‘ Oh you skeevy motherfuckers.

Shana Brown, 32, was arraigned yesterday on two counts each of unauthorized administration of an intoxicant, endangering the welfare of children, and corruption of minors. In addition, she faces seven counts of criminal conspiracy. She is being held on $100,000 bond.

Duane Calloway, 40, is being charged with two counts each of attempted rape, attempted sexual assault and criminal conspiracy, four counts of indecent assault and three counts of corruption of minors. He is being held on $150,000 bond.

You will be pleased the know that the girl was not raped and was not impregnated. Tough kid…I applaud her.

CountJackula and our members are discussing this twisted story in the forums.

This article written and submitted by our member DamagedGoods.  Thanks, DG!

Harvey Baker (left) and Alexios Alexander

Sacramento, CA – Harvey Baker, 47, and Alexios Alexander, 40, are brilliant guys with a brilliant plan.

Phase 1: Collect police uniforms

Phase 2 – Storm,then rob house

Phase 3 – Profit!

Sounds pretty damned foolproof to me!  How on earth did they not succeed?
Well, for starters, they probably should have made sure they both had the same reason for demanding entry. Strangely enough, 22 year old Billy Petree was a little suspicious when one “officer” tells him they are there on a raid, and the other says they are there for loud music. On the other hand, they did have real guns, and so managed to gain entry. Now, if the mixed up reasons they gave hadn’t convinced Mr. Petree they were real cops, somehow I doubt holding a loaded gun to the back of his daughter’s head helped.

They proceeded to handcuff Mr. Petree, and rummage through his stuff stealing jewelry, and knick-knacks. I don’t know about you, but I hate when the cops do that; you’re just sitting there minding your own business when they bust down your door and steal your knick-knacks!

What do you mean that never happens to you?

Whilst dumb and dumber were absconding with the aforementioned knick-knacks, Mr. Petree found a phone and called 911 and simply left the line open. Real deputies showed up, fake deputies had bolted…

Bobby Dwyer, sitting on his front porch, saw a cop running away from his neighbor, he thought it a bit odd. He then took off after the cop as well, they caught him, and then cuffed him with his own cuffs (Hey! how often will THAT opportunity arise?). Bobby Dwyer and Billy Petree, you are now on the list of my heroes… The real cops managed to also catch the partner after chasing him over fences and through a creek; I imagine they were very nice to him, for giving them a nice scenic run.

A search of Alexios Alexander nets the following interesting hits:

http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/…Off0317799.htm – A Rip-off Report entry by what I assume is his ex-wife about him. I suppose there could be another Alexios Alexander in Sacramento, but I doubt it.

http://blogs.fayobserver.com/myronpi…lons-can-vote/ – Which has an interesting second comment that seems to be about him.

http://www.co.el-dorado.ca.us/sherif…GNUM=JN0900320 – His booking info.

He also seems to be registered with www.classmates.com, alumnisite.com and www.myschoolreunited.com

Idiot number 2 aka Harvey Baker alas remains more mysterious, but here’s his booking info:  http://www.co.el-dorado.ca.us/sherif…GNUM=JN0900316

Here is the press release from the sheriff. Another article with video is here.

Thankfully no one was hurt in this moronic endeavor. Both Alexander and Baker were booked into the El Dorado County Jail January 13 on multiple charges, including robbery,conspiracy, and kidnapping.  They are each being held on a total of twenty million dollars bond.

Retha Hutchinson

Cleveland, OH – Retha Hutchinson, 23, wanted her husband dead.  Being the cunning minx that she is, she decided that the best way to secure the services of a hit man was to advertise on the internet.   Surprisingly, she got caught.

Deputies arrested Retha at her apartment in Alliance on Monday.  She’d moved out of the home she’d shared with husband Bill Hutchinson, 54, over a month ago, and all of this took him by surprise.   I guess no one told him he should be doing periodic scans of the internet to see if anyone was trying to put a hit on him or anything.  Come to think of it, I’m adding that to Ruby’s weekly ‘to do’ list now.

Here’s some MySpace fun:

Retha’s standard MySpace is here.

Bill’s MySpace, which is set to private, is here.

But then there’s a MySpace Retha seems to have created just to fight with Bill.  This MySpace page is ‘Playing Dirty,’ wherein she says (and I quote, because I fear I could not do this justice by paraphrasing),

“he probably hasnt even told his family the real reason i left his ass. like how a 54 yr old man cant even pick up after himself when his wife should only be picking up after a 22 month old baby boy. or how he cant please a woman in bed. and the fact that he refuses to make a call to find out if he is still married. if he is he has committed bigotry and his ass can go to jail.”

You can’t make this stuff up.  Yes, Retha was worried that her man had committed ‘bigotry’.  How very civic-minded of her.

Retha is charged with conspiracy to commit aggravated murder, and is being held in the Stark County Jail on $50,000 bond.    The bad news is that they have a 22-month-old son.  I hope someone will take care of that little boy while his whack-job of a mom spends time in da big house.

Bill, for his part, is watching his back.

UnamusedCat and Tazzzz are putting a hit on this over in the forums.

But not the pecan or macadamia type…

Wilbur Eichman and Charles Pernot

NEWARK, Del –  Wilbur was really pissed at his 44-year-old ex son-in-law. So mad in fact, that he wanted him hurt very badly. Now, after a bad decision and a chain of stupidity, he has been charged and arrested for offering someone $1,200 to assault the man. He even added a bit of an incentive. An extra $3000 if he cut off the man’s genitals and brought them back.

The plan fell apart when the man hired to do the deed botched the assault, running off after the victim began yelling for help. The wannabe hitman decided he could make some quick cash much easier by ratting out Wilbur. What he did was priceless in a dumbass sort of way. Almost like an episode of My Name is Earl. The man called the victim on his cell phone and told him he was “Chaz”, the man who had assaulted him earlier. Chaz told the victim that someone wanted to hurt him and he had been hired to do it. If he wanted to know who, they should meet in a public place. Once together, Chaz told the victim that for 500 dollars, he would give him a recording of the person who had solicited the assault. The victim paid Chaz and immediately recognized the person on the recording as his ex father-in-law. He then went to police. Using the cell phone call, it didn’t take much time for police to track down Chaz. Chaz was actually 34-year-old Charles Pernot and he was subsequently charged with attempted robbery, attempted burglary and conspiracy. He also gave up Wilbur. Again. Wilbur didn’t get the nuts he wanted, and instead got charged with one count of criminal solicitation. He has been released after posting a $500 bail. If this case interests you, keep an eye out on the comment section on this site. Someone posted that the son-in-law had garnered his father-in-law’s anger because he cheated on his daughter with the nanny, and stole some money from the family.

…and parenting.

Captioned on her Myspace…’Drop and give me 20”

Johnstown, PA–‘Drop and give me 20′ was a phrase often used in 19-year-old Dawn Schrock’s household. She commanded her mentally disabled younger brother to do push-ups when he talked back or played his music too loud. Push-ups were probably the kindest punishment she doled out to him. Withholding food may be the worst. At 6′5″, her 18-year-old brother weighed all of 118 pounds. Her brother wasn’t the only victim of abuse and neglect…her 6-month-old baby boy also suffered.

A semi-alert relative called police on November 30 to report concern of the living conditions at Schrock’s home. When police arrived, they walked into a disaster area. Overflowing garbage, vomit and dog crap littered the home. Her baby boy, Dakota, was in a playpen amid the dog crap and garbage. Flies were buzzing around in an open baby formula container. There was very little food in the home. The baby looked very thin and his eyes had a sunken look. Two adult dogs and a puppy were also hungry. They hadn’t eaten in at least five days.

Police found Schrock’s younger brother upstairs. He was bloodied and bruised. The left side of his face was bruised and swollen, he had bruising on his arms and legs, he had blood around his mouth and stuck to his teeth. How did he get that way? When he annoyed his sister, who was solely responsible for his care, she would beat him. She also liked to lock him in a closet…daily. She forced him to do sit-ups and push-ups. An officer at the scene said the teen ‘appeared to be exceptionally thin and frail, with bones protruding from his frame.’ The teen is said to have the mentality of a 7-year-old. When questioned about her brother’s emaciated condition, Schrock replied, ‘He eats too much. I have to portion his food.’ Check out her pictures on Myspace, notice how healthy she looks? Schrock admitted to using her brother’s disability checks to take care of household expenses and to buy food for herself and her boyfriend. Everybody else got to starve.

Speaking of boyfriend, Schrock had a little help in her abuse of the teen. Police also arrested 25-year-old  Christopher Shoopman. He didn’t let Schrock have all the fun…he had to get a few licks in too. They are both being held in lieu of $75,000 bond. They are both facing counts of false imprisonment, neglect of a care-dependent person, unlawful restraint, criminal conspiracy, and reckless endangerment. Because of the neglect of her baby, Schrock is looking at child neglect charges as well. Oh…and on top of all that, Dawn Schrock is also facing charges of forgery, receiving stolen property, and theft by deception after buying a pizza with a counterfeit $20 bill!

Schrock’s brother was treated at a local hospital and released. It is unclear where he is now. Baby Dakota was turned over to his father. After being seen by a pediatrician, Dakota is said to be in decent health. The only concern is his flat and misshapened head, which is likely the result of not being picked up for long periods of time…a typical sign of neglect. Dakota’s father will now try to regain custody.

While browsing through her photos, I noticed another little boy she claims is hers. I haven’t found any information regarding that child. I do have to wonder though, where was/is he?

For your viewing enjoyment, I am including a picture of the penis, Christopher Shoopman. Is it just me, or does he look a little scrawny too?

Kelly Layne Lau (Myspace) & Michael Schumacher

Tracy, CA–Yes, Kelly and her husband Michael were living the American dream. Kelly is a Girl Scout leader and a stay-at-home mom. Michael is employed as a contractor for a cable company. They have a home in the ‘burbs, 4 cute-as-a-button little kids, and a dog named Bubba. *Sigh* It all sounds so Leave it to Beaver-ish. Kelly had something June Cleaver never had though…a 17-year-old boy shackled and locked up in the garage. Woot! Every housewife’s dream, right?

Like a scene from a horror flick, a dirty and bruised teen boy, wearing nothing but a pair of baggy boxer shorts, burst through the door at the In-Shape City Sports Club Monday afternoon. He had a chain, approximately 3 feet long, clamped and locked onto his ankle. He cried out, ‘Hide me! Hide me, please!’ before curling into a fetal position on the floor underneath the counter. ‘He looked like he was covered in soot, not necessarily dirt, but a fine, dark soot,’ said Chuck Ellis, district manager for the gym. ‘He had cuts on his arm and his back and his head.’ His ankle was swollen and cut from the chain. He was emaciated…he looked like he couldn’t be much older than 11 or 12. He kept repeating, ‘They’re coming to get me. They’re coming to get me. Don’t let them get me.’ Shocked employees called 911 and wrapped the shaking boy in towels to keep him warm.

Chuck Ellis said the chain was about an inch thick and was padlocked around the boy’s left ankle. Lea Leonardo, assistant manager at the club said, ‘He didn’t know where he was, but he knew his name and his birthday.’ The boy told Leonardo that he was 16, apparently not realizing that he had turned 17 on Sept. 15, she said. A member of the club told employees the boy was seen jumping over the 8′ fence of a nearby house before he walked into the fitness center.

Officers arrived to interview the boy, who appeared to be dazed, confused, and very scared. He didn’t know where he was, he didn’t know exactly how long he had been held captive. He was able to give enough information to pinpoint the home from which he escaped and officers immediately sealed off the Schumacher residence. They questioned 30-year-old Kelly Layne Lau and her husband, 34-year-old Michael Schumacher. About 45 minutes later, they were both handcuffed and taken away. Their four children were taken into protective custody. A search of their home found evidence implicating them, but officials are being tight-lipped on the details. Authorities said they believe the boy had been chained to a car seat but picked up a dropped key, unlocked himself and fled when the car stopped. It is believed that he has spent the last year chained up in the garage, starved and abused. Sounds to me like they had themselves a fine little slave.

This is what authorities have been able to figure out so far…child welfare officials took the teen from his abusive father three or four years ago. He was then placed with his aunt, 43-year-old Caren Ramirez. After she was arrested for abusing the boy, he was placed in a foster home. He was reported missing from the foster home in late 2007 after he ran away in search of his family. How the boy ended up with Lau and Schumacher is anyone’s guess right now, but he had been held against his will for about a year. Though Ramirez has visited the home in the past, her relationship with the Schumacher’s is not clear.

A neighbor of Kelly and Michael, Rachel Portillo, said the boy ’seemed to arrive at the house like a friend.’ ‘They (Lau & Schumacher) said it was a friend’s son, they said he’d be going in about a month, then it was three months, then six months, then November. I always wondered, why isn’t he going to school?’ Portillo said her 11-year-old granddaughter spent the night at the Schumacher house one night. The girl told her grandmother that the boy they knew as Kyle slept ‘on a piece of carpet in front of the door to the garage.’ Portillo adds, ‘He never went away, never went anywhere. He’d come out and cut the lawn, but they’d have the blinds open. I think he was being watched.’ He had been seen doing yard work, taking out the trash, and sitting with the family, but he wasn’t allowed to speak to the neighbors.

Kelly Layne Lau and Michael Schumacher now face charges of conspiracy, kidnapping, torture, child endangerment, false imprisonment, and corporal injury to a child. They are being held in San Joaquin County jail on $1.2 million bond. Kelly’s inmate information can be found here, Michael’s inmate information here. They face arraignment on Thursday afternoon. Neither one of them are talking yet. I, for one, am looking forward to hearing the entire story.

As I write this, it has been brought to my attention that Caren Ramirez was arrested late last night. So far, I have no further information regarding her arrest or charges.

Caren (that can’t be a woman) Ramirez

The boy is listed in serious condition at Sutter Tracy Community Hospital. Police will interview him further when he is a little healthier. When nurses asked him what he wanted to eat, his response was, ‘Pizza. I haven’t had pizza in a year.’ I wish him a speedy recovery and the best of luck…I’m sorry he had to be surrounded by shitbags for so long.

This case is still under investigation and I have a feeling that it will be awhile before the whole story comes out. I will keep you updated as more information arises.