That’s it. I have heard it all. Time to shut off the internet. Well, maybe after I finish this story….
The dick slapping incident apparently occurred sometime early Tuesday morning. A man living in the home told police he heard a knock at the door at about 3:00 that morning, and when he answered, was confronted by two males holding guns. Real guns, ya perverts.
Anyway, the two unidentified males entered the home and demanded cash. When the man who answered the door came up dry, the suspects apparently busted into a bedroom occupied by the man’s 33-year-old daughter-in-law.
Authorities say one of the men held a gun to the woman’s head and demanded money. When the woman stated she had none, one of the two whipped out his Johnson and began hitting her in the face with it. And while he’s at it, he’s yelling, “*censored* give me the money.” No word on whether the member was flaccid or at full attention.…Continue Reading
Authorities claim 18-year-old Brandon Davis, apparently high on some sort of synthetic drug, attacked his neighbor early Sunday morning, biting the man on his face, hands and neck while yelling something about eating the man’s eyeballs.
The victim, 54-year-old Nick Sorace, told police he heard a commotion at about 2:00 a.m. Sunday, and when he looked out the window to see what all the fuss was about, he witnessed Davis beating a dog.
“He thought the dog was the devil,” Sorace said. “And then the next thing he sees is me, illuminated — and all of a sudden, I’m the devil.”
Davis apparently kicked in Sorace’s front door, chased a woman through the house and out the back door, then returned. He started beating and biting Sorace, continuing with his “You’re the Devil” spiel.
“He broke a flower pot over my head, he was sticking me in the neck with pieces…he stuck his thumb all the way in my eye socket and he just ripped my mouth and he bit my face.…Continue Reading
SHREVEPORT, LA - Police say 16-year-old Devon Antonio pushed his luck too far when he decided to rob a 63-year-old woman a second time, and ended up dead after the woman shot him in the chest.
Police say the teen broke into the woman’s home carrying a shotgun and demanding money from her safe. The woman said she recognized Antonio as the same person who robbed her of some money and a gun just a few weeks prior.
She said she feared for her life because the teen was pointing a shotgun at her demanding money, and she knew her safe only contained around $55 dollars in coins.
“As I was unlocking the safe I prayed to God to give me strength, to get through this, it’ll be me or him,” she said.
It is said that God helps those who helps themselves, and this woman helped herself tremendously when she replaced the gun stolen previously and had made the decision to store it inside the safe. She removed the gun from the safe with one hand while taking the bag of coins with the other.…Continue Reading
PORTLAND, OR – A man armed with a shotgun got a bit more than he bargained for after he broke into an apartment during an attempt to rob the people inside.
After 38-year-old Joshua McCoy successfully broke down the front door of the residence, while wielding a pistol-grip shotgun , he demanded money from the residents.
But a quick thinking 20-year-old foiled McCoy’s robbery attempt after he grabbed the shotgun from McCoy and then pushed his ass down a flight of stairs. McCoy ended up hitting his head on the way down and was knocked unconscious.
The 20-year-old and his mother’s boyfriend called police and stood watch over McCoy until law enforcement arrived and took McCoy into custody. After a quick trip to the hospital, McCoy was taken to jail and charged with first-degree robbery, second-degree robbery and first-degree burglary.…Continue Reading
Santa Maria, CA — Look at that mug, people. Does that look like the face of crazy? The kind of crazy that would break into your home, steal your shit and kill your cat after a breakup? Meet 43-year-old Nellie Palacios — from what police are saying, yes, she is that kind of crazy.
According to police, on the afternoon of January 2, Palacios, accompanied by her new boyfriend, entered her ex-boyfriend’s home and started grabbing paintings from the walls and stashed ‘em in her car. She also apparently choked the man’s cat a bit before stabbing it with a kitchen knife.
The new boyfriend, who apparently believed he was at a home of one of the woman’s cousins, called police to report the woman’s erratic behavior. I’m assuming he got a little wigged out once the stabbing commenced….
When police arrived on scene, the new boyfriend informed them he had primarily been outside while Palacios was robbing the place, but did admit to seeing Palacios stab the cat and stash the body in an igloo type doghouse in the yard.…Continue Reading
According to police, Lopez Webster, 32, entered Timothy Kingery’s home at about 9:00 p.m. that evening and ordered the man to his knees. He yelled something unintelligible at the man two or three times, Kingery didn’t know what dude was going on about, before he proceeded to get stabby.
Police say Kingery was left with three stab wounds on his arm, as well as lacerations to the chest, right arm and neck.
Webster then reportedly grabbed something from the house and ran off.
Just a few blocks down the street, police say, Webster started running along a double set of train tracks. According to a witness waiting for the train to pass, Webster crossed one set of tracks without issue. When he tried to jump between the cars rumbling down the second set of tracks, well, he went and got himself all broken.…Continue Reading
STPAUL, MN – A teen has been sentenced to 25 years in prison after he raped an elderly woman in revenge for her having him thrown in jail for burglarizing her home.
Curtez Graham was only 16 when he was convicted of burglarizing a 65-year-old woman’s home on two separate occasion in 2011. He was sentenced to Boys Totem Town before being sent to a juvenile correctional facility. While on a 10-day work furlough in June of last year, Graham removed the ankle bracelet monitoring his activities and paid the woman a visit.
He entered the woman’s home for a third time after breaking out a window, and headed to her bedroom on the third floor where she and her male companion were sleeping. They were awakened by Graham as he stood naked in the bedroom brandishing a pair of scissors.
“Bitch, you sent me to prison for 14 months,” he reportedly said before threatening to kill them unless they did what he said. After forcing the man to tie himself up, he raped the woman in front of him.…Continue Reading
POUGHKEEPSIE, NY - A 20-year-old suspected serial burglar has been accused of murdering a 99-year-old woman in her home.
Late Friday night, police charged Javon Tyrek Rogers with the murder of Fannie Gumbinger. A home aid worker found Gumbinger dead inside her home early Wednesday.
Police have not released exactly how Gumbinger died, aside from saying that she suffered multiple injuries.
Investigators were on the scene for two days collecting evidence before finally homing in on Rogers. Turns out that Rogers may be connected to a string of burglaries in the area, including one that happened just hours after Gumbinger’s murder, a half-mile from her home.
Rogers has been charged with first-degree murder and first-degree burglary. He is being held without bond in the Dutchess County Jail.
Friends of Gumbinger called her “sharp as a tack”, whose only ailments were a bad leg and hip that kept her confined to her home and in need of home healthcare workers.
“I can’t imagine why people would have gone into that house, other than the fact that she was a defenseless old lady,” said Gumbinger’s niece.…Continue Reading
OHIO - Police got to do a little fishing while on duty after a suspected burglar tried eluding police and ended up drowning in a pond.
At around 5:00 a.m. Sunday morning, a residence in the 9000 block of Swigert Road called police to report a possible theft in progress. They said a suspicious man was in the area loading items into the back of a pickup truck.
When police got to the location, they spotted the truck fleeing the scene. Police gave chase and followed the truck as it drove into a nearby field. When the truck got stuck the driver, 26-year-old Jeffrey Felix, ran from the vehicle and toward a pond.
While searching for Felix, police heard someone yelling from the pond and spotted him in the middle of the pond struggling to stay above water. Before officers could help him, Felix disappeared under the water where he breathed in a fatal dose of karma.
A few hours later, the Hamilton County Task Force One dive team would pull Felix’s body from the pond while officers pulled stolen property from inside his vehicle.…Continue Reading
LOUISVILLE, KY – I know times are tough for some, but come on. Police have arrested two people who used a 3-year-old to steal a wallet at a local church.
On June 23, 26-year-old Allen Scott Hamilton drove 26-year-old Kimberly Mills and her 3-year-old daughter to the Faith Community Church while a religious service was taking place. According to the arrest warrant, Mills used this opportunity to enter an “employees only” area of the church.
Once inside, Mills allegedly instructed her 3-year-old to take a wallet from one of the church offices. Luckily, the church’s pastor, Richard Pearson, walked into the office and caught them red-handed. Mills tried telling the pastor that her daughter had found the wallet, but that didn’t explain why Mills was holding the victim’s credit cards in her hand.
Not too happy having the roles reversed, Mills and her daughter were escorted out of the church where they got into a car driven by Hamilton. Before they drove off, the victim was able to get their license plate number. …Continue Reading
ATLANTA, GA – A cleaning crew got a nasty surprise when they walked into an Atlanta bar this morning and found a dead man hanging from an outside security fence.
The crew arrived at Moondogs at around 7:30 when they found the unidentified man’s body. Atlanta police believe the man was attempting to rob the bar when he climbed over a fence.
There is only a clearance of six or seven inches between the top of the fence and the ceiling of the patio and it seems the man got stuck in a way that asphyxiated him.
“It appears that he got hung up on his neck. That’s why we’re saying possible asphyxiation. Exact cause of death is pending on the autopsy,” said Homicide Commander Paul Guerucci
This isn’t the first time we’ve featured a would-be burglar accidentally killing themselves while attempting to rob someone. In 2012, Robert Edward Powell died after he broke into a vacant home and proceeded to take a fatal header down the basement stairs.…Continue Reading
LAPORTE COUNTY, IN – A man died inside the home he broke into after the homeowner shot him once in the chest.
At around 9:15 a.m. Monday, the sheriff’s department received a phone call from a homeowner who informed them he had just shot a man who had broke into his home. When police arrived at the home they found the “extremely upset” homeowner and the suspect, 23-year-old Jason Rabe, dead from a single gunshot wound to the chest.
The homeowner told police that he was sleeping when he was awoke by the sound of breaking glass. After arming himself with a pistol he went to investigate and encountered Rabe, who was armed with a hatchet. The two exchanged words and got into a a physical altercation that ended when the homeowner shot Rabe and the bullet ruptured Rabe’s heart.
Police say the suspect arrived at the home on a moped with the intent of breaking into it and had entered the home after breaking a rear window. The homeowner says he does not know Rabe, who police believe chose the home because it is hidden by woods.…Continue Reading
TULSA, OK - A man in Tulsa tackled and hogtied an attempted burglar, then left him in the front yard for police because he had to go to work.
On Wednesday, Denay and her husband heard glass break outside their daughter’s bedroom around 6 a.m. and then heard someone rummaging around inside their garage. Denay’s husband, Willie, waited by the front door and waited for whoever was in the garage to come out.
When 31-year-old Robert Cole emerged from their garage, Denay’s husband bum-rushed him in the front yard and then hogtied him. As soon as Cole was secured, Denay said her husband called police and told her he had to get to work and then left.
“That’s just the type of person he is, you know? That’s just the type of person he is. Business is business. ‘I got to take care of business, he’s safe, the police are coming, I got to go,’” Denay said.
When asked if her husband raised his arms in victory like people who hogtie cattle, which would have been hilarious, Denay said he did something even more awesome.…Continue Reading
Ypsilanti, MI – I’ve had a some bad trips over the years of ingesting various chemicals, including an out of body experience that triggered an anxiety attack, but nothing compared to the 41-year-old man who ripped off part of his penis after eating some hallucinogenic mushrooms.
Washtenaw County Sheriff’s deputies responding to an alarm at Ypsilanti Middle School found the man outside of the school naked and screaming. He was kneeling and bloody from the waist down, with parts of his genitals ripped off. Sgt. Geoff Fox said parts of the man’s body were transferred to the hospital with him. o_O
Fox said had they not found the man when they did, he probably would have died. “In terms of vital signs, they were as low as they could go without being dead — I could only assume due to the blood loss and the shock and trauma to the body,” he said.
At first they couldn’t figure out what had happen to the guy because he was just babbling and unable to explain why he was outside of the school and why, more importantly, had he removed part of his dick.…Continue Reading
Clyde, NY – A man who caught four children vandalizing a home and held them in a closet until police arrived, has been charged with four counts of endangering the welfare of a child.
It happened Saturday night when Jesse Daniels had his wife call 911 after he heard loud noises coming from the home next door that he was renovating for his father-in-law. When he went inside the home, he busted four kids, ages eight and ten, doing some major damage to the property. He knew the kids and their parents, and his wife had a minor altercation with them earlier that day when she asked the kids, who were on ATV’s, to get off their property.
Daniels said he took a hammer from one of the kids and then herded them all into a closet until police got there. “So I grab the one hammer and the other three (boys) got hammers, now I don’t know what to do here, I said you guys put that stuff down, what are you doing? …Continue Reading
SAN LEANDRO — Richard Styner is facing child porn and burglary charges after the 45-year-old San Leandro High School teacher accidentally showed a naked photo of himself to a classroom of students.
On April 16, Styner was teaching a computer class how to transfer pictures from electronic devices to a computer using his personal phone. During this demonstration, he accidentally displayed a naked picture of himself on the overhead projector, in full view of a class full of 14 to 18-year-old students.
“At first the reaction was that everybody was laughing because they thought it was a joke, but then when everybody realized that it was our teacher, Mr. Styner, that’s when everybody got quiet because they realized it was serious,” said one student who was the class when it happened.
Styner reported the incident to school officials, who placed Styner on leave. Everything may have ended there had the school not checked his school computer. A search of the computer resulted in 200 pornographic stories being found in a folder, along with some disturbing photos.…Continue Reading
DARLINGTON, WI – Jaren Kuester, a 31-year-old man with a history of mental problems, has been arrested and charged with beating three elderly people to death with a fireplace poker.
According to reports, Kuester was arrested after threatening staff members at a Waukesha County animal shelter. Staff there said Kuester demanded that the dead dog he’d dropped off a few weeks earlier be returned to him alive. He told them they would pay with their lives when they did not oblige.
After making bail, he got in his vehicle and started driving, feeling as if his life was “crashing and burning” around him. After driving three counties away, he felt as if he was being followed, so he abandoned his vehicle, stripped off his clothes, and ran into the woods.
He ended up getting cold and broke into the farmhouse of Gary Thoreson, 70, and Chloe Thoreson, 66, who were not at home. After getting clothes, food, and searching for valuables, Kuester went to sleep on a bedroom floor.…Continue Reading
Jason Vickery apparently passed by the home sometime last Wednesday evening and noticed one of the doors was unlocked. Instead of entering the home immediately, Vickery reportedly went to his own home and grabbed a bag containing a wig, a pouch of chewing tobacco, a green towel and a salad.
Vickery then returned to the unoccupied home, police say, and entered through the unlocked door.
Vickery reportedly told police that upon entering the home, he headed to an upstairs bathroom to masturbate. Cause, you know, priorities and stuff.
Once his worm was burped, Vickery wandered into the kitchen. (No word on whether he had washed his hands first). On the kitchen counter he found a remote control helicopter, minus the batteries.
“After searching for and finding batteries for the toy, he played with it, flying it for a short time, thus depriving the owner of the item,” police said.…Continue Reading
PALM BAY, FL – Police say a homeless woman was arrested and has been charged with burglary and criminal mischief after she was found in a Palm Bay homeowner’s pool, using it to take a bath.
According to a police report, officers were called to a home on the 1300 block of Knecht Road after the homeowner said he saw a strange woman enter his back yard. The man said he used his surveillance system to see what the woman was doing when she walked behind his house and promptly dropped a deuce on his lawn.
The sea-nymph, later identified as 35-year-old Cheryl Beauchamp, wasn’t finished. Unable to enter the pool area, she used a rock to cut the screen to gain access, stripped naked, and sans Calgon, hopped in for a little rub-a-dub-dub. No word in the report whether or not she wiped, first.
When police confronted Beauchamp, she told them she wanted to take a bath, and broke the screen because the door was locked. She also told them that she was on her way to Washington, D.C., where she was headed so she could yell at President Obama.…Continue Reading
It is alleged that Miss Custis broke into her ex fiancé’s place and proceeded to his bedroom. The man and his new girl were in bed when Custic flicked the lights on and attacked the new girlfriend by scratching her. Police say Custis scratched the new girlfriend’s arms, face and pulled out a few clumps of hair. Not so pretty now, is she!?
Meanwhile, the ex grabbed the phone and called 911:
Dispatcher: You said there are two girls in your bed doing what?
Caller: I have my ex-fiancee in my bed. And I’ve got another girl in my house.
Dispatcher: The girls are fighting in your bed?
Caller: Yes, right now.
Caller: Can I get a [expletive] cop, hurry?
Dispatcher: What are they fighting about?
Caller: They’re [expletive] women. I’m sorry, I apologize.
When police showed up, Custis claimed that the new girlfriend started the fight.…Continue Reading