Five Teens Accused Of Raping 13-Year-Old GirlMan Dies After Falling Into An Industrial Tire ShredderTeenage Teaching Assistant Accused Of Molesting 17 ChildrenTeen Gouged Out Both Of Her Eyeballs Outside South Carolina ChurchMan Accused Of Killing Ex-Girlfriend And Three Others At Pennsylvania Car WashToddler Found Frozen To Death On Front Porch Of Her HomeMorgue Worker Accused Of Having Sex With Corpse Of Reality TV StarCouple Accused Of Beating Three Children, Forcing Them To Eat Dog FecesWoman Dies After Teen Extended Car Jack Inside Her Vagina

Stock Island, FL — 60-year-old Urania Lot is behind bars after police say she hit her 18-year-old son with a hammer over an argument about where he should eat his sandwich.

Police were called to Lot’s home Monday afternoon and first made contact with the victim. The teen, nursing a sore arm and sportin’ a battered head, told officers that he and his mom had been arguing over a sandwich.

Lot apparently requested that the boy eat his sandwich at the table in the dining room instead of in the living room. When the teen refused, the woman threatened to smash his television to bits and kick his disrespectful ass to the curb. Her threats fell on deaf ears.

Frustrated, the woman reportedly grabbed a hammer and whacked the boy on the arm before pummelin’ him in the head a bit with her fists. Police say she also bit the boy on the wrist.

When questioned, Lot and her granddaughter told police the teen was both rude and belligerent in his refusal to follow house rules.…

Serial Semen Squirter Gets Probation

February 25, 2011 at 4:46 am by  

Rockville, MD — Got another quickie update for ya this morning, mainly because I wanted to use “Serial Semen Squirter” in the title.

Michael Wayne Edwards Jr., 28, made his debut here at the D’D in August of last year after he was accused of squirting semen on a woman in a grocery store parking lot.

Two weeks after his arrest, investigators linked him to a similar incident that occurred outside of a Michael’s craft store in November of ’09. In addition to those two cases, police say three more women came forward claiming to have been splattered by Michael’s spooge.

Charged with two counts of second-degree assault, Michael appeared in court in November and pleaded guilty to the charges. On Thursday, a judge sentenced him to three years in prison, but suspended the sentence and gave him three years probation instead.

Michael’s attorney claims his client is a law-abiding and churchgoing member of the community, and his actions were the result of misplaced anger after breaking up with a girlfriend.…

Sacramento, CA — When I posted the video of a FOX news crew being attacked by a mob of mourners outside a California IHOP, I only did so because it was a slow news day. Also, I thought the chick in green was the most annoying person ever and the way reporter John Lobertini used his mic against the angry crowd was hilarious. He was like a fairy waving a wand.

I didn’t have much of an opinion on it because I didn’t know what words were exchanged between the crew and the crowd that had gathered at an impromptu memorial for a man that had been shot and killed there earlier that day.

But I did think that at least some of those people involved would be charged with dragging camerawoman, Rebecca Little, to the ground by her hair and then kicking her while she was down. But to date that has not happened and a growing number of people want to know why — including the people who started the obligatory Facebook Page.…

Durango, CO — Paul Andrew Kausalik, 61, was arrested earlier this month on suspicion of drunk driving. That’s not what earned him a spot here at the Dreamin’ Demon, though…he earned his 15 minutes of shame by allegedly spitting his own feces on the face of the arresting officer.

The alleged shit-spitter was pulled over on February 11, after Officer Chad Langley observed him taking a right without using his turn signal. After making contact with Kausalik, the officer detected the aroma of alcohol on his breath. Though Kausalik denied being under the influence, he reportedly blew a .142, almost three times the .05 legal driving limit in the state of Colorado. Kausalik was placed under arrest and transported to the cop shop for a formal breath test.

Upon arrival at the station, Kausalik asked to use the facilities. Officer Langley reported that he was forced to enter the shitter to wake the man twice, telling Kausalik that he couldn’t stay in the restroom all night to avoid the breath test – he needed to either take the test or choose a refusal.…

Santa Ana, CA — Some of you may remember Michael Lallana, we featured him back in August after he was accused of ejaculating into a co-worker’s water bottle. There was no doubt of the man’s guilt, DNA tests confirmed the spunk belonged to him, but many of us were left asking, “Why?”

Well, Lallana’s case has finally made it to trial. Jurors yesterday heard Lallana’s taped confession, in which he explained why he felt compelled to pollute that poor woman’s water on two separate occasions.

In an interview with Orange Police Department detectives last year, Lallana admitted that he did it because the woman was attractive and because her lips had touched the bottle in question. “It was the closest I could ever get to someone as good looking as that without tampering with my marriage or hurting anyone,” he said. “I saw her water bottle and I did it. For me, it’s a release. I think about my wife.” Lucky lady, huh?

He told police he never thought she would actually drink it.…

Phoenix, Arizona — Back in 2009, we reported on 50-year-old Faleh Hassan Almaleki, the Iraqi immigrant who was charged with running over his daughter because she had become too “Westernized.”

Yesterday, a jury found him guilty of second-degree murder, aggravated assault and two counts of leaving the scene of an accident.

Defense attorneys tried to argue that Almaleki was simply trying to spit on his daughter, 20-year-old  Noor Almaleki, when he accidentally swerved into her and her boyfriend’s mother in the Arizona Department of Economic Security parking lot.

Noor would remain in a coma for two weeks before dying from her injuries.

After striking his daughter, Almaleki abandoned his vehicle in Mexico, then flew to Britain. You know, all the things a father does when he accidentally hits his daughter with a Jeep. Luckily he was denied entry into the country and was sent back to the United States.

Authorities say the Almaleki was enraged at that Noor had refused an arranged marriage, went to college, and had a boyfriend he did not approve.…

Louisville, KYRobin Scott, 50, is looking at some time behind bars after police say she threw boiling hot water on her fiancé. Her legally blind fiancé.

Called out to the couple’s home on a report of a domestic disturbance, police first made contact with Scott’s fiancé, 61-year-old Thomas Maddle. The man was sportin’ a cut on top of his head, swelling in his face and severe burns on his arms. Maddle told police he and Scott were in the middle of an argument when she retrieved a pot of boiling water from the kitchen and tossed it on him.

Help me out here… how is it possible that these crazy fucks always seem to have a pot of boiling water at the ready?

Scott was booked on second-degree assault charges and Maddle was transported to the hospital for treatment of second-degree burns.…

Missing Girl Scout Cookies Leads To Beat Down

February 22, 2011 at 2:24 am by  

Naples, FL — Hersha Howard was arrested on assault charges early Sunday morning after reportedly beating another woman’s ass over a box of Girl Scout cookies. But these weren’t just any Girl Scout cookies, Demonites…we’re talking Thin Mints!

Police say Howard entered her roommate’s bedroom that morning and accused the sleeping woman of eating her cookies. The victim denied it, claiming she fed the cookies to Howard’s kids who were up, and hungry, at 1 a.m. She then reportedly offered to pay Howard $10 for the cookies. Apparently in no mood to haggle, Howard refused the cash and got busy with the bitch slappin’.

As the two struggled, the victim’s husband managed to pry Howard off his wife, allowing the alleged cookie thief to escape the bedroom. Armed with a pair of scissors, police say Howard chased after the woman, following her down the stairs in a “threatening manner.” She soon traded the scissors for a board and commenced to beating the woman with it.

The fight spilled into the kitchen, where the victim’s husband intervened once again.…

News Crew Attacked By Angry Mob Of Mourners

February 21, 2011 at 2:59 pm by  

Sacramento, CA — Want to see what happens when a news crew intrudes on an impromptu memorial for a man who got killed in an IHOP parking lot? You’re in luck. The following is raw video of some angry mourners attacking reporter John Lobertini and photographer Rebecca Little yesterday as they, along with other news crews, were covering the shooting death of a 27-year-old man earlier that day.

Not really a vicious attack, but had it not been for some level heads you could see how that could have turned out a lot worse than it did. John Lobertini really needs to go take some fighting classes or something. The way he wielded that microphone reminded me of the way some little girls throw when playing softball.…

Houston, TX — Christopher Harding, 23, stands accused of physically assaulting his disabled mother and running off with her dentures.

Police say the incident occurred at his mother’s home earlier this month. According to Harding’s mother, Mettie Cartwright, the man grabbed her by the throat, pushed her to the ground, punched her in the face and applied painful pressure to her neck with his hand. She told police that her son held her neck so tight she had trouble breathing.

While he had her down on the ground, he reportedly used his free hand to reach inside the woman’s mouth and yank out her upper plate. Harding then fled the home with the teeth. Police said a witness was able to back up the woman’s claim.

Harding was arrested, charged with injury to a disabled person and is currently being held in the Harris County Jail without bond.

You just can’t make this shit up….…

Woman Accused Of Assaulting Her Great-Grandmother

February 19, 2011 at 2:50 am by  

Yorktown, NY — I’ve shared stories in the past of people beating their parents and grandparents, but lo and behold some people go even further up the family tree. Let’s take 26-year-old Lisa Slater, for example.

During a domestic dispute with her 81-year-old great-grandmother, Slater reportedly grabbed the elderly woman by the hair and slapped her across the face. Then, in an attempt to prevent her from calling the police, she pulled the phone off the wall and took the victim’s cell phone away. (I know, I am just as surprised as you are that an 81-year-old has a cell phone.)

Lisa Slater was arrested on Feb. 16 and transported to police headquarters. Slater is charged with second-degree attempted assault, a felony; and fourth-degree criminal mischief, a misdemeanor.  She was arraigned and remanded to the Westchester County Jail in lieu of $10,000 bail.…

Summerville, SC — How many times has this happened to you? You’re driving along and come up behind a group of kids walking down the middle of the street. No…not walking, ambling. You honk once or twice. Nothing. You rev the engine a bit. Still nothing, except for maybe a snotty look and a few choice words from one of the disrespectful little jackwagons. If you live in my neighborhood, you may even get a peek at the punks shit-stained boxers as he drops his saggin’ pants a few more inches down his butt.

If you’re anything like me, you imagine hitting the gas and sending the little fuckers flying right outta their baggy-ass jeans and into the ditch. If you’re anything like 34-year-old Amy Lynn Stewart, you just do it.

At about 8:30 Thursday morning, Stewart reportedly found herself behind one of those ambling roadblocks as a group of middle schoolers made their way to school. Though she honked her horn several times, the kids refused to yield. Sooo, police say she plowed through the group, hitting four of ’em: one 14-year-old, two 13-year-olds, and one 12-year-old.…

Lincoln, NE — When Kristin Renee-Walz’s husband showed up in the emergency room Friday night with knife wounds to his elbow, forearm and knee, he reportedly told medical personnel that he was a sleep-eater and must have injured himself while sleep-slicing himself a piece of cake. It could happen, right?

Wrong. Police didn’t buy the flimsy excuse and arrested Renee-Walz. Authorities seem to believe the woman armed herself with a KA-BAR knife with a 5″ blade and proceeded to get stabby after hubby refused to take her out. She ultimately left a deep, 2-inch cut on hubby’s right elbow as well as 1 1/2-inch cuts to his forearm and knee. Weird….she doesn’t look crazy. oO

Renee-Walz, 40, was arrested Saturday on suspicion of second-degree domestic assault and use of a weapon to commit a felony.…

Brooklyn, New York — A 27-year-old Wisconsin woman told police she answered an apartment ad she saw on Craigslist and wound up being held captive as a sex slave in Brooklyn for more than a week.

According to police, 45-year-old John Hopkins told the woman that if she cooked and cleaned for him, she could stay in his East Williamsburg apartment for free. He even offered to buy her a one-way plane ticket from Wisconsin to JFK Airport. It was a done deal.

This too-good-to-be-true offer ended up coming with a much higher price tag once she actually arrived at the apartment on February 4. It was then that Hopkins reportedly informed the woman that she was going to be his slave. The victim told law enforcement officials that Hopkins blindfolded her, gagged her and handcuffed her to the radiator before beating and repeatedly raping her.

Police say Hopkins forced the woman to call him “master” and let her leave only to go to work. She apparently had a job as a chef at a restaurant, and was allowed to leave the residence on at least one occasion, but returned.…

Woman Gets Forked By Boyfriend And Sister

February 16, 2011 at 3:15 am by  

Fort Collins, CO — Summoned to a mobile home on a report of a stabbing early Saturday morning, police found Bernadette Deleon, 27, bleeding from her chest and abdomen. She was transported to the hospital and found to have four different stab wounds, reportedly inflicted by Jeremy Velasquez, 30, and Michelle Aleman, 21. What was the weapon of choice for these two? A barbeque fork.

Although it is unclear why the fight broke out and which defendant actually stabbed the victim, both still remained jailed for the incident and may face significant criminal charges.

Michelle Aleman, 21, is being held on a $50,000 bond. She faces charges of first-degree assault and has a prior felony conviction, prosecutors said.

Jeremy Velasquez, 30, is being held on a $15,000 bond. He faces charges of third-degree assault and tampering with evidence and may be charged with more serious crimes.

Aleman and Deleon are sisters; deputies said they believe Velasquez is Deleon’s boyfriend. I’m not quite sure why the victim’s boyfriend and her sister would team up against her, but my mind is definitely considering a love triangle.…

Henrico, VA — 68-year-old Newton Baldwin was arrested Sunday evening after police say he assaulted his grandchildren and his wife after the kiddos pulled a peanut butter prank on him.

Baldwin was reportedly intoxicated and taking a nap when his three grandchildren, ages 13, 9 and 7, thought it would be funny to put peanut butter on the crotchety old geezer’s mouth. Police say Baldwin grew angry once he came to, and assaulted all three children before smackin’ their grandma around a bit.

Baldwin was hauled off to the pokey and charged with four misdemeanor counts of assault. Police said the four victims suffered minor injuries and did not require hospitalization.…

Duluth, MN — Stephanie Lynn Mattinas is behind bars for allegedly stabbing her sister in the face and beating her boyfriend with a baseball bat after catching the two in bed together.

Police were called to the home Tuesday afternoon on a report of two females fighting – a man who lived in the apartment below said the fight caused pictures and other items to be knocked off of his walls.

Inside the apartment, officers found broken bottles and shards of glass all over the living room floor. A bedroom door appeared to have been ripped off the hinges and Stephanie’s 24-year-old sister was found on the floor…her face covered in blood. She had a large stab wound on her left cheek with an 8-10″ piece of wood trim sticking out of her face.

The victim told police she had been beaten by her sister. Stephanie first attacked with her fists, punching her sister more than 15 times, before getting stabby with the wood trim. The woman was transported to the hospital where the wood had to be surgically removed.…

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A first grade teacher in Maryland has been arrested and charged with kicking, punching, scratching and even choking her young students.

Susan Lee Burke, 35, was removed from her classroom at Greencastle Elementary School and placed on administrative leave shortly after a 6-year-old boy reported she had choked him back in January.

When detectives interviewed Burke’s students, all of them between the ages of 6 and 7, they found eight more kids who claimed Burke had physically assaulted them in some fashion in view of the other students.

Burke has been working for the school district since 2001, but has only been at Greencastle since 2009.  She was arrested Tuesday at her home on nine counts of second-degree assault on a minor, but released from jail last night on $75,000 bond.

Her neighbors are not a bit surprised by the news. They said police have been to her house several times for domestic disturbances.

The investigation is ongoing and investigators are asking anyone with any information to contact the Family Crimes Division at 240.773.5400.…